Read this carefully,

Oftentimes as we grow older and become parents, we find ourselves repeating the things that our own parents have said to us. You know – those sayings that, as a kid, you promised yourself you would never use when you became a parent. Much like God’s blessings and curses travel from generation to generation, so too do our parents quips and sayings.

One of my father’s mantras when we were younger was, “Life’s not fair.” My father’s usage was generally in response to the idea that one of the children in my family (I have three brothers) got something that the rest of us felt that we deserved as well. To a chorus of “That’s not fair! Why did he…? What about me…?,” he would calmly answer, “life’s not fair.” It didn’t make much sense to me as a kid, but I now find myself repeating it frequently to my own kids. As I have grown older, and hopefully a little bit wiser, I have come to appreciate the simple truth of that statement.

Fairness has become the battle cry of our society. When something isn’t fair, it is viewed as inherently wrong or even evil. We have gone from a culture and society here in the United States which was built on the idea of equal opportunity and “evolved” into a culture that expects equal outcome. Kids do not fail, everyone gets a trophy, and people bring presents to a birthday party for the other kids in the family because they don’t want them to feel left out. We live in a culture that demands fairness at all times and in all respects.

The problem is – fairness is NOT a biblical concept. The God we serve is a God of justice, but nowhere in the Bible does it indicate that he is “fair.” Indeed, the idea of fair is a very human concept. The Bible never attributes the idea of fairness to God. My search of the Bible reveals only three instances in which the word fair, meaning equal or same, is used, and each time it is terms of how humans should treat other people fairly. In Deuteronomy the Israelites are commanded to use a fair weight (Deut 25:15). In 2 Corinthians, Paul explains that it is fair for the people to supply the needs of those who have less that at some point they could do the same (2 Cor 8:13-14). And, in Colossians, Paul instructs masters to treat their slaves fairly. (Col 4:1). In all of these instances, God was not calling for equal treatment, but merely that we would follow the Golden rule to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. God does not seek to be fair. There are different levels of rewards in heaven. Jesus treated different groups of people differently in terms of access to him during his time her on Earth. And, the parable of the workers hired at different times during the day but paid the same wages reminds us that he gives us all the same grace regardless of timing or efforts or merit. The fact of the matter is that we have done nothing to merit the grace of God given to us in the redemption of our souls through the death and resurrection of Christ, and if God were interested in being fair, we would all be condemned rather than redeemed through Christ.

So, what is the problem fairness? What’s wrong with being fair? In both parenting and other leadership positions, we often find ourselves paralyzed by the fear of not being fair. As parents, we feel like we must treat all of our kids equally. As children’s ministry workers, we are afraid to dish out consequences or rewards as deserved for fear that they will not be perceived as fair to the kids in our ministries, or worse yet – their parents. Let’s look first at the problem from the standpoint of parenting and secondly from the standpoint of children’s ministry. Let’s ask, what’s the problem with being fair?

I have four kids, and one of the things that constantly and consistently amazes me most is how different they are from one another. The differences in personality and likes and dislikes often leaves me wondering how they could possibly share the same DNA. Despite the differences though, I often find myself falling into the trap of trying to ensure that I treat them all equally. Now, don’t misunderstand me. There are some things that must be equal in parenting. We must love all of our kids equally and unconditionally. We must provide for their needs, and we cannot play favorites. Beyond those basics though, our goal as parents should not be fairness when it comes to raising our kids. When we strive too hard to be “fair” we end up teaching our kids that they deserve the same treatment as their siblings. We brew in them a sense of entitlement, a lack of contentment and an inability to rejoice in the happiness of others.

The same problems can easily arise in children’s ministry when we allow ourselves to be consumed with fairness and equity rather than focusing on our true mission to teach kids about Jesus. I know from personal experience with our discipline system that it easy to render the whole system ineffective in the interest of fairness. Allow me to explain. We pass out three arm bands at the beginning of each class. The kids lose an arm band when they do not follow the rules of the classroom. For each arm band left at the end of service, they get a piece of candy. For the first several months we used the system, the teachers in our room (including myself) were reluctant to take all three arm bands because it didn’t seem fair that some kids would get candy and others would get none. The kids picked up on this as well, and it left the whole structure of the discipline system rendered useless because they kids knew they were going to get some candy regardless of how they acted. It wasn’t until we got past that inherent need for fairness and actually began to take all the bracelets that the kids respected the discipline system and began to follow rules.

How do we respond? What should we teach kids about being fair? I recently heard Andy Stanley explain that his kids hear him say all the time that fairness ended in the Garden of Eden. I like that concept. He also explained that this idea of fairness is frequently used as an excuse not to do anything for anybody because we can not do it for everybody. The world we live in today is not fair and kids should not have any expectation that it will be fair. When kids come to expect “fair,” it inevitably leads to a sense of entitlement. As a parent, do special things for just one kid at a time. Bless all of your kids eventually and evenly, but don’t feel like you have to bless them all at the same time. Require your kids to do things that might seem unfair to them. Generally in my family, the kid who makes the mess is asked to clean it up, but occasionally I intentionally have them clean up after one of their siblings just to remind them that they are not entitled to “fairness.”

I know of a Children’s Pastor who announces at the beginning of every service that things are not fair in his children’s ministry. I think we should make every effort to include kids in skits and giveaways and everything else we do in children’s ministry. That said, I do not keep a written list of who has done what or participated in what activity. I want the kids to understand that, while they will get a chance to participate, my role is not to ensure that everything is handed out fairly. Likewise, on Wednesday nights when I lead our AWANA game time, there is always some grumbling about how the teams, or the game, or the rules are not fair to some group of players. In those moments, I explain that we are there to have fun, but that doesn’t always mean that things are going to be fair. I will stack the deck against certain teams at times to make sure that they don’t win every week. They never think that is fair, but we always end up having fun.

So, what is your story? Do you fall victim to the pressure to be “fair?” What negative side effects have you seen from striving to be “fair?” How do you talk to your kids about the concept? What practical steps can you take to help your kids avoid falling into the rut that says “life should treat me fair?”

Source: http://ministry-to-children.com/lifes-not-supposed-to-be-fair/

My reasons for posting these threads are:
1. Jacob vs Esau:
Malachi 1:2-3 declares, “’I have loved you,’” says the LORD. But you ask, 'How have you loved us?' ‘Was not Esau Jacob's brother?’ the LORD says. ‘Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.’”

Malachi 1:3 is quoted in Romans 9:10-13, “Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one and the same father, our father Isaac. Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God's purpose in election might stand: not by works but by him who calls—she was told, ‘The older will serve the younger.’ Just as it is written: ‘Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.’” Why did God love Jacob and hate Esau? If God is love (1 John 4:, how could He hate anyone?

2. Other life question that has bugged people over time: why are we born in Nigeria and not in Europe? Why am i so dull and stoopid? Why was i born with 2 heads? Why was i born a midget? Why was i born with one leg instead of two? Why did God allow my church to be bombed?

3. Prophetic blessings of joseph's sons in Genesis:

Joseph arranges his sons so that Joseph's firstborn, Manas­seh, is next to Jacob's right hand, the preferred hand ("at his right hand", while the younger Ephraim is on Jacob's left (48:13).

"But Israel reached out his right hand and put it on Ephraim's head, though he was the younger, and crossing his arms, he put his left hand on Manasseh's head, even though Manasseh was the firstborn." (48:14)

Joseph is "displeased." This isn't going the way he wants it to happen. Surely his aged father is confused. He takes his father's right hand to move it from younger Ephraim's head to firstborn Manasseh's head (48:17-18) and to correct his father. One must do these things properly! Old Jacob tenses his arms and refuses to let Joseph move them, and when he speaks, he speaks in a conciliatory way to his favorite son:

"'I know, my son, I know. He too will become a people, and he too will become great. Nevertheless, his younger brother will be greater than he, and his descendants will become a group of nations' ... so he put Ephraim ahead of Manasseh." (48:19-20)

What's going on here? How does Jacob know? He has heard from God and is doing what God is showing him to do. Though we aren't told anywhere that the Spirit of God is upon him, that is surely what is happening. He is prophesying God's words, just as his father Isaac had "mistakenly" prophesied the correct blessing over Jacob instead of Esau. Chapter 49 is a chapter of prophetic blessings over each of Jacob's twelve sons. If we understand these patriarchal blessings in any lesser way, we miss what is happening here.

This last one is an excerpt from http://www.jesuswalk.com/jacob/7_blessing.htm

When things are not going right for christians, they start having doubts as to whether God is still with them or not. Other more pressing issues are:
1. How come a christian girl that has been serving the Lord all her life, and kept herself a virgin, can just get ra*ped like that? People that experience these kind of things are changed like permanently, many even lose their faith.
2. How can a christian sister born again marry, and she is unable to conceive? Upon all the prayers and fasting?
3. Why are some children born with stuffs like downs syndrome, and all those medical jargons?
4. Why did a child of say 3 years have to die because of a hole in the heart, and the parents cannot afford a trip to india to close the hole.
5. How can a toddler die just because he swallowed groundnut which caught in his throat?

Why this, and why that in the life of christians? How come Nigeria is in a state of you-know-what-i-mean with all the mass prayers by all them christians? And so many others too numerous to count.

Need commenters please, bashers, atheists, christians, muslims, deists, pagans etc, you are all welcome.

There is a reason we have brains, we don't have to depend on God for everything because the world is given in the hands of the wicked (Job 9:24, John 12:31). Even Jesus said:

Matthew 10:16 Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.

There are situations where you'll use your brain to protect yourself without waiting on God to do miracles. For example, if you are being robbed and you know a way to get out of it, will you be crying and praying to God to touch the heart of the robbers not to ràpe or kill you? If you have a curable condition or disease that makes you impotent, will you be praying and waiting on God for divine healing?

God gave us brains to do things ourselves not to bother Him on everything. There are situations whereby you'll have to stay away from your enemies to be safe! Even in the case of Jesus Christ, they had to escape to Egypt so that Herod wouldn't kill Him (Jesus)!

Matthew 2:13 And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee into Egypt, and be thou there until I bring thee word: for Herod will seek the young child to destroy him.

Edit: In the case of Jacob and Esau, Manasseh & Ephraim; God knows the smartest, bravest and the one who deserves the blessings!

pastormustwacc: When things are not going right for christians, they start having doubts as to whether God is still with them or not. Other more pressing issues are:
1. How come a christian girl that has been serving the Lord all her life, and kept herself a virgin, can just get ra*ped like that? People that experience these kind of things are changed like permanently, many even lose their faith.
2. How can a christian sister born again marry, and she is unable to conceive? Upon all the prayers and fasting?
3. Why are some children born with stuffs like downs syndrome, and all those medical jargons?
4. Why did a child of say 3 years have to die because of a hole in the heart, and the parents cannot afford a trip to india to close the hole.
5. How can a toddler die just because he swallowed groundnut which caught in his throat?

Why this, and why that in the life of christians? How come Nigeria is in a state of you-know-what-i-mean with all the mass prayers by all them christians? And so many others too numerous to count.

the bible says that the ruler of this current system of things is satan and it is him and not yahweh that should be blamed
2cor. 4:4 and 1John 5:19.

^^^
why not ask satan, the current ruler about the failures under his watched?

He took the reign from Adam and i thought God abandon Adam, did God went back to be helping Adam outside the Garden?

Then why did he chased Adam away from the garden at the first place if he was helping him outside the Garden?

If the chasing out of Adam meant "abandoning man" we should know and ask satan why is it that he is in charge but all this failures are taking place.

I also red at Rev.21:4 that then God will come back to be with man and all evil will be no more including death.

So, till then, i know who is in charge now and i also know who is failing in his rulership.

Oh! I also know why christ had asked us to pray "let God's kingdom come" matthew 6:9,10.

If this was a kingdom by God why do we have to pray for another to come?

Oh! Again, when God's kingdom comes death shall be no more literally including all unfairness. Rev.21:4
peace

(when you know this truth you will never loose your faith no matter satan's failures)

(unfortunately the entity(church) that should have told people the truth is after prosperit