@ OP Im also non Nigerian married and have 2 kids for an Igbo man. Well i can see you love this man, but in reality he is not for you, he has a wife. Its possible he wants a baby with you so he can be more polygamous. The truth is that you found out about the marriage now you can choose to stay with a married man or you can move on and let it be. The choice is yours. You dont need any other proof. Perhapes he is fileing for the wife and the papers have not come through yet or maybe he just wants to keep her in Nigeria and you in the USA. How did he get his papers for the USA in teh first place? There is a reson why th ewife is not their with him but none the less, ask yourself this question, "are you comforteble being with a married man" and let your answer guide your decision making. GL
btw yes its possible for them to lead a double life it seems easier for these men than others, you have not been to Nigeria so you cant completly understand the cultural dynamics in which this man has grown.

claremont: Story doesn't look or sound like it's been written by someone supposedly a Nurse.

Have ever read through Nurses care-plan log in a hospital before?

shymexx:

More reason why I'm the answer - I'm a realist...

I can cure every paganism associated with love with ease and taking people for a dyckhead isn't my thing...

Your smooth talking aint working, you need more people!!! *singing smooth criminal in michael jackson's voice*

Dem dis pple no dey slip @ all sef! SMH

huni_naija:

Your smooth talking aint working, you need more people!!! *singing smooth criminal in michael jackson's voice*

I can provide tons of references - all you just need to do is ask...

I have got the juice, trust me...

*Say NO to paganism*

shymexx:

I can provide tons of references - all you just need to do is ask...

I have got the juice, trust me...

*Say NO to paganism*

Oya provide the references...

*say yes to no good loving*

seedord247:

Guy why u dey spoil road for upcomin greencard applicant.

Falls from zobo tree

huni_naija:

Oya provide the references...

*say yes to no good loving*

Hmmm... Not on this thread, I'll get banned for derailing the thread...

I'll shout you later...




Back to the topic:

OP should do some soul searching before she makes her final decision...and don't let your emotions influence your decision...

It's well with you..

shymexx:

Hmmm... Not on this thread, I might get banned for derailing the thread...

I'll shout you later...




Back to the topic:
K
OP should do some soul searching before she makes her final decision...and don't let your emotions influence your decision...

It's well with you..

No problemo.. @OP move on, its not worth the pain and hassle, you deserve better. However, if you're willing to be the second woman in his life... May the gods guide your decision.

11 years and it never occurred to you to ask what plans he had for your future together? You just wasted a huge portion of your life with someone who was used to the stress-free sex he was getting from you for free.

shymexx:

Dumping someone after 11 years is going to be difficult, bro...

She should think critically about what's best for her - at least the other wife lives thousands of miles away....

So what are your suggestions..

mimifonwon: my dear if he married her in 2007, that means he must have married her when yall split, the moment he told you his sister didnt approve, i think that was the clue. I dont get you 11years, you should have tied him down within 2 yrs, talk of 11yrs, you are the cause of your own problem. One thing about most educated igbo men, that are traditional which your man sound like, if you get pregnant for him he would have had to marry, you. Its obvious he loves you or care about you for igbo men i know spoil girls they care. I think you are the one he loves, but the wife he just got is out of cultural obligations. SO wait my sister, before you know it that wife he will bring over will start misbehaving and he will come back to you, mark my word.

Thanks for telling her ojare. She really should have tied him down. Silly OP forgot she was dealing with a goat instead of a human being.


Tied him down! Nice phrase! Just what every man wants to hear.

Later they get mad when men call them desperate.

coolzeal:

So what are your suggestions..

Bro., I'm not in a position to give suggestions because I don't know how deep their love is and what they've been through together... True love is very powerful and 11 years isn't a joke...

The OP should know what's best for her and there aren't too many good guys out there...

So, the "devil" she knows might be better than all the other "angels" out there...

shymexx:

Bro., I'm not in a position to give suggestions because I don't know how deep their love is and what they've been through together... True love is very powerful and 11 years isn't a joke...

The OP should know what's best for her and there aren't too many good guys out there...

So, the "devil" she knows might be better than all the other "angels" out there...

Are you insinuating that the man involved should divorce his wife in Nigeria and marry her.. Dude, we all know polygamy is not acceptable in the USA. Well if she can be with him knowing that he's married, good for her if she can't let go. They should ban gays and legalize polygamy..

Sisi_Kill:


Thanks for telling her ojare. She really should have tied him down. Silly OP forgot she was dealing with a goat instead of a human being.


Tied him down! Nice phrase! Just what every man wants to hear.

Later they get mad when men call them desperate.

Ghen-Ghen. Anti-tying Cryptic Defense System (ATCDS) activated..lol, na waa o. Can a man really be 'tied down'?

huni_naija:

Love don't make the world go round! Deception of the century. I don't believe in love, never have never will...

neither do i can we roll if u dont mind

smh.
Op just move on.
the guy was playing you all along.

11 yrs and you guys don't live together at list and you call that a great relationship? if you want to get marry one day move on, if you don't mind being the other woman then enjoy it while it last, all men cheat anyways so why leave this one the next one might do worst

agiboma: @ OP Im also non Nigerian married and have 2 kids for an Igbo man. Well i can see you love this man, but in reality he is not for you, he has a wife. Its possible he wants a baby with you so he can be more polygamous. The truth is that you found out about the marriage now you can choose to stay with a married man or you can move on and let it be. The choice is yours. You dont need any other proof. Perhapes he is fileing for the wife and the papers have not come through yet or maybe he just wants to keep her in Nigeria and you in the USA. How did he get his papers for the USA in teh first place? There is a reson why th ewife is not their with him but none the less, ask yourself this question, "are you comforteble being with a married man" and let your answer guide your decision making. GL
btw yes its possible for them to lead a double life it seems easier for these men than others, you have not been to Nigeria so you cant completly understand the cultural dynamics in which this man has grown.

my dear you forgot to read when she said they have been together for 11 years, and she finally saw a marriage certif that says 2007, and she said they broke up a few years ago, and i believe that was when he went home and married the wife. The woman who has been with him for 11 years in all honesty should have been smarter. She forgot to do what must oyibos who fall for african men do, learn his culture and show him you can appreciate his culture by learning to cook certain dishes, once they see you respect their culture, they will wife you up faster than you can say i do. What i have noticed is that some black americans who enter into relationships with african men dont care about their man's culture at all. The fact is an african man will marry his oyibo girl, before an akata, because oyibos are willing to assimilate and appreciate the man's culture. As for him having a wife at home, its not his fault, you were there all these years he was single-as in unmarried, maybe even before the other woman... and yes in my book she is the other woman, cuz you had him first, but she is also the smarter woman, because she made him wife her up.

ogugua88: Two words: dump him.

dump him?are u for real? when he has dumped her 5 yrs ago

Stop blaming her for the 11 years she has been in the relationship. The culture in Africa is far different from the one in U.S.A. I have seen lots of lovers in the U.S who eventually got married after dating for 15 years. Do you know how long Prince Williams dated Kate before they get married? So the length of their relationship is actually not a big deal as most Nigerian ladies will see it. Meanwhile, others get married after dating for less than one month. Some African americans and white ladies are not family oriented like core african ladies. It is therefor possible for an african american or white lady to date a guy for that long without knowing so much about his family or life in Nigeria. This is because most of these ladies are not family oriented. They care so much about the guy they are dating and care less about his family or past in Nigeria. I am not saying it is wise of her not to know much about this guy. Unfortunately, she is paying the price now. You can give her suggestions, but blaming her for everything is not what she is expecting.

[color=soyouquotedme]You should be happy, Good riddance to bad rubbish.

That you open this thread shows a little stupidity since you ought to have moved on by now.

Extreme stupidity is seeing the obvious fact that he is married and refusing or choosing to believe he will marry you and not return to his wife later.

The ealier you move on the better for you or you will remain dissapointed for the rest of your life. [/color]

Guys... Take a moment to think before you comment.

This is not to defend the guy, but as an 'old boy' I think there are reasons to suggest otherwise:

The man's age:
This guy left Nigeria to US at a time when you had to say your older just to get a visa. Y'all know the drill, Then and now, embassies consider early & mid-20s as immigration risk. They'd rather issue visa to folks that are 30 or older because they think these group have some kind of ties to Nigeria. So the date of birth on his passport might not really be his true birthday.


Marriage certificate:
Most people claim they are married in visa application even when they single. Seeing a copy of marriage or divorce certificate might not mean a thing. In this case He could have claimed " married" just to get a visa to the US.

Something else, the date on the marriage certificate matters. If its recent then he might be filing for his wife or someone not really his wife..you know, just to help bring her to the states. Also consider the LG authority or court that issued the certificate; This guy is igbo, so he probably married in one of the southeastern states. A Lagos issued certificate might mean marriage on paper only.
................................
Guys, make una reason na a! Make una no dey fall hand . The guy fit down pull some runs with the marriage certificate... And as 9ja Pali, boys dey raise age for visa runs.

doubts is one of d ways of knowing i wont work. u knew about it y did u not back out? love nwa ntiti ilor

davidylan: 11 years and it never occurred to you to ask what plans he had for your future together? You just wasted a huge portion of your life with someone who was used to the stress-free sex he was getting from you for free.

I think she was the one who benefitted more from the relationship, She gets regular sex from a responsible man, Not one who would steal her money, beat her up, go to jail or cop a felony.

This guy even brought her life back on track Who knows where she might be without this man in her life? Maybe one her 7th baby, In jail without a career and just another stat of a failed coloured person in USA

11 years e kwa? And if you hadn't found out about the certificate and stuff, you guys would still just be dating with no purpose in mind, mstcheew.

Continue dating him joor, its obvious you don't even want the relationship to amount to anything, you just want him to keep babying and nacking you which he's still doing, why the complain sef? Abegi.

Chai!!! Mileage don waka......fellow nlanders pls stop advisin dis akata...if the post were to be original d op should av commented at least

The guy no do any wrong

Abeg who fit dey America keep wife for Naija for 5 yrs and he no go dey Kongo for here? Body na wood?

Please poster no offence, are you Nigerian ? How did you find this site? I hope its not a cooked up story you telling us? if you dated for 11 years, what was the relationship about? are you guyz common law partners? Because if you not common law partners or legally married, why will a man want you to have his child I mean what is the benefit for him, lastly now you know he is married why do you still seem confused?

tutu1: Please poster no offence, are you Nigerian ? How did you find this site? I hope its not a cooked up story you telling us? if you dated for 11 years, what was the relationship about? are you guyz common law partners? Because if you not common law partners or legally married, why will a man want you to have his child I mean what is the benefit for him, lastly now you know he is married why do you still seem confused?

Hmmmm so you have to be common law partner before you can have a child or demand a kid from girlfriend

shymexx:

I can provide tons of references - all you just need to do is ask...

I have got the juice, trust me...

*Say NO to paganism*

SHUT THE F*** UP USELESS MAN-WORSHIPPER! ILL SEND YOU CRYING TO YOUR ISRAELI HIPPIE GOD IF YOU DONT SHUT UP!


what has my religion go to to do with this useless akata half-breds relationshships