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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / How To Escape An Awful Date (847 Views)
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How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 10:02am On Feb 21, 2008 |
HOW TO ESCAPE AN AWFUL DATE By KRONKYKAY IF YOU'RE a single person, there's no way to avoid bad dates. But you CAN minimize the damage by making them short, says relationships expert ITUEN GREENBACK, author of the book, TIRED OF DATING "A bad date is one of life's worst experiences," "Especially if it comes after you've been in a good relationship. You think 'Oh God, how did I get here?' " Many people think they have to stay on the date to be polite, or because they want to avoid hurting the other person's feelings. That's nonsense! "You don't do anybody a favor by wasting their time. And chances are, they're feeling the same way, and are dying to be rid of you, too." Bad dates fall into two categories, "Blind," and "Dates where you've met before" Each type requires a different exit strategy. For blind dates, I recommend arriving a few minutes late. "That way you can secretly see the person before you sit down. "Sometimes you know instantly that you're not interested,". "In that case, you can: Not show up. "Call their cell phone and say you got into a car accident and can't make it." Sit down with a ready-made exit line like, "I just came from the hospital and learned my sister is dying. I can't stay." Two minutes after sitting down receive an "emergency" phone call (which you preprogrammed), that you must attend to. But sometimes you're already out with someone before you realize you have nothing in common. "You COULD just say 'I'm sorry, this isn't working, "But that's confrontational. It's much more FUN to act like a total jerk and get THEM to leave YOU." Some of my favorite techniques include: Every time your date says something, nod enthusiastically and say, "Y'know, my mother says EXACTLY the same thing." Return from the rest room with water sprayed on your crotch, and say "I had an accident." Hit on your waitress for her phone number. Over dinner, talk about your hemorrhoids. Start speaking hausa/tiv/ibiobio language or any other u know she won't understand. When your date asks why you're speaking in a foreign language, look puzzled and answer "I'm not." Then keep doing it. Tell her you left your wallet home, and the evening's on her. "This is especially great if she can SEE the outline of your wallet in your pocket." Pull out a Batman comic book and ask, "How often do you suppose Batman and Robin have sex?" Mention that you voted for Osama Bin Laden in the recent Presidential election. "If your date doesn't leave when you do these, it means she's incredibly desperate and you can just take her home and have sex, and change your phone number! |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by clemcykul(f): 2:48pm On Feb 21, 2008 |
hmmmm no more dates for me again |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by benjay1(m): 4:15pm On Feb 21, 2008 |
@kronkykay man, u and i know i dont like long things. @Clem Dearie, are u sure u read it ? |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by Rebellious(f): 7:52pm On Feb 21, 2008 |
This was pretty funny. But how come it's intended mainly for the male folk? When are we going to have ours? |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by benjay1(m): 8:49pm On Feb 21, 2008 |
hey hw u doing suga_lips? or shud i call you rebellious? I havn't seen you on YIM for sometime now. Anyway i am in naija now. |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by TOYOSI20(f): 9:00pm On Feb 21, 2008 |
Funny |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 11:01pm On Feb 21, 2008 |
@clem awwww awwwwwww! no be so i intend am oh. u'll def have dates, but am not saying they won't be awful one's. . . . just act the last line! it's date simple! |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 11:11pm On Feb 21, 2008 |
@ ben~jay e don tey ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! how far? u get long thing and you know like am, u better sell am off take the money buy guguru @rebelious i think i know when! it's NEVER |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by ituen(m): 2:07pm On Feb 22, 2008 |
@Kronky U don publish book wey i never finish ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 2:14pm On Feb 22, 2008 |
guy kool down. . . .naaaaa because i use your name sell the book? now u think say na u write am? guy go write your own abeg! |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by clemcykul(f): 2:18pm On Feb 22, 2008 |
chineke! ![]() |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by ituen(m): 2:19pm On Feb 22, 2008 |
Wetin i go write again? My laptop been spoil. I give u to repair and u stole my writeups. I just allow u cos ur a robber tryin to find a decent living |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 2:45pm On Feb 22, 2008 |
o'boy. . .write wetin u know say go sell for u ooh i don write my own . . . . i don dey go . . . . which laptop? u get any? the only computer wey u go na that 8086x desktop wey been dey your papa cupboard. i manage help you put internet connection ontopand u dey make mouth. . . . . . . |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by clemcykul(f): 2:46pm On Feb 22, 2008 |
abi oooo na hn neigbour own he borrow sef ![]() |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 11:34pm On Feb 22, 2008 |
clemcykul: i no see this on oh but i think it's true |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by clemcykul(f): 1:41pm On Feb 23, 2008 |
very true indeed ![]() |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 12:05am On Feb 24, 2008 |
i gat ur back babe |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by benjay1(m): 2:33pm On Feb 24, 2008 |
@kronkykay hmm wetin u dey find for her back ?? because rumour has it that clem has an a$$ that can make a man want to change his religion. |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 7:16pm On Feb 24, 2008 |
@ben na waoh. . . . . . .wetin u think say make me dey her back naaa i am still taking a look around her . . . . .so that i can make up my mind where to go in from. . . . mouth. . . .pu55sie. . . . . a555(i think i should leave this for anusman) |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by nightnurse(f): 8:20pm On Feb 24, 2008 |
take her home and have sex, and change your phone number indeed! what a nice idea |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 1:21am On Feb 25, 2008 |
best idea ever gotten. . . . .works like sinners in hell |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by benjay1(m): 8:16am On Feb 25, 2008 |
@kronkykay . . . sinners in hell ![]() Nice to miss you. |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by clemcykul(f): 8:29am On Feb 25, 2008 |
*uses bla bla bla to flog kronk to death* ![]() see yer lyfe ![]() ![]() |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by benjay1(m): 8:31am On Feb 25, 2008 |
@Clem U dey use bla bla bla flog person ![]() |
Re: How To Escape An Awful Date by kronkykay(m): 8:35am On Feb 25, 2008 |
Damn. . . . bla bla bla from the queen of bla bla bla herself . . . hell must be around the corner. . . . . .can't imagine! |
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