HOW TO ESCAPE AN AWFUL DATE


By KRONKYKAY

IF YOU'RE a single person, there's no way to avoid bad dates. But you CAN minimize the damage by making them short, says relationships expert ITUEN GREENBACK, author of the book, TIRED OF DATING
"A bad date is one of life's worst experiences,"
"Especially if it comes after you've been in a good relationship. You think 'Oh God, how did I get here?' "

Many people think they have to stay on the date to be polite, or because they want to avoid hurting the other person's feelings. That's nonsense!

"You don't do anybody a favor by wasting their time. And chances are, they're feeling the same way, and are dying to be rid of you, too."

Bad dates fall into two categories, "Blind," and "Dates where you've met before" Each type requires a different exit strategy.

For blind dates, I recommend arriving a few minutes late. "That way you can secretly see the person before you sit down.

"Sometimes you know instantly that you're not interested,".
"In that case, you can:
Not show up. "Call their cell phone and say you got into a car accident and can't make it."

Sit down with a ready-made exit line like, "I just came from the hospital and learned my sister is dying. I can't stay."

Two minutes after sitting down receive an "emergency" phone call (which you preprogrammed), that you must attend to.


But sometimes you're already out with someone before you realize you have nothing in common. "You COULD just say 'I'm sorry, this isn't working, "But that's confrontational.
It's much more FUN to act like a total jerk and get THEM to leave YOU." Some of my favorite techniques include:

Every time your date says something, nod enthusiastically and say, "Y'know, my mother says EXACTLY the same thing."

Return from the rest room with water sprayed on your crotch, and say "I had an accident."

Hit on your waitress for her phone number.

Over dinner, talk about your hemorrhoids.

Start speaking hausa/tiv/ibiobio language or any other u know she won't understand. When your date asks why you're speaking in a foreign language, look puzzled and answer "I'm not." Then keep doing it.

Tell her you left your wallet home, and the evening's on her. "This is especially great if she can SEE the outline of your wallet in your pocket."

Pull out a Batman comic book and ask, "How often do you suppose Batman and Robin have sex?"

Mention that you voted for Osama Bin Laden in the recent Presidential election.

"If your date doesn't leave when you do these, it means she's incredibly desperate and you can just take her home and have sex, and change your phone number!

hmmmm no more dates for me again

@kronkykay man, u and i know i dont like long things.

@Clem Dearie, are u sure u read it ?

This was pretty funny. But how come it's intended mainly for the male folk? When are we going to have ours?

hey hw u doing suga_lips? or shud i call you rebellious?
I havn't seen you on YIM for sometime now. Anyway i am in naija now.

Funny

@clem

awwww awwwwwww! no be so i intend am oh.

u'll def have dates, but am not saying they won't be awful one's. . . .

just act the last line! it's date simple!

@ ben~jay

e don tey ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

how far? u get long thing and you know like am, u better sell am off take the money buy guguru

@rebelious

i think i know when!

it's NEVER

@Kronky

U don publish book wey i never finish

guy kool down. . . .naaaaa

because i use your name sell the book?

now u think say na u write am?

guy go write your own abeg!

chineke!

Wetin i go write again?

My laptop been spoil. I give u to repair and u stole my writeups. I just allow u cos ur a robber tryin to find a decent living

o'boy. . .write wetin u know say go sell for u ooh

i don write my own . . . . i don dey go . . . .

which laptop? u get any?

the only computer wey u go na that 8086x desktop wey been dey your papa cupboard.

i manage help you put internet connection ontopand u dey make mouth. . . . . . .

abi oooo

na hn neigbour own he borrow sef even the brain na borrowed wan

clemcykul:

abi oooo

na hn neigbour own he borrow sef even the brain na borrowed wan

i no see this on oh

_{but i think it's true}

very true indeed

i gat ur back babe

@kronkykay hmm wetin u dey find for her back ??
because rumour has it that clem has an a$$ that can make a man want to change his religion.

@ben

na waoh. . . . . . .wetin u think say make me dey her back naaa

i am still taking a look around her . . . . .so that i can make up my mind where to go in from. . . .

mouth. . . .pu55sie. . . . . a555(i think i should leave this for anusman)

take her home and have sex, and change your phone number indeed! what a nice idea

best idea ever gotten. . . . .works like sinners in hell

@kronkykay . . . sinners in hell Man you are on your own o.
Nice to miss you.

*uses bla bla bla to flog kronk to death*

see yer lyfe

@Clem U dey use bla bla bla flog person

Damn. . . . bla bla bla from the queen of bla bla bla herself . . .

hell must be around the corner. . . . . .can't imagine!