Hello Nairalanders,

I intend to keep this as short as possible. I tested positive to HIV some eight months back. To say the least, it was devastating! I cried openly for the first time in a very long while. But thanks to my family, esp my parents whom I had thought would bring down the sky. They were very supportive and have been with me every step of the way since then. After series of counselling, I got over the initial rude shock and I live a normal life. My CD4 count is good, so no ARVs yet.

Now my main problem is telling me fiancée about my health status. We had been hoping to get married by the end of 2013 & I was to meet her parents early next year. I think its best to tell her before meeting her parents so she could also submit herself for testing since we've had unprotected sex before my discovery.

Since I discovered my status I've not had sex with her. I admit I've been careless with 1 or 2 girls in d past & suspect she might be carrying the virus (I seriously hope she isn't) because we rarely use protection.

Sometimes I forget that am living with a deadly virus, but her reaction on knowing that I'm positive scares me more than the virus itself!

Please advise, what's the best way to disclose my status to her?

Thats tough, I don't know your fiance but my first reaction would be to kill my fiance if he told me that. But you have to tell her its a slim chance she may have not even contracted the virus but if she has she need to be getting medical attention as soon as possible, the slightest cold can turn into pneumonia and kill her and you wouldn't want that on your hands.

This is very tough but whichever way you decide to go about this, do it fast. Just tell her the truth. Let her get tested, hell's gonna break loose though so choose your words wisely to make it more subtle. That's just one of the consequences of unprotected sex. Wish you luck bro.

Hmm.it's an unfortunate event,but it's definetly not d end of d world,and it's not even d end of normal life as u know it. First of all,u need to come to terms with ur condition and understand dat it's not a death sentence;u can live to be 100 years and even hav healthy,HIV-negative children,as long as u stick religiously to ur prescribed drug regimen and health tips.
Now,as for telling ur fiancee,I can understand ur trepidation at d thot of revealing this to her.however,it is VERY important that u make it known to her;that's d responsible thing to do.u culd go either of two ways: 1)u culd just hav a sit-down with her and do d "heart-to-heart" discussion,with all sincerity.or: 2)u culd go d "sneaky" way and "casually" suggest going for genotye,blood-group and HIV test together,or just a general health check-up.this manner is kinda unscupulous and not noble;I personally wuld feel like a huge fraud,doin this. Really,it depends what method u're more comfortable with sha.
Before u eventually take a bold stand,just prepare ur mind for any kind of reaction.she might take it calmly,and be understanding about it,or she might feel betrayed and scream to high heavens.she might decide to break-up(especially if she's not infected yet,which is possible).just preapare ur mind for anything that comes out of it.but one thing is certain: U HAVE TO TELL HER.u owe her that much.
I wish u d best man,and hopefully,it might all work out well and u two culd still get married and raise a healthy family.just make sure she speaks with a very good heart-to-heart counsellor,who will explain to her that she can remain un-infected(assume she isn't infected yet) even if she marries you.
Good luck man and pls,always bear in mind that u are still a healthy,normal man,as long as u do everything ur doctor says. God bless you!

Your situation is really tough but not insurmountable. If and when you decide, i would ask you to first be still inside of you and make sure you forgive yourself first and finally dont condemn yourself God loves you even in this mess.

I pls appeal to you to tell her ASAP so she cld get tested and take the next step needed(8mnts is such a
Long time to keep her in d dark)my reason been she cld be infected without knowing it.Its usually difficult to pinpoint where one picks the virus so don't feel guilty,it cld be her that even gave it to you.Just prepare ur mind that she might leave you after testing positive but any which way you MUST live and move forward!

as much as this is so sad, you have to tell her asap. Its hard, she may never forgive you, but please tell her. i am sure you know that the longer she goes on without knowing her status the more dangerous IT IS for her. at least if her cd4 count is low she can start her drugs. Just bear in mind that if she is negative she might break up with you sha.

Its only fair that you tell her ASAP, so that she can get tested and get treatment if she is positive. I am surprised that you waited this long before even considering letting her know

Oh God of israel! Please tell her. Try doing so in a place where no one will be able to come separate fight o. This is so sad. The marriage must continue if she has it, if not you must be dumped! Careless akonisita bi omo ojomejo.

[b][/b][quote author=moreeni]Oh God of israel! Please tell her. Try doing so in a place where no one will be able to come separate fight o. This is so sad. The marriage must continue if she has it, if not you must be dumped! Careless akonisita bi omo ojomejo. [/quote

Sometimes I wonder if pple actually think before they type.I can't believe pple like u still exist in this day and age. U have insulted him becos he knew his status. Can u trace the origin of how he got the virus, can u? What if he got it from her or he got from a hospitals carelessness? Just because hesaid he was careless in d past. How have u give him courage to face his ordeal. Our words should edify and not destroy

Many thanks to you all. I'm grateful for all the contributions.

Micki83, thanks for giving me ideas. My mind is made up to let her know the truth & my confidence level has increased. I'll keep y'all posted on the outcome.

Thanks again!

Many thanks to you all. I'm grateful for all the contributions.

Micki83, thanks for giving me ideas. My mind is made up to let her know the truth & my confidence level has increased. I'll keep y'all posted on the outcome.

Thanks again!

oluwaisinvolved: Many thanks to you all. I'm grateful for all the contributions.

Micki83, thanks for giving me ideas. My mind is made up to let her know the truth & my confidence level has increased. I'll keep y'all posted on the outcome.

Thanks again!

[b]My friend, the post by MIcki83 is on point. The truth is you may not really be certain where, when and how you contacted the virus. You may have even contacted the virus through your fiancee if she has not tested to confirm her status or any other means. Many people out there do not know their status. You should be grateful to God for knowing your status at this early stage. About your health, your doctor should be able to educate and counsel you on how to treat yourslf and live a normal live.

Hiv is no longer a death sentence as it used to be some years back. You can live your full years if properly taken care off by adherinh to your drug regimen. There are discordant and even Hiv couples who stil have unprotected sex without infecting each other and make babies that are Hiv-. So there's no cause of alarm but there are medical conditions attached to it.

About informing your fiancee about your status, that is the best and appropriate thing for you to do. However, the mode of breaking the news is what is in contention here.

For your information, i'm Hiv+ and married. I got to know about my status last september but broke the ice to my wife just today about my status. Its something i have been fighting for the past three months on how to go about it over this period but with the help and advise of a Hiv+ person on this forum and that of my doctor, we proposed a tactics i used and it was a success. I'm not saying that, it ll work for everybody because people are different.

i feigned to my wife for about three days that i was not feeling too well and that if it persist, i ll go to the hospital for medical checkup. Incidentially she said sho would accompany to also make some complain. When we got to the hospital, we explained how we were feeling about our health condition to the doctor. After the examinations, he told us we re goin to carry out a comprehensive test in a bid to assist in the treatment (these are all arranged). The doctor collected our blood samples and asked us to come back in two days time.

Meanwhile, before we went back to the hospital, i have called the doctor and he told me my wife is negative. I was so happy for her status as she has not been infected despite having unprotected sex with her before my confirmation status anyway. Since then, i have been on rubber with her. Though using rubber is not new to us before now so it doesnt breed suspicion.

Finally, we met the doctor this morning. Meanwhile , before he started with her result, he did all those their talk talk counselling and told her she is very ok as she is negative and all other test results are excellent. He carried my result and told her my cd4 count is low and i tested positive to hiv. he continued immediately telling her not to worry that the disease is just like diabetes, hypertension and other ailments where there ll be drug regimen for the treatment. I saw my wife almost shedding tear but she held herself back and started consolling me not to worry, that she ll be there for me.

The doctor told her, she has to be by my side and need my support in ensuring that i take my drugs and all will be fine with me. My wife affirmed that, she ll not relent in her duty as a wife and with this i almost cried for the love she showed me.

This is my story and this was how my wify got to know about my status. OP, this may not work for you as you are not yet couple as against me who is married. But you have to disclose your status to her, the earlier the better. I wish you best of luck.[/b]

So sad. The best possible way of telling her would be that you guys should go for HIV test together because it is very important to know your status before saying I do. Pretend & cry like never before when you see the result. She will be the one to console you and get the message

You can tell her u hav a friend and your friend has hiv and needs to get maried to a negative lady that if it were her will she marry dat ur friend? Depends on her response u can nw tell her that your friend is you.