...

better concentrate on ur future if u have any. Or wetin u fil say u sabi?

First of all, i love you for not wanting to hurt your mum, keep it up, God will help you.
I think she is trying to protect you from being wayward and being misled thru friends, but believe me, she is using wrong approach, that is d mistake that some parents make, preventing their teenage children from making open friends, instead of encouraging them to have open friendship, open friendship in d sense that, they allow their children to bring home their friends which will enable them (d parents) to know d types of friends their children are keeping, thereby, using d avenue to guide them, having used their own experience to study d so called friends, which may even sometimes lead to s.e. x education, instead of bragging around d house.
The parents who tries to prevent their children from bringing home their friends have forgotten that they cant follow their children everywhere and that the more secret a friendship is, d more harm its likely to have.
They have also forgotten that, if they refuse to educate their children accordingly, d children may seek confidants from outside, which may be harmful and misleading.
@op, i personally will encourage you to tell your mum how you feel about her restrictions as regards disallowing you to make friends. Try and educate her on how she can be of great assistance in your choice of friends, which cant be possible if they are not allowed to come visiting you at home. Start from there, and if shes adamant, we can go from there as to solving d problem in a more complex way.
I wish you goodluck.
@ parents, this is an eye opening thread, lets allow open friendship with our children, it enables us know d type of friends they are rolling with, which can be used as d criteria for guiding and educating them.
May God help us all.

[color=soyouquotedme]If you have truly grown up, you won't be under her roof.

By the way your mother loves you, some people don't even have parents to advise, talk or preach to them.

You are a lady, if anything goes wrong she will be the one to take all the blame.

Focus on your education, stop thinking about guys, I'm sure when you get to your finals in the university she will give you small liberty to do as you please.

For now you are eating her food, sleeping in her house, so abide by her terms and conditions. [/color]

I trust this is the same mother that will start screaming for this girl to bring home a husband once she hits her early to mid twenties not so? When and how is she to meet this husband please if she still cannot speak to guys at the age of 19?

Parents need to be realistic, this fear mongering approach is not the best. It doesn't prepare the child for the dating world or equip her with any tools to use to navigate it. It only trains her to live in fear till she is able to be free of it.

There comes a time parents should cultivate friendship with their children.

Most parents seem to only come down from their almightyness when some sort of damage has been done. What is wrong with the mother enquiring politely about the guest.Parenthood must not be done in fear. Fear usually creates anxiety.

This is for you op.It isn't easy to be a parent. Your mother loves you and is only afraid you may be listening to wrong voices,or may want to try some things that are wrong. At your age the way she is going about it may be annoying but you are equally an adult so understand its the love she has for you that is making her concerned about your future and welfare.

Show her you get her. At same time nothing stops you from talking to her about the way she is going about it. Do this in a respectful manner and humble manner.

Bring up your child in the ways of the Lord and he or she will never depart from it.
I believe your mother won't have any cause for worry if she's confident about the way she raised her children because at some point in your life, you will have to make decisions for yourself weather she likes it or not.

Just communicate with her and try to win her trust. Promise her that you will never engage in such activities that she fears would ruin you. Tell her about your friends and classmates and let your parents meet the ones that are cloase to you.

I understand your angle...U feel caged in and restricted...Like your mum does not understand you...Many parents are like that and they have forgotten what it's like to be children...All I can say is your mum is doing all that out of concern and first of all you should appreciate her for it...Next make sure you don't do something out of spite or just to show that you are mature like sleeping around or sneaking off to do something bad...Know your values as a young lady...by the way what about schOol? Are you in secondary school or in a university?

Thanks to ya'al for ur advice,i'm gratefl.
I'l try to do as you've said-talk to her(though it aint gonna be easy).
I'v tried my best to make her happy in everything,i'l still put in more effort,it just hurts me when she ends her sermons with a lament like"u know u are all i have,i believe u can prove u are more than ten children,pls don't let me down,i don't want to be a laughing stock..."and so on.
D problem is that,she reads meanings into every story i tell her.
Thanks once again,i really appreciate your advice

Hmm,chaircover,she knws him too well,he lives close to us,i understand she wanna protect me,bt its d accusation part to pull me apart.I can't tell her any gist without changing d names of the males to a female name or else i should be expecting a sermon.I'm nt open to her,though we'r close,bt i dare not tell her anything dat has to do with the opposite sex,hmm,she even told me i'm learning bad tinz on NL,cos i told her about it.
Not to bother you,i'l keep mute till ..God knows when

Do not keep mute. That is not a habit you want to learn. I tell you something. Be confident,talk to her stop storing your anger otherwise the first chance you get you will bolt.Don't be suprised she will even be relieved to hear you talk and even if she takes it wrongly well you learnt how to speak out politely and humbly.

@baba alabi,i'm in my 2nd year in d uni..

andromida: Do not keep mute. That is not a habit you want to learn. I tell you something. Be confident,talk to her stop storing your anger otherwise the first chance you get you will bolt.Don't be suprised she will even be relieved to hear you talk and even if she takes it wrongly well you learnt how to speak out politely and humbly.

thanks andromida, i'll try, but i'm scared she might read thousands of meanings into it..thanks alot,i'l try

BukkyDan:
@baba alabi,i'm in my 2nd year in d uni..

[color=soyouquotedme]How many years are you spending in the university. [/color]

k2039:

[color=soyouquotedme]How many years are you spending in the university. [/color]

i'm doing a four yrs course,just two mre yrs

Bukky you are entitled to a little bit of freedom....I believe you are a responsible young girl and can take care of yourself however I won't advice you to take matters in your own hands by shouting at her or talking back to her...Find a reasonable time and period where she is in a good mood and try to bring up the topic of her allowing yoy to bring friends home

ileobatojo: I trust this is the same mother that will start screaming for this girl to bring home a husband once she hits her early to mid twenties not so? When and how is she to meet this husband please if she still cannot speak to guys at the age of 19?

Parents need to be realistic, this fear mongering approach is not the best. It doesn't prepare the child for the dating world or equip her with any tools to use to navigate it. It only trains her to live in fear till she is able to be free of it.

Rotflmao! This is the exact conversation we had with my Aunt this weekend. The poor dear is worried about her daughter...girl is 24, turns to a stammering mess when a guy talks to her. Good thing she's black or she would a perpetual shade of red. ..that's how shy she gets when a guy so much looks her way. Mom is getting hysterical. . convinced she needs deliverance.


Yep, she's conveniently forgotten all the beat downs and harsh words she rained on the girl when she was growing up. The if you go near a boy, you will get pregnant, if you get pregnant, you will have to get an abortion because I won't let you disgrace me, If you get an abortion you will DIE....therefore stay away from guys lecturers she gave the girl. She was such a fantastic teacher, the girl can't unlearn it. Now mom is all you people should talk to her oh...the same you people she was convinced will have multiple bastard pikins before we hit puberty.

Some mothers just don't understand the semi irrevocable damages they can do...all in the name of keeping their daughters pure. I am not suggesting having a free for all but borderline imprisonment is not it either.


If the girls don't have the shy as a mouse syndrome, they end up with the Eleha jawe syndrome (please don't ask me to interpret that

BukkyDan:
i'm doing a four yrs course,just two mre yrs

[color=soyouquotedme]Don't worry, she will definitely give you more space in your third year(second semester when you go for your industrial training), just focus on your education and grade point.

I guess you are all she got, just like I'm all my mom got, so I understand her point perfectly, I can identify with you. [/color]

Sisi_Kill:

Rotflmao! This is the exact conversation we had with my Aunt weekend. The poor dear is worried about her daughter...girl is 24, turns to a stammering mess when a guy talks to her. Good thing she's black or shr would a perpetual shade of red. ..that's how shy she gets when a guy so much looks her way. Mom is getting hysterical. . convinced she needs deliverance.


[b]Yep, she's conveniently forgotten all the beat downs and harsh words she rained on the girl when she was growing up. The if you go near a boy, you will get pregnant, if you get pregnant, you will have to get an abortion because I won't let you disgrace me. If you get an abortion you will die. therefore stay. away from guys lecturers she gave the girl. She was such a fantastic teacher, the girl can't unlearn it. [/b]Now mom is all you people should talk to her oh...the same you people she was convinced will have multiple bastard pikins before we hit puberty.

Some mothers just don't want understand the semi irrevocable damages they can do...all in the name of keeping their daughters pure. I am not suggesting having a free for all but borderline imprisonment is not it either.


If the girls don't have the shy as a mouse syndrome, they end up with the Eleha jawe syndrome (please don't ask me to interpret that )

Lol! Poor girl!

Imagine OP's mom waking her up to talk about HIV at 4 am in the morning because a boy came to visit. As if they were planning to have hot dirty se.x in her house? If your house cannot be a safe place where a 19yr old can entertain her friends, where is?

It's such a shame that some parents really just don't know how to give effective, appropriate sex education to their kids. Thank God for this OP who naturally is a good girl.

Once again thanks for the advice, you r all wonderful,God bless ya

Some parents will never learn,a little freedom makes a girl behave properly when she's. Totally free. Caging a girl isn't the best option at all,some girls can't handle freedom at all. that's why some ladies misbehave when they have the freedom,when they gain admission to tertiary institution.

It reminded me of a girl in my set in the university,that slept with almost all the guys on campus,and partying all day,and nite. She ended up being a drug addict. She couldn't handle her freedom properly at all. This was evident,cos she kept saying"na wetin I dey miss be dis for house".

BukkyDan:
thanks andromida, i'll try, but i'm scared she might read thousands of meanings into it..thanks alot,i'l try

Please try you have a long way to go in life. Many times down the line you have to stand up for yourself it starts now. We both know your mother loves you and this is the only way she knows how to be a good parent BUT you cannot live her fears so talk to her in a respectful,understanding and humble manner. You are not to scarifice the joy of your youth and being alive just to keep her happy which is why keeping mute is not an option. I know you are a good child keep being good,strong and avoid bad company. Please SPEAK OUT its not a sin.

I see the poster, BukkyDan as a good girl who only seeks for her mother's trust and confidence in her.

Anytime I hear/read about the overprotectiveness of some parents, what comes to my mind is that the parent in question also has a past he/she is trying so hard to prevent a reoccurrence in the life of his/her child.

There was a lady I used to know way back. She was brought up in what I call "too strict and rigid" lifestyle. She doesn't watch TV, hardly socialises, and hardly do guys come to visit her. Her dad so monitored her and she happens to be the first girl.

Then landlines was the in-thing then. So any call she receives would have gone through her dad before it gets to her. The funny thing is she didn't stay in the university hostel, she was going from home.

I later got to know that her dad was being overprotective because he was an "happening" guy when he was younger. So he didn't want guys to mess up his daughter like he did to other girls in his hey days.

What am I driving at? It is either:
1. Your mom has a past she doesn't want to see a repeat in your life. or
2. She has heard stories of how the future of young girls were altered due to irresponsible lifestyle.

Have an intimate talk with her and ask her why she is this rigid with you. If she doesn't trust
you now, when will she?

Do you go to school from home? Are you her only child? What of your father? Do you and her live alone?

At 19, you're an adult already. If you don't start meeting guys, when will you start then. Just be careful with the kind of guys you meet.

Strike a deal with your mom; let her let you invite your male friends over so she can meet them and study them. Not all men are with evil intentions and I hope she won't use her overprotectiveness to drive away good guys from you.

SOME NIGERIAN PARENTS ARE WACKO........ IMAGINE WAKING HER UP BY 4 O CLOCK THIS DISCUSS WHATEVER.........NIGERIAN PARENTS NEED TO LEARN TO STOP FORMING OVERSTRICTNESS AND HYPOCRISY WHEN MANY OF THEM WERE WACKO AND BIG TIME FLEXXXEERS IN THEIR TIME....... BLOODY PRETENDERS
MY PARENTS WERE ASSHOLES WHEN I WAS YOUNG.......LOCKING UP......STINGY...... I THANK GOD I AM NOW IN FINAL YEAR......DID NOT EVEN SPEND CHRISTMAS AR HOME...
I CANT WAIT TO BE ON MY OWN

MY ADVICE- JUST CHILL IGNORE THEM AND GRADUATE AND JOIN THE ARMED FORCES OR ANYTHING THAT WILL ALLOW YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE AS SOON AS YOU FINISH SCHOOL.
AND STUDY HARD AND SMART IN SCHOOL AND IGNORE THEM........AND DONT TELL THEM YOUR PLANS

NEVER TELL HER ANYTHING ........KEEP THINGS TO YOUR SELF.....SO FAR IT IS NOT ABOUT ACADEMICS OR IT IS NOT A LIFE THREATENING ISSUE.....DONT TELL HER


KEEP MORE TO YOUR SELF. DONT BORROW HER JEWELLRY, CLOTHES, COSMETICS, OR ANYTHING TO AVOID TALK......WHEN IN UNI DONT SHARE CAMPUS GIST WITH HER......JUST TALK ABOUT BOOK......EVEN IF SHE TRIES TO BE FRIENDLY TO GET INFORMATION,,,,,,,,,,DONT TELL HER

k2039: [color=soyouquotedme]If you have truly grown up, you won't be under her roof.

By the way your mother loves you, some people don't even have parents to advise, talk or preach to them.

You are a lady, if anything goes wrong she will be the one to take all the blame.

Focus on your education, stop thinking about guys, I'm sure when you get to your finals in the university she will give you small liberty to do as you please.

For now you are eating her food, sleeping in her house, so abide by her terms and conditions. [/color]

PARENTS HAVE A RERSPONSIBILITY TO TAKER CARE AND LOVE THEIR CHILDRE. GIVING FOOD AND ACCOMODATION AND SCHOOL FEES DOES NOT MAKE THEM SLAVES..........OR MEAN THE CHILDRE3N CANNOT EXPRESS THEMSELVES

Laird:



PARENTS HAVE A RERSPONSIBILITY TO TAKER CARE AND LOVE THEIR CHILDRE. GIVING FOOD AND ACCOMODATION AND SCHOOL FEES DOES NOT MAKE THEM SLAVES..........OR MEAN THE CHILDRE3N CANNOT EXPRESS THEMSELVES

[color=soyouquotedme]How is she a slave?.
Is there anything wrong in what her mother has done?.
[/color]

Hy, my fellow NLanders, i really appreciate you all for your support. Yesterday was the best day ever,i decided to keep to myself, no gists or laughter, if mum brings up a topic i'l either say "yes" or "no".oh my! She was worried,diagnosing sickness,asking if someone offended me in school#Laughs# well the point is,i'm happy now that she is no longer angry,i'm ready to wait till 2015 b4 making friends if thats what she wants,cos i truly love her, only child no be small thing,when dad is no where to be found,hmm,tnx once again,u all lifted d load off my chest. love ya'll

Laird: NEVER TELL HER ANYTHING ........KEEP THINGS TO YOUR SELF.....SO FAR IT IS NOT ABOUT ACADEMICS OR IT IS NOT A LIFE THREATENING ISSUE.....DONT TELL HER


KEEP MORE TO YOUR SELF. DONT BORROW HER JEWELLRY, CLOTHES, COSMETICS, OR ANYTHING TO AVOID TALK......WHEN IN UNI DONT SHARE CAMPUS GIST WITH HER......JUST TALK ABOUT BOOK......EVEN IF SHE TRIES TO BE FRIENDLY TO GET INFORMATION,,,,,,,,,,DONT TELL HER

yea..but she's gonna feel bad and lonely,it'll hurt

...

..