Have a friend who got married to a damsel. She was everything you can ever imagine in a woman. A God fearing lady, intelligent and beautiful. Also very homely. They dated for 10yrs, right from when she entered d university. Both read 6yrs course and spent 7yrs due to Naija factor. All through school there was no sex, till she graduated, then she allowed him and behold she was a virgin. This attracted him more to d girl and was bent on marrying this angel. He had ladies falling for him with whom he would have easily played with, but most times she gets to know of it b4 it materialized. She usually then starts a storm and after plenty quarrels or direct confrontation with the ladies, they back off. Then came a time when they decided to start planning marriage, then d guy while @ work pricked himself with a needle of an HIV positive patient. He then told his fiancee and did HIV test that was negative. Then he commenced anti-retroviral propylaxis but discontinued it after 3 days due to d side effects. Was so scared of going for d confirmatory test 3months after to check his status. So he told the girl that the marriage plans will be on hold till he confirms he is negative or if she can't wait she should move on with her life. Also on the premise that if he is positive she should move on. But she insisted on staying and that she was convinced he is negative. But during the waiting period they started quarreling regularly on trivia issues though d lady still remained with him and he also continue to play his role to her. But the guy did not go back for d confirmatory test for 15months. And no plans of wedding discussed again. He later called it quit Dec 24th 2011 and on 31st Dec 2011 he summoned courage to go for d HIV test, which was negative, with a joyful heart he called his lady to tell her d good news and rushed to church. Then in January he called her and proposed again and they got married in Nov 2012. Just abt a month plus into d marriage, he picks his wife's phone to help her delete some scam messages, just to find out that btw Nov 2010 and Nov 2011, his wife (then girlfriend) was throwing herself at difft men. Visiting guys @ their houses. Keeping appointments with guys she met on Facebook and blackberry and wanting to know wat all this guys do for a living b4 meeting them. Now my guy is so devastated and confused. He thinks his damsel was even more dirty than other ladies out there, but they just got married and he is really confused. Pls advice, because this issue is about to abort the marriage. Pls advice him. No insults pls. Thanks

If the guy is sure of himself..about his commitment and faithfulness, then he need to organise another wedding as soon as possible (divorce).

The stigma is there and you cannot that easily.

acidosis™:
If the guy is sure of himself..about his commitment and faithfulness, then he need to organise another wedding as soon as possible (divorce).

The stigma is there and you cannot that easily.

Go bac 2 bed will you?

cinammon:

Go bac 2 bed will you?

I'm working already..

Pity. When marrying a woman present character does not matter. They can always pretend for long in as much as they love the guy. Anyway the guy should be patient and handle d case maturely. He should confront d wife for explanation. And forgive her. Because d devil could as well be playing some tricks to seperate them

D lady had been lukin 4 alternatives since d hiv incident..and i sincerely dont blame ha..but she has gotten no oda beta alternative,so ur guy shld count imsef lucky..i think he shld jst bone dat syd n live hapily wit ha

Only explanations is that she was jst playing with them, though he later discovered that she visited one in his house even when she and her guy were not quarreling. Thanks for d advice. Will let him know

drpompay: Only explanations is that she was jst playing with them, though he later discovered that she visited one in his house even when she and her guy were not quarreling. Thanks for d advice. Will let him know

can you imagine?!
And she didn't say anything like : "I slept with him" ?

I don't even know how to advice. People should be careful. Many marry for the wrong reasons. From this post sounds like she was desperate to marry any guy with good income and her clock was ticking.virtue is not just about being a virgin, so if he thought that was his criteria for picking his wife, well.......virtue is foundation of principle and good moral being. Sounds like she just wanted a ring am not so sure this woman will be somebody that has intergrity. If u say u will stand by somebody then do so, why keep your options open. Its better to say I can't stand by you than to say I will but you are making other plans. Look if times get hard what is ur assurance that she will be by ur side 100percent. Then again I think that this HIV story about pricking needle is dodgy. The guy was not faithful to her. To each their own. You should both really go for therapy. I don't see trust in this relationship and that is a big problem if you don't want to get divorced soon.cos both of you won't be happy in this marriage. My #epistle kai

The question the guy should ask himself is "if he is in her shoes what would he have done" ladies don't have time to waste waiting for someone who seems not ready for marriage.the guy should just overlook the past and find a way to amend his home, den he should move on.

Well, for d HIV story, i went with him for d confirmation test and was there when he called her. Also, b4 now he used to boast to us that he had d most faithful and trust worthy girl in d world, though he had his own short coming. All through the period of saga he never slept with any. Even told his wife then that he cannot afford to transmit it to her. Well thanks for d advice. Will invite him to nl to read dis comments and decide himself

The problem he is having now is that his wife is not admitting doing anything wrong, she claims she is innocent and only did d chatting to catch fun, only for him to discover that she travelled once to her parents place and went to see a guy she had never met b4. Now she claims, that was d only guy of d lots she met actually and that nothing happened and she was not trying out other options. The problem is, he trusted her with his life, and now he thinks he can never trust her again

drpompay: Well, for d HIV story, i went with him for d confirmation test and was there when he called her. Also, b4 now he used to boast to us that he had d most faithful and trust worthy girl in d world, though he had his own short coming. All through the period of saga he never slept with any. Even told his wife then that he cannot afford to transmit it to her. Well thanks for d advice. Will invite him to nl to read dis comments and decide himself

IMO I feel that this guy, will resent her he probably already does. Because the wife he wanted was a virgin, this is the problem.he believed he took her virginity and she was perfect in his eyes.and had no other man in her life. If he knows he. Can carry on without her irritating and annoying him then they should seek help. Am sure she already irritates him now and he resents her.he either forgives her forgets it and never bring it up again or let her go so she can start afresh quickly. Am sure she is remorseful at this point in time though.

Yea, she is Nigerian, but to avoid usual nl confrontations, will Say nothing about her tribe.

drpompay: The problem he is having now is that his wife is not admitting doing anything wrong, she claims she is innocent and only did d chatting to catch fun, only for him to discover that she travelled once to her parents place and went to see a guy she had never met b4. Now she claims, that was d only guy of d lots she met actually and that nothing happened and she was not trying out other options. The problem is, he trusted her with his life, and now he thinks he can never trust her again

Hmmmn well I guess she won't own up to what cannot be proven. But deep inside am sure she is sorry, but at the same time its best she owns up to everything if he is mature enough to handle it and forgive her. But she does not want to lose him that's why she won't own up to it.of course he cannot trust her she has to earn that back.

190-the-clown:
Long story was a Nigerian Girl involved

If she was still a virgin, she wouldnt av desired more sex. I think she enjoyed sex, ur friend was not there 4 her n she decided 2 enjoy herself through other means.
She did not cheat..... He shld try n resolve issues with her.

this is rubbish, they broke up for a year, he even told her she can marry anoda person.
so why is he killing himself nw?

so he had expected her to be misreable, sad and indoors all tru that year? abeg she continued her life and that is good.

u have no evidence that is not just a chat, so whats d biggie? she says its just a chat y dont u beleive her? if they werent just chats do u tink she will leave them in her phone for u to see?

or u want to say u have neva chatted wit random girls on fb and bb?.

to me the chats are irrelevant especially as they were don during the seperation period.

Aafulenu: this is rubbish, they broke up for a year, he even told her she can marry anoda person.
so why is he killing himself nw?

so he had expected her to be misreable, sad and indoors all tru that year? abeg she continued her life and that is good.

u have no evidence that is not just a chat, so whats d biggie? she says its just a chat y dont u beleive her? if they werent just chats do u tink she will leave them in her phone for u to see?

or u want to say u have neva chatted wit random girls on fb and bb?.

to me the chats are irrelevant especially as they were don during the seperation period.

what is this

a girl cheated on her man, and you are here defending her with all your strength.

acidosis™:


what is this

a girl cheated on her man, and you are here defending her with all your strengths...

ogax hw exactly did she cheat?

Aafulenu:

ogax hw exactly did she cheat?

Only explanations is that she was jst playing with them, though he later discovered that she visited one in his house even when she and her guy were not quarreling.

I guess you didn't read this part esp. the bolded.

They never broke up. They were still meeting though with condom. He even worked her nysc posting to his state and was still committed to her just as she was committed to him. The only p was that no further progress in marriage talks. But now she is not even admitting doin anything wrong

drpompay: They never broke up. They were still meeting though with condom. He even worked her nysc posting to his state and was still committed to her just as she was committed to him. The only p was that no further progress in marriage talks. But now she is not even admitting doin anything wrong

" So he told the girl that the marriage plans will be on hold till he confirms he is negative or if she can't wait she should move on with her life"

i got that post from ur initial post.
i dont understand, if they didnt breakup y did he tell her to move on wuth her life?
cos to my that is exactly what she did - move on.

the fact he came back to marry her doesnt change a tin.

besides he should forget the past and consentrate on his marriage and stop looking for flimsy reasons to kill his marriage. unless since they got married she has been chatin and sleeping with oda guys, or has she?

you too stubborn ^^

you too stubborn ^^

acidosis™:
you too stubborn ^^

its not about being stubborn. the guy is just married two months and he is already in a fit.

let the past be the past. besides the babe might be saying the truth that nothing happened. besides y will she keep evidence if sometin realy happened?

Wen a man gets married, old things are passed away! All tins shld be new.

Whether best friends b4 d hook up or not, ƒoя it to work, oηε must develop blind ears and d oda blind eyes!

Go figure

In Nigeria, the ' good ' ones pay dearly.

acidosis™:




I guess you didn't read this part esp. the bolded.

And so Didnt u read where d guy told her dt she can marry another guy and yet refused 2 go 4 test until after 15months.D bf did nt even hv any proof dt she slept wit any of her facebk or bb friends so y bring up unnecessary issue.If u were d gal,wat will u hv done?

Mercy-u:
And so Didnt u read where d guy told her dt she can marry another guy and yet refused 2 go 4 test until after 15months.D bf did nt even hv any proof dt she slept wit any of her facebk or bb friends so y bring up unnecessary issue.If u were d gal,wat will u hv done?

I'll stick with my man...Remain faithful and use an iron made belt on my p a n t.