Lionel,

I am writing you this note to offer my congratulations ­on winning the Ballon d'Or. Again. As you can see by
the look on my face, I am very happy for you. Please
forgive me for not congratulating you at the gala, but
since I am so tall and statuesque and you are so tiny
and maintain terrible posture, I couldn't find you in the
crowd. Also, since someone played a joke on you by
telling you to wear that garish spotted jacket and tie, I
didn't want to keep you from getting home and
changing your clothes as fast as you possibly could.
That's how thoughtful I am.
It was another tremendous year for me, and,
supposedly, for you as well. You had to set a world
record in order to score more goals than me. Of
course, smart people know that team accomplishments are far more important than personal achievements
and I helped my club to win La Liga in 2012 whereas
you only helped your club win the Copa del Rey. The
year my club only won the Copa del Rey, I did not win
the Ballon d'Or. I suppose this just shows that voters
hold me to a higher standard than you.
Anyway, you have now won the Ballon d'Or a record
four times in row. I guess you're happy about that. Yet,
Andy Gray, England's most respected sexist
broadcaster, has questioned whether you could play
well on a cold night in Stoke. After all, you have only
won titles for one club, whereas I have won titles for
clubs in La Liga and the PL. But very few players have
the physical talent and mental strength to prove
themselves on different teams and in different leagues,
so you should only feel a little bit bad about that.
People are always trying to compare you and I, but
there really is no comparison. Yes, we were both
named after Americans -- I was named after Ronald
Reagan, a talented actor and two-term president,
whereas you were named after Lionel Richie, a man
who sang about dancing on the ceiling. Which is both
impossible and patently ridiculous. I impregnated a
woman and created a child in 2010, but it took you until
2012 to figure out how to do those things. I grew tall
and strongnaturally and you needed enough growth
hormones to make even Lance Armstrong feel guilty in
order to be neither of those things.Also,I wear proper
tuxedos to formal events while you wear a suit made
out of clown pants.So comparing us is both silly and
unfair.

In conclusion, I congratulate you, Leo. But remember:
No matter how many Ballon d'Or awards you win, I still
won it first

Confidently yours
Cristiano

DOuble post

Funny.