"Emeka! Emeka ma guy, u dey enta school abi?" i asked Emeka as i crossed over to the other side of the road. "i dey enta school oh, make i go check where dem post me go serve na" he said. "Oboy me sef wan go see where dem post me go oh, guy fear dey catch me oh" i said "wetin make na?" he asked "i no want make dem post me go north na, abi u no know say dem dey troway bomb there" i added. "me wey dem born for north nkor, i don die?" he said as i remembered while we where still in school Emeka told me his Father was a big business mogul in "Sabon Gari" in Kano state and that his family was based there. As we chatted on our way to the school gate i immediately noticed dis beautiful black t-shirt Emeka was wearing, he didn't only like looking good but black clothes were his favorite because that was the fratanity he belonged to in school. We met Kelechi on our way as we shook hands and walked together to the school gate, where the list was pasted............

"Emekus u don c ur name?" i inquired "i never c am oh, what of u?" he asked "nna ehn i don see am oh, na 0sun dis people post me go oh, kelechi say him own na Bayelsa" i said rather sad. "Emeka i don c ur own here" i said as i pointed "oboy eeh iga la ugu hausa oh" "na Taraba dem post u go oh?". Emeka's mood changed instantly as i tried figuring if Taraba was actually in Nigeria. In my mind i said it was better for him since he was born in the north, as i also tried figuring what part of Nigeria was Osun.........

We collected our call- up letters as well as statement of results as i noticed Emeka's cheerful face changed gloomy when he saw "third class" crested beautifully on his statement of result. "how u no go graduate with third class when u dey busy with cult activity and forget school" i thought as i almost laughed at him. Meanwhile, KC and i narrowly escaped third class, as third was the norm in Industrial Physics department; the hardest department in the school. Emeka was not the only "" cult member in my department but it was as if he was the only member as he took cult activities very seriously. Kelechi fondly called KC was also a cult member, not an "axe man" like Emeka but a "bagga" like me.

"Flow, u go go Yoruba land go chop amala oh" KC said as we all laughed (u will get to know how i got the nickname "Flow". "guy e dey beta than Emeka wey dey go ugu hausa where dem dey throw bomb like knockout na" i said "i don tell u say i grow up for north and the area wey my family dey stay for Kano dey safe, and after camp i go reploy go my papa house go stay" he said and i saw sense in what he said. "guy we go dey hala our sef for fone na" i said as i shook hands with Emeka and "anchor" KC as a bagga like me..................

I travelled back home d next day in order to pack my bags and get set for take off to NYSC Osun camp. As i glanced through the window of the rickety bus i boarded, i just recalled the stories we were told by some barracks boys dat have finished serving how their NYSC camp experience was; some said it was fun while others said it was their worst experience. Well, as a "sharp barrack boy" that i am, i promised myself that it was going to be fun for me as i planed to take part in the "MR MACHO" contest i was told takes place in every camp. Immediately i stared at my bicets and my broad chest if they had reduced since i haven't gymed for two days. "if my chest reduce i go use press up bring am out back" i said to myself as i saw a sign on the road which says "WELCOME TO OSUN STATE"

We got to the camp in no time as i walked slowly dragging down my bag. The army men at the gate searched my bag, "which kin bad tin i wan carry, na weed?" i wondered as i immediately noticed the enomous croud of corpers to be..

My call up letter was checked and i was given a foam that was as thin as my mother's vegetable choping board. I was also given a room and the number to the bunk i was to place the foam on. Room F, bunk number 24 i tried craming this relevant information as i walked in the direction others were walking to complete my clearance process and collect my Nysc khaki. As i passed a car parked on the road side i smiled as i stared at myself in the car side glass and saw my "fine fair face" (FFF). The sun was shining greatly but the red "kangol" cap i was wearing sheltered my "yellow pawpaw" face from the sun. I finished my clearance rather late and as i was walking to my room or rather hall, i heard my name, "Flow! flow eh!! flowey baba oh". I turn and saw two guys........

You know say I dey follow ko....

U dn start to dey upsate smal smal lik dat barrack boy own,,,,no laggin oo,and no sleeping on deck,,,com out asap,,,

Foxy_Rebirth: You know say I dey follow ko....

i sabi say u dey follow na

skoloppy31: U dn start to dey upsate smal smal lik dat barrack boy own,,,,no laggin oo,and no sleeping on deck,,,com out asap,,,

skoloppy my man, no mind me oh dem no wan give us light for barracks since morning and my battery dey down.

It was Ezenna and Obinna, two baggas back then in school. I anchored them saying "Elele ti elele", our slang we use to greet ourselves in sch back then, we talked as they asked if i just finished my clearance, i told dem i just did and they in turn told they have been in the camp since the previous day; of which i could c because they already had their khaki on. They later told me they both stay in hall A as we pathed. I got to my hall at about 6, the hall was noisy as some guys where trying their khaki on, while others where arranging their bags. "omo this my khaki trousers too big oh" someone said, i drew closer to him to see the size. "e be like say e go size me" i said as he offered it to me "take my own, my own small" i offered him mine in turn. The guy i gave my khaki trouser was Ayo, his bunk number was 26, just beside mine.

He hails from Ekiti, he was a good Womanizer, a better alcoholic, and a best weed smoker, like he told me. I introduced myself to every inmate including the guy dat occupies the bunk above me, Lampard was his name, a befitting name as he was exactly the black version of Frank Lampard of Chelsea Fc. I told them my name was "Flow" as a guy named "Shakur" asked me if it was an italian name, i said "me wey never go Togo before, com talk of italy" the whole house laughed. Ayo later said we should both go to mammy market.........

I drank "Alomo" dat day to stupor; a drink i never liked but had to drink it because Ayo said it was his favorite. As i drank my final bottle of Alomo, i could feel the hot effect of the Alomo down my heart. "make dis drink no burn my heart oh" i said to myself. Ayo told me he had always liked Ibo boys as i told him i also like Yoruba boys because they are sociable......

I had insomnia that nite, it was as if the pounded Yam and Okro soup i ate at mammy market earlier was about coming out from my mouth. "Flow eh, if u vomit here u don f*uck up", i said as i tried holding myself from throwing up in the silent hall, "make i no use vomit wake people from sleep" i said to myself.......

Flow! Flow! Flow!. I got that nickname is sch when i was in 100level. I entered a lecture hall late and the lecturer told me to stand outside along with others. He later told us to come in and explain to the class why we came late one after another. When it was my turn i explained saying, "i woke early, prepared for lectures, U GET MA FLOW, got to the bus stop, no bus, U GET MA FLOW, so i decided to trek, U GET MA FLOW, bla bla bla U GET MA FLOW". I said "u get ma flow" a hundred times before i finished explaining due to the fact dat i couldn't stand the huge crowd that was staring back at me. The whole class laughed as if i was a Nigerian stand-up comedian. Since then my name changed from Ugo to Flow, as some people from other departments heard the story. Since then na FLOW...FLOW...FLOW everywhere........

Yea I gat ya flow!
Come and continue ooo

No p,,I dn tell nepa make dem bring ur lit take our own now,,,,flow com ooo

The nite was rather short as we were soon out for morning jogging by 5am. As we jogged i had no choice but to adore the whole corpers puting on white and white, it was as eye catching as the angels of heaven. "mehn i miss smoking weed with my guys back home oh" i said as we engaged in the rigorous "man o war" activities. Soon it was time for breakfast. "omo c this dry bread and water-water tea oh" i said walking to my hall to devour the bread because i was famished....

I letter got to know that they was something called "platoon" of which i belonged to platoon 3, same as Ayo. Ayo was becoming my best friend as the day goes. "i hear say dem go play ball next week oh" i told Ayo as we were in the conference hall listening to a boring lecture. "i hear am oh, u go play for our platoon abi?" he asked. "i go play oh, u no sabi say na me b world best defender" i said as Ayo told me he was a good striker...........

As me and Ayo was running after been chased from mammy by a soldier we we joined by Ezenna and Obinna. "how far Eze" i said "wetin dey happen" he respond."i dey like dele oh" i said shaking them both "Guy u still dey weed?" Obinna asked. "oboy i still dey weed oh, but where persin go c weed for this camp na" i added. "guy we carry weed come here" Obinna whispered to my ears not wanting Ayo to hear. Immediately my jaw droped in astonishment. "Bad baggas, how dem smuggle weed enta camp?" i said to myself as i recalled our slogan as baggas, "Nothing dey hard for bagga".......

After our football practice dat evening i told Ayo what Obinna had earlier Whispered to my ears. He smiled and said "Na why i tell u say i like Ibo boys".

Day 5 in camp and everything seems to b going on fine. Me and Ayo are regular costomers of "Iya Ruka" drinking spot in mammy, as well as a bush path we go to weed every nite with Ezenna and Obinna. Sometimes i fear that soldiers might see us as we enter the bush path to smoke, or if not soldiers snake might bite us as the bush was very thick and interior. One day while coming out from the bush, somebody tapped me from behind........

It was Chioma. As i hugged her an erotic feelings arose in me. I could feel my di*ck rise wanting to tear my khaki trouser due to her baloon-like brea*st on my broad chest. "so u are in this camp" i inquired. "i am oh, its been long" she said. "after our last paper, nobody saw u again" i added. She told me she was in platoon 4 in camp. Chioma is one girl i will never forget in a hurry. She was the girlfriend of the leader of the "" confranity in my sch, which i never knew then. I Fell in Love with her because she was not only the most beautiful girl in my department but the most intelligent. So intelligence mixed with beauty was a perfect blend for me not knowing i was entering hot soup. Her "point 1" boyfriend got to know dat i was asking Chioma out and sent his boys to track me down. My best friend Emeka who was an axe man told me to leave the sch premises so as to prevent the case from leading to a full scale war between the baggas and the members. I had to travell to the village where i stayed for three weeks till everything subsided, since then i prevented Chioma like a bad disease, even though she had feelings for me, not until now.............

Day 7 and it was the day our platoon was to play our first match. I was selected to play, Ayo was selected too. Ayo was to play as the one man front in our 4-3-2-1 formation. If there are two players i see as incompetent in our team, they are; Dogo, the left full back and Amos our goalkeeper. Dogo was as tall as tree as he was the tallest in the camp. While Amos was a guy that narrowly "escaped" been an Albino. I was to play right full back. A wing i promised to man with all seriousness....

The referee kick started the match, we were playing against platoon 7. 15 minutes and no goal from either sides. I almost caused an own goal when i gave a back pass to the keeper as i said "Flow no f*uck up oh, Chioma dey watch dis match oh" to myself. Gbam! it was a header from Kelly, one of our mid-fielder into the net of our opponent......... GOAL

Second half and we were still leading, 1-0. When suddenly a pass got to Ayo and as he was about to beat the goalkeeper to score, he was brought down my the goalkeeper in the 18 box. Yellow card was given to the keeper and penalty awarded in our favour. My heart beat increased as if i was Ayo that was to play the penalty kick...... GOAL, 2-0.

Our opponent were coming way out on our defence as i shouted "Dogo come back!". They came all out on a equalizing mission as one of their striker tried to score, and on the process of me macking him i sustained an injury. Another striker tried acting a "Lionel Messi" skills on me as i gave him a "Nemandja Vidic" attack in return and collected the ball and passed to Dogo who tried giving a back pass to Amos our keeper and......... Gbam......... Own goal..........

I walked to the room that evening feeling the pains on my right ankle more as it made me limp a beat. That night i and Ayo went to drink at mammy as we discussed the match, dis this time around i didn't drink Alomo but my brand 1759(guinness), we also ate rice and beans from our customer "Baba Imo" an ibo man. We came back to the room on time to meet Shakur saying "una tink say una sabi play abi, make una play with our platoon we go beat una wella", "we go beat una platoon as we don take beat dem Lampard platoon so" i said looking in the direction of Lampard, who is turn said. "na because i no play that match nahim make na, if not i for show una wetin make them call me Lampard" we laughed, when Lampard whispered to me "Flow make we go shi*t na". "e b like say u know say sh*it dey worry me sef" i whispered back, at that moment i could feel p`oo wanting to come out of my a*nus.

We didn't bother to use the toilet as all the toilet were full to the brim with p`oo, so we opted for the bush. With newspapers on our hands we hurried to the bush path in-between the camp director's quaters and the church. We lay our newpapers on the floor as were down to "business". Bra...pbra....papo....popa was the sound i heard Lampard's an*us make. "Flow i dey porge oh" he said, "how u no go porge wey ur own no pass moi moi and bread for mammy every morning" i said to myself. "do quick oh, na u i dey wait oh, i don shi*t finish" i said as i stood by the road side waiting. Suddenly, i saw somebody coming, at first i tot it was a corper that wanted to join us, lo and behold as she drew closer, it was the camp director. "what are u doing here?" she asked. "ehm ehn i am here for.... Church service" i said dat without thinking. "church service and u are standing here, dressed like dis!!" she said as she immediately sited lampard. "so u came here to defecate uhn after u have been warned against it uhnn" she said as i almost ran. "no ma" Lampard said now fidgety. "no ma what, u will pack dat p`oo with ur hand and throw it away". At that moment Lampard postrated like a typical Yoruba boy he was. "ejor ma, ejor ma, e ma binu ma" he spoke what souded like gibberish to me. "u must pack it with ur bare hands, after which i will send u home, back to ur parents" she said. On hearing this i tot of which was better; packing the p`oo with bare hands or been evicted from camp. Cold shivers gradually ran down my spin as i watched Lampard trying to pack the p`oo with his hands. The tot of her telling me to also pack mine made me flee........

'Flee...' Yeah! That is the right word.

Laughing in Chinese.... chin chin chin chin chin chin chin

HoiHoiHoiHoiHoiHoiHoi........Laughing In Swahili.

I got to hall F, i didn't say a word as i immediately hit the bed. As i was aslept i tot i heard Lampard climbing his bunk, which was above mine. The next morning i ate double ration of the Egusi soup and Eba they prepared in the dinning because i collected the meal card of Ayo from him.

Day 10, "dem don dey give alawi oh" an inmate said. "Ayo make we go collect our own before people go plenty oh" i told Ayo. As we were on our way i saw what made my jaw droped. Ezenna and Obinna where flogged with "koboko" by two soldiers close to the bush path. Me and Ayo drew closer as we overheard people saying Ezenna and Obinna has been caught with weed. We drew even closer as i noticed dat i knew one of d soldiers. "Gbengus how far?" i said as i notice it was coporal Gbenga that i smoked weed with in the barracks. "who be u?" he asked. "na me na, Fanta" (i was known as "Fanta" in the barracks). "aah Fanta na u b dis, u don change oh, wetin u dey do here?" he asked a rather stupid question, "i be corper here na" i added. As i sharp barracks boy i just "cornered" Gbenga and gave him 3k for him to free my guys. He freed them saying, "dis barrack boy nahim save una today, una for leave this camp" and collected the weed from them. "Bad awoah, gbengus, e go go smoke the weed" i told Obinna as i immediately lied to him to give me 5k as that was the amout i gave the soldier to free them. He gave the money instantly as i moved on. "So u b barrack boy?" Ayo asked "i b barrack boy na" "i be BAD BARRACK BOY (BBB).......

Foxy_Rebirth: Laughing in Chinese.... chin chin chin chin chin chin chin

YOUNGKAHUNA: HoiHoiHoiHoiHoiHoiHoi........Laughing In Swahili.

laughing in Nigeria.... buhahahahahahahahah

simplifier:

laughing in Nigeria.... buhahahahahahahahah

Lol........

Day 15 and it was the day for the Mr Macho contest. I was to represent platoon 3. Before then i had been doing 70 push ups every morning. I had used the rehearsals for the "intro" to the show as an excuse to miss the strenous "marching" practice. "who get fine cloth oh?" i asked everybody in the house to help me with their cloth for the "mufty" presentation of the contest. I got more than what i asked for, as i was given shoes, wrist watch and perfume.

The show was to start by 7pm as i went to mammy to drink with Ayo by 6pm. "Flow u need to get mind to answer d questions wey dem go ask u oh" Ayo said. "I get mind na" i responded. "guy no be dat kin mind oh, u gat to hi so ur eyes go dirty na, so u no go dey see d crowd" he said as i saw sense in wat he said. "na true talk oh" i said, "i go buy two bottles of small Alomo, so u go sip small when u wan enter stage" he added.

I got to the venue to meet with my platoon make-up group as they did some make-up on me likewise the girl that was to represent my platoon in the Miss NYSC pergeant. The Miss NYSC and the Mr Macho was to hold that nite. The 10 contestants for the Mr Macho and the 10 contestants for the Miss Nysc did a magnificent display of intro as the show proper kick-started with the Miss Nysc first before Mr Macho. "oboy see boobi oh, see kahkah eeh" i said as i stared at the girls that came out catwalking.

Soon it was time for the boys to come out. We were putting on tight boxers shorts. The olive oil we rubbed on our body to make our muscles glow was much on my body as it made my fair skin shine like a morning sun. Ladies and gentlemen welcome contestant number 1.......... Said the MC. I was contestant number 3, "how i go take waka sef" "how i go take smile sef" all these were running like a computer program in my brain. When suddenly...... Ladies and gentlemen welcome contestant number 3..........

It was second round and for the Miss Nysc, contestants number 1,2,4,7 and 9 qualified, while contestants number 2,5,7,8 and 3 qualified for the Mr Macho. This time we are to dress on casuals/corperate wears. As Ayo gave me a whole bottle of Alomo to drink, i tot my heart was melting as the Alomo ran down my intestine. I was very "high" and ready for any question to be asked. Contestant number 2 was first, he was dress on a yellow long sleeve shirt and a black trousers, he was asked to give five importance of Nysc to the nation, he answered it brillantly. Next it was my turn. First question, "what is the meaning of RSM in the military" the anchor asked as i saw the camp RSM smiled. "na barrack boy una dey ask dis kin question?" i tot as i answered saying "Regimented Sergeant Major". Second question, "what was your discipline in school?", i answered saying industrial physics. Third questiön, "what is the importance of industrial physics to Nigerian economy?". I couldn't tell if i was the one answering the question or somebody called "Alomo" was whispering the answers to my ears.

It was time for the result to be called. We were earlier told dat the winner goes home with a laptop, while the first runner up goes home with a flat screen tv. The second runner up was to smile home with a standing fan. As we stood awaiting the result, someone was telling me "na u go win" and i was whispering "Amen, Amen, Amen" as i turned and saw nobody speaking, "or was it the spirit of "Alomo" talking" i asked myself. Suddenly i heard......... And the winner is contestant number TWO..............two sounded like THREE to my ears....... Or was it the spirit of Alomo again that interpreted TWO as THREE to my brain...........

Plenty laughter, Was dis actually ur experience?

flow1759: It was second round and for the Miss Nysc, contestants number 1,2,4,7 and 9 qualified, while contestants number 2,5,7,8 and 3 qualified for the Mr Macho. This time we are to dress on casuals/corperate wears. As Ayo gave me a whole bottle of Alomo to drink, i tot my heart was melting as the Alomo ran down my intestine. I was very "high" and ready for any question to be asked. Contestant number 2 was first, he was dress on a yellow long
sleeve shirt and a black trousers, he was asked to give five importance of Nysc to the nation, he answered it brillantly. Next it was my turn. First question, "what is the meaning of RSM in the military" the anchor asked as i saw the camp RSM smiled. "na barrack boy una dey ask dis kin question?" i tot as i answered saying "Regimented Sergeant Major". Second question, "what was your discipline in school?", i answered saying industrial physics. Third questiön, "what is the importance of industrial physics to Nigerian economy?". I couldn't tell if i was the one answering the question or somebody called "Alomo" was whispering the answers to my ears.

It was time for the result to be called. We were earlier told dat the winner goes home with a laptop, while the first runner up goes home with a flat screen tv. The second runner up was to smile home with a standing fan. As we stood awaiting the result, someone was telling me "na u go win" and i was whispering "Amen, Amen, Amen" as i turned and saw nobody speaking, "or was it the spirit of "Alomo" talking" i asked myself. Suddenly i heard......... And the winner is contestant number TWO..............two sounded like THREE to my ears....... Or was it the spirit of Alomo again that interpreted TWO as THREE to my brain...........

Nah from ur barrack boy I don notice say u confirm perverts,junkie,keep it on,,alomo wit lacasera dey sweet,,or sabrinah dats ma local ANDRE....more pls and don't forget where u bleep dos camps girls oooand bTw dem no giv una con*doms

simplifier: Plenty laughter, Was dis actually ur experience?

naso my sister. Real life story. D story just started, wait till u hear the reason behind the title "ibo boy wey like yoruba." Wait u hear, u go laf fall for ground. LOL

skoloppy31:
Nah from ur barrack boy I don notice say u confirm perverts,junkie,keep it on,,alomo wit lacasera dey sweet,,or sabrinah dats ma local ANDRE....more pls and don't forget where u bleep dos camps girls oooand bTw dem no giv una con*doms

p

skoloppy wait na. "dem never grind beans, u don dey hear moi moi smell. Just wait

I came third so i won the standing fan. When i got to room F that nite, the whole house cheered me as if i won gold in the Olympics.

Day 18, with just two days left, i had already become Chioma's "one and Only", as she called me to come join her anywhere she was. "i don become her hand bag" i said to myself as i walked to the carten to collect my portion of the rice and chicken they prapared for corpers. "Mr Macho!!", it was a figure 8 lady in my platoon greeting me. I urged her to come walk with me to the kitchen but she refused saying she was waiting for her friend. I ate the rice and chicken as if it was my first time of eating rice and chicken, i finished the food within two seconds as i demanded for the meal card of Lampard who said he would be going to mammy to eat "Moi moi and bread". "so dis boy never learn him lesson and stop moi moi and bread abi" "dis time dem go tell am make him chop Sh*it" i tot as i walked with my corpers cap on my head in order to prevent people from noticing i was going for "second round". As it got to my turn in the queue somebody said "Aaah aaah, so Mr Macho dey chop two times"........... It was that figure 8 girl.........

Nairalanders pls pardon my slow updates. "e no easy to dey type dis tin fast"

Waiting For Next Update

As usual, i was in the mammy market drinking with Ayo when my phone rang. It was Chioma, she wanted me to come meet her somewhere, a secluded area. I got there in time. As i approached i noticed that Chioma was putting on a white "bomb short". I my mind i said "omo mehn this girl gather fresh L*aps oh, d kind l*ap wey go make guyman release even at a distance". That attribute of hers made me fall in Love with her back then in sch. I sat close to her under the tree as she placed her hands on my shoulders causing an instant vibration on my head. Meanwhile, i could feel the Love in the air as everyone was in different corners with their lovers, doing what only God knows. Chioma carried my left hands and placed in ön her fresh la*ps that was as smoth as an Abuja express way. My dic*k was rising gradually as my hands moved gradually to unbotton her bomb short. Soon she was seating ön my l*aps as my huge carrot-like di*ck almost tore her bomb short and penetrate inside. She placed my hands on her la*ps again as i continued moving my fingers to the "destination point". "are u scared, ain't u enjoying urself?" she asked what seems like a rhetorical question to me, "i am, u know i have always wanted u" i said as i finished unbottoning her white bomb short, what was left was for my fingers to head to the "destination point", when i heard.......... "Everybody go to ur rooms"............ It was some soldiers chasing all corpers inside..........