Hi so I am 17yrs old muscar. When I graduated High school,I was forced to think English Language was ma bane as I was graded C4(my lowest grade in WAEC). I personally thought my vocabulary was not good enough where as I've an inspiration to be a novelist. Below is a scene for my first fantasy novel, 'when all hope is lost...' I'd really appreciate your honest comments, good or bad(I'd learn from it).
* * *
"Stop being so nervous Anna," she said and inserted the last chunk of hairpiece.
"I can't help myself."
Elisha hurried in. "It's time honey." "Okay," Elisha's wife replied and turned back to Anna, "see you on the outside." Brushed cheeks with her husband and finally left.
"Anna?"
She stood up. "Elisha please give me a minute."
"We don't have a minute."
"Okay! Thirty seconds."
He left.
Thirty seconds was what she needed to stare at herself in the mirror. She saw a very pretty bride. This was it. She was about to marry the man of her dreams. Richard Daniels. Overwhelm was killing herself. Her heartbeat like that of an olympic champion who could hardly believe she won by a millisecond. She was too happy to stand erect. This was really happening. After so much they'd been through,it was finally here.
"Hold me tight Anna." Elisha clutched his arm tighter in hers when he noticed she began to fidget terribly.
They stepped out of the third beach house into the limelight of a perfect day. All the twenty-two marveled guests in all four rows and three columns stood. A guest elbowing another whispering guest to look at the bride. The gold embroidery down the deep 'V' cut gave her the look her perfectly curved back needed.
The view was heavenly. The sun rays spread across the deep blue ocean to its perimeters. Two shades made of dead palm fronts occupied twelve seats each. In between the guests was a deep shady green carpet spread from the beach house to the podium. It was flourished with glorious red roses.
A very small wedding full of a-list guests. They'd both settled on inviting twenty-four persons of which all but one was present.
Then Richard saw her. She didn't look angelic at all,my God,she was BEYOND it. He watched her as she approached him. She seemed very nervous. Who wouldn't? He too was. Her wedding dress was made for her. The kite-shaped sleeveless cut sizzled down to form a fitted dress that stopped at her mid hips with a big ball linen net taking it from there. Richard was still admiring the beautiful fresh bunch of roses in her fist when she looked up at him. She stopped. An involuntary spontaneous smile spread across her lips.
"By the power vested in me by our Lord Jesus Christ,I now proclaim you Man and Wife. You may now kiss your bride."
While some guests cheered,the others left their seats,took out their camera phones meaning to get a clearer view and never forget the kiss of a beautiful couple.
"Misses Anna Daniels sounds a whole lot better to me."
She smiled and their lips met gracefully. Anna couldn't care less about the snapshots around. She was finally wedded to Richard!
Anna sat alongside Richard as he cheered a glass of champagne with Elisha.
"I am so excited. Can today get any better?," Anna gushed.
Richard looked at Elisha who sat across their table and they both exchanged a smirk as they chorused, "Definitely!"
Anna sneered. "Can you boys stop it? It's a little embarrassing for a woman."
Elia hopped in. "Hi,hi,hi. Bitch needs to congratulate with couple."
Anna who never liked Elia's use of language always pretended to be comfortable with it. "Elia! How are you? Heard so many about you."
Elia rushed over to Anna and poured kisses of affection on her. "Anna darling,heard much! Congratulations,I am happy for you. Love what you are wearing."
She adjusted her graceful white caribbean dress. "You too!"
If you were a man that had good eyes for women,Elia would be a woman you would speedily notice...after the bride of course. Her bust line and booty were in perfect proportion as she rocked a simple stylish rosy red mid dress with nude moon-shaped cuts each at the sides of her hips that could send you drooling after her for days knowing she wore no underwear.
"Elia meet Elisha. My related uncle."
She turned to Elisha. Elisha,a neat modest looking middle-aged man. She had seen him walk down the aisle with blessed Anna but was disappointed when she caught the ring resting on his fourth finger. Seriously,Why did all the good looking rich men have to be taken? Where was I when ladies were making choices? Schmuck! You were probably buying clothes.
"Elia Shade. Good to have finally met you."
She smiled slyly and took his hand. "Shade? My reputation could baffle me with precedence."
"Miss Elia Shade. I am utmost happy you honored my invitation."
"Pleasure is mine Boss.
Anna beckoned, "Come on Elia. Have a seat. Please do share a drink with us. We have plenty to go round."
Elia gushed and pulled Anna up. "Honey,that can wait,as for now,I have got a gift just for you."
Anna marveled and looked across Richard and Elisha. "Me?"
"Yea? Come along!"
Richard relaxed because it was Anna. She always knew how to handle things. Were it be another? He would have hesitated. He liked Elia. Yes. She was a good person regardless. It wasn't her fault she became a victim of circumstances at such tender age but she was still a bad influential emotional wreck. She couldn't help it. She was it now...
Elia pulled her to a close corner. He stopped guessing what Elia could possibly give when Anna exclaimed, "what?! Stripper's wear? I...I can't."
An involuntary smile spread across Elisha's face as he looked across to Richard,shook his head and gulped the last portion of wine from his glass.
Good old Elia. She could never change.
A very popular loud italian salsa song streamed through the air. Uninvited guests from the lakeside had began to fill in. An anonymous couple had drunk themselves to stupor and was now choreographing dirty dance moves as they rolled themselves on the floor. Tens of dancers filled the up shore of the ocean. Some of the women's tattered skirts and gowns of which bellowed in the air made it seem like a couple of beautiful kites had refused to fly higher.
Anna quietly returned to her seat. A mixture of embarrassment and amusement.
She was about talking to Elisha when a familiar hand grabbed her. A man who had nearly gone tipsy. He'd taken off his white tuxedo and half of his rumpled shirt was now out of his pants. "Mister,lemme steal your beautiful wife for a minute."
"Oh,by all means."
Anna hesitated a bit. "Rich..."
He and Elisha said in unison, "Go!"
Richard smiled and pushed her away.
"Get lost Anna," Elisha added.
"At least if I can't have you,you sure can dance with me."
"Oh,Ben I am not sure..." She smiled and began to hesitate again.
He took her hand and swiftly turned her around. "Come on Anna! It's your day. Liven up! It comes just once...if you like."
A loud mindless couple hit her hard she almost fell on him. "Beautiful Bitch!" One drunk male dancer yelled in her face. She laughed wildly. The atmosphere was getting to her. "It's gonna happen once Ben. Don't keep your hopes up on this one. I advice you go grab a wife!"
The music was swallowing their voices and Anna was beginning to lose sight of Richard more and more as they danced deeper into the crowd.
Ben smiled,gulped some beer off his bottle,bent Anna to the ground in a heartbeat and teased, "never say never baby."
The horrid crowd was growing by the minute as the day drew to set.
Music was getting to Anna's head. She was enjoying every beat and bit of it. "Adulterer! What about the lady you were with?"
They tied their arms and ran in circles. "Pardon?!"
"The lady you were with?!"
"Oh you mean my date! We are on a contract! The girl almost kissed my feet when I informed her a day ago to come with me!"
"What?! For someone like you? That's just too ridiculous! What's her own part of the deal?!"
Ben laughed heartily and threw Anna in what seemed like a millisecond over his head. "Free hot erotic sex for one whole calendar week!"
"Come on honey. Can't miss this. Let's hit the dance floor!" Elisha's wife called out to him.
He took off his suit and turned to Richard. "Welcome to married life Bro. If adore your night sleep,never say 'no' to her." He stood up and obeyed leaving Richard's eyes yank open with surprise.
"Now I see why you would bend your neck over this one." She turned over to look at Anna and Ben who had resurfaced again. "Not only does she look like an angel,she is an angel."
"You should say that again."
She asked slyly, "So how's tonight gonna be?"
Richard soon found himself pink somewhere on his cheeks,he pointed at Elia and warned, "I am still your boss,okay? You respect that."
"Shit."
He tapped her and gestured. "Hey,you see that guy over there, he's been watching you for quite long time now."
Elia turned excitedly. "Which?"
"The one with my wife. Benjamin Martins."
"I see." She turned around. In three seconds,she had amiably noticed the forty-eight carat gold piece he had on his neck and the huge diamond ring on his index finger. A worn smile stuck at the right corner of her mouth. She always knew she had an eye for gold. "Well,if I can't have Jack,I lesser can have jill."
"Precisely."
Elia scoffed and rolled her eyes in frustration. "If he is that interested then why did he ask your wife to the dance?,he did not even bat an eyelid across me."
Richard yawned and moaned out, "When will you learn Elia?"
He stood and left perplexed Elia behind.
"Hey speaking about girls and Marriage,how about that sultry thing sitting opposite Richard?"
"His Ex-secretary! Elia!"
"Wow. Some body."
"Yea?" She winked. "You can thank us later."
Richard appeared and took Anna's arms passionately. The right arms were with her now. She felt ultimately comfortable.
The music's genre switched to a melodramatic melancholy heartbeat.
Richard smiled. "It's time for you to get lost and go fix yourself with the woman across my table."
Anna pushed him away and teased, "Yep. Go find your bride!"
He left and she was left with Richard- just what she needed.
She sighed, "Ben,funny thing." She looked up at him, "what? How did you know?"
He leaned and nose-rubbed her nose. "I ain't telling you smart men's secret girl. He could just be the one."
Most crazy wild dancers were beginning to disperse as genuine lovers began to team.
"Oh Yea? Ben is a lousy play boy. He'd probably stay two days."
He was looking at her intensely now. "People become better persons,Anna," he said icily.
"Like you. Who would have imagined us at this spot two years ago?"
They speedily went down memory lane and laughed simultaneously. A lot had changed since then.
"I thought you were the most liability maid there ever was. You broke all my plates."
"I swore you were most annoying ego eccentric boss. You made me cry all night."
They dwindled emotionally edge to edge.
"But look at what you have made of yourself now. Know I am proud of you."
She didn't reply. She took a long pause before she did slowly, "I want your lips on mine Richard."
"Come and get it."
She laughed mildly. "Smart move." She smiled and began to trace one finger down the swells of his exposed chest.
He stroked and lifted her chin. "What is it?," he asked amusingly.
"You are...making me uncontrollably happy."
"Am I?" He ascended to stroking her lips. "I could just make it better."
Richard's hazel with a touch of shimmer green eyes were beginning to arouse her. What made it even sexier was the fact that he never pushed too hard. With all the people around and looking,as much as she was endeared to,she was feeling really awkward about kissing him.
It's my day. Damn it!
Immediately her lips touched Richard's,a lot of things happened.
She was in the air! She gushed with surprise as her eyes first caught the glittering beauty of the sea,it reflected the pinkish orange rays from the sunset,then she saw that all the erring crowds had turned to watch and cheer them -exactly what Anna tried to prevent. Richard had set her up. One dead-drunk female guest announced aloud, "I knew they just couldn't wait!"
Richard held her up firmly on the hips and began to twirl her around. "Don't be shy Anna!"
"My God. I don't believe you," she said as quietly as possible and shut her eyes thereafter.
Elia watched admirably the newly wedded couple from afar as they began to kiss mindlessly. "Ow,do you not just adore them together?" she gushed out.
"Yea. Cute,pretty,sexy...and absolutely no panties," Ben replied dreamily.
She turned around swiftly and found him staring at her hips. "What?! Excuse me?"
Ben's eyes widened as his perplexed face stared back at her's. "You say?"
"Didn't know this long red embellished dress would fit you this well."
Three firework rockets simultaneously flew loudly up the sky to decorate it with lightening rainbow colors.
"All thanks to you and your wife Elisha. She's so sweet."
"We er em have to go."
"I know."
He reached for her chin. "Hey come on. Don't be sad dear. This is it. You are going to have your own family now. I am proud of who you have become. Never forget that."
She flew her arms around him in an emotional hug.
"Take care of yourself and your husband." He patted her and parted to his wife who was standing close to their saloon car.
"Goodbye."
Elisha's wife reproached, "Anna never forget what I told you."
The thought made her chuckle. "I won't." She watched as they zoomed away and forced the threatening tear back in.
"So you the one who's been kissing ma wife uh?"
"She's a pretty girl so you can say that again," Ben replied as he adjusted his neatly ironed designer's red suit he'd freshen into for the gift-giving.
The two laughed heartily and hugged each other like they had been buddies for ages.
"Congratulations man." He shook Richard confidently.
Anna hurried back to Richard.
"Anna. Good you are here."
She clutched Richard's arm and smiled at Ben and his supposed girlfriend. "Thank you very much Ben,it's good to have had you with us."
"Er we should have lunch together sometime. Just you and I. What do you say?," Richard beckoned.
"I'd be honored Mister Richard Daniels. I look forward to it."
"Good."
"Well,my girl and I thought it'd be okay getting you a little something." Ben took the parcel away from his lover's outstretched arms and handed it to beaming Anna.
"Oh Ben. Thank you so much." She shook the parcel beside her right ear. "Don't mind my curiosity,can I?"
"Definitely. It's yours."
Anna took to opening the parcel and gushed at the sight. Within laid a red foamy 'V' shaped bed,it was designed to allow two diamond stoned crystalline champagne tumblers. In between was an artificial green rosy rod on which was inscribed, "it is going to be a long night. Champagne for two?"
"How did...where on earth did you get this from?," Richard gushed out as he picked up a tumbler.
"Glad you like it. It was specially made for a special couple."
She handed it over to Richard.
"This is so adorable Ben," she said and hugged him. She faced his girl who barely was noticed and planted a hug on her. "Hey,I didn't get your name?," she asked the quiet young girl who seemed a lit bit weird and uncomfortable in her own skin.
"Caro. It's caroline."
Richard and Anna spontaneously looked at each other momentarily.
"Well thank you so much Caro. Good to have you with us."
"You know,this 'long night' thing really gets me," Richard said innocently,sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
Ben laughed.
Caro cracked neither a smile nor a chuckle.
Anna smiled,drew Richard who was playing innocent and kissed him.
Was she imagining things or had Caro really batted her eyelids severally at her while they kissed?
Whatever...she won't allow a low self-esteemed spoiled brat ruin her day.
"Mar...martha!," Anna called out passionately as she saw a fat woman coming along miles away and at first for a split moment,it sounded like 'my mother'. She held her chest in admiration. "Please you must excuse me," she said and ran across.
They hugged.
"Anna!" Her colleague called a mile away.
"Not now shale. See you soonest!"
She turned back to Martha. "Am so glad you are here. Now my wedding is complete!"
She ducked. "Please tell me I dint miss anything." She struggled with her handbag and a rectangular small parcel.
"Martha,the wedding is over."
Martha's eyes widened.
"Yea,about thirty minutes ago and you are even in the wrong dress color!"
"Ow wanted to be unique." She pinched on her yellow dress. "Sorry I missed your wedding at least I get to give you this." She outstretched her arms to Anna.
Anna snatched it, eyed her suspiciously and ripped the package open.
"Specially hand-baked for you."
"Ah this is my favorite!,I never get the ingredients in this part of the city."
"Your luck."
"This is the weirdest gift anyone could get. Martha,you never cease to surprise me," she confessed truthfully and dug one hand into the creamiest chocolate and milky cake she'd ever seen. On it were red berries and tiny sugar-flaked plantain chips. The cake was in finely biased creams- chocolate and milk. "Oh I can't afford to share this with anyone. Let's go into the beach house!" She urged Martha and dragged her into a small cold room in the huge house.
"Anna take it easy on raping the cake. You don't wanna ruin that makeup."
Anna giggled,grabbed a silver spoon from a shelf and handled bigger bits. She moved two steps back and eyed her suspiciously. "Your dress is really fitted and your makeup is tight. Tell me Martha,no one's here and listening. Who exactly are you trying to impress? The martha I know could care less about the clothes she put on."
Martha did a turnabout,pushed up her breasts and replied, "Sexy and knowing it!"
Anna widened her eyes and scoffed, "Martha,you are sixty and older. Get over yourself. Who is doing this to you?"
"What?"
She squinted her eyes and gasped, "Martha! is that a ring on your finger?!"
She ducked. "Finally you decided to get eyes."
"Oh what?!"
"Not only you youngsters can be engaged. Broads can too."
Anna dint know what to do- congratulate her or otherwise.
"He's 23."
"O you mean your grandson?," Anna teased.
She scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous Anna. Him!"
Anna laughed hard. "Engaged to whom? Martha please I have enough laughs for today. Don't make it any worse."
"O shut up. What do you know?"
"I know a God-fearing person won't do that."
She smiled sheepishly, "Alright,lemme let you loose,you know I'd never do such. He's 69. A widower."
"And I guess am supposed to be happy for you right?"
"Yea sure."
"Okay am hap..." Her cutlery hit on a glass frame and that was when she saw the real present.
Martha smiled lovingly.
"Martha," Anna said softly. Settling the parcel on a stool,she struggled out the frame from beneath the quarter-eaten cake and dusted the crumbs out with a paper towel.
Anna found tears falling uncontrollably from her eyes as she went down memory lane...
"Junior. Give it here!"
"No!"
"Come on. Be a good boy."
"Junior listen to Anna. The picture's not that bad."
Junior who was across the other side of the room screamed, "no!,do you realize am clad in her pinkish sleeping robe and grinning like an awkward ram. The picture is so bizarre and girlish."
"If you hated it this much why did you keep it until I found it this morning?"
He ducked his head and replied, "duh, because I dint know your nosy nose would be snooping around my books!"
His grin was too perfect. Before she'd had enough time to caress it, junior had snatched it away from behind.
With that,he'd ran off and hidden away the most beautiful picture Anna had ever seen of him...
"Found it this morning in a cuisine's cardboard while cleaning. Had to frame it beautifully and missed my morning flight."
She felt a strong presence. It was like he was back from the dead. It was the only picture she had of him. The rest including hers had been found and burned by Caroline. She smiled and thought to herself, 'Good job J.A. That bitch never goes into the kitchen.'
"Martha. What can I say?," she said with a deep quaver in her voice. "This is the best wedding gift ever!," she said as she planted a hug on someone special.

Who's ur fav character?

Good concept you have there. I have not read the whole story so I can't pick a favourite character-yet.

However, it will be a more interesting read if you try spacing out your write-up. Let it breath out. Use paragraphs especially to separate one character's speech from another.

Another thing is that you should find a way to introduce your characters in a not-too-jumbled up way. Make it easy for your audience to identify with your characters individually.

Thank you very much,zayhal. #NOTED!

this is impressive..and plus what the other nairalander said...keep it up.

Thanks love,will do as you say.

Nice storyline,but i couldn't get it all,try and put at a couple of '******' and a large space 2 differentiate between two scene,cos i didn't knw whe are already in d church,and d next tin i knw is that they ase already at d reception. And where did junior come from and how.u didn't indicate that. Minus those and some other ones u re good 2 go.

muscar: Hi so I am 17yrs old muscar. When I graduated High school,I was forced to think English Language was ma bane as I was graded C4(my lowest grade in WAEC). I personally thought my vocabulary was not good enough where as I've an inspiration to be a novelist. Below is a scene for my first fantasy novel, 'when all hope is lost...' I'd really appreciate your honest comments, good or bad(I'd learn from it).
* * *
"Stop being so nervous Anna," she said and inserted the last chunk of hairpiece.
"I can't help myself."
Elisha hurried in. "It's time honey." "Okay," Elisha's wife replied and turned back to Anna, "see you on the outside." Brushed cheeks with her husband and finally left.
"Anna?"
She stood up. "Elisha please give me a minute."
"We don't have a minute."
"Okay! Thirty seconds."
He left.
Thirty seconds was what she needed to stare at herself in the mirror. She saw a very pretty bride. This was it. She was about to marry the man of her dreams. Richard Daniels. Overwhelm was killing herself. Her heartbeat like that of an olympic champion who could hardly believe she won by a millisecond. She was too happy to stand erect. This was really happening. After so much they'd been through,it was finally here.
"Hold me tight Anna." Elisha clutched his arm tighter in hers when he noticed she began to fidget terribly.
They stepped out of the third beach house into the limelight of a perfect day. All the twenty-two marveled guests in all four rows and three columns stood. A guest elbowing another whispering guest to look at the bride. The gold embroidery down the deep 'V' cut gave her the look her perfectly curved back needed.
The view was heavenly. The sun rays spread across the deep blue ocean to its perimeters. Two shades made of dead palm fronts occupied twelve seats each. In between the guests was a deep shady green carpet spread from the beach house to the podium. It was flourished with glorious red roses.
A very small wedding full of a-list guests. They'd both settled on inviting twenty-four persons of which all but one was present.
Then Richard saw her. She didn't look angelic at all,my God,she was BEYOND it. He watched her as she approached him. She seemed very nervous. Who wouldn't? He too was. Her wedding dress was made for her. The kite-shaped sleeveless cut sizzled down to form a fitted dress that stopped at her mid hips with a big ball linen net taking it from there. Richard was still admiring the beautiful fresh bunch of roses in her fist when she looked up at him. She stopped. An involuntary spontaneous smile spread across her lips.
"By the power vested in me by our Lord Jesus Christ,I now proclaim you Man and Wife. You may now kiss your bride."
While some guests cheered,the others left their seats,took out their camera phones meaning to get a clearer view and never forget the kiss of a beautiful couple.
"Misses Anna Daniels sounds a whole lot better to me."
She smiled and their lips met gracefully. Anna couldn't care less about the snapshots around. She was finally wedded to Richard!
Anna sat alongside Richard as he cheered a glass of champagne with Elisha.
"I am so excited. Can today get any better?," Anna gushed.
Richard looked at Elisha who sat across their table and they both exchanged a smirk as they chorused, "Definitely!"
Anna sneered. "Can you boys stop it? It's a little embarrassing for a woman."
Elia hopped in. "Hi,hi,hi. Bitch needs to congratulate with couple."
Anna who never liked Elia's use of language always pretended to be comfortable with it. "Elia! How are you? Heard so many about you."
Elia rushed over to Anna and poured kisses of affection on her. "Anna darling,heard much! Congratulations,I am happy for you. Love what you are wearing."
She adjusted her graceful white caribbean dress. "You too!"
If you were a man that had good eyes for women,Elia would be a woman you would speedily notice...after the bride of course. Her bust line and booty were in perfect proportion as she rocked a simple stylish rosy red mid dress with nude moon-shaped cuts each at the sides of her hips that could send you drooling after her for days knowing she wore no underwear.
"Elia meet Elisha. My related uncle."
She turned to Elisha. Elisha,a neat modest looking middle-aged man. She had seen him walk down the aisle with blessed Anna but was disappointed when she caught the ring resting on his fourth finger. Seriously,Why did all the good looking rich men have to be taken? Where was I when ladies were making choices? Schmuck! You were probably buying clothes.
"Elia Shade. Good to have finally met you."
She smiled slyly and took his hand. "Shade? My reputation could baffle me with precedence."
"Miss Elia Shade. I am utmost happy you honored my invitation."
"Pleasure is mine Boss.
Anna beckoned, "Come on Elia. Have a seat. Please do share a drink with us. We have plenty to go round."
Elia gushed and pulled Anna up. "Honey,that can wait,as for now,I have got a gift just for you."
Anna marveled and looked across Richard and Elisha. "Me?"
"Yea? Come along!"
Richard relaxed because it was Anna. She always knew how to handle things. Were it be another? He would have hesitated. He liked Elia. Yes. She was a good person regardless. It wasn't her fault she became a victim of circumstances at such tender age but she was still a bad influential emotional wreck. She couldn't help it. She was it now...
Elia pulled her to a close corner. He stopped guessing what Elia could possibly give when Anna exclaimed, "what?! Stripper's wear? I...I can't."
An involuntary smile spread across Elisha's face as he looked across to Richard,shook his head and gulped the last portion of wine from his glass.
Good old Elia. She could never change.
A very popular loud italian salsa song streamed through the air. Uninvited guests from the lakeside had began to fill in. An anonymous couple had drunk themselves to stupor and was now choreographing dirty dance moves as they rolled themselves on the floor. Tens of dancers filled the up shore of the ocean. Some of the women's tattered skirts and gowns of which bellowed in the air made it seem like a couple of beautiful kites had refused to fly higher.
Anna quietly returned to her seat. A mixture of embarrassment and amusement.
She was about talking to Elisha when a familiar hand grabbed her. A man who had nearly gone tipsy. He'd taken off his white tuxedo and half of his rumpled shirt was now out of his pants. "Mister,lemme steal your beautiful wife for a minute."
"Oh,by all means."
Anna hesitated a bit. "Rich..."
He and Elisha said in unison, "Go!"
Richard smiled and pushed her away.
"Get lost Anna," Elisha added.
"At least if I can't have you,you sure can dance with me."
"Oh,Ben I am not sure..." She smiled and began to hesitate again.
He took her hand and swiftly turned her around. "Come on Anna! It's your day. Liven up! It comes just once...if you like."
A loud mindless couple hit her hard she almost fell on him. "Beautiful Bitch!" One drunk male dancer yelled in her face. She laughed wildly. The atmosphere was getting to her. "It's gonna happen once Ben. Don't keep your hopes up on this one. I advice you go grab a wife!"
The music was swallowing their voices and Anna was beginning to lose sight of Richard more and more as they danced deeper into the crowd.
Ben smiled,gulped some beer off his bottle,bent Anna to the ground in a heartbeat and teased, "never say never baby."
The horrid crowd was growing by the minute as the day drew to set.
Music was getting to Anna's head. She was enjoying every beat and bit of it. "Adulterer! What about the lady you were with?"
They tied their arms and ran in circles. "Pardon?!"
"The lady you were with?!"
"Oh you mean my date! We are on a contract! The girl almost kissed my feet when I informed her a day ago to come with me!"
"What?! For someone like you? That's just too ridiculous! What's her own part of the deal?!"
Ben laughed heartily and threw Anna in what seemed like a millisecond over his head. "Free hot erotic sex for one whole calendar week!"
"Come on honey. Can't miss this. Let's hit the dance floor!" Elisha's wife called out to him.
He took off his suit and turned to Richard. "Welcome to married life Bro. If adore your night sleep,never say 'no' to her." He stood up and obeyed leaving Richard's eyes yank open with surprise.
"Now I see why you would bend your neck over this one." She turned over to look at Anna and Ben who had resurfaced again. "Not only does she look like an angel,she is an angel."
"You should say that again."
She asked slyly, "So how's tonight gonna be?"
Richard soon found himself pink somewhere on his cheeks,he pointed at Elia and warned, "I am still your boss,okay? You respect that."
"Shit."
He tapped her and gestured. "Hey,you see that guy over there, he's been watching you for quite long time now."
Elia turned excitedly. "Which?"
"The one with my wife. Benjamin Martins."
"I see." She turned around. In three seconds,she had amiably noticed the forty-eight carat gold piece he had on his neck and the huge diamond ring on his index finger. A worn smile stuck at the right corner of her mouth. She always knew she had an eye for gold. "Well,if I can't have Jack,I lesser can have jill."
"Precisely."
Elia scoffed and rolled her eyes in frustration. "If he is that interested then why did he ask your wife to the dance?,he did not even bat an eyelid across me."
Richard yawned and moaned out, "When will you learn Elia?"
He stood and left perplexed Elia behind.
"Hey speaking about girls and Marriage,how about that sultry thing sitting opposite Richard?"
"His Ex-secretary! Elia!"
"Wow. Some body."
"Yea?" She winked. "You can thank us later."
Richard appeared and took Anna's arms passionately. The right arms were with her now. She felt ultimately comfortable.
The music's genre switched to a melodramatic melancholy heartbeat.
Richard smiled. "It's time for you to get lost and go fix yourself with the woman across my table."
Anna pushed him away and teased, "Yep. Go find your bride!"
He left and she was left with Richard- just what she needed.
She sighed, "Ben,funny thing." She looked up at him, "what? How did you know?"
He leaned and nose-rubbed her nose. "I ain't telling you smart men's secret girl. He could just be the one."
Most crazy wild dancers were beginning to disperse as genuine lovers began to team.
"Oh Yea? Ben is a lousy play boy. He'd probably stay two days."
He was looking at her intensely now. "People become better persons,Anna," he said icily.
"Like you. Who would have imagined us at this spot two years ago?"
They speedily went down memory lane and laughed simultaneously. A lot had changed since then.
"I thought you were the most liability maid there ever was. You broke all my plates."
"I swore you were most annoying ego eccentric boss. You made me cry all night."
They dwindled emotionally edge to edge.
"But look at what you have made of yourself now. Know I am proud of you."
She didn't reply. She took a long pause before she did slowly, "I want your lips on mine Richard."
"Come and get it."
She laughed mildly. "Smart move." She smiled and began to trace one finger down the swells of his exposed chest.
He stroked and lifted her chin. "What is it?," he asked amusingly.
"You are...making me uncontrollably happy."
"Am I?" He ascended to stroking her lips. "I could just make it better."
Richard's hazel with a touch of shimmer green eyes were beginning to arouse her. What made it even sexier was the fact that he never pushed too hard. With all the people around and looking,as much as she was endeared to,she was feeling really awkward about kissing him.
It's my day. Damn it!
Immediately her lips touched Richard's,a lot of things happened.
She was in the air! She gushed with surprise as her eyes first caught the glittering beauty of the sea,it reflected the pinkish orange rays from the sunset,then she saw that all the erring crowds had turned to watch and cheer them -exactly what Anna tried to prevent. Richard had set her up. One dead-drunk female guest announced aloud, "I knew they just couldn't wait!"
Richard held her up firmly on the hips and began to twirl her around. "Don't be shy Anna!"
"My God. I don't believe you," she said as quietly as possible and shut her eyes thereafter.
Elia watched admirably the newly wedded couple from afar as they began to kiss mindlessly. "Ow,do you not just adore them together?" she gushed out.
"Yea. Cute,pretty,sexy...and absolutely no panties," Ben replied dreamily.
She turned around swiftly and found him staring at her hips. "What?! Excuse me?"
Ben's eyes widened as his perplexed face stared back at her's. "You say?"
"Didn't know this long red embellished dress would fit you this well."
Three firework rockets simultaneously flew loudly up the sky to decorate it with lightening rainbow colors.
"All thanks to you and your wife Elisha. She's so sweet."
"We er em have to go."
"I know."
He reached for her chin. "Hey come on. Don't be sad dear. This is it. You are going to have your own family now. I am proud of who you have become. Never forget that."
She flew her arms around him in an emotional hug.
"Take care of yourself and your husband." He patted her and parted to his wife who was standing close to their saloon car.
"Goodbye."
Elisha's wife reproached, "Anna never forget what I told you."
The thought made her chuckle. "I won't." She watched as they zoomed away and forced the threatening tear back in.
"So you the one who's been kissing ma wife uh?"
"She's a pretty girl so you can say that again," Ben replied as he adjusted his neatly ironed designer's red suit he'd freshen into for the gift-giving.
The two laughed heartily and hugged each other like they had been buddies for ages.
"Congratulations man." He shook Richard confidently.
Anna hurried back to Richard.
"Anna. Good you are here."
She clutched Richard's arm and smiled at Ben and his supposed girlfriend. "Thank you very much Ben,it's good to have had you with us."
"Er we should have lunch together sometime. Just you and I. What do you say?," Richard beckoned.
"I'd be honored Mister Richard Daniels. I look forward to it."
"Good."
"Well,my girl and I thought it'd be okay getting you a little something." Ben took the parcel away from his lover's outstretched arms and handed it to beaming Anna.
"Oh Ben. Thank you so much." She shook the parcel beside her right ear. "Don't mind my curiosity,can I?"
"Definitely. It's yours."
Anna took to opening the parcel and gushed at the sight. Within laid a red foamy 'V' shaped bed,it was designed to allow two diamond stoned crystalline champagne tumblers. In between was an artificial green rosy rod on which was inscribed, "it is going to be a long night. Champagne for two?"
"How did...where on earth did you get this from?," Richard gushed out as he picked up a tumbler.
"Glad you like it. It was specially made for a special couple."
She handed it over to Richard.
"This is so adorable Ben," she said and hugged him. She faced his girl who barely was noticed and planted a hug on her. "Hey,I didn't get your name?," she asked the quiet young girl who seemed a lit bit weird and uncomfortable in her own skin.
"Caro. It's caroline."
Richard and Anna spontaneously looked at each other momentarily.
"Well thank you so much Caro. Good to have you with us."
"You know,this 'long night' thing really gets me," Richard said innocently,sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
Ben laughed.
Caro cracked neither a smile nor a chuckle.
Anna smiled,drew Richard who was playing innocent and kissed him.
Was she imagining things or had Caro really batted her eyelids severally at her while they kissed?
Whatever...she won't allow a low self-esteemed spoiled brat ruin her day.
"Mar...martha!," Anna called out passionately as she saw a fat woman coming along miles away and at first for a split moment,it sounded like 'my mother'. She held her chest in admiration. "Please you must excuse me," she said and ran across.
They hugged.
"Anna!" Her colleague called a mile away.
"Not now shale. See you soonest!"
She turned back to Martha. "Am so glad you are here. Now my wedding is complete!"
She ducked. "Please tell me I dint miss anything." She struggled with her handbag and a rectangular small parcel.
"Martha,the wedding is over."
Martha's eyes widened.
"Yea,about thirty minutes ago and you are even in the wrong dress color!"
"Ow wanted to be unique." She pinched on her yellow dress. "Sorry I missed your wedding at least I get to give you this." She outstretched her arms to Anna.
Anna snatched it, eyed her suspiciously and ripped the package open.
"Specially hand-baked for you."
"Ah this is my favorite!,I never get the ingredients in this part of the city."
"Your luck."
"This is the weirdest gift anyone could get. Martha,you never cease to surprise me," she confessed truthfully and dug one hand into the creamiest chocolate and milky cake she'd ever seen. On it were red berries and tiny sugar-flaked plantain chips. The cake was in finely biased creams- chocolate and milk. "Oh I can't afford to share this with anyone. Let's go into the beach house!" She urged Martha and dragged her into a small cold room in the huge house.
"Anna take it easy on raping the cake. You don't wanna ruin that makeup."
Anna giggled,grabbed a silver spoon from a shelf and handled bigger bits. She moved two steps back and eyed her suspiciously. "Your dress is really fitted and your makeup is tight. Tell me Martha,no one's here and listening. Who exactly are you trying to impress? The martha I know could care less about the clothes she put on."
Martha did a turnabout,pushed up her breasts and replied, "Sexy and knowing it!"
Anna widened her eyes and scoffed, "Martha,you are sixty and older. Get over yourself. Who is doing this to you?"
"What?"
She squinted her eyes and gasped, "Martha! is that a ring on your finger?!"
She ducked. "Finally you decided to get eyes."
"Oh what?!"
"Not only you youngsters can be engaged. Broads can too."
Anna dint know what to do- congratulate her or otherwise.
"He's 23."
"O you mean your grandson?," Anna teased.
She scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous Anna. Him!"
Anna laughed hard. "Engaged to whom? Martha please I have enough laughs for today. Don't make it any worse."
"O shut up. What do you know?"
"I know a God-fearing person won't do that."
She smiled sheepishly, "Alright,lemme let you loose,you know I'd never do such. He's 69. A widower."
"And I guess am supposed to be happy for you right?"
"Yea sure."
"Okay am hap..." Her cutlery hit on a glass frame and that was when she saw the real present.
Martha smiled lovingly.
"Martha," Anna said softly. Settling the parcel on a stool,she struggled out the frame from beneath the quarter-eaten cake and dusted the crumbs out with a paper towel.
Anna found tears falling uncontrollably from her eyes as she went down memory lane...
"Junior. Give it here!"
"No!"
"Come on. Be a good boy."
"Junior listen to Anna. The picture's not that bad."
Junior who was across the other side of the room screamed, "no!,do you realize am clad in her pinkish sleeping robe and grinning like an awkward ram. The picture is so bizarre and girlish."
"If you hated it this much why did you keep it until I found it this morning?"
He ducked his head and replied, "duh, because I dint know your nosy nose would be snooping around my books!"
His grin was too perfect. Before she'd had enough time to caress it, junior had snatched it away from behind.
With that,he'd ran off and hidden away the most beautiful picture Anna had ever seen of him...
"Found it this morning in a cuisine's cardboard while cleaning. Had to frame it beautifully and missed my morning flight."
She felt a strong presence. It was like he was back from the dead. It was the only picture she had of him. The rest including hers had been found and burned by Caroline. She smiled and thought to herself, 'Good job J.A. That bitch never goes into the kitchen.'
"Martha. What can I say?," she said with a deep quaver in her voice. "This is the best wedding gift ever!," she said as she planted a hug on someone special.

I just read through your story. Take my word: you will be a good writer.In story writing, there is a message and there is a structure. Let me tell you about Structure for now: improve your structure by making sure that every character's line or words is written in complete reported speech for more people to flow with you when they are reading. you can check my story: THE DAY GUYMAN FELL or the movie script, THE HEART OF MAN, you will grab more. I will tell you about message later. More power to your elbow...

Damex333: Nice storyline,but i couldn't get it all,try and put at a couple of '******' and a large space 2 differentiate between two scene,cos i didn't knw whe are already in d church,and d next tin i knw is that they ase already at d reception. And where did junior come from and how.u didn't indicate that. Minus those and some other ones u re good 2 go.

Thanks,that means a lot to me. This scene is the 111th chapter (a lot had happened),I just pulled this out and sorry, junior was her kid brother that was murdered mysteriously in Richard's chambers (lots of controversies happened thereafter),My bad shuda said that b4. The wedding n d reception r in d same place. I didn't want to look like a mediocre saying what transpired word to word but all the same thanks again.

Chika-Sunday:



I just read through your story. Take my word: you will be a good writer.In story writing, there is a message and there is a structure. Let me tell you about Structure for now: improve your structure by making sure that every character's line or words is written in complete reported speech for more people to flow with you when they are reading. you can check my story: THE DAY GUYMAN FELL or the movie script, THE HEART OF MAN, you will grab more. I will tell you about message later. More power to your elbow...

THANKS Mr Chika. Read them already. They'r adorable. I liked the comic though coz it kinda referred to me,once wen I went to purchase a beat by dre in trade's fair (@ original price o),tested there and there. Dint know he swapped it until I got home (‎​U shuda seen my rage) ‎​​​‎​​​​‎​​​​lol. Anyways,who's ur fav character?