ileobatojo:

I think he's just fixing to get this thread to 20 pages.

Lol!! You sound like those southern women...Fixing!

thanks@jenny, jidegirl, slimchi, ile......

jennykadry: Dayo we say that when a woman's life is in danger and not the other way round. It's different when its just a mere argument btw husband and wife

A mere argument might be what Titilayo Arowolo might be thinking she was getting into.

Some type of argument when they are recurring every single day can threaten your sanity.

If they are arguing and one party is threatening the other with harm e.g " One day I would just poison you" " One day I would kill you and kill myself" One day I would call police for you and have you locked up in jail"

Those might be considered by one party as I didnt mean it or it was in the heat of the moment. When the did happens wetin we wan yarn

troubledSoul:

yea i have kids, 4 n 2 yrs
i do compare him, i love his family n some how love mine
we do have hot quarel but once in a while.
we both tell eachother wat we want to see in the marriage n wat we dont want aswell.

Some people no just like wahala at all Men in particular. If I come from work where I get stressed everytime and welcomed to a hot quarrel with some dose of threats injected into it 3 times a week I might utter the same thing

Vikin: You just need your financial independence and everything will change.

He is getting pissed off since he does almost everything at home, I mean financially! While you sit and demand, demand ....

Keep ur head high and make reasons for him to see your worth.

I believe you are special in some ways, let him know that!

Wish u well

i once tld him i need a job wit my ond or i do biz but he said i shud focus on my studiies dat he is nt complaining. that he can take care of me n my needs.

I think he is just using that phrase to keep her in line....bluffing if you will.

Like someone already said, he doesn't think she can survive without him. So he reminds her how easy it will be for him to leave...in case she doesn't know or has forgotten.

Couples argue. Arguing is part of a relationship, titi was being panel beated by her husband daily, she would tell her parents about it and each time they sent her back to make the marriage work. This is where the OP has to draw the line and call him bluff. Treat his BS. If he does not want to be in the marriage let him come out and say it already. As far as I am concerned he has spoken his mind on what he wants and it is left for her to make the decision. All I am telling her to do is, learn to stand up for herself and not let this man steal her joy

Sisi_Kill: I think he is just using that phrase to keep her in line....bluffing if you will.

Like someone already said, he doesn't think she can survive without him. So he reminds her how easy it will be for him to leave...in case she doesn't know or has forgotten.

Thank you. He is using his financial power to intimidate her. He still takes care of her but has a weird way of doing it, like buying her a car in his name etc.

troubledSoul:

i once tld him i need a job wit my ond or i do biz but he said i shud focus on my studiies dat he is nt complaining. that he can take care of me n my needs.

Insist on getting a job. Talk to himAbout it

@op,Sincerely, you got it all wrong from d beginning, i dont encourage women who are jobless to get married b4 getting married. 90% of d men we have nowadays prefer working class ladies, so that they wouldnot be shouldered with all d financial responsibilities of d family. Your hubby is worked up because he sees himself as too burdened with almost all d financial responsibilities in d family and you are d closest person he can transfer that aggression to. Find a way of being financially independent, and you will be surprised how things will fall back in their rightful places.
May God help us all.


Sorry for sounding too harsh on you, i told you what i could have told my sister if hes d one in your situation.
Goodluck.

jennykadry:

How much longer have you got to go with studies? You need your independence first off and secondly, who buys his wife a car in his name? I don't get it.

It depends on the circumstance.I want to buy a car from my wife, Zenith Banks comes to offer a car loan for people working in my job where we pay over 4yrs.

Would Zenith bank allow me to put the car in my wifes name? No they would want it in my name so they can hold me responsible if I default,

No Bank would give such loans with The car title in wifes name

troubledSoul:

we've been married for four years nw and i must say dta wat my instincts tells me or rather his attitude towards me is dat he really dont care.
but i pause for a moment, he bought a car for me(not in my name) which i use, n he is also sponsoring my education. so thats why am confused, is he doing all these for nothing

You seem to be the one making it a do or die affair. You need to be very patient. Your comment, "he bought a car for me (not in my name)" speaks volumes of your personalty. I wanted to ignore this thread but when I read this comment I felt bad because he may have registered it in his name as an oversight. What if the car was bought on hire-purchase, yet you are screaming blue murder for a kind gesture. You need to check yourself. Concentrate on finishing your education and start earning an income for yourself even before you graduate. Your husband needs your support and not your unwarranted criticism. Have a good day.

jennykadry: Couples argue. Arguing is part of a relationship, titi was being panel beated by her husband daily, she would tell her parents about it and each time they sent her back to make the marriage work.

It was some level of argument that must have led to the panel beating abi?

There are arguments and there are argument. I want Egusi you want Okro are arguments too.

And also the type that takes life are also arguments

I can manage the Egusi vs Okro argument but when argument are bordering on safety then its a valid statement to make

dayokanu:

It depends on the circumstance.I want to buy a car from my wife, Zenith Banks comes to offer a car loan for people working in my job where we pay over 4yrs.

Would Zenith bank allow me to put the car in my wifes name? No they would want it in my name so they can hold me responsible if I default,

No Bank would give such loans with The car title in wifes name

Story. Their are other things he could use as collateral. If. You want to buy me a gift do so with my name.

@Op
Dd he buy the car with a loan?

troubledSoul:

i once tld him i need a job wit my ond or i do biz but he said i shud focus on my studiies dat he is nt complaining. that he can take care of me n my needs.

Dayokanu. . .will you call a woman like this lazy?!

jennykadry:
Thank you. He is using his financial power to intimidate her. He still takes care of her but has a weird way of doing it, like buying her a car in his name etc.

Absolutely!!

Sisi_Kill:

Lol!! You sound like those southern women...Fixing!

Lols.

troubledSoul: thanks@jenny, jidegirl, slimchi, ile......

Lmao. Let me tell you dayo that I Have had heated arguments with my husband over the years. Serious ones.

troubledSoul:

i once tld him i need a job wit my ond or i do biz but he said i shud focus on my studiies dat he is nt complaining. that he can take care of me n my needs.

That's what they always say, after they start whining like little babies, sorry to burst your bubbles, insist on getting a job on your own.

How do you feel asking for money for everything...feeding, money for fuel, fish to make jellof rice etc. even if you earn 30k, it's something...

After your studies, go get a job, dress very smart and classy-sexy to work, let see if he will tell you marriage is not a do or die affair. (Even if na 25k you collect as salary)

Dayo are you sure you're a man? okra vs egusi vs Ekaete

I was actually hoping you'd focus on OP's financial dependence as usual.

greatgod2012: @op,Sincerely, you got it all wrong from d beginning, i dont encourage women who are jobless to get married b4 getting married. 90% of d men we have nowadays prefer working class ladies, so that they wouldnot be shouldered with all d financial responsibilities of d family. Your hubby is worked up because he sees himself as too burdened with almost all d financial responsibilities in d family and you are d closest person he can transfer that aggression to. Find a way of being financially independent, and you will be surprised how things will fall back in their rightful places.
May God help us all.


Sorry for sounding too harsh on you, i told you what i could have told my sister if hes d one in your situation.
Goodluck.

i was working b4 we got married then i took in n was seriously sick n my company been a private once dropped me n after giving birth my hubby has refused me looking for job. saying he doesnt want me to work.

jennykadry:
Thank you. He is using his financial power to intimidate her. He still takes care of her but has a weird way of doing it, like buying her a car in his name etc.

in whose name should he have bought the car? if we reverse the roles, would the poster have bought a car in her husband's name? i don't think so. in all honesty, the poster is just hair-splitting. what the husband said is valid and it applies to both parties. either of them is allowed to walk out of the marriage if they feel choked.

Vikin:

That's what they always say, after they start whining like little babies, sorry to burst your bubbles, insist on getting a job on your own.

How do you feel asking for money for everything...feeding, money for fuel, fish to make jellof rice etc. even if you earn 30k, it's something...

After your studies, go get a job, dress very smart and classy-sexy to work, let see if he will tell you marriage is not a do or die affair. (Even if na 25k you collect as salary)

Like sisi don talk... the man just dey shakara am that's all... And OP herself is not innocent with her blade mouth too.

coogar:

in whose name should he have bought the car? if we reverse the roles, would the poster have bough a car in her husband's name? i don't think so. in all honesty, the poster is just hair-splitting. what the husband said is valid and it applies to both parties. either of them is allowed to walk out of the marriage if they feel choked.

I would buy a car in my husbands name., I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. If its a family car then it does not matter on whose name he bought it in but when it is a gift for his wife,I would expect him to do the right thing.

jennykadry:

Story. Their are other things he could use as collateral. If. You want to buy me a gift do so with my name.

@Op
Dd he buy the car with a loan?

No he paid cash shipping inclusive.

troubledSoul:

No he paid cash shipping inclusive.

My oh my I rest my case .i knew a man who is insisting on his wife not working is capable of taking care of her

jennykadry: Story. Their are other things he could use as collateral. If. You want to buy me a gift do so with my name.

The collateral is the husbands name on the job.

The wife most likely might not even know the details of the car purchase, She has a car to drive fine. Would she know the little details that went behind the scene, WHo the guy borrow from and who he didnt?

jennykadry:
I would buy a car in my husbands name., I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. If its a family car then it does not matter on whose name he bought it in but when it is a gift for his wife,I would expect him to do the right thing.

that's you......would the op buy a car in her husband's name?
men are not dumb - they do stuff for their partners only if they are convinced their partners would have done the same if the roles are reversed. if your man suddenly comes home and presents you with the keys of a bugatti veyron - he must have concluded you would do the same for him if you have such money in your purse.

jidegirl12:

Like sisi don talk... the man just dey shakara am that's all... And OP herself is not innocent with her blade mouth too.

Am sure the OP mouth too sharp .

But she has to re-evaluate her self worth.

Hubby is also telling me to relax, when the baby arrive he will take care, start up business blah blah blah....until i see the cash deposit for my account, am going back to work. I need to feed my eyes on recent happenings around me Jare. Not sit at home and watch the world pass me by!

Life is short my dear

troubledSoul:

i was working b4 we got married then i took in n was seriously sick n my company been a private once dropped me n after giving birth my hubby has refused me looking for job. saying he doesnt want me to work.

Is this man not caring enough, He saw his wife was sick and stressed from working a low paying job and he offered to pick bills till she finished her education and possibly get a better and less stressful job

What else should he have done to qualify as a REAL MAN?

coogar:

that's you......would the op buy a car in her husband's name?
men are not dumb - they do stuff for their partners only if they are convinced their partners would have done the same if the roles are reversed. if your man suddenly comes home and presents you with the keys of a bugatti veyron - he must have concluded you would do the same for him if you have such money in your purse.

Why only do things you know your partner would do for you? Is that what marriage is all about?

dayokanu:

The collateral is the husbands name on the job.

The wife most likely might not even know the details of the car purchase, She has a car to drive fine. Would she know the little details that went behind the scene, WHo the guy borrow from and who he didnt?

i know everything about the purchase of the car, infact am the one dat made the choice tru internet. he didnt borrow money to buy the car..

troubledSoul:

i was working b4 we got married then i took in n was seriously sick n my company been a private once dropped me n after giving birth my hubby has refused me looking for job. saying he doesnt want me to work.

awwww, sorry about that, but you know men, most of them are egostic, let him realise that he is using those words to intimidate you because of his financial status and how he stopped you from working, which is why it seems you are not contributing financially to d family. Now, that things seems to be like this, insist on getting a job, use your money to take care of yourself, always look sexy, attractive and appealing, then, we shall see if he will say that "marriage no be do or die" statement again.
Sorry, it is well with you, may God guide you and give you d neccesary wisdom required in your marriage.
Shalom!