Hi all

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Nothing will affect you. Focus on your life, with a determination to succeed. This should be your motivation. Manage yourself and your money well. If you can't afford to contribute to the rent, you and your sister can get a place you can afford. Being an adult comes with responsibility. You have to clothe, feed and house yourself. Some people are lucky with parents that tolerate them, others are not. Pension money is not a lot at all, and all the bills may be a strain on her. Just endure till you can earn more, move out and get your own place.

To avoid such conflict I guess u shld move out. You could move in with a friend and if that's not possible get a room and parlour as cheap as 5-7k per month somewhere very close to your office. But if you look at it critical even though mum is a bit inconsiderate, by now after spending so much on you for school and all she's expecting to sit back and eat the fruit of her labour. So don't take it personal. When you move out buy lots of provision, add 5k and give her as gift. But for now try to be at peace with her. Enjoy your present job while you begin to search for better ones

I wonder how old you are that your mother will be irritating you. you are earning now so everybody should be respecting you, cooking for you, serving you.
I wonder the type of person you are that your mother would even instruct you on the amount you will be giving her and also taking care of your young sister.

You went as far as trying to check your mother's alert but she always beat you to it. Rubbing shoulders with your mother now you are earning farthing and penny. Still living in her house.
Except if she didn't train you and your siblings in school, i would've said she deserve the confrontation but if she did train you then you are being a disrespectful and inconsiderate child.

Joanna Sedley: I wonder how old you are that your mother will be irritating you. you are earning now so everybody should be respecting you, cooking for you, serving you.
I wonder the type of person you are that your mother would even instruct you on the amount you will be giving her and also taking care of your young sister.

You went as far as trying to check your mother's alert but she always beat you to it. Rubbing shoulders with your mother now you are earning farthing and penny. Still living in her house.
Except if she didn't train you and your siblings in school, i would've said she deserve the confrontation but if she did train you then you are being a disrespectful and inconsiderate child.

I dont think you read my post well, if you did, then i ll assume u have a problem with comprehension. for your information, my uncle trained me, and who made u judge over me? hmm? I know your kind of person with a judgemental attitude would have done worst than confrontation if u were in my shoes.

Joanna Sedley: I wonder how old you are that your mother will be irritating you. you are earning now so everybody should be respecting you, cooking for you, serving you.
I wonder the type of person you are that your mother would even instruct you on the amount you will be giving her and also taking care of your young sister.

You went as far as trying to check your mother's alert but she always beat you to it. Rubbing shoulders with your mother now you are earning farthing and penny. Still living in her house.
Except if she didn't train you and your siblings in school, i would've said she deserve the confrontation but if she did train you then you are being a disrespectful and inconsiderate child.

you must be very stupid. all the op needed were words of encouragement and advice from us. i know what your problem is cant u understand simple english? you dont know how frustrating some parents can be.eeeeeediiiiooooooot! did d op mention anything about taking care of her younger sister? i will advise you read again! mumu

Do like I do.
REJECT ALL ILL-WISHES.
She is your mother. Like a virus, she gave you blood.
Grow some thick skin.

WHATEVER YOU DO NOT BELIEVE IN CAN NEVER HARM OR AFFECT YOU!!!

ngoziliz: you must be very stupid. all the op needed were words of encouragement and advice from us. i know what your problem is cant u understand simple english? you dont know how frustrating some parents can be.eeeeeediiiiooooooot! did d op mention anything about taking care of her younger sister? i will advise you read again! mumu

you sure gave him a lot of encouragement with this your rant.
@op,get the hell out of her house fast before one of you commit murder.

Joanna Sedley: you sure gave him a lot of encouragement with this your rant.
@op,get the hell out of her house fast before one of you commit murder.

i am female and 27 years old. i believe a girl should be with her family until she is married

dominion247: My mother hurt me so badly that i cannot even stand the sight of her. She used to be good to me until I graduated and started earning as little as #35,ooo naira. The problem started when She insisted that i should always give her #10,000 naira per month out of the 35k, she also demanded that i join my sister in paying the house rent and training my younger brother who is in uiversity.my sister earns 22k. I had to transport myself to work everyday and also feed myself. when i get home there ll be no food in the house for me to eat and i ll begin to shout and lament, this went on and on. one day, i challenged her because i was bold enough to confront her. my sister is always scared of her. i asked my mum what she does with the penshion she earns every month. each time she gets her alert, she deletes it immediately so that nobody gets to know her account balance.Because i confronted her, she has cursed me so many times,she never wants any good thing to happen to me, she says i am a bad child and in her next life, instead of her to have a child like me, she would rather remain barren. on new year day, she layed her hand on my siblings and blessed them but she never did same to me till today.I ve been so provoked by this that sometimes i wish i had a better and understanding mother. I am so pissed with her right now. Please do u think her curses will affect me? did i do wrong by confronting her?

I forgot to add that i am a girl and 27 years old

my dear, from what you have just said, i can see you are a good girl and well trained. all i can say is as long as u still stay wih your family, just keep praying and trusting God for a good job with good pay so that your mum will start liking you again when you start spoiling her with excess cash. money is power. as for the curses, they will not affect you in jesus name! amen. you are blessed forever and ever

Then sis, endure till you get married. I believe as your mother she has your best interest at heart. Do the best you can with the little you are earning, be on her good side. She won't kill you.

My dear, my Popsi is just like your mum, but his own is that he has a very good pension from his company ( popular oil and gas multinational) but still want me to contribute a certain percentage of my salary. Initially I had no problem with that but when I found out he uses most of his money for investment and services to my other sibling who jus sit and wait for paycheck from him every month, not only that, all his next of kin and landed property, my name sef no dey. Then I grew tough skin! I told him my mind and never will I contribute any percentage again for that house. I have a new home now, and that is what am interested in. If they like make them share all the pension money, land oh, house o! I don't give a dame! ....

Curse or blessing, what you believe will be your portion.

Stay strong and focus on getting a better job, but slnce you are still with her, contribute a little until you get your own place.

All the best dear.

This has always given me food for thoughts. I don't think it's the obligation of an elderly sibling to train the younger siblings except when circumstances are odd. No parent should try and make a child feel guilty as regards money spent on them.
Why do you think families groan under so much financial burden with hardly any break in sight?
#35,000 minus #10,000 leaves #25,000. This #25,000 is to cover transport, feeding, corporate wears and toiletries, rent and brother in the university training...haba!
The joy of any parents is to see your child become well grounded in all aspects...that child can then willingly sacrifice for the parents.
Yes, there are ungrateful children so are there unfeeling parents.

At 27, you should have some money saved for your own future family, so as to help your husband financially too.

If you were a guy, I would have suggested you move out but as a lady who believes in staying in your parents' house till you move to your husband's, I think having a talk will be the best. No need of carrying that bitterness in you, it could lead to frustration.

Tell her how you appreciate all she is done (I know your uncle trained you but still parents like to be told of how much they have sacrificed).

Be calm and a bit submissive oh and that you want to be able to save out of your meagre salary to further your education, tell her how the country is not treating Bsc/HND candidates well and that for you to get a higher salary, your workplace as well as others prefer those who have undergone professional courses and also have their Masters...so, she should suggest ways you can save towards the project. Tell her you are sorry for misunderstanding her all this while (yeah, don't worry...it's for the peace of your home....you have to stoop to conquer)

Now, as an elderly sister...call a meeting with your younger ones. Tell them how things are not really going well for you and that you will like some help.
*Ask your brother what he can do to help alleviate the burden.
*Plan with your sister and decide how much to keep aside for food. Make sure you buy some things in bulk to alleviate too much spending on food.
*If you didn't use to help around in the house, start doing so.
*Always speak to yourself on how you will overcome and how unique you are.
*Of course, God should always be in the equation

Wish you the best! Cheers

Hmmn...
I have an aunty like your mum..
They say things that they don't mean to their children when frustrated/overwhelmed with too much.
Don't take it to heart.
My aunt once told her only teenage daughter she hates her..when in truth they both can't last one day without each other.
She is your mother and she doesn't wish you any harm.She just expects a little more than what she's getting.
Try and make her understand the situation as calmly as you can and ask for her prayers too just to make her feel you need her.
It'll get better..i hope...and may your desires come to pass soon.

Madam Dominion247, nawaoo! You're extremely confrontational and enjoy bickering,challenging people with the illusion that you have upper hand. Your confrontational attitude is causing problem and so,you should be asking yourself what you might be doing wrongly. Most people cannot smell their own breath even though its right under their nose. Take the advice people like Joanna Sadley and others are giving you in good faith and be very humble. Humility is the quality of being modest and respectful expecially to your parents and not reaching for what is beyond your grasp and I sincerely wish you well.

nobniger: Madam Dominion247, nawaoo! You're extremely confrontational and enjoy bickering,challenging people with the illusion that you have upper hand. Your confrontational attitude is causing problem and so,you should be asking yourself what you might be doing wrongly. Most people cannot smell their own breath even though its right under their nose. Take the advice people like Joanna Sadley and others are giving you in good faith and be very humble. Humility is the quality of being modest and respectful expecially to your parents and not reaching for what is beyond your grasp and I sincerely wish you well.

you wont understand. i mean, she forces every bill on me from nepa bill,house rent, brother's school fee, food stuffs, anything at all that is needed in the house. she spends her money on nothing. i cannot remember when last she gave me money ever since my uncle started training me in school. i can remember when i was still in school, she called me and asked me to send her #5,000 which i did. she just loves money so so much and is always at the receiving end. she makes me feel she did be a favour by giving birth to me. she has her own money but believes she should not take part in any spending. i cannot do that to my child! i ll rather be glad to see her save her money and give me willingly. i ll not impose so much on her

@ op; sorry didn't know it was a ladys post! Yes don't leave your mums home. There's something called perseverance it helps a lot. Endure abeg and use it as a point of contact for God to bring your man your way.
Don't confront your mum again pls. Just endure. Always tell yourself this will soon pass away!forgive your mum, release her from your heart and always remember there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Poster, your mum is just like my dad, i tell you there are some parent who have that believe or mentality that their grown up children should take care of all their needs. Once they know you have started working or earning money then you should be taking care of them, that mentality is wrong to belive after training children then the children most start sending them money anytime they need one naira, this type of parent are commonly found in edo start hoping for their children in oversea, once you are always remiting you will received all the praises and prayer and the head of the family nothing will be done without your conciept, once you are not remiting you are a bad and useless child, is like wasteing their time to train you. but unfortunately there is nothing you can do dear. I will rather advise you started given her money you cannot get another mum. This parant can cause hindrance and infliction to effect your marraige life, they get angery and jealous when their child who is helping them getting marraige, they can spoil their children marrage life. My adise is since you are femaile not male you should start giving your mum money, you are not man what are you doing with much money

The only way u can forgive her is to remember that she is your mother and that you can not change that fact. Tolerate her till you get your own place or betterstill, till you get married, if that is what you want, that does not however prevent you from giving her what you can afford, be tolerant with her and avoid further hot confrotation with her. Place her as a human being, human beings will always f*ck up, always remember that....,to err is human but to forgive is divine.
As for d cursing, it cant harm you, but to fulfill all righteousness, apologise to her sincerely and insist that she prays for you, if truly she has forgiven you.....its very important, as much as i believe that, that curse cant do you nothing, i still believe that blessing is always better than cursing.
I wish you goodluck

Mothers love is unconditional it's a natural instinct, my grandma and my dad quarrelled at some period but she loved him like fire loves fuel. She later confessed my dad took grandpa side in one bitter quarrel and the hard mama dint forget as all she remembers was how she hurtfully toiled and suffered for the family in the past and wants her first son to be her voice but my dad was too busy to see or even feel it. You poster have wronged your ignorant mother you need to call her you'll be surprised how she'll remind you of a silly wrong you did.
Elderly parents are scared to leave this world without acknowledgement. Sending you both lights and love because if you don't resolve it you'll struggle a little. The money she is saving is for a little house she wants to have her name on it in this world maybe? Or she thought of a future health emergency fund for any of her children or grandchildren. In early 2000's When my mama got a UK nursing job offer we were thrown in despair because no flight money na so my grandad said you my daughter this is my secret saving please make sure you give it back someone else might need it my mama started crying lol

With 35k, a monthly allowance 2Ur Mum is not feasible.
Tell her that U ar just starting, and d road is rough.

Pick d things U can afford 2do in d house. E.g Nepa bill + some food burden.

Then U do these as timely as possible. But let her knw dat a 10k allowance is not something U can continue. Or, if U give 10k, U cant carry other burdens.

Either way, make sure U always have something tucked away in Ur bank acct every month 4 rainy days.

If U get a beta job, never reveal Ur take-home pay 2 her again.

My own take is very different ; warn mum she shouldn't curse you again with a straight face; hold her hands if you have to - mommy don't raise curses on me ever again and I'm very serious bout it, this is not a threat but if you continue I will move our for good!

Only irresponsible parent will curse their kids she carried for 9 months regardless of her frustration or economy , you don't curse your kids.. believe it or not there's power in a tongue.. until she starts to appreciate your input and stop cursing you, I'm afraid your ordeal will never improve for good.

And yes her curses will affect you if she continues. And No you didn't do anything wrong confronting her as long as you're not rude. You still have more confrontation to do.

Good luck.

I believe this is not just about money but more of old,carried over grudges.Daughter believes the mom did not invest in her life/education hence deserves little or nothing from her while her mom thinks her daughter is being stingy and cowering from familal responsibilities.

@OP,don't just assume your mom didn't contribute to your education just because you lived with or had your uncle paying for everything.It could be your mom who actually did all that,behind the scenes.

Moreso,you need to come out clean with your mom.why would she have to delete her alert messages instata and how did you know she does?You snoop around her phone ! She probably believes you earn more too.

Bottomline:Both of you are too secretive and uptight about money.It's just paper dear and should not be compared to blood;that which you share with your mom!
Call and sit your mom down,assure her you love,respect and appreciate her but heck,here is your payslip mom,and amount XYZ is what I think is fair and ok for me to contribute to the family each month.

Work out a formula and stick with it.Quit looking into your moms pension money,would you die or stop to exist if she had none?

You are a young girl looking to get married and have a MIL someday,if you can't get along with your own mom. . .

You win some,you manage some.That's life.

t

@ joel, your last statement portrays a TYPICAL niger mentality. Why dont u ask her to quit her job since she is a woman that does not need money . i smh for some people

Joel.:
Poster, your mum is just like my dad, i tell you there are some parent who have that believe or mentality that their grown up children should take care of all their needs. Once they know you have started working or earning money then you should be taking care of them, that mentality is wrong to belive after training children then the children most start sending them money anytime they need one naira, this type of parent are commonly found in edo start hoping for their children in oversea, once you are always remiting you will received all the praises and prayer and the head of the family nothing will be done without your conciept, once you are not remiting you are a bad and useless child, is like wasteing their time to train you. but unfortunately there is nothing you can do dear. I will rather advise you started given her money you cannot get another mum. This parant can cause hindrance and infliction to effect your marraige life, they get angery and jealous when their child who is helping them getting marraige, they can spoil their children marrage life. My adise is since you are femaile not male you should start giving your mum money, you are not man what are you doing with much money

Who be this oh.you should have used pigin nah.is 30k the much money you are talking about?na wa

Enoquin: This has always given me food for thoughts. I don't think it's the obligation of an elderly sibling to train the younger siblings except when circumstances are odd. No parent should try and make a child feel guilty as regards money spent on them.
Why do you think families groan under so much financial burden with hardly any break in sight?
#35,000 minus #10,000 leaves #25,000. This #25,000 is to cover transport, feeding, corporate wears and toiletries, rent and brother in the university training...haba!
The joy of any parents is to see your child become well grounded in all aspects...that child can then willingly sacrifice for the parents.
Yes, there are ungrateful children so are there unfeeling parents.

At 27, you should have some money saved for your own future family, so as to help your husband financially too.

If you were a guy, I would have suggested you move out but as a lady who believes in staying in your parents' house till you move to your husband's, I think having a talk will be the best. No need of carrying that bitterness in you, it could lead to frustration.

Tell her how you appreciate all she is done (I know your uncle trained you but still parents like to be told of how much they have sacrificed).

Be calm and a bit submissive oh and that you want to be able to save out of your meagre salary to further your education, tell her how the country is not treating Bsc/HND candidates well and that for you to get a higher salary, your workplace as well as others prefer those who have undergone professional courses and also have their Masters...so, she should suggest ways you can save towards the project. Tell her you are sorry for misunderstanding her all this while (yeah, don't worry...it's for the peace of your home....you have to stoop to conquer)

Now, as an elderly sister...call a meeting with your younger ones. Tell them how things are not really going well for you and that you will like some help.
*Ask your brother what he can do to help alleviate the burden.
*Plan with your sister and decide how much to keep aside for food. Make sure you buy some things in bulk to alleviate too much spending on food.
*If you didn't use to help around in the house, start doing so.
*Always speak to yourself on how you will overcome and how unique you are.
*Of course, God should always be in the equation

Wish you the best! Cheers

Thanks so much. you realy are understanding. i am not d eldest. i m d second. i try to buy things in bulk but that seems almost impossible after my mum collects the 10k and other bills from me. i ve been giving her all her demands. i just believe God is a just God and wil not answer her curses because i don't deserve them

Mrs mansson:
Who be this oh.you should have used pigin nah.is 30k the much money you are talking about?na wa

you are stupid. Dont you know nairaland has auto boot that change write up.

Poster there is a saying, who house nor kill otherside nor they fit kill am.

If your mama kill you, you are prone and expose to out siders, if you are spiritually wise you will know what is mother or what i am talking about.

Joel.:
you are stupid. Dont you know nairaland has auto boot that change write up.

Poster there is a saying, who house nor kill otherside nor they fit kill am.

If your mama kill you, you are prone and expose to out siders, if you are spiritually wise you will know what is mother or what i am talking about.

Still cannot comprehend "you will know what is mother" .wish you luck

Mrs mansson:
Still cannot comprehend "you will know what is mother" .wish you luck

lol...