Hmm thanks for the response are the kids you have his or yours from a differeent marriage.

I agree he is being resposible n all but the degree of his fraternising with his ex is too high in my opinion.

Does he take care of the new kids also

This is a very sensitive issue and requires a smart approach so you don't become the ex.

As someone said its smelling polygamic in nature and if it no be panadol e no fit be like ...

Express your concerns respectfully and in a calm voice
In this game what are your points

-Your kids
- Your welfare
- Your home

Anything else don't ssweat it and continue empowering yourself as a backup.

You are already in so you have to make the best of the situation.

What's the age gap between you two?
You are in a marriage with him and being his wife gives you the right to ask questions as well as being involved with decision making process

miredia: I am a very private man, making me reconcile with[b] a private and solitary character like him.[/b] More often than not you really need your privacy and some liberty to exercise your will without getting into an interrogatory class.

You call him private and solitary, I call him a lying, sneaky, double dealing character. Sorry OP for being harsh.

From the OP:

mmagdalene:

But what surprises me is that he never calls nor take his ex's calls in my presence.

He saved her number with a fake name which I later discovered.

On one occasion, he left home very early telling me he was going for an official meeting. Unfortunately for him, his phone was in his pocket and he mistakenly dialled my number. I picked it said hello only to hear him speaking with a woman, they were having a heated argument and the woman was even cursing him. From their discussions, I gathered it was his ex. I even heard the voice of the kids. I was perplexed as to why he lied about his meeting.


He snaps at me whenever I ask any question about his ex. I asked what state she lives in, he said he doesn't know. I know this is a big lie. They call each other regularly and he still sent money to her acct last week.

I don't think being a private person excuses these actions.

Shollypopz: Find out why he feels he is married to two women and why he feels responsible to his ex wife in regards to roles of a husband?

Your husband is running two homes, more like a polygamous marriage with the wives living separately. Something is wrong somewhere.

I'm afraid it sounds like it to me. Hopefully, we are wrong.

.

.

So he was shafted by the woman during d divorce and still is doing this

Madam there is more to this than meets the eye

Maybe she gave him his break in life

Do some discreet digging but be careful o
Focus on ur kids and geting ur a home.

@Post

Madam, this your hubby is definitely up to something with his secretive nature

Please itemized all your areas of concerns with the ways he treat his ex (is she really an ex ), the kids and you in an objective manner. Do let him know as calmly as possible how all these issues are affecting you and your marriage going forward. Present your case to him without being judgemental.[i][/i] and listen to his explanation or reasons. If truly he is completely over his ex and wants you he will reason with you and make amends. Be very vigilant though because the outcome of this discussion will be a pointer towards whether you are in a subtle ploygamy and what you are going to do with this reality or whether you will get your husband back fully

Not everyone does what their family tells them to do. Afterall, he is an adult.

mmagdalene: Thanks a lot everyone. I appreciate your responses.

Chaircover, he was doing the buying for the kids when they were with their mum. Now I do all of it. The daughter even has separate lists for both of us. She gives me list of things she knows her father won't buy for her. As far as I'm concerned, my r/ship with the two kids is superb. Why I can't really say they may be having an affair is cos he once said his father has warned him never to have anything to do with her again. His sister too always speak ill of her (though I think she'll do same for me if I'm not there).

Good you could admit this:

mmagdalene:
Yes its because I respect his privacy and hates to nag that I've allowed him go this far. initially I felt I was giving him time to recover. I didn't see him as sneaky until the meeting and phone issue occurred. I was thinking the woman must have hurt him badly for him not to want to talk about her.

It is Okay to help him get through his past hurts, but not okay to let him abuse the privilege.

miredia: You have indeed spoken very well calling for an applause. Her husband cannot almost be questioned about his philanthropic gestures towards his ex-wife, even more inessential is her near vehement demand to unfold his dealing with his kids. I am a very private man, making me reconcile with a private and solitary character like him. More often than not you really need your privacy and some liberty to exercise your will without getting into an interrogatory class.The only legitimate circumstance that would conspicously beg for worry is if the poster is outrightly denied love, conjugal rights and monetary provisions otherwise give him some deserved privacy.

Oga, fear God o. This statement seems like you would want to operate under the guise of polygamy. Am sure you didn't get married to a woman that agreed to a polygamous wedding. To get married means sharing your LIFE with your spouse. No hidden doors, thoughts or feelings. A person cannot hide from their shadow. Treat others how you would want to be treated abeg. These men ehn? . See rationalization and excuse well and cunningly presented.shior!

Madam, my solution? You have an advantage, use it. You are his wife, and you are a rare breed as you don't nag. . I am an expert nag, he doesn't even know when I am nagging. Anyhow, since you never nag, after some correct . Make sure he howls that day. Just tell him, "Baby, who am I to you?" He answers "My Wife". You say "that's right" "and we are one" "So please let me into your life so I can be one with you""I am cool headed and mature enough to handle your baggage, I can handle anything else.""I will like to know everything that is going on. I also want you to know I did not sign up for a polygamous lifestyle or anything close to it. In this house, there are no secrets." *if he tries to interrupt, tell him calmly that he should please listen to you as what you have to say is very important to you at this point**dont lose your composure or temper**just use one tone of voice all through and say it firmly with the seriousness you use when something is very important to you.*

^^^^

If u follow the above advice,You have to be very diplomatic and plain as it could smack of sarcasm..

Some guys may think u are a smartie pants.. slow way of roping them in