Well, this happens to be my first post here on the romance section, as such I will make my post as concise as possible in order not to bore u guys and also help me out from my quandary.I initiated my first relationship wit a pretty n smart girl early last year while I was serving in one of the south south states,though we've bin just casual frnds on bbm for about a year before we decided to be in a relationship.During the course of the relationship, I discovered she wasn't the type of girl she portrayed herself to be while on bbm.Since I served in the same state she was schooling,she do come to stay in my lodge for some days during public n short holidays. During this period of her visits, I discovered that she was lazy n quite arrogant.whenever I complained about dis attitude of hers she always gives me the excuse that she can't pretend n that's her lifestyle.Being a law student, she is always fond of arguing unnecessarily about the non-essentials using Patrick Obahiagbon's type of grammar coupled wit the fact dat she hardly see any faults from her end whenever we are having a little misunderstanding.I had to quit the relationship in september though in the process of doing that I got the biggest humiliation of my life. We went our seperate ways though we still maintained a casual n distant friendship. She dated another guy while I honed my programming skills.December last year,she broke up with him n she came begging me for us to come back together. I told her dat am comfortable wit us just remaining friends n I don't wanna involved myself in any relationship for now.Late last month was her birthday, so she invited me to her house for the bash. I honoured the invitation so I went to grace the occasion. During the celebration, she informally introduce me to her mum as a friend,though I wasn't comfortable with this.I don't know what she might have told her mum about me before and after the party, I was so shocked when she called me this evening telling me that her mum wants to get my CV n that I should be xpecting a call from her soon.Though I haven't gotten a job since I left the nysc scheme last year october, its tempting giving her mum my CV since she happens to work in one of the big oil coys in Nigeria.The problem here is giving my CV to her mum indirectly means I am signing a marriage contract n I don't like this idea because I don't intend going back to her though she told me dat she has completely changed.I don't seem to beliv that story of hers because I know her very well.However refusing to send my CV means that I might be throwing away a golden opportunity n besides how do I turn down this kind gesture wen her mum eventually calls without sounding rude or stupid... Pls I need ur advice on dis one.

Season 2 please,jus passin by

Giver her CV na.wat hav u to lose? If u get d job, is anyone putting a gun to ur head dat u marry the girl? And did she say u shd marry her? A relationship is different from marriage. Shagg her a bit more except the humiliation(and wat was dis humiliation, u didn't say) u talked about means more than u let out.

She introduced you as her friend not her fiance.You're in the clear. Don't say or do anything that would suggest otherwise.As for the job tins if it clicks accept it.But see it as a temporary thing.You can be looking for job while working there.Even if it's 3 months you worked there. Use your salary wisely.Never marry because of job especially to someone you don't love. Most lawyers I know are like that, MANIPULATIVE. I can't marry a lawyer myself.

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crystal9t: Being a law student, she is always fond of arguing unnecessarily about the non-essentials using Patrick Obahiagbon's type of grammar coupled wit the fact dat she hardly see any faults from her end whenever we are having a little misunderstanding.

This part got me rotflmao . Na wa for some girls oo . Sorry to digress o jare, I won't be suprised if your girl is staging this cv issue but if she isn't, be prepared to have her attach herself to you prior to, and after you get the job. Scorn her and she'll spit venom. Since you are not interested anymore, carry your cv to the front and pray for God's speed and favour.

Ok first of all who is Patrick Obahiagbon? Don't know him and I don't want to know him, your ex's ITK (I too know) attitude plus big & unnecessary grammar is the reason why I can't stand lawyers and to think I'm a lawyer myself well I don't practice and I don't care much for that profession it was a gross mistake on my part.

Anyway back to you, sorry for deviating I think you should send your cv sending the resume doesn't mean you've accepted to take her back. If someone offers you help that doesn't involve you doing anything indecent or illegal please take it.

Now if you eventually get a job through her mum just continue to make clear your stance on your relationship with her and keep the entire family at arms length while being respectful from a distance. That means no more attending birthday bashs or family gatherings of any kind, please also express your gratitude for the job (if you get it) but getting up close & personal with any family member is a big no.

Now while you are on the job do your work diligently & ethically, be an honest employee build healthy relationships at the work place with colleagues & superiors whom you can use as refernces in your next job if the need ever arises. Strive to ensure you are found with no faults so even if your ex's mother wants to sabotage you for any reasons it would be glaring to all that it's a witch hunt.

I want to believe this girl and her family are sane people who won't go after you viciously if you refuse to date her afterwards.

bendazum:
Most lawyers I know are like that, MANIPULATIVE. I can't marry a lawyer myself.

Manipulation is a human art. Everyone has it within, it takes over some people while the rest of us conquer it.
The ones who make the loudest noise are usually of a special type of breed. Usually, they are either naturally Egoistic persons who see the proffession as an adornment or the I too know's,the first in their lineages to be lawyers or from poor families/ villages where being a lawyer is the best thing that has ever happened to them or are fanatical feminists who carry a scar from their childhood. The list in inexhaustible and they make up a tiny percentage of the legal community but they make the loudest noise.

I believe CV means certificates, plese give it to her, don't see any complications here, friends do help friends get jobs. God luck

Marriage contract? I doubt it because there's what is called consensus ad idem(meeting of minds on the same thing) which is essential for a contract to be enforceable so she can't bring up any legal action against you if you refuse to marry her. Chairman, collect the job joor because law is different from morality.

Tnks for the quick n reasonable responses I have gotten so far.My fear is the bigger picture. I know with 99 percent certainty that I will get the job if I give her my CV but my fear is after getting the job what would happen next? I might be under obligation to do their wishes and commands which most times could be against my own will. In order to be grateful to them, suggestions like marraige might creep in and I definitely don't want to go into that direction because of her awful behaviour. Just confused right now.... @ apache: my tongue is a bit tied in describing the humiliation in details. I bet you, u won't even stand the embarrassment.

paragraphs.

crystal9t: Tnks for the quick n reasonable responses I have gotten so far.My fear is the bigger picture. I know with 99 percent certainty that I will get the job if I give her my CV but my fear is after getting the job what would happen next? I might be under obligation to do their wishes and commands which most times could be against my own will. In order to be grateful to them, suggestions like marraige might creep in and I definitely don't want to go into that direction because of her awful behaviour. Just. confused right now.... @ apache: my tongue is a bit tied in describing the humiliation in details. I bet you, u won't even stand the embarrassment.

I have answered your question.She broke up with her last guy probably over the same issues.Change kè?Watch it dude.Don't say,do anything that would suggest falsehood.Don't come here telling us you got her pregnant because I see it coming.

PLEASE DONT GIVE HER THE CV......MONEY CANT BUY COMPLETE HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE

PLEASE DONT GIVE HER THE CV......MONEY CANT BUY COMPLETE HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGE . YOU SHOULD ONLY GIVE HER YOUR CV IF YOU TELL HER AND HER MUM TOGETHER THAT THEY CAN HELP BUT YOU WONT MARRY THE GIRL

Op, have you no modicum of dignity and self-respect?? You broke up with someone who proceeded to tell you your life history and abuse your ancestors, and you continued to maintain a "distant friendship" with the person? now you're half-way into reuniting because of a job and you think the dilemma is whether it is a trap?

No, the real quandry is whether you're shameless or just st(u)pid, (or both).. No offence.

You suppose don burn that bridge tey tey! Person wey no respect you na who you dey shine teeth with. Do you have a vachina somewhere bro? Please let honor for self be your guiding light and mantra.

.. Disregard my harsh words. They are not to be taken personal, but I think they are needed if only to show you how pathetic this behaviour of yours is.

Dude, God can use that woman to change your life, you better don't miss it. Give her your CV, if you're meant to be together.. it'll happen naturally. Don't try to play God and speculate about the future.

crystal9t:
I know with 99 percent certainty that I will get the job if I give her my CV but my fear is after getting the job what would happen next?

I might be under obligation to do their wishes and commands which most times could be against my own will.

In order to be grateful to them, suggestions like marraige might creep in and I definitely don't want to go into that direction because of her awful behaviour.

You already have the answer. You know what to do, you already know the outcome of giving her your CV, but your desire for oil company job is blinding you from taking the right decision. Be wise and don't get yourself into a situation that will put you under obligation to a person who can't be trusted.

Run man!!!

bendazum: She introduced you as her friend not her fiance.You're in the clear. Don't say or do anything that would suggest otherwise.As for the job tins if it clicks accept it.But see it as a temporary thing.You can be looking for job while working there.Even if it's 3 months you worked there. Use your salary wisely.Never marry because of job especially to someone you don't love. Most lawyers I know are like that, MANIPULATIVE. I can't marry a lawyer myself.

Taah, which lawyer in her right senses will hitch with you. Bros you are presumptous ooo.

gparker: Ok first of all who is Patrick Obahiagbon? Don't know him and I don't want to know him, your ex's ITK (I too know) attitude plus big & unnecessary grammar is the reason why I can't stand lawyers and to think I'm a lawyer myself well I don't practice and I don't care much for that profession it was a gross mistake on my part.

Anyway back to you, sorry for deviating I think you should send your cv sending the resume doesn't mean you've accepted to take her back. If someone offers you help that doesn't involve you doing anything indecent or illegal please take it.

Now if you eventually get a job through her mum just continue to make clear your stance on your relationship with her and keep the entire family at arms length while being respectful from a distance. That means no more attending birthday bashs or family gatherings of any kind, please also express your gratitude for the job (if you get it) but getting up close & personal with any family member is a big no.

Now while you are on the job do your work diligently & ethically, be an honest employee build healthy relationships at the work place with colleagues & superiors whom you can use as refernces in your next job if the need ever arises. Strive to ensure you are found with no faults so even if your ex's mother wants to sabotage you for any reasons it would be glaring to all that it's a witch hunt.

I want to believe this girl and her family are sane people who won't go after you viciously if you refuse to date her afterwards.

You wrote well, but i challenge your claim that you are a lawyer. It is not true sir. you are not one, neither by calling nor by orientation

@ yuzedo, I think u completely deviated from the crux of the issue n concentrated on the trivialities. Just because she misbehaved, that is not enough reason to call her the devil. I realized that no one is perfect that was why I forgave her of her wrong. You mistook my forgiving hrt for stupidity which was very wrong. Giving her a distance was the best I could offer but she is not comfortable and happy with it, she wants to use this medium to close up the distance. I want to balance tins up here that's why I am soliciting for creative n smart ways on how to get the job n not be tied to their rules without hurting them. Well if this is not possible I guess I would have to let it go...

crystal9t: I want to balance tins up here that's why I am soliciting for creative n smart ways on how to get the job n not be tied to their rules without hurting them. Well if this is not possible I guess I would have to let it go...

You can't eat your cake and have it.

Op u are a principle guy and that is a rare trait to find in a Nigerian guy,pls do keep it up.
Back to ur question,do not send ur C.V,it is a trap.Even if u want to get marry to the lady,don't ever demand or receive a favour from ur in-law.It is not done.

Mumu someone wants to help your life , you are here feeling like you are all that ?? Asking stupid questions. Who told you send your CV means signing a marriage contract?? She beg make u marry am? Latter you would start crying to God to send u destiny helpers. You are seeing one now you are crying foul. Wait what are u feeling like sef smh because you knw programing lol I pity you come computer village come see people wey sabi programing, networking, server etc.stil dey roast. My guy U beta take the opportunity and follow it till the end. Make the babe understand politely that you are not promising anyfn.

I had to be blunt 2 snap u out of ur own stupidity

Dude!

This is my advice... Send her your CV. Sending the CV does not really mean you are involved in a relationship in as much as you are being recognized as a casual friend ONLY. Also after sending in the CV, don't priotize it at all... Just take it as if u left your CV with one of a coy's gate keepers.

If it clicks, still maintain your distant relationship and if it does not, same. She might want to use that oportunity to invite you to their house and what I would just advice you to do is say NO.. you are busy attending interviews and tests... so with that, she will know you have other options.

More so, note that one thing is constant in life, it is CHANGE. People can change mind you and she might have really changed the way she addresses people... ladies of nowadays are now getting wiser so they can have a stay with a man... Just play well with your sense letting her know that no one is secure and God be your guide.

That is another path of life. Walk with care!

Regards

GIVE HER THE CV.

ledafaze: Dude!

This is my advice... Send her your CV. Sending the CV does not really mean you are involved in a relationship in as much as you are being recognized as a casual friend ONLY. Also after sending in the CV, don't priotize it at all... Just take it as if u left your CV with one of a coy's gate keepers.

If it clicks, still maintain your distant relationship and if it does not, same. She might want to use that oportunity to invite you to their house and what I would just advice you to do is say NO.. you are busy attending interviews and tests... so with that, she will know you have other options.

More so, note that one thing is constant in life, it is CHANGE. People can change mind you and she might have really changed the way she addresses people... ladies of nowadays are now getting wiser so they can have a stay with a man... Just play well with your sense letting her know that no one is secure and God be your guide.

That is another path of life. Walk with care!

Regards

That is all...

@ OP
Please lets swap positions.
In fact, I will send my CV, marry the lady (as long as I'm not breakn someone's heart to do so).









* I fit even change my surname to hers *



All way na way

I will be practical here

Give the cv and Apply for the job
Be good on the job

If the expectation is to marry her child then you have to manage it and NEVER make any explicit promise.

Now they messing you up?
Why would she mess up the job that will feed her lazy daughter

She still dey school abi
Keep on postin till she grad and nysc
Then u have about 3 years experience
You move on to another job or out of the country.

Note the ethical thing is to stay out of it

crystal9t: Tnks for the quick n reasonable responses I have gotten so far.My fear is the bigger picture. I know with 99 percent certainty that I will get the job if I give her my CV but my fear is after getting the job what would happen next? I might be under obligation to do their wishes and commands which most times could be against my own will. In order to be grateful to them, suggestions like marraige might creep in and I definitely don't want to go into that direction because of her awful behaviour. Just confused right now.... @ apache: my tongue is a bit tied in describing the humiliation in details. I bet you, u won't even stand the embarrassment.

And I am using this opportunity to assure you as a law student even if I'm not a lawyer yet that you are not under any obligation because she hasn't said that if you will marry her you will get a job. Likewise, concerning the case of showing appreciation by doing their will, I repeat, law is different from morality as well as custom so your appreciation is not even dis proportional to their help because marriage is a life contract.

Give her the CV only if you know you have the capacity to live with her in the future and you are quite sure she has the capacity to change some of her bad behaviour as well. by the way dont expect everything to change about her. you must give room for tolerance regarding some things she cannot change. Don't try to keep her at an arms length after you get the job. rather, let her know all your reservations about her and if possible, do it in such a way that her mom will also know about it. by this, they will know you do not desire to be enslaved as a result of their favour. there will surely be a period of courtship, if you do not see any changes in her, then the fault is not yours if you two eventually do not end up together. the reason i say this is that if you miss this opportunity with the hope that you will find someone better, you are being delusional. there is no perfect woman out there just as you are not perfect.

hardbody:

You wrote well, but i challenge your claim that you are a lawyer. It is not true sir. you are not one, neither by calling nor by orientation

Hardbody, you challenge my claim?

Now that's typical Nigerian lawyer language & attitude

But hey I'm not offended and yes I'm a lawyer why would I make a claim like that if I wasn't?

Not everyone on NL is pretencious you know, still lol at 'I challenge your claim' you are a lawyer indeed.