@RichyBlack
Well said, BUT do you think you can cope and handle the death-defying atmosphere of polygamy? Do you consider the family settings of those days? Where a man is in TOTAL control of his family, where the women have no option than to answer their husbands “my lord”? Where a woman cannot just rise up to do just anything because she dims it fit without seeking the husband’s permission? I can go on and on, but the point I want to make is that things have changed.
This generation is such that women have so much influence on their husband, YOU CAN ASK ANY SINCERE MAN, and if that is the case, an average man cannot cope with more than one wife, except the man has resolved to leave a short life. Can you imagine how difficult it is for wife to live with their mother/sisters in-law not talk of co-wife? I believe that the practice (of one man one woman) was totally accepted not just for religious influence but because people found out the truth of it – taking the burden of one than that of two or more.

@topic
So many wrong has become a tradition, and this is one of them. What is it married couple seek outside that is not found in their partner? They can spice up their married life if they determine to teach each other new things. This is pure lack of self control.
There is this portion of the WORD that says “all sin a man commit is outside his body but adultery is a sin against one’s body. Not only that it is a sin against GOD but also against oneself, whether man or woman

I think almond & Richblack have hit the nail o the head.

While Adultery is definitly unacceptable legally & spiritually,I won't be quick to condemn/point fingers from a moral high ground.

whose tradition is it anyway?

almondjoy:

Because most men find it quite comforting to have a "virgin born again" wife in the house and a "tantalizing tart" for his "not so born again" fantasies.  Let just call it having the best of both worlds or the "Spitzer Syndrome"!

Until they are caught. . . .they can only pretend!

Spot on. Wouldn't have said it more better.

i think thats a crazy tradition

did i hear tradition? whose tradition?, i guess no tradition will encourage a man to die before his time!
any man that decides to keep a girlfriend despite the facts that he's married, is looking for what will kill him!

Na una know! If you lack self discipline do not get married, if you lack self control, don't get married. Marraige is a commitment and if you can't honor that commitment, then stay single. Chikena!

Nwaka77:

Na una know! If you lack self discipline do not get married, if you lack self control, don't get married. Marraige is a commitment and if you can't honor that commitment, then stay single. Chikena!

i support you my sister!,

The reason it seems like it's a tradition is because these men get away with it and we all know why they get away with it, right. Yep, thanks to sexist upbringing, naija women have been taught to be long sufferers :eyeroll:  If, when he did it the 1st time, she packed her bags and left, it won't seem like there is a tradition of married men with girlfriends, there however WILL be a tradition of divorced men with girlfriends. The lesser of two evils, if you ask me.

And for the love of all that is holy, please don't blame the wives for their husband's cheating. The day someone shows me photographic evidence of Iya sule forcefully putting baba sule's Abunga(as he weeps hysterically in protest) into Sukurat's vajajay, is the day I'll accept that wives are to blame, until then - MEN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR THOUGHTLESS ACTIONS.

IS IT A TRADITION FOR SINGLE LADIES TO CHASE MARRIED MEN? 

Hmmm, this is a toughie. Let's see, shall we,

Married man - Pledged to someone else for life
Single girl - Nada

Married man - Has kids at home
Single girl - prolly has a child that's not most likely not the married man's, so it doesn't count

Married man - Has Everything to lose
Single girl - Nada

Well going by this, I see now that we have to start an all out war on single girls who makes a man ruin his own marital home. Oops, there goes the  blaming everything on a woman thing again. Seriously, when are men going to start taking responsibility for what they do? Once, just once I'd like to hear a man say,

"The cheating thing, that was all me. It wasn't the devil, it wasn't the fault of the luscious young thing *smacks lips* I cheated with and most importantly, it wasn't because my wife, AFTER birthing my 10.5 children, does not look as shapely as she used to. It was me! Me! Me and my insatiable needs"

Now is that so bad?

I have never ever ever heard or seen a married WOMAN cheating on their husband! Have you? I don't think so cux it will NEVER EVER happen! its all MEN's fault! tell me I'm RIGHT.

Hmmm,

Everyone just dey shout, men this men that. Men are like dogs as long as the see what they like they keep coming. Now a man gets married, the woman gives birth she thinks its over. they stop watching there weight, stop wearing attractive cloths, everyday they tire rapa. in the morning rapa, in the evening rapa. no more make up afer all they have given birth and they are married. The man will not complain, he knows that there are other, young, lucious, tantalizing, milkish, chocolate, butter, yummy, hmmmsious girls, willing and ready.


So women, Sit up or stop complaining.

I have never ever ever heard or seen a married WOMAN cheating on their husband!

Then u haven't seen Nothing. . . . . i mean u haven't seen nada!!!. . . .

@ Sly:
I sacastically said that for those that think/believe its only men that are capable of such act.

@ Sly:
I sacastically said that for those that think/believe its only men that are capable of such act.

Oppss sorry i misconstrued your post. . . . . . .tot u meant something else. . .i was about to give examples.

Its true tho. . . . . . . . ''some'' of 'em always think thats its only men that indulge in such thing.

prince_onx:

I have never ever ever heard or seen a married WOMAN cheating on their husband! Have you? I don't think so cux it will NEVER EVER happen! its all MEN's fault! tell me I'm RIGHT.

LOL, What is good for the goose is good or even better for the gander, no? 

And it IS the man's fault if she cheats. The poor woman probably thought "Hey, why not?".

As a matter of fact, I say to those women who don't want to divorce depite their husbands cheating, WHY NOT? Why not go out there and look for your own pleasure? These men assume they are the only ones whose needs aren't satisfied in the marriage. Think about it, there are two people in this,  so it's safe to assume if one person isn't satisfied, the other won't be either. Why not  implement the "Do your own, I do my own" mindset, and everyone lives happily ever after. (I swear, I love happy endings)

Of course it is at this juncture men will start thumping the bible and screaming "Adultery is Baaaaaad! Adultery is a Siiiiiiiiiiiiiin! Think about the Childreeeeeeeen"  LOL, Give me a break!

Ohh ohhh here goes one of them. . .

®~^Sly^~®:

Ohh ohhh here goes one of them. . .

Tee hee

means?

Tee hee hee

@sly:
Don't tell me you're shocked to see someone that believe only men cheat? some folks are just full of their gender and I bet you we have tons of them here on NL

NO
its adultery

Prince

@sly:
Don't tell me you're shocked to see someone that believe only men cheat? some folks are just full of their gender and I bet you we have tons of them here on Nairaland

Man you're so right. . . .i was transfixed when i read this they always foist everything on men claiming that they are responsible for any negative thing that happens in relationship( -s-). . .Thousands of them on Nairaland for sure. . . . . .

Just leave them to keep believing in their rhetorics.

Being faithful to your spouse is not perfection; it is a basic discipline that marriage requires.

many have failed to achieve this basic discipline. lots of divorce cases involve infidelity. isn't that basic after all.

And it IS the man's fault if she cheats. The poor woman probably thought "Hey, why not?".

oh not this bullshit again. so now all women are FORCED to cheat by their spouse.

Virtuous A:
@RichyBlack
Well said, BUT do you think you can cope and handle the death-defying atmosphere of polygamy? Do you consider the family settings of those days? Where a man is in TOTAL control of his family, where the women have no option than to answer their husbands “my lord”? Where a woman cannot just rise up to do just anything because she dims it fit without seeking the husband’s permission? I can go on and on, but the point I want to make is that things have changed.
This generation is such that women have so much influence on their husband, YOU CAN ASK ANY SINCERE MAN, and if that is the case, an average man cannot cope with more than one wife, except the man has resolved to leave a short life. Can you imagine how difficult it is for wife to live with their mother/sisters in-law not talk of co-wife? I believe that the practice (of one man one woman) was totally accepted not just for religious influence but because people found out the truth of it – taking the burden of one than that of two or more.

@topic
So many wrong has become a tradition, and this is one of them. What is it married couple seek outside that is not found in their partner? They can spice up their married life if they determine to teach each other new things. This is pure lack of self control.
There is this portion of the WORD that says “all sin a man commit is outside his body but adultery is a sin against one’s body. Not only that it is a sin against GOD but also against oneself, whether man or woman

@Virtuous A
I agree that polygamy has many disadvantages, but it has worked, and still works for millions still practicing it to this day. In some cultures, the second wife is chosen by the first wife, and the first and second wives choose the third wife, etc.

I believe monogamy is superior to polygamy. But monogamy is fraught with many problems that could lead the man (or woman) seek "comfort" elsewhere. I think at the core of the problem with marriage in general, and monogamy in particular, is how differently the individuals involved interpret the meaning of "sex".

For the vast majority of men (including Spitzer), having sex with another woman (not his wife) does NOT mean that his love for his wife has diminished or that his commitment to his family has wavered or that he is unhappy with his wife and wants to "get back at her" or that he is tired of having sex with his wife.

I think that the most wives are incapable or unwilling or uninterested in satisfying the unrestrained sexual appetite of their husbands. What is the man to do? If he forces his way, he is accused of "rape". If he gets a girlfriend, he is accused of so many things. If he patronizes a professional, he is accused of the worst things. If he resorts to pornography, the wife still accuses him of the very worst things. If he suppresses his natural libido, he kills a part of himself. What is the man to do?

I always advise guys never to argue with women when it comes to relationship topic! trust me, they'll always have answers to all question and the way the present their response make them so so inocent.

Guys Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, you'll never win.
na Eve bring the apple but na Adam carry the blame so don't feel bad! e don tayyyyyyyyyyyy, no be today!

@POSTER

Why must a married man have a girl friend i.e a sinful partner outside his matrimony home?

Its only natural for most girls to selfishly see things her way, and no way else.

I think this wud have been a better header for your topic.

[color=#990000]MUST ALL BABES HAVE AFFAIRS WITH ALL MARRIED MEN?

That header wud have captured the essence of your topic more, cos in reality its the babes that give the green light and not the other way around. So if dem babes dont get all slutty, the guys dont get any fucky. [/color]

@ bawomolo
Rotflmao. . . I guess you've not been reading all the other cheating threads, eh?

The man cheats, it's the woman's fault. She didn't jump into bed fast enough for him when he demanded sex.

The man cheats, it's the woman's fault. She couldn't keep her youthful figure after having his baby.

The man cheats, it's the woman's fault. She's always too tired because she's up from dusk till dawn taking care of the house, the children, te-ing the breakfast, lunch and dinner table for the king of the house while he sits on his behind, watching TV because God forbid he helps her out, thunder will strike him down.

The man cheats. . . It's the woman's fault now and forever.

So yeah, Why Not?!!

Sisikill:

@ bawomolo
Rotflmao. . . I guess you've not been reading all the other cheating threads, eh?

The man cheats, it's the woman's fault. She didn't jump into bed fast enough for him when he demanded sex.

The man cheats, it's the woman's fault. She couldn't keep her youthful figure after having his baby.

The man cheats, it's the woman's fault. She's always too tired because she's up from dusk till dawn taking care of the house, the children, te-ing the breakfast, lunch and dinner table for the king of the house while he sits on his behind, watching TV because God forbid he helps her out, thunder will strike him down.

The man cheats. . . It's the woman's fault now and forever.

So yeah, Why Not?!!

typical female response

1. most working couples eat only one meal at home on weekdays or even not at all - usually dinner after work. its only on weekends that they have time to eat two or more meals and if one or the other has to take the kids to soccer practice. go shopping,play golf etc, it might just be the one meal. i personally know married men who never eat at home on weekdays becasue they leave for work too early for breakfast, they have lunch at work and they don't eat dinner for dietary/health reasons

3. if its a couple that eat mostly nigerian diet, most married women don't cook soup everyday; they cook every weekend or every other weekend depending on how many are in the house. the soup is stored in the freezer and microwaved as needed on weekdays

4. most married women in nigeria do not take care of their kids singlehanded. they usually have maids, nannies, younger sisters and cousins living with them who help with the kids. many families with 2 or more young kids have at least 2 maids/nannies living with them. what am i even saying - its the aunties, maids and nannies who do the bulk of the childcare. on weekdays, the kids are in school; after school, the kids are with the nannies, maids and aunties until mum gets home usually late in the evening. some married women even have their mum living with them fulltime to help with the kids

so women need to stop offering housework and childcare as an excuse for depriving their husbands of sex. we are not as dumb as you think. we can see that you are getting more than a little assistance with these

Quote from: Virtuous A
@RichyBlack
Well said, BUT do you think you can cope and handle the death-defying atmosphere of polygamy? Do you consider the family settings of those days? Where a man is in TOTAL control of his family, where the women have no option than to answer their husbands “my lord”? Where a woman cannot just rise up to do just anything because she dims it fit without seeking the husband’s permission? I can go on and on, but the point I want to make is that things have changed.
This generation is such that women have so much influence on their husband, YOU CAN ASK ANY SINCERE MAN, and if that is the case, an average man cannot cope with more than one wife, except the man has resolved to leave a short life. Can you imagine how difficult it is for wife to live with their mother/sisters in-law not talk of co-wife? I believe that the practice (of one man one woman) was totally accepted not just for religious influence but because people found out the truth of it – taking the burden of one than that of two or more.

@topic
So many wrong has become a tradition, and this is one of them. What is it married couple seek outside that is not found in their partner? They can spice up their married life if they determine to teach each other new things. This is pure lack of self control.
There is this portion of the WORD that says “all sin a man commit is outside his body but adultery is a sin against one’s body. Not only that it is a sin against GOD but also against oneself, whether man or woman

am not so sure you actually understand that things have changed. you are talking above about polygamy in ancient times and not polygamy of today.

in ancient times, women were forced into polygamy by their parents; today, they marry polygamous men of their own free will

women in polygamous marriages in nigeria of today are lawyers, bankers, doctors, accountants, engineers.

most have established careers, businesses and professions of their own.

they enjoy full financial autonomy with their own independent resources apart from what their common husband gives them

virtually none of today's co-wives live together - they have houses of their own which they rent or own or their husband rents or built for them

this is the new generation polygamy

This tradition was practiced by the forefathers back in the days. Those that practice it now in the village, in the town, in the western nations are still living in darkness.