Abuja– The Nigerian Federal government has swiftly reacted to the horsemeat scandal sweeping across Europe. The Scandal broke when spot-checks of meat products on sale to the English public revealed that beef burgers were actually horse burgers, leading to a national vomiting epidemic.

While the British Government continues to test other beef products on sale and as the source of the horsemeat found in some products is being investigated by the British Metropolitan Police, the Nigerian Government has decided to take no chances.

The presidency has already setup a committee to investigate the possibility that imported beef products on sale in the nation are actually old horses killed for meat at European abattoirs.

The committee members are scheduled to visit England, where the scandal was first detected, where they will speak to their counterparts in the British Government about the horsemeat palaver.

So as not to be exposed to horsemeat, the committee members are to be booked into the top hotel in England, where the food can be trusted.

Already, a preliminary report delivered to the president by committee members indicates that a total of $2 Billion would be required to test all imported meat products on sale in Nigeria.

Sources indicate that the requested fund might be released post-haste, as the government wants to avoid another PR crisis whereby the citizens would again accuse the current administration of being too slow in taking actions.

In line with transparent governance, the committee has made available, the constituents of the $2 Billion budget:

BUDGET FOR MEET TESTING PROJECT TO DISCOVER HORSEMEAT POLLUTANTS:

Itemcost (USD)

1 Meat testing devices 250,000,000.00
2Training of meat testing staff 100,000,000.00
3 Vehicles for meat testing field staff 140,000,000.00
4 Housing of meat testing staff 80,000,000.00
5 Maintenance of meat testing devices 60,000,000.00
6 Mobile meat testing laboratories 465,000,000.00
7 Uniforms 100,000,000.00
8 Security badges 32,000,000.00
9 Meat carrier bags 20,000,000.00
10 Contaminated meat disposal 15,000,000.00
11 Meat testing air-laboratory 100,000,000.00
12 Trucks 60,000,000.00
13 Police and military protection for meat testers 80,000,000.00
14 PR 100,000,000.00
15 Communication devices 50,000,000.00
16 Others 98,000,000.00
17 consultancy 250,000,000.00

Total: $ 2,000,000,000.00

JOKE OF THE CENTURY

Surely you jest!

I just hope/pray/wish this is is some sort of a joke. Can't even go through the figures, all the zeros are making me dizzy (100m for uniforms!!! Wtf?) Why not ban the products entirely.

Shouldn't this be in d jokes section? Surely this cannot be true . :Dº°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º‎​ @ d figures.