Hello good people, I have been reading your posts for a while now and would appreciate your advice.

First some background...I am a white british woman of 41, I have three grown children and good steady employment with the NHS...I have met a beautiful, smart, kind, and fantastic 27 yr old Igbo man. We now live together in the UK and want to marry each other, when we have sufficient funds we plan to move to his home in Nigeria and start a business.

My question is, how hard is this going to be for him? I have met his friends and some family and all is well there, Im worried after his mothers words to him on the phone were "please dont marry a white girl"....he says all will be fine, I trust him but I would never want to make his life more difficult than it has already been.

With thanks

Please don't marry him...he's just 27

ATMC..He's already married, we are waiting for his divorce to marry.... And 27 isn't too young to marry anyhow is it?? I know I'm still understanding the cultural differences but he has many friends the same age who are married or planning to be. Can you explain further ?

190: [size=28pt]whats the colour im using to pass this message

add CARD to it

then translate it [/size]

d guy wants green card

Wow, I thought you would be more supportive of one of your own, he already has a green card / visa.

How do you expect more trust and respect when you don't freely give it to a good man from your own country ??

sugarstorm: Wow, I thought you would be more supportive of one of your own, he already has a green card / visa.

How do you expect more trust and respect when you don't freely give it to a good man from your own country ??

I seem to be misunderstood...

How difficult will it be for him to return home with me, an older, white, non-igbo....

He isn't the first born so tells me that will make it easier but I'd like to be certain, he has had a tough life and I will do everything in my power to make it better

Nubilove... He asks nothing of me, I freely share what I have with him and he does the same for me.

He is not the first born, so he would tell anybody that pokes in his business to get lost! I don't think u would have any problems... sure you would get a few gossips from people saying that you are older than him however they would not be so bold to confront him and if they do - he is a Naija guy, he should be able to fight them off (since he has had a tough life, it means he is a tough guy!).

Thank you, that is more or less what he tells me. It's good to hear it from another.

It seems u were just worrying over nothing... he sounds like a good guy!

[size=16pt]27years old guy and 41years old lady? And you say, how difficult will it be for him? I think if there is going to be any difficulty at all, it should be for you. I mean he's young and you are the older one, don't you get? [/size]

Anyways, Goodluck ma.

For a fact, you need not bother about complicating issues for him if indeed he said there's no problem. Mothers from this parts usually advise their sons against marrying white ladies because of percieved troubles, i have two brothers in the U.S who are married to white ladies against mum's wish at first, but after seeing those ladies shower love on her sons, she has no choice than to accept them. If you guys really want each other, the sky will be your starting point. Goodluck.

@op you'll get older faster. By d time you'll be 60 he'll be in his i40s...couples of close age range find it difficult to keep d fire burning how much more you guys.

I agree the age difference is a concern in theory but in practice we don't notice it much. He has lied to his family and told them I'm younger, but that won't stick when they find out about my boys ages. I love him so much, it would be very hard to give him up on what might happen as there are few problems now

Thank you, I will continue to love and support him 110% as he does for me x

Firstly, you are quite older than him. Secondly, you are white and have kids. No offence intended but you and not him would have it tough!

Nigerians are programmed differently which makes it difficult for some of us to embrace certain situations. Since he requires nothing from you and you say he is tough, he should be able to hold your hand through it all. It might not be a smooth sail, but if he is all you think he is, he'll make it easy. All the best.

Would you mind clarfying what will be hard for me?

Currently I work full time plus extra and he works when he can for an agency while applying for many jobs (I now believe that the UK discriminates which saddens me)

My boys are all older and wont be traveling with us to nigeria, they and my bf get along well and they have never had any disagreement.

He says I will find things hard but can't/ won't say what these are other than my pay in nigeria will be much reduced.... I don't care about this, I'd just like to help....

Any thoughts ??

I'll explain.
1. A man is expected to assume a leadership role in the family and it follows that he is expected to be older than the wife. Here you are, simply reversing what the society embraces.His family might be hostile to you once they are aware of the age difference. Expect snide remarks and develop a thick skin( I'm sure the remarks would be spoken in igbo anyway).

2. Some families( if not most)are quite traditional and are unable to come to terms with inter racial marriages. Acceptance might be a problem here.

3. The reality is that your man would be surrounded by younger Nigerian girls. It'll only be "natural" to gravitate towards them.

Of course, you might earn less than what you are accustomed to and also have a bit of culture shock. As long as you are open minded you'll love the country and it's people.

Ask you man questions. Why is he hiding the age difference? How does he intend to handle it when it becomes known? How does he propose you handle the mother's staunch stand against an inter racial marriage. Just ask questions and make sure you get direct answers, it'll help.

You know your man better than I do. If he is truly all you say he is, then he'll help you through it all and put your interest above everything else and you'll be fine. All the best.

My dear, u won't find anytin hard at all. It is all abt wat people will say bla bla bla. But if d two of u make proper plans, there aint no stoppin ur love ma'm

what a joke

190: this is why i always advice Nigerian boys to marry and date oyinbo chicks

they never give up on things they love

If na nigerian girl she don begin calculate how many Jeeps go reach her hand wen the man die

Sugarstorm continue with the relationship and keep loving your man as long as he continues loving you

love him with all you got..u got my 100% support

goodluck

add card to the color u used to type ds message and give it to urself