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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed (1555 Views)
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10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by Nobody: 2:51am On Mar 10, 2013 |
This is an interesting (and funny) piece I read in a Parenting blog on Yahoo. Credit to blogger Scary Mommy. --------- I breastfeed my kids. I'm passionate about it. I'm righteous about it. But I'm not entirely honest about it. I advertise that I do it for the heartfelt and health-related reasons we've all heard from other moms and pediatricians a bazillion times. But come on. If there weren't also some hardcore mama-centric reasons to let my kid nibble on my nips for a year, I'd never be able to endure the insane commitment. These are the reasons that see me through the worst breastfeeding days and get me to hang in there when I want to bail. They're pretty damn shallow, but whatever. They get the job done. Need some reasons to breastfeed, too? 1. Milk boobs are awesome. Have you seen milk boobs? The new-mom, my-milk-just-came-in(!!) boobs? They're glorious. They're porn star glorious except they're REAL. They'll make even the staunchest feminist reconsider her rabid stance on breast augmentation. These fabulous tits were a fabulous surprise after my first child, and a highly anticipated perk (for both my husband and me) after my second. 2. I don't have to work out. My baby weight lost itself because breastfeeding burns 500-800 calories A DAY. Even my best workout when I was in my twenties and maintaining a hot college body to bring the boys to the yard didn't burn 800 calories. How crazy would I be to opt out of something that burns a shitload of calories while I sit on my ass, snuggling my baby, in my thirties? 3. I don't feel remotely guilty about what I eat. I need to replace the calories nursing burns otherwise my milk production decreases dramatically. So heeeelllllloooo, Smashburger. Thank you for contributing to the cause of better infantile nutrition. And yes, I would like a salted-caramel shake with that. It's all in the name of milk production. 4. I can't forget my breasts when I leave the house. I've forgotten diapers, clothes, blankets, binkies, the stroller, the entire diaper bag after spending 20 minutes packing it, and even the friggen baby, but I've never forgotten milk. If you don't have kids, having one less thing to remember as you herd your family out the door may not seem significant. If you do have kids, you know how significant it is. 5. I get guaranteed breaks during crappy social functions. It is completely acceptable to excuse yourself from a party to nurse your child in private. Even though I don't really care about privacy, I sometimes take advantage of this understanding to avoid awkward acquaintances and annoying relatives and go play Angry Birds or check Facebook for awhile. 6. Aunt Flo goes on sabbatical. Thanks to breastfeeding, I made it 50 weeks sans Aunt Flo after my daughter was born. My son just turned one and I'm still waiting for her return. If you count her absence during my pregnancy, I haven't seen her in nearly 2 years. TWO YEARS. I don't miss that bitch at all. 7. I can instantly comfort my screaming baby without having to troubleshoot the actual problem. Sometimes I'm too tired or busy to try to figure out what the baby is crying about, so I just nurse him. Nine times out of 10, shoving a boob in his mouth calms him down immediately. Note: This also works with his father. 8. I can have unprotected sex for 6 months. When done correctly, breastfeeding is an effective form of birth control up to the baby's 6-month birthday. So no hormones for me, and no condoms for my husband, for 6 months. Like I said though, you have to do it right or you end up with Irish twins. Like my parents did. D'oh. 9. Breast milk poop smells a hell of a lot better than formula poop. I have to change a lot of disgusting poopy diapers, so if anything can make them less disgusting, I'm in. Breast milk poop smells, but it doesn't stink. Not like formula shit. I found this out firsthand when changing a friend's formula-fed baby. I thought something died in her diaper. I almost called Animal Control. 10. When my kids have kids, I can hold it over their heads that when they were babies, I did everything right and know everything. The extreme commitment and effort of breastfeeding lends a lot of credibility to the future backseat parenting of my grandchildren. SOURCE 5 Likes |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by Nobody: 3:05am On Mar 10, 2013 |
Haha. This piece is really hilarious; and informative too. |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by greatgod2012(f): 7:05am On Mar 10, 2013 |
Funny and informative, but number 6 is not always right, i have seen some new mothers, who practise exclusive bosomfeeding and still get pregnant within d first 4 months of putting to bed,........, though, its exceptional, but i have seen not less than 8 instances. So, on that one o, it depends on individual's body metabolism. May God help us all. |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by Osyxcel(m): 7:20am On Mar 10, 2013 |
Funny piece and quite informative too.... I like no 10 most When my kids have kids, I can hold it over their heads that when they were babies, I did everything right and know everything. |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by greedie1(f): 11:54am On Mar 10, 2013 |
hilarious, yes. informative, yes too! |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by Onyinyechimara(f): 12:02pm On Mar 10, 2013 |
So funny |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by Nobody: 5:13pm On Mar 10, 2013 |
Lovely writeup but my period came exactly one month after I delivered and hasn't missed a beat. But on all the other points, I must give it to her, her head dey thr! 1 Like |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by Nobody: 5:19pm On Mar 10, 2013 |
parisienne: Lovely writeup but my period came exactly one month after I delivered and hasn't missed a beat. Lol! Me too! Much to my annoyance, even with the exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months! |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by slimyem: 5:31pm On Mar 10, 2013 |
Smiled reading through this... Shallow reasons for real...!! ![]() |
Re: 10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed by Joebeck(f): 9:52pm On Mar 10, 2013 |
No 6 really worked for me. |
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