[b]pls nairaland people im in a deep mess,please advise me on wat to do, pls

im emma and i stay in the u.s,u see there is this girl im engaged to in nigeria,we have been dating for one year,and because i dont believe in too long courtship.i proposed to her and she accepted,ever since i have been dating this girl,i have never slept with any other girl,even though we are miles away from each other,she is d only one i got,now d problem here is there is this girl i met recently here in the u.s, also a nigeria,wat attracted me to her was her intelligence,she is very intelligent and homely,not only that she is just too natural,i guess im begining to fall in love wt her,she is someone that can relate wt anybody very sociable,never looks down on people,infact she even speaks pigeon english wt me,she does not pretend but also from a very wealthy family,pls dont think im a gold digger,but i wonder y a girl whose family is well known in nigeria,is so humble,u will never know until she tells u her surname,pls help me nairaland,im falling inlove wt another and engaged to another,wat do i do?do i let go of d feelings i have for dis girl and face the one in nigeria,wat do i do,the one here in U.S,does not know i have feelings for her,but my nairaland people if u spend just a few minutes wt dis girl u will know wat im saying,i have never looked at anyother woman,but ever since i crossed path wt dis girl here in the u.s,i have never felt the same,pls advise me,but pls dont insult me,im only a man in distress,the feelings i have for dis girl is more than wat i feel for the one back home in nigeria,pls i need the help of the nairalands[/b]

this is a very serious case

just follow ur heart,i wish u well

Only you know both girls well. Go with your heart. Don't base your decision on the fear of hurting someone or out of obligation.

Good Luck.

@sisikill
thanks so much i appreciate ur reply

Emmanual2u,
It is a pity that some of us have never learn to understand that in life nothing is perfect except perfect.

Temptation is one of the greatest destroyer of joy. You get one today, you will find another tomorrow. Every relationship is based on commitment, love, and trust. These three are the tripods upon which successful relationship stands. Your case was clearly a case of temptation and natural consequence of being in long distance relationship. There is no way you would go after your US gal without hurting the lady at home. I want you to ask yourself the following:
1. If the US lady were to be poor, ugly, yet maintain those traits, will you still fall for her?
2. Is your fiance missing one or all the traits you found in the US gal?
3. Run through your system, try honestly to evaluate yourself: are you feeling this way because your fiance is far away from you? What would be your reaction if your fiance were to be in your state? Is your engagement to your fiance formal or just an agreement you entred to prevent her from going after another man? Before you met the rich woman, did you have plan to bring your fiance over to you?

If you can answer sincerely those questions, I may find the missing link.

Let me tell you that every action has reaction. You should follow your heart, but be fair to the innocent naija lady you have tied down!

i once posted sthg similar to dis,well,it depends on u,on wat u want like wat sisikill said dont marry out of pity,

@ Poster

U really need to slow down,

Cos u'll end up getting innocent feelings hurt.

Figure out what u really want and then go for it.

Good Luck.

Emmanual2u,
It is a pity that some of us have never learn to understand that in life nothing is perfect except perfect.

Temptation is one of the greatest destroyer of joy. You get one today, you will find another tomorrow. Every relationship is based on commitment, love, and trust. These three are the tripods upon which successful relationship stands. Your case was clearly a case of temptation and natural consequence of being in long distance relationship. There is no way you would go after your US girl without hurting the lady at home. I want you to ask yourself the following:
1. If the US lady were to be poor, ugly, yet maintain those traits, will you still fall for her?
2. Is your fiance missing one or all the traits you found in the US girl?
3. Run through your system, try honestly to evaluate yourself: are you feeling this way because your fiance is far away from you? What would be your reaction if your fiance were to be in your state? Is your engagement to your fiance formal or just an agreement you entred to prevent her from going after another man? Before you met the rich woman, did you have plan to bring your fiance over to you?

If you can answer sincerely those questions, I may find the missing link.

Let me tell you that every action has reaction. You should follow your heart, but be fair to the innocent naija lady you have tied down

i get u wat u say my brother,but believe me its not as if im falling inlove wt dis girl because her father has got money,no far from it,im not a poor person myself,neither is long distance relationship d problem,before i met d nigerian girl,i stayed for a year and eight and the half months wtout a girl(almost two years)i never knew dis girl is from a rich family until after i have fallen for her,i only mentioned d family wealth cos of her humility,im in a mess right now,cos i cant let go of d one in nigeria it will not be fair,and i cant leave dis one,u see this U.s girl is very open,like i said she speaks pigeon english with me,but i have never spoken such language wt d one in nigeria,im not really so free wt her thats y i decide to delay d engagement a little,to watch her before we plan for our wedding, dis is really pulling me down,but believe me im not after that girls family wealth

I believes you!

You have identify a problem. Openess. One is open the other is not. Get a paper and write more. Talk to your heart. This is where you need to work on. List what you dislike about your home gal and what the US gal have got to compensate for them.

You will be amase how clearly you can see. Don't rush into decision.

Think, Think and Think until you find a way.

Sure, I understand you.

Try it today. Be patience. Don't rush at a decision. Somehow, the US lady must also have a fault. Did you know it?

of course d u.s girl has her faults,she has a temper,shes hot tempered while d nigerian girl isn't hot tempered ,but like i said whenever u annoy dis u.s girl she tells u right there and then(thats where d temper comes in),she tells u right there and then that u offended her and once she says all these she has forgotten them,and is happy again,but this nigerian girl if u annoy her she wont tell u,infact i dont know wen i annoy her,she will keep everything deep inside her and then one day,she will start telling u everything she will even state the date .month and time,dis happened,take for example i travelled december and we had a disagreement and wat happened in july dat i have already forgotten she brought it up,believe me dis nigerian girl is far more beautiful dan the one in d u.s but i did not ask her out becos of her beauty, she is also intelligent,but believe not as d one in the u.s,d one in d u.s is very calculative,anyway i appreciate every advise,i'll have to calm down and do a little thinkin

Let do some thinking together before thread crashers destroy the thread.

Another point on your list is the temperament.

You see, I agree with you that when woman bottle up anger, it can be dangerous. However, the danger lies not in failing to express her emotion but in ability to let go. If after she revealed your old sins, she forgive and forget then it is safe. If however, she does not forgive, please do deeper meditation about her.

Quick temper is however worse. If I had to slap you every time you offend me and later beg you, then, you will carry lot of scars that would make you hate me each time you look at yourself. I hope you get the point of that parable?

Do some thinking! Oops, have you ever bother to find out if your US admirer has secret lover at home? Have you ever ponder on what her reaction to your impending proposal would mean to her? Please add it to your meditation.

Finally, remember to remove "pidgin" from the list. It is useless. Don't ever rate a lady on language. Pidgin for that matter.

Cheer.

@Emmanuel

Negro, get your shhh together and make up your dang mind and quit playing with these women's hearts.

Let do some thinking together before thread crashers destroy the thread.

Another point on your list is the temperament.

You see, I agree with you that when woman bottle up anger, it can be dangerous. However, the danger lies not in failing to express her emotion but in ability to let go. If after she revealed your old sins, she forgive and forget then it is safe. If however, she does not forgive, please do deeper meditation about her.

Quick temper is however worse. If I had to slap you every time you offend me and later beg you, then, you will carry lot of scars that would make you hate me each time you look at yourself. I hope you get the point of that parable?

Do some thinking! Oops, have you ever bother to find out if your US admirer has secret lover at home? Have you ever ponder on what her reaction to your impending proposal would mean to her? Please add it to your meditation.

Finally, remember to remove "pidgin" from the list. It is useless. Don't ever rate a lady on language. Pidgin for that matter.

Cheer.

i disagree wt u in some of dis ur replies,now lets talk about d temper,some people dont exhibit violence when they are hot tempered,so d slapping aspect of it all does not go well,some people can be hot tempered and after telling u their minds they walk out,it doesnt mean because they are hot tempered then they have to be violent ,maybe by slapping or fighting,,nope i dont agree wt u in dat aspect.

if the u.s girl has a lover in nigeria believe me i dont care,all i have to do is do some thinking and if she is d one i want she having a lover will not stop me,i will go for her.

as for d pigeon english,i dont see a big deal in it,y i mentioned it is because i said she is very natural and can relate wt anybody anyhow,ofcourse lovers speak pigeon english to themselves so its not a big deal,this u.s girl is someone dat if she notice that maybe someone can speak english,and d person is not comfortable speaking it,all she does is change her language to pigeon so as to relate well with that person and for d person not feel u know kinda intimidated or sthg

i appreciate ur replies my bro,but there are somethings i dont agree wt u on

@Emmanuel

Negro, get your shhh together and make up your dang mind and quit playing with these women's hearts.

sweet t,i think u should atleast help out dis bro and stop been harsh,

@ola
i agree wt emma,some hot tempered people are not violent,i am very sure of dat,cos im very hot tempered but mine does not go wt violent

secondly d pidgeon english part,they is nothing wrong if emma says d girl speaks pigeon with him,i believe she is truly natural,and humble to d core,lovers communicate in pigeon english,infact frankly speaking,wen u communicate in pigeon english,u communicate more,and both parties are very relaxed,if both parties only relate in english or their native language,my dear it wont be fun,they need a change in scenario,for me i dont see nay thing wrong wt d pigeon english part,


@emma

follow ur heart,but dont make a decision now u have to think alittle,and as for wat sisikill said dont marry out of pity,marry out of love

for once chinda i think i agree wt u

@emma
take ur time and find out who u want

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

olanajim:

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

Dude, one post is enough!!

@his grace

ah ah,u dey vey oooo,try understand dis guy,dis love of a thing na feeling wey person no dey prepare for,atleast try ´console am

@emma

a friend of mine and my own brother was once in a situation like dis,but i wont tell u their decisions cos if i do ,it will make u wanna go d same way they went and it might not work for u,,,,just take things easy,shine your eyes,and pray dat u make d right choice

Emma,
I am sorry, you are bringing a new dimension to your own thread.

Let me tell you that pidgin English can never be symbol of nature to African. It is purely an attempt by ignorant people to imitate their colonial master. It is not natural at all. But we have grown up to take it as second language. Secondly, I grew up among people who speaks pidgin, but I am not a fan of pidgin. I use it when I want to have fun and never had anyone tell me I am un-natural for that. If you want to be natural, speak your native language. Sure, we must disagree here. Fact remains that pidgin can not make anyone natural. Maybe down there in US, that is the definition of natural. I need help to grasp that idea here.

Talking of temperament. I didn't say emphatically that all hot-tempered people are violence. I was giving an extreme example of how it hurts. Look, beyond physical assualt, hot-tempered people can destroy your psychic if the habit is frequent. I grew up under a caring, loving, and hot tempered mum. She was never violence. But she had a way of hurting you with that temper that would remain etched in your heart forever. So the solution is to walk away and talk another day. I learn my spirit of endurance from there. I also spent my life with a quick tempered guardian. He was a violence man and would hit you at the slightest provocation. In all the years I stayed with him, he only hit me once while my colleagues got beaten everyday! Sure, it wasn't because I was loved more than others. Rather because of how I handled him.

And while I had to fled my cold-tempered mum, I am comfortable with my hot tempered guardian. Yet, other guys did the opposite of what I did.

What am I driving at? Whether cold or hot-tempered, the way you deal with them decide whether they would be violence or not. Whether you will be comfortable with them or not. I want you to consult an expert on that statement. I am ready to learn.

The bottomline is that, it has little or nothing to do with Love.

@Poster
You're welcome and I'd also like to commend you on the fact that you're not making one girl seem better than the other. It shows that you really care about these two ladies. Sadly, I'm against polygamy or I'd suggest you go with both of them.

Before we go any further, I hope you do know that we can sit here all day and compare and contrast, do Venn diagram analysis with pie chart of these girls' characters, it still won't help much because ultimately. . .it is YOU who has to live with your final decision.

My questions are an extension of olanajim's brilliant questions. . .important things you should consider.

Do you see yourself living a life where your wife tells you when you've offended up front? The advantage of this is that you know when the issue is discussed, it's over and you won't repeat the same thing. The disadvantage is that it always seem like you're forever arguing.

Or

Do you see yourself living where you wife a woman keeps everything bottled up and then one day let it loose when you least expect it? The advantage of this of course is that eliminates the every day mini squabbles you might have if you were with the other? The disadvantage is that you don't know what you're doing that causes her pain until it's too late.

Like olanajim also said, pls take the pidgin thing away. . .I'm sorry but it's useless information. I mean really, how does it help you make the decision on who to spend your lifetime with?

It's nice that you're not allowing beauty to factor into your decision making. . .but you don't want an ugly duckling either.

You say they're both intelligent. . .a very good thing. Personally, I can’t imagine having a partner I can’t go back and forth with in discussion (and I don’t mean arguing or fighting) it makes things interesting.

You also say you are more yourself with the one in the US than you are with the one in Nigeria? Why is that? Do you think she won't like the real you? And if that's the case. . .what indication has she given? Sometimes we have a tendency of projecting certain things unto others and it's unfair. I think before using that a comparative tool, you should first find out if it's you thinking she feels that way or is she really feels that way.

You also stated the US girl is calculative, in what way? To me the word calculative sounds negative. If it is. . .do you want to live with that kind of person? 

Finally, it helps to take a step back from everything and have a moment to yourself. Sometimes, being close a situation can blind you to certain things and remember that in this kind of situation, there's no way to avoid hurting someone's feelings. No offense to those who keep harping on not hurting people's feelings. . .but that's really naïve, I’m sure it’s not his intention but this is life and someone even HE himself will get hurt.

Godspeed Emmanuel. . .matters of the heart are never easy.