bee444:

Yes it is. The amount of overly protection these kids (abroad) receives is ridiculous and totally bonkers. Eating chicken and chips all day rather than family meal has taken away that family values away from them.

Aside from the political reasons (stigmatization and racism) behind these kids behaviors, the parents themselves aren't any better. Single parenting accounts for most of these behaviors. A family with no fatherly figure always finds it difficult to raise a responsible kid.

Take Ben Carson as an example he was raised by a single mom and still one of the greatest black in existence. It depends on the values and morals of the single mom that shape the life of her kids. Moreover parents needs to be careful about the exposure of their kids and what they let them get exposed to it matters a lot.

bebe2: i didnt know the best way to structure the subject jare , but i know wat i want to ask

pple often assume that kids living abroad are spoilt. e.g my mum came to visit and she kept complaining my kids are spoilt. so and so cant wash dishes, so n so cries too much etc. children at home dnt behave like this u need to be firmer.
then i went home to visit and met my sister's kids (they live wit my mum), oh dear lord, the 6yr old was rotten he wanted his way and he got it. he would scream the house down. disobey u and runoutside as if to say come and chase me. my mum kept saying " may God deliver dis boy o" i cudnt keep to my self i had to confront my mum. she said no mind am o, na devil dey manifest himself.

wats ur opinion or experience

author babe. I know the best way to structure your question jarri! I can help you structure it well and i think what you want to ask is the best way to raise or correct a child.
(1) is in an African way. i.s using all kind of major for correction, e.g tuture, beatings, putting pappers in the eyes or noseril even in the organs. And all kind of sevear punishment depending on the crime comited by the child as if the child cares.

(2) is the western way of training. that is using love instead of tuture for correcting a child when he or she is wrong. spending addiquet time with the child in other to observe the child manner. providing everything a child might need in other for the child not to lack nothing for this can leed to steeling. having time out to play with the child for so doing you chear the same love with the child, for when you love your child and the child love you too the connection between you and the child is strong. shoose to talk to a child instead of beating for this can make a child grow up voilently and agresive. shoose to respect the child first instead of expecting respect only from the child.(a respect should be a recieprocker) Value the child more than themself. equality between the child and addult no discrimination and finally, tolorrance, that is the key.

Which ever way you think is the best or which child is well behave or noughtie, The western child or the African child. But Before you make your conclution. look into the past to judge the future.
The noughtier child of Europe and disrespectifull child of American and mannaless child of babylon grows up and build an aeroplan, gaint boats, and some meverlos thiings that eyes can see. real real ginious.

The respectifull child and well behave/mannafull child of African grow up and become a pastor of penticostal churches that performs mirracles and wonders that eyes can not see. hahahahah. no be small thing. ooh

nigerian kids

The issue is despite our high moral upbringing in nigeria, why do we have one of the most morally corrupt society in the world?
If our kids are well brought as we claim, why do they leave home to join cultism or become aristos
If they are thoroughly disciplined and chastised, why do they grow up to become armed robbers, kidnappers, fraudsters, embezzlers and prostitutes?
We insist on spare the rod and spoil the child, yet nigeria has a very high percentage of spoilt and uncaring adults.
So then, what really is the essence of our discipline at home? So the child do not talk back at you and is forced to do domestic chores. This is good but discipline goes beyond that, it should last a lifetime.
New generation parents needs to review their disciplinary approach, our new motto should be 'teach a child the right way he should grow, and when he becomes an adult he wont depart from it'.
We need to start raising kids that will be better adults, this is what our society needs, and the lack of it is our bane as a nation.
Instill into the mind of a kid qualities such as integrity, honesty, truthfulness, sincerity, selflessness, contentment, responsibility, fairness, benevolence and other good characters along with respect to elders and suchs.
Lets stop lying to our kids. Stop exhibiting aggression, violence, deception, selfishness, intolerance and other vices in their presence.
Do not use foul languages around them and stop cursing them
Parents should raise their kids for the common good of the society. I know parents that buy waec and ume question papers for their kids, they organize special centres for their kids' waec exam. What exactly are they teaching this teenagers? CORRUPTION and LAZINESS.
kids learn faster with action than words and those things they see sticks more, and helps shape their personality.
Lets focus more on a kid's personality and less on the rod. His personality determines his contibution to the society.
The rod has been shown to be useless, if anything it inhibits a child's ability to fulfil his potential.
I was happy when I heard fashola has outlawed whipping in Lagos' public schools. Whippng had never worked, and will never work, it only breeds heart-hardened students, fearsome and unapproachable teachers. This atmosphere isn't conducive for learning.
Other forms of punishments can be introduced into our schools as a measure of discipline.
The most thrashed students in my class then are now the outcasts of the society, still grasping with their lifes 13 yrs after.

dayokanu:

But the same children they didnt spare the rods for turned out to be Agberos, Militants, Yahooyahoo, Boko Harams and Pr0stitutes all over Nigeria and abroad

Why are you not any of these as mentioned? Aren't you passed through Nigeria parents? Reason being, the abroad kid can also grow up to be a junkie for being soft handled. all you need to do, is to be firm in bringing up kids. No bruises or something that will make authority to come after me. If my kids go naughty, I have different punishment in place like, monkey seat,stood up. After the punishment I still call them for a chat explaining the reason behind my action, re-assuring them of my love that I like to see them being a better adult, this reduces the probability of them reporting me to their teachers, it is a sort of check & balance. They are still very outspoken. You can't leave kids to be like oyibos, you may live not to enjoy your old age, go to London, many Nigerian kids in gangster-ism & prostitution, many teen age girls getting pregnant. I am wondering why values induction in kids should be a subject of controversy, how this is passed now depends on environment, the character of the kid involved & the best suitable approach on the part of parent. I was a very stubborn kid & my parents beat shit out of me though I still did my thing my own way but I do look back on my journey why am I treated like that among six children, this made me to be conscious of my shortcomings & it helps.

SPARE THE ROD ANYWHERE AND YOU SPOIL THE CHILD EVERYWHERE....AND PEOPLE, HAVE YOU COME ACROSS APAPA KIDS?

toluene12: The issue is despite our high moral upbringing in nigeria, why do we have one of the most morally corrupt society in the world?
If our kids are well brought as we claim, why do they leave home to join cultism or become aristos
If they are thoroughly disciplined and chastised, why do they grow up to become armed robbers, kidnappers, fraudsters, embezzlers and prostitutes?
We insist on spare the rod and spoil the child, yet nigeria has a very high percentage of spoilt and uncaring adults.
So then, what really is the essence of our discipline at home? So the child do not talk back at you and is forced to do domestic chores. This is good but discipline goes beyond that, it should last a lifetime.
New generation parents needs to review their disciplinary approach, our new motto should be 'teach a child the right way he should grow, and when he becomes an adult he wont depart from it'.
We need to start raising kids that will be better adults, this is what our society needs, and the lack of it is our bane as a nation.
Instill into the mind of a kid qualities such as integrity, honesty, truthfulness, sincerity, selflessness, service, responsibility, fairness, benevolence and other good characters along with respect to elders and suchs.
Lets stop lying to our kids. Stop exhibiting aggression, violence, deception, selfishness, intolerance and other vices in their presence.
Do not use foul languages around them and stop cursing them
Parents should raise their kids for the common good of the society. I know parents that buy waec and ume question papers for their kids, they organize special centres for their kids' waec exam. What exactly are they teaching this teenagers? CORRUPTION and LAZINESS.
kids learn faster with action than words and those things they see sticks more, and helps shape their personality.
Lets focus more on a kid's personality and less on the rod. His personality determines his contibution to the society.
The rod has been shown to be useless, if anything it inhibits a child's ability to fulfil his potential.
I was happy when I heard fashola has outlawed whipping in Lagos' public schools. Whippng had never worked, and will never work, it only breeds heart-hardened students, fearsome and unapproachable teachers. This atmosphere isn't conducive for learning.
Other forms of punishments can be introduced into our schools as a measure of discipline.
The most thrashed students in my class then are now the outcasts of the society, still grasping with their lifes 13 yrs after.

This is a different ball game. Nigeria become Nigeria of what we are seeing today not because our parents have failed in their duties despite having us spanked when we were young. Our problems tend to be more of societal influence has laid down by our founding fathers. Do you know that the Awos, the Ziks, the Balewas were busy using the public fund to strengthen their political parties & whereas the opposite should be the case, they should look for fund elsewhere. So the laid down script on how to run Nigeria has been doctored & polluted since inception. My second point is about the religious leaders, people are not chastised in churches, mosque again, your pocket speaks for you, so money is being worshipped left & right in Nigeria therefore you should expect the vices as you mentioned. Nevertheless, you have made very good point in the highlighted parts but do you know poverty that looms in the country can make you lose your track of these attributes. In Nigeria the righteous are losers but bootlickers are winners, if you know this principle, it may be hard to exhibit all in Nigeria society without compromising sometimes. Though having all those highlighted qualities to grow with will still distinct you among the rest despite the decadence in our system. For me, rod should be the last resort but not to be totally eradicated, you may need it sometimes. I like your piece though. Please do not forget to enlighten us on the best disciplinary approach for this generation parents. Thank you.

onila: [url][/url]

U know what trying 2 say

the roughness of lagos makes them kinda wild

Onila u owe nobody here any further explanation.u've made ur point and I support u wella.I've made up my mind not to raise my kids here in Lagos.I'd rather raise them in Canada or I do that that in Enugu.

Ike akuko adiro m(don't have strength for stories).

dayokanu:

Thing is the people here that first opined that Nigerians are better the fact is people are the same everywhere.

All the discipline we get in Nigeria still doesnt stop us from being the most morally corrupt being everywhere. So whats the purpose of the discipline? To fear elders but to turn to agberos and pr0stitutes later?

Its Nigerians who always have this sanctimonious outlook to life

Dayo, You are stretching the limits of the discussion jor. We are talking about kids and here you are, listing all the vices of the worst adults, vices that are common to every society and not peculiar to Nigeria, vices that are not neccessarily related to one's upbringing but personal choices.
If realy we are to stay in the limit of the question asked, there is no way in hell you can ignore or compare the very high juvenile deliquency in the west to Nigeria's. It is all good to point out every vice you know Nigerian youths participate in but in comparison, it pales. Most crimes youngstars engage in in Nigeria usually is a direct consequence of factors like unemployment, bad economy, official corruption and so on not so much about up bringing per se.

It doesn't matter where u live if u like like on the moon. The major factor is the childs parents and their parenting skills. No more no less.

To be honest, I am of the opinion of "Charity begins at home". I think all still depends on how you want to raise your kids, either there or here.

Its a close one but I think the obodo Oyinbo-based kids are not just a tad but wayyy naughtier than their home-based counterparts. Testament to this fact are my Aunt's kidz or at least one of 'em.
The youngest of 4 kidz, this lad is arguably the brightest kid i've ever seen. Sharper than a razor and brilliant to a fault. At 5 yrs this kid does things that makes my kid broda (a boy who alwayz topz his klass} look retarded. But....here'z d spoiler...this kid, amazin though, is also the prince of nuttiness - and that is putting it mildly. The amazin ease at which he goes from boy wonder to Chucky mode will bloW you away. If He doesn't get wat He wants when He wants it, boy will drag you to hell, literally !!! And If you dare rebuke him, you don enter confirm wahala. A boy who wakes up in the nite screamin on the top of his lungz for candy. Mehn, the lungz on that boy, our neighbourz believe. I pity the parents, the father wanted to kill him but held himself fearing the little devil would spill his gutz to the oyinbos when they return to the states. My aunt even begged us not to go all 9ja on his ass. Even his siblings were embarrassed by his acting. I told my aunt to enlist the help of Keanu Reeves cos itz only an exorcist that can deliver that boy. I will pick my retarded bro 20 times over boy wonder.
The siblings although not anytin lyk their Chucky brother know how to push the envelope of free-spiritedness. They say anything that comes to their mind without fear. Being upfront and expressive is not all itz cut-out to be especially with kidz. Thatz why God provided us with rods. I know it worked on me and I will not hesitate to pass down the legacy, whether I dey 9ja or Jand.

LeonessAug: Dear Nairalanders,

Kindly help me complete my research questionnaire on Women and Work-Family Balance in Nigeria.

http://www.esurveyspro.com/Survey.aspx?id=80973435-6dd2-4eb9-8340-e3f6258679e2

Brief from my statement of problem
The major problem is that many women try to balance work and children, only to be constantly interrupted at work by the needs of their children, or at home, by the needs of their work. Often, some women leave work in the middle of meetings in order to pick up their children and to stay in the office till the mother closes from work. The rest of the work week may also be lost because of the children's sickness which would require them to stay home. Mothers feel guilty for not being at home with their children. Working mothers are often asked to make a choice between work and motherhood which is often reasons women hardly attain leadership positions in their respective careers.

Thank you.

Your "assertions/statement of problem" in this research are 'stereotyped, baseless and a fallacy!"
Reading you, one would think "FATHERS" also dont have to help out with their kids?

A lot of fathers drop their kids in school every morning and pick them up in th evening on his way back home or the kids take a bus.trek home after the 'after-school lessons'.

Working mothers are not asked to make a choice between "work and kids" but like every adult with children, you need to strike a balance between your "work and family life" ..... and this is NOT restricted to the woman alone!

Peeps like you try to create a "Gender-Imbalance" where NONE exists!

Fathers and Mothers "work together" to make the Family Work!

STOP researching your "unbalanced mind".
STOP being Lazy and get something more "productive and edifying" to research about

[quote author=firedaman1]

Onila u owe nobody here any further explanation.u've made ur point and I support u wella.I've made up my mind not to raise my kids here in Lagos.I'd rather raise them in Canada or I do that that in Enugu.

Ike akuko adiro m(don't have strength for stories). [/quot

I think they should event a special rod or imports rods for Nigeria kids because this rod they use in bible have expired therefore nomore effective on Nigeria kids, they are realy get worst from this rod everyday by day. haa! eji kwam ogu oo. hahaha
my fellow Nigerians, perents, theachers, nanys brother and sister, am using this media to beg una. if we try one thing for a very long time and it does not work why dont we try the other. we have been like this since the time of mongo park yet nothing chang our kids are geting worst. let try the western way and see if it will work atlist no harm in trying.

Bottom line is: When a Nigerian-bred kid does wrong, that Child is afraid of the punishment that he/she might receive from the Parent. This might make the child correct his ways.

When an "Abroad-bred" kid does wrong, the PARENTS are afraid of correcting the child because over here, the Parents live in constant fear of their child and what havoc he/she can render on them, if they dare try to punish him/her! They could end up in jail or without any children of their own!

So, which will you prefer: To have the ability to correct your child (even cane him/her if necessary, to drive home the point after many verbal corrections have failed) without fear of your child sending you to Jail OR to be constantly afraid to correct your child in the same manner mentioned above, due to the concentration of and abuse of privilege given to "abroad-children" by the laws of the land.

Dont mistake "correction" with "brutality", both have nothing in common.

I think there should be a law against "Parent Abuse", by their Children!

rhymz:
If realy we are to stay in the limit of the question asked, there is no way in hell you can ignore or compare the very high juvenile deliquency in the west to Nigeria's. It is all good to point out every vice you know Nigerian youths participate in but in comparison, it pales.

Yes but who's policing these Nigerian youths? What statistics are being recorded? What rehabilitation facilities solely dedicated to juvenile delinquents are being funded and fully operated to enforce laws governing youths?

The only reason why we can even gauge the western world's juvenile delinquency rates are because these types of programs and standards are available to us.

What numbers do we have to say that the Nigerian juvenile delinquency rates are not on par with the western world?

SAFO:

Yes but who's policing these Nigerian youths? What statistics are being recorded? What rehabilitation facilities solely dedicated to juvenile delinquents are being funded and fully operated to enforce laws governing youths?

The only reason why we can even gauge the western world's juvenile delinquency rates are because these types of programs and standards are available to us.

What numbers do we have to say that the Nigerian juvenile delinquency rates are not on par with the western world?

that still is can not pale the fact that juvenile deliquency is a major problem in the west in comparison here.

oyb:

only people in lag [for the most part] had access to cable tv, via those satelitte 'plates'

growing up in ilorin, all i had was nta ilorin, which meant 30 minutes of cartoons from 5-5.30 , and 1960s movies
we had a betamax and my dad didn't like movies

was not until late 90s when we joined a video club in ilorin - and that was mostly crap cinema dubs - truly horrific dubs that mean i NEVER download camrips

my kids have dstv, and over 100gb of animated movies dled by dad

my son is outspoken to a T - the boy regularly chastises me - daddy you're not doing this, daddy you farted,

You should be chastised for farting in front of your kid

I think balance is what's needed. Times change and systems must evolve. The way our parents raised us in the 80s and 90s may not be very useful in its undiluted form in this new age so removing some of the quite extreme measures, I believe, is in order. An example of such an extreme measure is hardcore caning...

The good thing is that many private schools have stopped relying on caning as a corrective measure. There are far more painful punishments you could give to a kid if you think well enough or study the child well.

I prefer this diluted Nigerian style in raising kids and from my experience, I'd say many kids are raised this way in Nigeria today.

The problem with Nigerians is that when we try to copy Western ways, it tends to backfire or we try to be more western than the westerners. We have our uniqueness as africans and Nigerians and people forget this amidst all the globalization.