@ the poster
at least you have an evidence right before you that the man in question has "working apparatus" and his little swimmerettes can do wonders
He's a keeper

There is no fear in true love, so go on honey take a chance. Give God all the glory, you're sure he'll give you yours too.

My dear, count yourself lucky that he told you he has a son already. It is a good starting point.

If you intend to marry him, then you need to know what happened to the other woman. If he is honest, he should be able to tell the truth.

Then be prepared to take his son as your own.

it is well.

You better run away, don't invite problem to your young aspiring life! i have seen this type of scenario a million times. there will always be that child factor! problems from the child and even the mother! please the truth is find someone else, i know you love him, but your joy and happiness is more important. i really hope you take to my advice. happy hunting for a new man in your life, thats brings love!

My dear u'v really got plenty of good advice. One thing I know is that people never really change.

Find out why he broke up with a woman that had a child for him?

Or allow a woman to have a child for him while still only dating.

Something like having kids is a big responsibilty that shouldn't be treated lightly. Cos u could be riding the same boat of being abandoned by him if you have a kid for him too.

Be tactful!!!

@ baba egun
You must have got it mixed up in your head. Guess you're still operating in the stone age. Even in the stone age men still fought over women.

No woman should ever ever count herself lucky that she has a man. Thats pathetic! Are u trying to say that the poster is desperate and can never have another man apart from this man. The man should count himself lucky for having such an understanding woman!

Apart from the fear of the ex coming back into his life there is absolutely nothing wrong with ur bf having a kid outside afterall most pple have had sex prior to meeting their present partner. And premarital sex comes with a lot of packages and surprises like this.

You need to appreciate the fact that he came out all true. I see no BIG DEAL in it.Please go ahead and give him all your support

Personally, i dont see anything wrong with him having a child. Atleast he told you about it on time,moreover you've only known him for three weeks. If the relationship will lead to marriage, you still have enough time to know if you will be able to cope with the situation. A friend i have has a girl child and i dont see that as a threat to me if the relationship will lead to marriage, even if the child was a boy it doesnt make any difference.

So just find out why he left his former girlfriend after having a child for him, he should have a reason.

You really need to be strong and have a good heart towards the child if you are going to be his step mother.

she is not seriuos

u better rush marry the person abi having a child is a diseases?

From my experience with baby fathers i say find where you stand with your boyfriend and make sure hes telling you the absolute truth concerning the relationship he has with the mother of his child.
My ex, has a baby, and i didnt find out from him, but a friend of mine, and what made things worse was that we were already together for 3 months when i was told.
Thats when the problems started,
the girl didnt gree for me and him to be together, infact none of her people did, i would recieve random phone calls telling me that him and the baby mother have been together for over 3 years and that hs been begging her for another child.
Upon all the baby mother now stated calling me saying the same thing. Telling me all kinds of nonsence the he does or should i say 'doesnt do' for her and the child.
After 2 good years of all this, it came to a stage where when i would ask him to tell the baby mother to stop calling me, it would cause an arguement, which proved to me that he wasnt worth it!!
It was even alot worse than what ive narrated here,

I hope it goes well, for anyone in that position, but like the saying goes you learn from your mistakes and expeience is the best teacher.
From my experience i shall never go down that route again.It works for some and it fails for others, good luck!!!

oh, and remember no matter how deep your relationship with him is, hes still going to be a part of the baby momma life , because truthfully he is the father of her child,and there is no way they can block each other out for the rest of thier lifes.

He might no play an active role, so to speak, but there will be some communication and other things involved for the sake of thier child.
But keep your head up and be strong about it,
And make sure you know the kind of guy you are dealing with, dont get played about with like a fool,

Took you 3 years to realize he wasnt worth it esp since he wasnt even the one that told you he had a kid?

afi United "Kingdon" naa.

my sister my reply to u is that u and ur so called boyfriend need spiritual cleansing for the bible says that marriage is honurable in all and bed undefiled for God will judge all sinners
God help u to understand this message.

It's ususally ok for a guy to marry a girl with a kid but the reverse is not advisable. I think it has to do with accepting the child and the child accepting you. Whatever ways, i'll advise u to lovingly explain to him why u cant continue wit the relationship. Good luck

my dear,
its just 3 weeks abi, and u know he has a son,
in 6 weeks, u'll know he has two kids actually,
in 12 weeks, u'll know he has two wives,
in 24 weeks, u'll know that house ehn is not his,
in 48 weeks, u'll know he wants to dump you,
my dear dump him 1st,
more candid stuff?
http://18andabove..com

Rghnb

@Poster

We should forget about what you think you want?

Good!  Then he has told you what the deal is.  Deal with it!  His having a baby is really none of your business since you guys are not married!  Obviously you guys do not have a monogamous relationship. . . you will neither be the first nor the last to go through such a thing. Look around you and see how people handle such things. . .that is one of the main lessons from history classes.

No big deal.  Whether you choose to stay or leave is your business! It is not the 10th wonder of the world!

U no de luckly say ya man de potent, U de complain.

SHHHHH!!!!!

@poster, since he told you about the son just three weeks after meeting yu, i think he is thinking seriously about marrying you, ask him about the mother of the son and try to get as much truth as you need to make your decissions, i wish u gud luck

the real question is, if u had a child and u told him, will u be happy if he abandons u because of that? at least he told u and he told u early.

@Poster

You ought to thankful that the guy told you.That he did tells me two things

1.He is a responsible man,;and

2.He seems serious about the relationship

For these reasons you should be thankful,cos not many guys would tell u a thing like that.So,deal with it your way.Whatever anyone tells u here is only to help u properly appraise the situation,and maybe think of other ramifications to the issue at hand,but in the final analysis,its ur call.

I wish u the best!!!

A GUY WIT A CHILD.
WETIN BAD THERE?
WHAT A WOMAN NEEDS IN A MAN IS SINCERITY BECOS MOST MEN NOR DEY TALK JUST JUST LIKE MOST WOMEN TOO BUT THIS GUY HAS GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
JUST MAKE UP UR MIND IF U TRULY LOVES HIM.

My very first post/ new nairalander, Hello People

@ poster, I do understand where you are coming from. I have been in that very same situation and I had to choose.

First of, be happy that he told you early in your relationship. This means he is thinking about something long-term with you and still giving you a choice to either step back or accept him as is.

My advice would be.

1. Ask about the mother's, where she is, what she does and how often they talk.
2. Be aware of how involved he is in the child's life. If he cares for the child a lot, do not take that in a negative way, but a good potential for a future husband and father to ur children.
3. Are you prepared to love and care for the child like he were urs? If no, you need to end the relationship asap.

I am married to my best friend who happend to have a 3 month old at the time we met, he never told me until the child was 1. I thought about getting out of the relationship because I wanted to avoid the baby mama drama. But I'm glad I stayed, it's been 7yrs now, we are happily married and blessed with 2 other children. My husband never puts me in the position to be worried that he may be with the other woman. The most important thing is I love the child just like the other 2 I bore and no one outside of our family can tell the difference between all three children.

It does have it ups and downs but if you show genuine love towards the child, your relationship will never suffer. As a matter of fact, the child's father will love you more. Since your relationship is fairly new, give it some time but if you can't deal with the above, you need to cut it short asap before you even get involved in the child's life. If you love the guy, you have to love the child as it is also part of him.

Hope it works well. I'm glad I stayed.

yinka why did yours wait so long to tell you?

Also did you have to deal with any drama from the mother?

@ D-reloaded,
His excuse was that he was concerned that I would leave him. We had a discussion early In our relationship where I told him I could never marry a man with a child. Because my mum had a bad experience with my step-sister.

I had to deal with the baby mama drama when we were dating because she always showed up for one thing or the other or always needed him to come and "help out". We had a real discussion after that where I told him I was in the relationship for good and if he loved me, he would need to respect my feelings. I began to spend time with the child when she was over at his place, she even came to spend weekends with me if he had to work. Because of all the attention I was giving to the child, I was basically acting as mum when she was around, with her hair, dress and all ( u know how cute little girls are). We became a little family on our own, I asked him to get weekend custody of the child so we could spend time together (which meant he didn't have to go to the baby mama's house to see her). We would go together to the baby mama's house to pick the baby up on Friday's and take her back on Sundays. Trust me baby mama drama is not even an issue anymore and will never be by God's grace

Stay don't go because he has a child. Let it be something else. Aleast he's been honest to you about the child.

My girlfriend is a mummy. 2 kids!

i will opt out immediately!!!!!!!!!!

U people,Y are u so short sighted?wat abt if a guy bleeps up afta marrriage and bring home an extra marital affairs's child?Will u divorcehim because of that.Marrying a single guy without a son doesnt guarantee u cant have a step son later in future.If u love him enuf to mary him,mary him and acept ur faith

I no get talk for mouth, but I go still yarn! If you have reviewed the possible consequences very well, and you think you are capable, please go on. BUT, if you dont see yourself sitting down with that child in the next 13/14 years to hear his/her intimate problems out FORGET IT.

Sha remember that there is a Yoruba adage that roughly translates to say 'any woman that has given birth to your child is as close to a wife as it gets'!

This thread really fascinates me because I am a single dad!

Yeah, yeah, so he's got a baby, and u guys r 3 weeks old, and now the question is "should i keep fu*king him", right??

Well i didnt hear u say he asked u to marry him, so whats the deal, do u need the kid's permission
2 fu*k his/ her daddy, c'mon gimmie a freakin break yall!

Get your guy and get it going on, then call us up if he pops the question, then we can take you serious and offer some advice!
For now, you really dont need it.