Good eve peeps.Hope everyone has been having a good weekend so far?Well this afternoon me and my daughter got into our usual tussle over hair making and after exhausting all the haribo sweets in the bag(yeah yeah i know but what can i do now) and the tears were still rolling down we had to resort to good ole fashioned blackmail,i got out scissors and threatened chopping the hair all off.As she knows princesses dont have short hair she quickly stopped crying and we were able to finish the hair.I kinda felt bad threatening her but a woman got to do what a woman got to do .

It got me thinking about my own mum and how i was raised.I actually think my mum wanted.me to be scared of her.To be honest alot of things i was pushed to do was actually cos i was scared of consequences.I studied hard for Waec and jamb cos my mum said if i did not pass at one seating it was to go and learn hair dressing(i think that was a bluff but i was not about to find out otherwise).I could not even borrow stuff from my friends cos i was scared i was in trouble if my mum caught me wearing it.

I know its not politically correct in this neo modern age but afterall the bible even says The FEAR of the Lord is the begginning of all wisdom,is a lil fear esp for pre pubescent kids really really that evil?
I personally would want my kids to respect and not fear me but looking back now i think a healthy fear of my parents held me back from doing some things.It certainly did me no harm though then i used to secretly wonder if i was adopted .

So parents and guardians what's your take?

Damiso! Iwo ati awon threads eh yi sha


Personally, I think your kids fearing you at a certain age is healthy. Every one of my siblings and I wondered at some point if we were adopted, so iyen kii se biggie.

I'd much prefer my kids fearing me wella than any nonsense respect abeg! When they turn 18 and move away from home, we'll start talking about respect

naijababe: Damiso! Iwo ati awon threads eh yi sha


Personally, I think your kids fearing you at a certain age is healthy. Every one of my siblings and I wondered at some point if we were adopted, so iyen kii se biggie.

I'd much prefer my kids fearing me wella than any nonsense respect abeg! When they turn 18 and move away from home, we'll start talking about respect

Naijababe abi kini afe se.Nkan ti Uk so wa di niyen,to baje a wa leko ati jo owambe nlo .Daddy wa o tun si nile so kama carry go ni.

I think you are right ojare.To be honest,fear of my mum made me sit up alot though i think that her own was a tad bit excessive.Iya o.That woman they never born you well.It did affect her relationship with my siblings abit though.They as adults are still a lil scared of her and cant seem to have that adult relationship that she now so.much wants.Me sef na now till i married sef and i was working o i used to be scared to go out and come back late.Friends will say lets go out for drinks after work and i would say i have to be home by 10.I was 25+ at this point. My colleagues just used to shake their heads.

My hubby even still thinks am.scared of her( i wonder who asked for his psyche analysis )cos when she is coming over he says my cleaning takes it another notch higher,like am scared she will say the kitchen has dirt behind the worktop

Damiso .....gbagbe respect. ....let the fear rule them for now. ....till they are of age and then you can ease up.

Reality is that as fearful as you were of ur mum.....are you not better for it today?

i always recommend treating my kids the same way i was raised when i was growing up......with of course maybe some little luxury though.

Only peeps who are not proud of how they turned out may not find this encouraging.

Your location may hamper your disciplinary skills though but enforce the ones available to you within the law. The kids will be better for it later in life.

omo o je'ya.....o l'oun gbon......

Op abeg nothing do you jare, my mum siad more than that us. I remember clearly in my mothers words "I gave birth to you and I will kill you and nobody will hold me for anything" yes oo and you needed to see us then doing our chores rightly. My siblings and I even use the statements on ourselves in my mum' absence oo. Truthfully that fear did wonders in our individual lives if not a lot would have happened,to raise 4 girls and a boy no be small matter o.

Fear is good in this case as long as it keeps the child in check but parents should know when they are over-doing it else it draws the child away from them.
It happened with me as a child.I was so scared of my dad i couldn't discuss anything with him-some things that could have tilted the course of my life a little for better if only i had the guts to look him in the eye then.
Seen it happen with a few other people too.It doesn't make sense anymore if it breaks the bond one's naturally supposed to have with a child.

taryour: Op abeg nothing do you jare, my mum siad more than that us. I remember clearly in my mothers words "I gave birth to you and I will kill you and nobody will hold me for anything" yes oo and you needed to see us then doing our chores rightly. My siblings and I even use the statements on ourselves in my mum' absence oo. Truthfully that fear did wonders in our individual lives if not a lot would have happened,to raise 4 girls and a boy no be small matter o.

LOL at 'i will kill you'.My mum would say then i will flog you to stupor if you faint i will take you to the hospital and when you get better we continue .She too also used to say i gave birth to you so i can kill you if i want

slimyem: Fear is good in this case as long as it keeps the child in check but parents should know when they are over-doing it else it draws the child away from them.
It happened with me as a child.I was so scared of my dad i couldn't discuss anything with him-some things that could have tilted the course of my life a little for better if only i had the guts to look him in the eye then.
Seen it happen with a few other people too.It doesn't make sense anymore if it breaks the bond one's naturally supposed to have with a child.

Agree at bolded.

Personally, i think at this age, they need a little fear, if not, they fit disgrace someone for public o, i remember the other time i said i use "egba tinrin" on my kids and aunti Jide said it shouldnt be, but believe me, shakara works faster for this kids, but by the time they start getting to 10years upward, then, they can understand better when you try to explain.

Presently, im away from home, to pay visit to my brother, on getting there, i met some 2 boys who are not part of their children, believe me, this boys(they should be around 7 and 9), i tell you, they are spoilt, even my brother's wife is just tired about the kids, they dont respect anybody, when i was eating, they just put hand in my food and started eating, i was receiving call and they were hyjacking phone from me, saying they wanted to play games, and they have never seen me before o, it was yesterday night that i got there that was the first time they would see me, imagine that, my brother's wife explained how her younger sister use to indulge the boys because she doesnt want the boys to be fearful, but is that the of respect/training we are talking about, i believe if their parent had been a little more strict, they wouldnt have probably be like that. The essence of this my story is that, at those little little age, they need more shakara, when they seems not to cooperate easily.
The only thing is that, after the shakara, embrace them again and explain to them that its not that you hate them, but only for them to turn out well.
Parenthood is not an easy job, may God give us the requires wisdom to administer properly and discipline appropriately and give us the grace to reap our effrt on them...... Amen.

@Op.

My Sweet Mum is like that ooo.
I remember her always telling us that she sees us whenever we do what she doesnot approve of, and truely truely She always catches us redhanded whenever we do bad things. *i wonder how she does that till date*

I lived with that fear to the extent that
I went to a boarding school and always believed that she sees me through her 'magic mirror' whenever i don't go to the laboratory for lessons, or do any other bad thing sha. Lol.

It really made me watch my steps and sincerely, i am a better person in life because of that.

Small fear like that wouldn't kill children oooo, i subscribe to it 100%.

sadly thats because people dont spend enough time educating and raising their children the right way. blackmail and fear is the easy way out that just turns any kid into fearing their parent instead of respecting them..... no matter how we look at it, it is wrong and we only accept it because our inadequate parents did the same to us and we came out "ok".

yes people are ok today after fearing their parents all their lives, but the catch is that they could be 10 times better if they were raised with love and respect, so that they can raise/teach the same to their own children. how can anyone say they came out ok when they still have no clue as to how to raise their own children?!

All these old school parenting style's Cons outweighs its Pros..... But I've learnt my lesson to lock my Ray-Ban on and pretend it never happened.

@ Topic
Why should I instil fear in my preteen girl when I knew what it is not to have that close relationship that age?
( yeah go ahead and mock me again)

What kind of respect exactly do I need from a child that I can't get with a more reasonable approach?

@ .... I can Never hit my child(ren), I don't need any bragado/shakara to pass my message across.

Dami, I was never scared of anybody except my dad , and I wouldn't call that a scare cos we are like buddies, it's kinda like I don't wanna let Daddy down kinda feeling to check myself when I misbehave, I learnt all basic home training, morals, respect, and etiquette without any shakara

@Princess , you did well with the fiction approach than screaming/ hitting.

All in all Family section Rules; Whatever works for anybody.

And oh this is Jidegirl.

MRbrownJAY: sadly thats because people dont spend enough time educating and raising their children the right way. blackmail and fear is the easy way out that just turns any kid into fearing their parent instead of respecting them..... no matter how we look at it, it is wrong and we only accept it because our inadequate parents did the same to us and we came out "ok".

yes people are ok today after fearing their parents all their lives, but the catch is that they could be 10 times better if they were raised with love and respect, so that they can raise/teach the same to their own children. how can anyone say they came out ok when they still have no clue as to how to raise their own children?!

Sir ok practical question here,how do you use love and respect to tell a 3 yr old who you have explained to a million times that its dangerous to accept things from strangers without mummy's permission? Its an hypothetical question cos i wont lie i scared my 3 yr old into looking at me or asking before accepting stuff even in our house.I have no regrets too
Not too long we heard of a psycho who was giving lil kids bleach in Mcdonalds.

And when.i say scared i dont mean screaming or hitting.I simply told her that sometimes people give things that might not be nice or might hurt her tummy(i esp meant church cos there is one lady that gives out sweets and chocs a dime a dozen, like its going out of fashion not saying i dont give treats but we have a limit).So befores she eats stuff she needs to see if its something she is allowed to have.It took a while but now its second nature for her to look at me (if am there) or ask.am i allowed to have it.Lil kids are lil kids they are moved by what they see if there is no caution they can eat 50 sweets a day if they are allowed.

jydogirl12: All these old school parenting style's Cons outweighs its Pros..... But I've learnt my lesson to lock my Ray-Ban on and pretend it never happened.

@ Topic
Why should I instil fear in my preteen girl when I knew what it is not to have that close relationship that age?
( yeah go ahead and mock me again)

What kind of respect exactly do I need from a child that I can't get with a more reasonable approach?

@ .... I can Never hit my child(ren), I don't need any bragado/shakara to pass my message across.

Dami, I was never scared of anybody except my dad , and I wouldn't call that a scare cos we are like buddies, it's kinda like I don't wanna let Daddy down kinda feeling to check myself when I misbehave, I learnt all basic home training, morals, respect, and etiquette without any shakara

@Princess , you did well with the fiction approach than screaming/ hitting.

All in all Family section Rules; Whatever works for anybody.

And oh this is Jidegirl.

I get what you mean sis by the over doing it.But you know kids esp those under 5 have short attention span.Sometimes you need the shock factor(not necesarily flogging and screaming) cos believe me for some kids explaining and talking does not work.I do take on board the fact that being petrified of your parents is not necesarrily the best cos for some people that fear defines the relationship for life.

Nowadays i find that a LOOK sometimes speaks words and i dont need to talk before i hear sorry mummy.Been practising that LOOK and i have gotten it to a tee

@OP
there are many ways to have your children respect your word and actions...... but the first and foremost issue is that you have to be a respectable person, live a respectful life and have respectful values......... and you should start teaching them such values from DAY ONE.

many people spoil their children in early ages and then are surprized when that child need to be "corrected" later on. if you say no candy for example, then let that child cry a river, but dont give up or shout at the top of your lungs to get your point across (like many do). reward your children when they do good (a kind word is sufficient). if your child did something wrong then "talk" to them while making them understand that what they did was wrong. even though a child may not be able to talk, their brain is well aware of what is going on, and thus thats why the work starts from day one.

there is no way i could show love by raising my voice or beating someone, and a child knows that. if i respect my kids i shouldnt have to beat the hell out of them to impose my views. a child will push its limits and you just have to be patient while standing your ground on what you expect of them.......if you do that from day one, then it can only be positive (unless you have one of them problem child)

as for receiving stuff from strangers etc, it goes the same way. just teach them from day one that such action is wrong......and let them refuse anything from people they dont know. you cant have your cake and eat it too on this one,
family, friends or whatever are strangers too! until your child is old enough to understand such issue and differenciate from the good ones to the bad ones, then you shouldnt leave your child with strangers, there is no two ways about it. just like teaching your kids that no one should touch their private parts (apart from daddy and mummy).....yes NOBODY!

and if you have a housegirl/boy that spends most days with your young child then that is ONE reason why you cannot teach anything to your kids. how could you when someone else is raising them?!