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Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. - Poems For Review - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. (1188 Views)

Please Review My Poem -i Weep For My Country:Nigeria / I Wrote This For A Friend On Her Birthday In 5mins 38s, Rate It Over 10 / ( A Poem) I Don't Know Why She Hate Me So. (2) (3) (4)

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Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by Onyegecha(f): 9:06pm On Apr 17, 2013
Losing an only eye is sad
The lone star in someone's night
Failing to give the needed light
Surely can make a fellow mad

But it's not the worst tragedy

When one is poor, life is unkind
Rolling in lack, fighting the odds
Looking for luck, jostling with gods
A tortured heart, a burdened mind

But it's not the worst tragedy

Losing self to the drifting crowd
Breaking ties with the inner light
Using the vogue to measure right
Caging soul, free thoughts disallowed

That is indeed a tragedy

1 Like

Re: Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by kagari: 10:46pm On Apr 17, 2013
lovely poem, well constructed. the worst tragedy is when one looses its through identity. nice work
Re: Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by Nobody: 2:23am On Apr 18, 2013
Endorsed!
Re: Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by Onyegecha(f): 6:40am On Apr 18, 2013
Thanks a million! cheers
Re: Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by ambrosunny(m): 10:44am On Apr 22, 2013
What a lovely poem,good composed with a stanza consist of abbac rhyme
Re: Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by Shugamania(f): 5:03pm On May 01, 2013
Nicee..
I like.
Re: Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by HARDDON: 6:22pm On May 05, 2013
Onyegecha: Losing an only eye is sad
The lone star in someone's night
Failing to give the needed light
Surely can make a fellow mad

YET MORTALS HAVE FELT MORE

When one is poor, life is unkind
Rolling in lack, fighting the odds
Looking for luck, jostling with gods
A tortured heart, a burdened mind

YET MEN HAVE SEEN MORE

Losing self to drifting crowd
Breaking ties with inner light
Using vogue to measure right
Caging soul, freeING thoughts

Of what worth is life then?




Its kool me likey( without the interlude ofcos )

If i may, a lil pointer : the interlude killed its flow. Stunted its roll.

Den you took me from the ethereal to the natural. If you're gonno take me up there, i wano stay up there.

had to re colour it. Pardon mua.
Re: Please Tell Me What You Think About This Poem I Wrote. by Onyegecha(f): 6:57pm On May 05, 2013
Thank you sooooo very much! cheers

1 Like

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