I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! - Family - Nairaland
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| I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Sharhonda83: 5:07pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Good Afternoon, My husband and I have been married for alsmost 3 years and we are expecting our first child in November. Every since we found out that we are pregnant, he refuses to show interest in me and stated that I should get an abortion. When I try to initiate conversation, he gets a very nasty attitude and tells me that I should not talk to him. One fact that I do know is that he is upset that he cannot find a job in his chosen profession and blames me for getting pregnant by him. He keeps making the statement, that I am trying to hold him back. Moreover, he is currently working full time with Police and complains that he is going to only work for 1 more month and then he is going to leave. He states that he works is too hard and that he is not making enough money to buy nice cars and TVs....what about the baby and me  ?? I work full time as well and I am very tired but I am mature enough to know that we have a baby on the way and it should be our responsibility to take care of him/her. I do not want to get a divorce but If he continues to talk down to me and refuse to accept the fact that he impregnanted me, his own wife, I will leave him to regain my peace.2 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by femishoshogmai(f): 5:15pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
you are married so i dont see why he should tell you to rid it. when you have made a commitment does not make sense . I think women find there pregnancy a reality as soon as they find out i think it is more common for men to start to have emotions and feelings when the child is born. i agree i think if he does not change his attitude you should leave but i think once the child is born his mind will change but the problem is, that you need his emotional input and support whilst being pregnant so is a long time to wait to see if he changes his mind but its worth a try  3 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Coldfeet(f): 5:16pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Better for you o! Meanwhile keep cool and take care of ur self no need getting worked up over a man that can't get his acts together. 3 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 5:22pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Sharhonda83: Good Afternoon, My dear, just concentrate on making your own money to care for yourself and your baby. Not easy as a pregnant lady but try your best and save for your maternity leave too. First child coming after 3 yrs of marriage and he asked for an abortion? Or did you guys previously plan to have no children? All the best to you o, you have your work cut out for you! 2 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by femishoshogmai(f): 5:23pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
i know how you feel as i am going through my pregnancy alone as the father does not want to know, but we were not married so the circumstances are different , he should be really happy for you two. even though my babies fathers says he does not want to be involved, since he said that, comes around sometimes and communicates via phone which is comforting to know not all communications are lost . but i do not depend on him or have any emotional reliance so i know if he still has a stubborn attitude and cowards out of his responsibility when the birth arrives i am strong and independent enough to cope alone . maybe you should not leave him but have an attitude ,where your prepared emotionally if he still acts this way towards you and the baby later on. |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 5:34pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
I think the problem here is the financial costs of raising a child, your husband should grow up and try his hands on other businesses by the side while he is doing his police man work. 1 Like |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by greatgod2012(f): 5:43pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
@op, sometimes, it happens like that, i think your hubby is frustrated, because of his inability to secure his dream job, just be patient with him, take care of yourself and prepare for your maternity, hopefully, the arrival of your LO will be blessed and fulfilled. Meanwhile, use the little amount you can afford to get the very essential few baby things you can get, and be prayerful, i believe that, with time, things will come around. However, you can as well talk to him about your feelings, in an encouraging manner. 1 Like |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Smuthx(m): 6:01pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
femishosho@gmai:Your situation is totally different. Dont put in these context. you are not married why the op is married. @OP Your husband has friends and close family members. Speak with his elder brothers or sisters and table your fears and concerns. Something in life, dont expect everything to be rosey and smooth. Your husband being a policeman is not bad. There are challenges in every workplace from police to the CEO of a big multinational. He should man up and take up his resonsibilities. getting angry will solve absolute nothing 2 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Pataki: 6:04pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
I think your hubby is feeling financially and socially frustrated. That he is asking for an abortion could only mean that he is fully frustrated with the level of accomplishment he has. And feels raising a child with his current status was not his intended life dreams. Now, don't take any form of resentment against him. He needs to be carefully counselled by a professional, and shown love and appreciation by you. Otherwise, you are simply living with a time bomb that can explode at any time. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by femishoshogmai(f): 6:09pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Smuthx: Your situation is totally different. Dont put in these context. you are not married why the op is married. i already said the situation is different , the situation that is the same is that the husband does not want to know and asked her to rid it. never tried to say we were in the same position 1 Like |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by femishoshogmai(f): 6:12pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
femishosho@gmai: 2 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 7:07pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
OP, like other posters have pointed out, your hubby is feeling frustrated cos of the additional financial burden of bringing a child into his present circumstances. I'll advise that you stay calm, not easy I know. I can imagine how you must feel about his attitude at this time when most women would be enjoying extra attention from their spouses. 3 years of waiting for a child is not a joke in Africa marriage setting. Please my dear, try and handle this with wisdom and maturity. Recognise that he's acting out of fear, and learn to handle issues as they come. The way you handle this will determine whether this matter will escalate or not. Go to him when you see he's relaxed, preferably after a nice meal. Talk to him about his concerns and yours too. Try make him open up to you. Assure him of your love and support. Make him see you're both in this, and not him bearing the challenges alone. Above all, pray together always as a couple. I'm sure he'll come around. Meanwhile, try to start some kind of savings for the baby's arrival. Plan very well and do not leave anything to chances. As much as possible, involve him in the pans. I'm sure when he sees the amount of preparation you're putting to welcome your bundle of joy, he'll become less self absorbed and hopefully give you the much needed support. May God give you the wisdom to handle this. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 7:57pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Another marriage palaver,maybe Nairaland should turn to Nkan Mbe. |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by GeneralJ(m): 9:04pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
WOWW
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| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by eagleeye2: 9:06pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Yomieluv: Another marriage palaver,maybe Nairaland should turn to Nkan Mbe. you took the words off my key board. naija and marriage wahala. Before marriage na so so fasting and prayer,( some go even go dibia) after marriage fasting and prayer and wahala. Which time do we have to enjoy this life..... Na wa ohh...... me I go marry ohh... |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 9:19pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Coldfeet: Better for you o! Meanwhile keep cool and take care of ur self no need getting worked up over a man that can't get his acts together.Na so. Smh. |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by baby124: 9:55pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Yomieluv: Another marriage palaver,maybe Nairaland should turn to Nkan Mbe. Lmao, na wa for the stories. Unbelievably true. OP, So before you guys got pregnant, were you actively trying for a baby? Or you both just never talked about it. In 3years, I would have thought you guys would have talked about if it was convenient to bring a baby into this. And also would have used birth control or other methods to delay having a child you cannot afford. Is he resentful because you guys actually made some plans, and someone went back on their word? Am trying to be clear here. |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by butta(m): 10:23pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
Yomieluv: Another marriage palaver,maybe Nairaland should turn to Nkan Mbe.I tire oooo all dis bored housewife sef .... |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 10:30pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
butta: I tire oooo all dis bored housewife sef .... Bored housewife ? how about some men that are not ready to Man up to their responsibilities. 1 Like |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Mustay(m): 10:49pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
You are garments for each other. One thing I find amusing is how we wey we know dey the house go come sabi the house pass you. OP, start by initiating discussion with him. We can't become him with our opinions. If this attempt fails as the case is now, find an influential middleman for both of you to TALK. Communication eases quite a lot when those we intend to get the message get it firsthand. Men get ego ish. The funny part about such cases is if maybe you quit, the lesson of valuing what you had would just be dawning on him. Unfortunately, he is using the escapism method to pour his frustrations on you - whatever you do, just be extra patient. Ultimately, having a roundtable will be the best. 1 Like |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by kponkedenge(m): 10:52pm On Apr 21, 2013 |
I don't hav any sensible thing to post  |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Sharhonda83: 1:55am On Apr 23, 2013 |
Thank you for the comments. You all made some very good points and it has helped me see the situation in a different light. I will keep praying and be patient and focus on staying calm. Thank you again |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 3:39am On Apr 23, 2013 |
Where are you's based? Are you both Nigerians? |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by i1: 5:48am On Apr 23, 2013 |
@OP if I am to talk people will shout but I believe a little bit of fault here belongs to you. Did you ever have that: What I want in my Future/Our Future with the Husband? Did you ever plan your steps together? Becuase of MIL/ family pressure: Get a Kid, you went ahead to get one, did He tell you he was ready for a Kid? The Poor guy is frustrated with his Lot as a policeman, and he has to take care of His angel, and you want to add a Child too? Give him some slack if he feels overwhelmed! He wants a better life for his family BUT the resources never come(that's why I Like Igbos) Way forward report him to his Dad or tell his Mum that She is a Grandmother! They will congratulate him aπϑ advise Him! He needs support too |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by juman(m): 7:16am On Apr 23, 2013 |
Hmmmm. The country is bad. @OP should be patient and be always assure the husband that all will be well in God's name. |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by personaldomest(f): 7:19am On Apr 23, 2013 |
People need to stop bringing innocent children into emotionally unstable homes. Before you bring a child into this world get your act together. These little children should not suffer because of their parent's ignorance. 1 Like |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Ujjoan: 8:19am On Apr 23, 2013 |
Sharhonda83: Good Afternoon, @ Poster I have some questions for you . . 1. What do you mean when you say you guys are married I know a lot of people claiming 'married' after just an introduction. Are you guys legally of religiously married?2. Has he ever been married, is he a divorcee or a widow? It seems to me that your husband doesn't want to be married to you . . In Nigeria of today, having the 1st child after 3 years of marriage is considered late. How come your case is the opposite 1 Like |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Carius(m): 8:42am On Apr 23, 2013 |
Be a pillar of support to him.encourage him,stand by him.try to help him forget his troubles.this is just a mood swing.he would get over it in no time.pls,whatever u do,never ever report him to anybody,his Ego would take a hit and he would hate u for that.Don't bring any third party into ur marital issues...he wasn't always like this;thank God u know d source of d problem.moreover,stop telling us u can't talk to ur husband or that he doesn't want to listen to u.we don't know him as much as u do.u should know d best time to talk to him and get a favourable response. |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by isalegan2: 5:09pm On Apr 23, 2013 |
OP, don't mind the naysayers. As Pataki and the reasonable ones have said, your husband is frustrated, to say the least. Whatever you do, don't terminate your pregnancy because of a temporary hardship. I wish you the best. Remember to come back and post joyful baby pictures for us o.  |
| Re: I Feel As If My Husband Resents Me.....please Comment! by Nobody: 6:03pm On Apr 23, 2013 |
NONSENSE from a bunch of hypocrites!!!! the man already said he does not want a child "now", which is fully understandable since "they" dont have the proper employment/finances to cater for a little one. how hard is it for wifey to understand? the fact that some people automatically assume that being married means you have the green light to bring a child into this world, is flawed in so many levels. A) having a child and caring for him/her emotionally, physically AND financially for the next 18yrs (at least) is no joke. so this is a matter that needs to be discussed extensively by both parties involved. how selfish it is for this future single mother to disregard the wishes of this man. B) if a husband blames his wife for getting pregnant then i can safely say that he clearly didnt want a child now, made it clear to wifey, but she went ahead and did a trick or some kind to get belle. thats the only possible reason why a man would "blame" his wife for being pregnant. C) i can understand that it has been 3 yrs and wifey want to show the whole world that she can get pregnant too , but there is a time for everything, and this is clearly NOT the time for them to have a child........and then we all wonder why some parent abuse their children, when these kids will be blamed for any miserable life the parents end up with. @OP you have a choice to make: YOUR BABY or YOUR UNION......... it is sad to say but thats what it comes down to. i hope you choose wisely! |
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