In the 21st century, the popular social networking site
Facebook has made a verb of the term 'friend', and it is
now common to 'friend' people on Facebook / field
numerous 'friend' requests on a regular basis. However, it
is not always clear what the purpose of being Facebook
'friends' with someone actually is.
In the case of an individual who is geographically distributed
from you despite the fact you work together, or the individual
once lived near you or attended school with you, it makes
logical sense to be Facebook 'friends' so you can see the
pictures and updates from their life where you are not present
[assuming you genuinely like this person and are interested in
remaining connected to them in a superficial regard].
In the case of individuals with whom you are locally socially
acquainted and enjoy hanging out, it makes logical sense to be
Facebook 'friends' so that you can invite your friends to
events, view which events people plan to attend or receive
invites to friends' performances or parties; in other words,
Facebook acts as a connective device that is easier than calling/
texting everyone every night to say 'what are you doing, let's do
something together.'
But we currently abide a culture where 'friend' doesn't really
mean 'friend' anymore, but 'someone I clicked on via the
internet', 'someone who has for some reason given me
permission to be a spooky Viewer' or 'someone into whom I
placed a digital hook in the event I might want to use them for
something someday.'
In an effort to reclaim some semblance of meaning for the word
'friend', consider undertaking a Facebook 'purge', whereby
you 'unfriend' everyone who isn't actually your friend nor
someone with whom you are interested in being friends or
getting to know under consideration of being friends.
*'The Rando'*
One time you were hanging out with some friends and they
brought a couple people you had never met, and after attending a
social event such as a band show, bar night or raucous dinner
you all went to someone's house/apartment, possibly your own,
where everyone sat around drinking while listening to music or
watching a movie and talking over it.
The Rando'
was the person who sat at the very end of the
couch and didn't say very much, possibly even drifted off with
his mouth open while sitting next to someone you knew. The
next day 'The Rando' sent you a friend request and you said to
yourself 'I hung out with that guy, I guess we are friends now'
and accepted it.
You never see that guy again. One day he pops up in your
feed and you asksomeone 'who was that rando guy', and
nobody in your social circle reports actually being his friend,
maybe someone goes 'oh, that's just this guy I know.' You
should delete him from your Facebook friends.
*'The Mutual'*
You received a friend request from someone you have never
met, but who has a high number of friends in common
with you , possibly a list of mutuals who are closely associated
with one another such as your colleagues or a certain 'subset' of
your social circle, and you said, 'oh, this is a friend of theirs',
and you accepted the request.
However, you have never met nor corresponded with this
person. Looking at your friends list one day you see an
unfamiliar name and go 'wait, who is this again?' and you visit
their profile and notice they do not live in the same state as you
or your 'mutuals', they have a career in a field wholly unrelated
to yours, and possibly they have a very high number of
Facebook friends, meaning that the 'mutuals' were possibly
coincidental. You ask your 'mutuals' who the person is and each
tells you they just accepted the 'friend' request under the
assumption that the individual was a friend of the other. You
should delete this person from your Facebook friends.
*The 'Networking Opportunity'*
You received a friend request from an individual in a career
field related to yours or in a social scene to which you
aspire to join . They appeared to be friends with other 'relevant'
individuals in your field/social scene, and a cursory perusal of
their Facebook photos indicated that they have a pretty sweet life
into which you fantasized you might be invited. You felt an
illogical sense of flattery that this person somehow sought you
out and 'friended' you, and wondered 'is this person familiar
with my work/identity, do they want to offer me a job/sweet
party invite'.
The person has never contacted you and has generally never
actually acknowledged your existence except to send you self-
promotional invites to things like their friend's gigs that cost
some money to attend, their friend's gallery opening in a place
too inaccessible relative to your living situation, or otherwise
annoying all-caps bulletins that are not of actual interest to you.
Their 'feed' is clotted with links to obvious news articles and
impersonal information that appears nearly unintelligible/
useless. You become aware the person has over 1000 Facebook
'friends' and does not use the social network to be social or to
network. You should delete this person from your friends
list.
*The Attractive Person You Do Not Actually Know*
You received a friend request from someone you felt you did
not know, and clicking on their profile to examine everything
further revealed that all of the data was set to private except for
the profile photo, which was noticeably attractive to you in a
fashion that made you fantasize about meeting/dating/
sleeping with this person , so you overcame a vague wariness
of strangers to see what this good-looking individual might
possibly want with you and accepted the friend request.
You might have even one night decided to overcome the
awkwardness of actual non-acquaintance to Facebook-chat the
attractive stranger on Facebook, but in most cases the
unsettling gap between 'Facebook friend' and 'real friend'
has ultimately formed an insurmountable wall to you
actually meeting this person , despite the occasional message
from one or the other of you listlessly suggesting you should
hang out or apologizing for going months without answering a
message suggesting you should hang out or proposing plans
that never materialize. This person never lists their 'relationship
status'.
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Instead of periodically browsing this person's photos,
scrutinizing pictures of them with friends to try to discern
whether they are actually/were ever single/are still available, or
just generally gazing creepily at this person, you don't actually
know and probably will never, you should delete them from
your Facebook friends list.
*The 'Ever-Present Near-Stranger'*
This is an individual whereby you 'kind of know who they
are' via having met them at a few parties or having worked with
the company or individual for whom they work or having 'seen
them around' on several occasions. This person seemed
faultlessly nice if not especially unusual or piquant, so when
they sent you a friend request you accepted it without much
further consideration, i.e. 'I know him/her, he/she seems nice.'
Since the time you accepted that friend request, the individual
comments on and/or likes nearly every 'status update' or photo
you post. They feel the need to 'weigh in' on discussion threads
among you and people they don't know, they post '' when
your friend leaves an inside joke on your 'wall', and every time
you change your profile photo they write 'Great photo!' They
employ a lot of exclamation points and generally use 'emoticons'
liberally.
You examine your Facebook page and notice that should
anyone examine your Facebook page in an attempt to assess you
or your life, one would assume that this individual is in fact
a very close friend of yours and not someone you hardly
know who seems to be very involved in your Facebook
page for no apparent reason and in a fashion you do not
reciprocate . You feel vaguely guilty about detaching yourself
from someone just because they seem to like you/your life too
much, and you occasionally halfheartedly 'like' some things on
their Facebook page out of a sense of obligation.
You are also aware that should you 'unfriend' this person he/she
is liable to immediately notice, given how attentive he/she seems
to be to your page. They will live. You should delete them
from your friends list.