She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! - Family - Nairaland
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| She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 8:45am On May 01, 2013 |
[b] sorry guys. Didnt know how to phrase the topic. Its about a regular couple who just got married. The hubby was discussing with a friend while watching soccer. He was a bit disturbed about his wife's little level of confidence in herself. According to him, his wife is a superwoman. She loves him more than herself, Can grow hungry just so he can eat. Does his laundry and all other endearing things a woman can ever give her hubby. Despite all these, he complained his wife has an attitude that breaks him inside. His wife beleives she does not deserve him as a husband! Candidly,the guy is a ladies man in terms of looks and attitude. Even guys readily give it to him as a model among his pairs. He has tried to make the wife (btw..a b.sc holder too.) feel confident, but no result yet. He takes her everywhere possible, even outside the country on trips , Calls her twice a day before returning home after work. The guy really cares for her wife like she does for him too. But , she just has the complex that really makes him unhappy. She reveres him as a 'god' ,believes every lady wants her hubby for themselves. She is not secure at all. In discussions , it was revealed that while the lady is pretty,her man is extremely handsome and has a likeable attitude. Is there any other way for him to build his wife's confidence level? [/b] |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Ab025(m): 9:06am On May 01, 2013 |
Somethin is wrong wit d woman's understandin of luv...I tink d guy shud start showin her his ugly sides too so that she wud start to understand that he is only human just like her and he also has flaws. The earlier she starts to like d guy as a human and not as a God, d better for their marriage . |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 9:06am On May 01, 2013 |
Is d woman completely dependent on d husband? |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 9:06am On May 01, 2013 |
He can't do anything more for her, let her be herself Abeg! She has a low self esteem issue and if she couldn't fix it all through her stay in this world, then I must say its really difficult... She has been like this before he married her, why try to change her now  |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by k2039: 9:13am On May 01, 2013 |
She doesn't want to disappoint you in any way. Spend a lot of time with her and try to make her feel better about herself. Show her how much you love her and let her know WHY you love and chose her. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 9:26am On May 01, 2013 |
She works , drives a 2010 car the husband gave her, has all the toys...bb,laptop,android,etc. Although, she is a last born from a large polygamous family. Lost her dad when she was 3. Im wondering if this background has any influence on her attitude. And she's not the s.u type. Just your regular christain lady with good values. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by k2039: 9:40am On May 01, 2013 |
jeffizy: She works , drives a 2010 car the husband gave her, has all the toys...bb,laptop,android,etc.As humans we tend to become a product of the environment to which we live in and have been raised in, 'I call it The Domestication of Humans'. Like I said earlier, make her feel important, let her know she is special and that's why you chose her. Just be patient with her. 1 Like |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 9:42am On May 01, 2013 |
BTW, it was'nt an arrangee wedding. They met in school, the guy said his bla,bla, she was cool with it. They courted for 2 years. He thought the marriage would give her some of the groove she lacked. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 9:45am On May 01, 2013 |
k2039: As humans we tend to become a product of the enviorment to which we live in and have been raised in, 'I call it The Domestication of Humans'.Your advice is valuable. Thumbs up. N.B i know much cos guy was my best man. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 9:47am On May 01, 2013 |
OP, the last time you said your wife was lucky she won you  ..Are you telling us it's really your best friends story  Lol |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by oluplus(m): 9:51am On May 01, 2013 |
If u ask me, I'll say the woman is struggling with guilt. May be she has a confession to make. Something is wrong somewhere. Let the man probe her with an open mind in an acceptable environment. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by slimyem: 9:57am On May 01, 2013 |
I really don't see any problem here.It might or might not be self exteem. She reveres her husband and she's cool with it.What does the man want her to do to show she's confident? Show some arrogance and disrespect him? Apart from constantly showing,telling and assuring her of how much she is equally loved and appreciated,there isn't much to do here.Stop looking for a problem that's not there. 2 Likes |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 10:04am On May 01, 2013 |
Vikin: OP, the last time you said your wife was lucky she won youSincerely yes! We learn everyday. I think i will be ready to own up if it was me. Vikin, how market?  |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 10:10am On May 01, 2013 |
@slimyem.. Its more like he ( the guy) is trying to let her become more aware of how much he believes in her. But when a woman doesnt know her own value, how long will it take for others to see it that way too? 1 Like |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:21am On May 01, 2013 |
slimyem: I really don't see any problem here.It might or might not be self exteem.GBAMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!  |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by slimyem: 10:31am On May 01, 2013 |
jeffizy: @slimyem..It not something that can go away by waving a magic wand especially if she has been like that for a long time. If she doesn't know her own value,at least the husband does and she does know his own value too.He is the only one in a position to exploit that weakness and if he truly loves her as much as you say,it is not a problem. If she's being secure,independent and a no-nonsense person,you'll complain she wants to take over your position as the man or that she's relaxed in her duties as a wife.Now,this one's meek,respectful and submissive(abi isn't this what y'all claim you want in a wife?),you still dey complain. You men just have too much wahala.Ugh! |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 10:38am On May 01, 2013 |
What's healthy for peter may be arsenate for paul. Each individual has his/her own manual of how life should be. Generalising is not right. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:48am On May 01, 2013 |
jeffizy: @slimyem..Special case. HIS WIFE HAS SELF ESTEEM/SECURITY ISSUES TO BE HONEST!!!!. I will give you seven tips on how not to feel insecure. My SOURCE is going to be GOOGLE by the way.  |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:50am On May 01, 2013 |
Use these 7 tips to stop feeling insecure about your relationship. FIRST STEP:1) Stop confusing imagination with reality Making stuff up and then believing it is a sure-fire way to self-torment. The insecure flyer will hear the normal mechanism of the air conditioning and twist it within their imagination to signify impending doom via crash and burn. They'll imagine the bored look on an air steward's face to be barely concealed terror because, "He must know something we don't!" The over-imaginative flyer may even fantasize the sound of the landing gear coming down is an engine falling from the plane. They scare themselves by assuming what they imagine represents reality. There are normal 'mechanisms' to any relationship. There are ebbs and flows and mood changes, moments of intimacy and closeness and comfortable spaces. These ebbs and flows are normal. Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting an aeroplane to never make a sound or a movement. Next time you feel insecure, ask yourself what it is you are imagining. Write it down on paper under, 'Stuff I am making up in my head.' Being able to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening is a massive step toward self-assurance. Which neatly links to... |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:51am On May 01, 2013 |
STEP TWO:2) Avoid the Certainty Trap Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling. This may sound strange, but feeling that: "This relationship must be exactly as I think it should be!" is a form of over-control. A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong. Having to know whether your partner really loves you, having to know this or having to know that puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship. The fact is, we all have to live with uncertainty. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved. Wanting what is not possible (complete and utter certainty in all and everything forever) is not possible because imagination can still make up doubts. So stop looking for certainty where it doesn't apply. Self-assurance comes from starting to relax with uncertainty. Wanting to know for certain that someone will be with you forever prevents you enjoying the here and now. Nothing in life is certain... |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:52am On May 01, 2013 |
STEP THREE:3) Give the relationship room to breathe When you plant a seed in the ground, you need to give it access to sunlight, water, and air; you need to give it space to develop. Your relationship needs room to breathe. Schedule in some 'separate time' and just see it for what it is. The developing flower needing space to grow isn't a sign that it is heading for collapse. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by slimyem: 10:52am On May 01, 2013 |
jeffizy: What's healthy for peter may be arsenate for paul.^but submissiveness is a quality y'all want in a woman...yes? |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:52am On May 01, 2013 |
STEP FOUR:...4) Stop 'mind reading' Constantly wondering what your partner is thinking is a quick route to anxiety. If they say one thing don't assume they mean another. If they say nothing don't assume that their silence is significant, either. Many men relax by not talking. Constantly wondering and asking what someone is thinking is a dead end because even if they do tell, will you believe them anyway? 'Mind reading' happens when we assume we know what someone is thinking when we don't. When you stop doing it, you really begin to respect someone's privacy because everyone deserves the right to have space to think their own thoughts. Constantly asking, "What are you thinking?" can make someone want to withdraw further. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:53am On May 01, 2013 |
STEP FIVE:...5) Stop comparing current relationships to past ones Have you ever taken an instant disliking/liking to someone merely because they reminded you of someone else who you disliked/liked? Some people do this with whole relationships. Because they were in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all. The extreme form of this 'sloppy comparison' can lead to destructive over-generalizations such as, "All men are lying bastards!" or "All women are promiscuous money grabbers!" If you suspect you have been making faulty unfair comparisons between your current partner and a former one, then write a list of all the destructive traits of your former partner. Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly. This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:54am On May 01, 2013 |
STEP SIX:6) For security: Seek self-assurance Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself. Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. Ask yourself: "Hold on a second. What real evidence is there for this fear?" At the same time you can focus on the thought: "Okay, nothing in this life is certain and I can live with that. And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it." We all need to go with the flow in relationships. What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is. Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner. This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay." Or let me do this exercise for you by clicking on this free audio session below: |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by jeffizy(m): 10:55am On May 01, 2013 |
jeffizy: Although, she is a last born from a large polygamous family. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:56am On May 01, 2013 |
LAST STEP(Step seven):And finally... 7) Focus on the good Relationships are meant to be fun (at least some of the time). Insecure people look for signs of what's not working. I want you to look for signs of what is. Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive. No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time. Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble. There are always some difficulties, but keep focussing on what is good. This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you. Emma learned to relax and enjoy her relationship. She stopped feeling she had to control what her partner thought or did and her new laidback attitude made it easier for their love to genuinely blossom. A good relationship is there for you to enjoy together, to share resources and develop together in healthy ways. If someone really does treat you badly or lies and cheats, then feeling insecure is a natural and justified response. However, if you're actually in a generally good relationship, then follow these tips because what you have is precious. But possibly not as precious as the knowledge that whatever happens, you can relax because you'll be okay. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 10:58am On May 01, 2013 |
I hope all these helped^^^ ...Remember my SOURCE is GOOGLE. The advise posted was not my idea...Thanks! 1 Like |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 11:23am On May 01, 2013 |
I think as someone has pointed out, he should start showing her his weaknesses. That is one of the things that come with love...let the person see your weaknesses, that way, you get to know that the person is human, not an angel. Self-esteem issues can really take time to correct because they stem from childhood, mostly! As slimyem pointed out though, it's not much of an issue if the guy can just wave it and stop making it a big deal. He should behave as if he's not noticing it. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by greatgod2012(f): 11:36am On May 01, 2013 |
Pls, let the woman be, she might be a timid type, and besides, we are differently created, and raised in different background, with different values and perceptions. As time goes on, she will change and if she doesnt, at least, what she doing is not crime oriented. Its the man that will have to accept her the way she is, and if necessary, correct her in and with love. We are not and can never be wired the same. May God help us all. |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by Nobody: 5:11pm On May 01, 2013 |
greatgod2012: Pls, let the woman be, she might be a timid type, and besides, we are differently created, and raised in different background, with different values and perceptions.I wonder why they r looking for trouble where there is non! In my language if a woman is mgbeke, u d husband should unmgbeke her if u don't like it. U married her as mgeke,now u r lamenting.if she is so overly confident in herself,u will start seein her as proud and arrogant! MEEEN!!! |
| Re: She Loves Him But Feels Inferior!! by dayokanu(m): 5:52pm On May 01, 2013 |
Whats the problem here? Let her be for goodness sake. She would overcome it with time. When she don dey see your unclothedness and see that you are human, you fart like others, shitt like others, belch like others, snore like others etc I am sure Amarachi (Kanus wife) must have felt something like that in the beginning but I am sure now she would have overcome it A whole Kanu coming to marry a mere village girl like me |
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