Them wan kill person?


Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information , Fighting Every time"

Wife replies," No, It means,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"



What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant and
Panic is when both are pregnant.



Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?
Kid: Yes, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got
heart attack & our driver ran away.



Some women asked a man who was traveling with six children, are all these kids yours??
Man replies; No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.



Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: What does yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Let's find yours!!



Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should
talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom! Tell me, what you want to know.
Mother Faints,

lol.
this is so funny

smeagol is asking for more, just like oliver twist

What is the definition of Mistres

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program. The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me." So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch. The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

observing

nice jokes

''smeagol'' a woman was asking for something like that at the Supermarket, sounds like babyfood  

ohe, what fa f**k are you saying

A girl named Lydia from the Middle Belt after her graduation from a college of Health went for an interview while her uncle is one of the interviewer and the following conversation ensued:

Intervieweer:     Names
Lydia:                 Lydia Nyoms
Interviewer:       State of Origin:
Lydia                  Kaduna.
Interviewer:       Sex

Lydia became confuse on how she can answer such question while her uncle was there, she look at him and he said answer now Sex?

she now answer, occassionally!!

@ tufe , u called Sam ''smeagol'', and Sam was asking so I rememered what happened at the Supermarket,

Na watin I do now ? I beg o

sam milla: Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend


thats another one from our humble moderator

laffs

keeps those smiles girl

whu u dey cal girl?

i no care whether u be 50yrs, na you i dey call girl

instead of smeagol why not sam wise the fool, sorry milla, hope yuu dont get offended

Tj you dey find anointed trouble oo.

tj, i no follow O. sam na my person

Crazy but not senseless,

A guy was driving on 3rd Mainland Bridge and all of a sudden one of the back tyre pulled off, he was able to bring the car to safety and was able to get the tyre and he was faced with a situation, he was thinking of how to get the nuts to fix the tyre back on,, and not too far away was a mad man who came to him and said,

Yeye man, see as you dey look like mumu, go take one nut each from the other tyres and use them fix this one make u dey go your house before robbers come meet you here.




A little boy called Tuf got a gift from his dad, and the gift turned out to be a very Big Dog instead of a puppy, Tuf ran off to call his friend Itu and ask him to touch the Dogs head and his friend Itu asked,

Itu : does it bite?

Tuf : that is why I asked you to touch the head

That's what friends are for !!!!!!!!!!!!

waiting patiently for ituen to come

I have come and i enjoyed onl y the last post cos the others are old to me

Good friends indeed,  look as Tufe dey cover Ituen back, so una think say na una the joke dey talk about? well, e fit be sha ooo

Ur lucky i just bla blaed my wife so im in a good mood

good morning house

hope u all dreamt of me

@ clemcykul , No !

damn

Johnny fancied a girl in his office, 

but she belonged to someone else… One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: I'll give you a N10000 for sex, but the girl said NO. Johnny said: I'll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for N20000, pick up the money very fast, he wont even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes bye and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 50 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said the bastard used coins! 




The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door? "The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his "garage door." He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there? "She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tyres!




At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth".

The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say aword to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman says "Then come give your father a BIG HUG! 

story story(:|

story of ur life?