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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Facts Of Life (974 Views)
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Facts Of Life by kekilika: 5:37pm On May 10, 2013 |
SIMPLE TRUTH 1 Lovers help each other UnCloth before s(e)x. However after s(e)x, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're scre:wed. SIMPLE TRUTH 2 When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats." But, none of them touch the man's p(eni)s and say, "Good job." Moral of the story: Quality work is never appreciated. FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE 1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the *******'s name. 3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. Bonus: Condoms don't guarantee safe s(e)x. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband. |
Re: Facts Of Life by kekilika: 5:45pm On May 10, 2013 |
#justathought# Even if women came with instructions, men still wouldn't read them.. |
Re: Facts Of Life by Nobody: 5:47pm On May 10, 2013 |
Nice piece. But why post it in the joke section this are true facts of life bro!! |
Re: Facts Of Life by kekilika: 5:48pm On May 10, 2013 |
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit your grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers with a friend. |
Re: Facts Of Life by kekilika: 5:56pm On May 10, 2013 |
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" " Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book. |
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