This woman you call wife(her family too) is a greedy and inconsiderate person and has been like that from day one but you didn't think it a big deal and with the way things are,its going to get worse. You should have fled long before you married her. I wonder what else made u stay apart from pastor's wife pleas and hers.The signs of doom were too obvious.
That lawyer of yours needs also to be fired asap. Divorce might take a little while though but I think its the way to go if you truly want out of this shackle.
All the best!

Haba. I wonder why some parents turn their Girl-child into an ATM card for withdrawing money from an ATM (man).

Op, sincerely, you have tried. Yoruba people say "whatever one wouldn't accept when rich, one rejects from the time you are poor"

But please, don't divorce her-atleast for now. If possible, get her a better job in Benin so that she would meet all her Dad's requirements from her own earning and let's see how far she can cope with such.

You really need to talk to your wife.

What about her mum? She seems to be 'reasonable' from your post.

Running to another state to me is a lame way of facing your problems. Your wife seems immature and unwilling to learn from previous experiences - she ought to have covered her father family's shame. Is the the only child? What does the dad do for a living? Does she prefer to kill the marriage because her godfather's demands aren't met?

Why can't she donate her money towards the family whilst you take care of the home front? It seems she isn't even willing to sacrifice or compromise which was why I mentioned immaturity.

MILs( management of in-lawd) takes two to tango.

As much as I agree with professionals being what the term represents, I also know counselling is one of them but exposing the confidentiality of your client is *%$@$(!!!

Please face your problems squarely. Someone needs to moderate a talk with her family especially her dad and your wife needs to see a counsellor to know her responsibilities as a wife, her rights as a wife and where they stop too!

...there are always warning signs. My God you missed them. Follow your sir!

My naija sistas...seriously from all i've read most of you posted here.....I'm IMPRESSED i swear.

Ops, today's is Mothers day, listen to our sisters first hand advises.Forget about the physical attributes that made you fell head over heels but look more at her "Manifesting Characters".
You are yet to have a child,she's already like this,what if you have 3?? You are done for.Now imagine taking such a lady to dwell with you in the UK . Unfortunately, she is what and who she is as a result of her home upbringing.
Don't be surprised soon,she may start having extra marital affairs and that would be your major knock out point.But one thing came into my mind, and that is......How well do you even pray for her,you wife?

Mustay: What about her mum? She seems to be 'reasonable' from your post.

Running to another state to me is a lame way of facing your problems. Your wife seems immature and unwilling to learn from previous experiences - she ought to have covered her father family's shame. Is the the only child? What does the dad do for a living? Does she prefer to kill the marriage because her godfather's demands aren't met?

Why can't she donate her money towards the family whilst you take care of the home front? It seems she isn't even willing to sacrifice or compromise which was why I mentioned immaturity.

MILs( management of in-lawd) takes two to tango.

As much as I agree with professionals being what the term represents, I also know counselling is one of them but exposing the confidentiality of your client is *%$@$(!!!

Please face your problems squarely. Someone needs to moderate a talk with her family especially her dad and your wife needs to see a counsellor to know her responsibilities as a wife, her rights as a wife and where they stop too!

the mother is considerate and reasonable to some extent but she is always trying to avoid having problem with her husband. She maintains her silence instead of talking sence to Biola especially. Biola's father retired from the prison service as a carpenter in 2006. She is 3rd in the family. The eldest is a woman, married also but seems to have kept her distance from her dad. I have heard my father-inlaw abusing her and her husband in my presence on two occassions. Biola don't listen to her sister's wise counsel at all. Her elder brother resides in PH hustling to make ends meet, he doesnt seem to be interested in Biola's issue at all. He once told me that I really have to work hard to help his sister by separating her from his father, this has turned out to be a very difficult task for me. Can you see my life? She is running from pillar to post now, my aunt called me few minutes ago telling me that Biola came to meet her in her church today and that she is with her at Ado-Ekiti right now. Her uncle, a pastor whose advise she has never taken for once is now making effort to see my boss/employer so that he can prevail on me. My boss has intervened in our squabbles twice in the past and I remember the last time she went to report me to him that he (my boss) told her she is pushing our marriage toward the rock, she never listened to him. Can you see my life? My colleagues and even juniors at work has all become my emergency marriage councellors since Biola has announced me publicly like an 8 day old baby as the yorubas will say. That's one of the reason why I sought transfer to Benin, because many pretended to care buy are actually making jest of me. I cant walk tall as other hapilly married couples do in the church, do you know that Biola once insulted an elderly woman, a marriage councellor in the church for giving her a sincere counsel? The women group who were joining us in prayer for the fruit of the womb have become so cold to me, only few still find time to encourage me. I know it that enough is enough on her. Thank you all for your contributions, I am carefully studying every suggestion, God bless you all.

Ogaaa, go n do divorce and come back for testimony.

Tht is why it is good to seek the counsel n face of God when still courting.

May God deliver u from ur jezebel

Like it was earlier written, you've allowed too many parties connected or otherwise into your family affairs. Be careful how much you give out.

Definitely, you can't separate "Oh father, oh daughter" but a 'truce' has to be developed on managing his affairs.

Your wife's immaturity has been compounded by your abandonment decision - she has started going from pillar to post 'cos of you guys.

Something else you're adding to the fire is the pregnancy issue. If you love her, manage this woman well. Nothing stops you both relocating to Benin to start a 'new life'. Like I said, the woman needs to be communicated with - one that will not pass through her right ear and leave through the other.

Are u sure ur wife loves u? Or she is using u as a meal ticket? Besides what type of family or father is that? I am married too but never wil my family demand sometin frm my hubby except I allow it which I don't even though my hubby's pay is kul not to talk of ur pay . Pls o let her and her family nt kill u wit their endless demands. My parents trained me to university level b4 I met and married my hubby yet my parents dnt bother him as far as he is treating me and the kids fine,that is it except he want to sent sometin for them out of goodwill. Nawao for some wives and families o,pls don't die young o cos u are trying to satisfy some greedy pple,what of ur siblings and parents that trained u. Hmmmm I fear o

eeeyahhhh, sorry bros, stay in Benin for at least 6 months, let her show enough remorse, dont drop the divorce option, after 6 month, call her for true talk, ask her to choose btw you and her father, if she is not going to back down on her old man, go your own way but if you see her as ready to truly marry you, WHISK her away to Benin and streamline her contact with her dad, if she still create problem, send her packing. See old man sha, my father inlaw is the one spearheading my progress, reminding me of the need to quickly finish our apartment almost on a daily basis, you will 8even think its his own house by the way he supervises the work and workmen, na wa o, mo dupe temi o, bros you go pray so much to make this marriage work o, because with God, nothing shall be impossible o. This is a big lesson for singles who are reading this, look before you leap o, all will be well o!

Kai my body weak. Kai, what kind of woman is that abeg? Thank God you left before they kill you. God forbid. Dear Lord keep my sons away from leeches and leechful families abeg. May their wives bring blessings and common sense into their marriage oh.

An Elder still refuses to talk to me because I refused to allow anyone harrass or exploit my husband. The wicked clown is there waiting for me and my husband to have problems so he can rub it in, God forbid.

Marriage is beyond all these frivolous things oh, the bills are plenty and you constantly have to work to balance account. God oh separate young men from women who will ruin their lives and future with fake lives, instead of thinking how to join hands and build a home they are siphoning money and food. Kai

wwwkaycom:
eeeyahhhh, sorry bros, stay in Benin for at least 6 months, let her show enough remorse, dont drop the divorce option, after 6 month, call her for true talk, ask her to choose btw you and her father, if she is not going to back down on her old man, go your own way but if you see her as ready to truly marry you, WHISK her away to Benin and streamline her contact with her dad, if she still create problem, send her packing. See old man sha, my father inlaw is the one spearheading my progress, reminding me of the need to quickly finish our apartment almost on a daily basis, you will 8even think its his own house by the way he supervises the work and workmen, na wa o, mo dupe temi o, bros you go pray so much to make this marriage work o, because with God, nothing shall be impossible o. This is a big lesson for singles who are reading this, look before you leap o, all will be well o!

Now your brother is headed to a similar situation. I didnt even know yoy were on thus thread when I was recommending it earlier today. I pray God gives your brother the wisdom to deal with inlaws like these.

Ladies and self centeredness. Some of them will still be taking advice from their father and mother on how to deal with their husbands. Money greedy families won't help matters. You have married their daughter. But Oga, giving her father like N5,000 Monthly isnt a big deal. But for her to be impoverishing you to support her old family is nonsensical..

Wisdom is profitable to direct...

iffxwelkrested:
I'm surprised this is coming from the sw. often times u find stuffs like this associated with the igbos. my dear, like u've been advised things have not gone out of hands.if u r Christian u'll know that the only time u can divorce ur wife is when she commits adultery. I pray God gives u a better job dat will help u provide for ur immediate family, extended n inlaws also to miscellaneous. You need to sit ur wife down and talk to her let her know u'v had enough n she shld talk to her dad. she can b using her own salary to fend for them while yours can b used for you n her pending when the kids starts coming. On the issue of conceiving, it is God that gives children. at the right time he'll make everything beautiful. pray to God n let him fulfill his promises in d bible concerning marriage.

Shaking my head seriously at this kind of stereotyping. People still think like this? And a lady?

Just be thankful u guys dont have children yet. Ur case would have been pretty complicated.
U saw all the signs but chose to marry her. Ur few months of misery is punishment enuff.
Now is ur chance to save urself from the mistakes u made in d past. RUN!
Dont listen to any beggin crap. only u knows wat u are goin through. The family wil always interfere in ur business, u are tired of ur wife's unrepentant attitude. So just leave and find sumone who will love an appreciate u.
Girls plenty 4 this world. Open ur eyes next time.

solace2013:
Dear friends in the house, kindly help me out. I instructed a Lawyer to file divorce for me last month but instead he asked people to plead with me, my office and phone line has now been turned to another thing as a result of the number of people trying to intervene. I met my wife at the Polytechnic, Ado Ekiti in 2007. I was in my final year at UNAD then. We courted for 4 years and got married in 2011. I began to have the thought that I am getting married to the wrong person in 2008 when my fiancee started making unnecessary monetary demands. At that time, I was a youth corper. She will be asking for N10k at a time my total monthly allowee was just N15k. I complained about the habit and she apologised. She later started using style to use her younger sister at FUTA to ask for money, recharge cards and other things which may not really br bad if I were to be working with good pay at that time. I discussed ot with her and she said she is not sure I can really shoulder the responsibilities of marrying her. I wanted to use style to end the relationship but she started begging and sending people to me especially my pastor's wife. She claimed to be testing me. I tried my best for her financially but I knew she wasn't satisfied. After NYSC in 2009, I started teaching in a private school with a pay of N18k , it was complaints all the way, she went for service that year, she finished in 2010. I sat her down to discuss the issues of our life together, she apologized for her past behaviour and promised to get things right. She actually changed and I was impressed. She got a job with a private firm with 40k per month, I was able to secure a job through the father of one of the students I coached for SSCE and JAMB in a private firm 3 months after her own, my pay was then 100k. We started planning for marriage. I was able to get a 2 bedroom for 150k a year, bought an old1996 volkwagen passat from the man who helped me secure the job for 200k, with this I thought marriage should be the next thing. I saved some money and secured a loan from my office coop society, making a total of 550k. I discussed with my fiancee all along. We did introduction, and we later fixed our wedding for December 2011. I asked for engagement list, she brought a list totalling 480k, I became confused, this is someone who knows my financial stand. I told her to plead with her family, she flared up, asking if I thought she was less than human since more than that were spent on some of her friends who had gotten married ealier. I pleaded with her that things will get better, she refused to listen to me, I told to let's postpone the whole thing to 2012. She later came begging again using my pastor's wife, I agreed again, my pastor and his wife sat her down and taught her a lot of things about marriage. We went for the wedding as scheduled for Dec 2011. During our wedding, I saw the other side of her family, I had to hurriedly asked my Aunty to organise food and drinks for my guests, thank God for the little money I left in the bank and gifts from my boss, my office and few friends and relations. They made sure that the food and drinks which I paid for never get to my guests, but my dutiful and experienced Aunty saved the day for me by the grace of God. wedding over, I discussed all these with her and she begged and blamed the devil as usual. That was the beginning of my ordeal in the hands of Biola, the lady that I loved and her family. The father called me and told me how I embarrassed him by initially postponing the wedding, I apologized. He made a list of demands from I and my wife, I tried to explain things to him without success, he told me that his daughter is an investment from which he must make profit, I was shocked at some of the things he said. I discussed with my wife, she took side with her father saying het family is our responsibility. That is not bad if we have the resourses but with 100k (now 130k) per month, their demands will be difficult to meet. Our marriage is now 17 months, it has been one argument or the other. In 17 months, mu wife has never missed her mensural period for once not to talk of being pregnant, that is not an issue as long as her family's demand are met. I have been spending heavily on fertility tests since we clocked 6 months in marriage, I decided to stop it last march. Her father continues to threathen fire and brimstone each time his financial needs are not met, she become sentimental each time I pick up issues with her saying I am "maltreating" her because she has not conceived. Her father has never been bothered by this issue for once, only her mum shows concern once in a while.
Since march, my doctor has been asking me why I should have high blood pressure at 33. Biola's father's demand could sometimes be so ridiculous, I have stopped any form of financial contribution to them since November 2012. The fire has increased in intensity since then. Our foodstuff which we buy in bulk will disappear in 2weeks, but since march, I have said enough is enough, worked my transfer to our Benin office from Ibadan without her knowledge, abandoned her in Ibadan and finally asked a lawyer to institute divorce against her in april. It is this lawyer who is wasting time now telling me that things are not that bad, that we can make up things, I am not ready for all these, he has involved so many people in pleading with me while my former pastor and his wife who knew us from the beginning are insisting we can't go our separate ways. Dear Nairalanders, this is my heart I am pouring out to the public, what should I do, unfortunately and unbelivrably, Biola's father continues to tell everyone that cares to listen that his demands from me are legitimate, what do you advise, thanks so much.

you got married in a family that has a poor mindset towards marriage .

imagine your father in law saying "my daughter is an investment, and I must profit from her"
he just sees you as a debtor and atm nothing more.


its nice you stated you had doubts before your marriage,and your main concern then was your wife's incessant demands and attitude which hasn't change and probably won't.

its nice you again have made up your mind to call it of.
All I'll say is GO ON.

Get a better lawyer that'll do your bid.
don't go back on your decision ;you may regret it.


Good luck

Only one question.

WHERE IS HER FAMILY'S CONTRIBUTION IN ALL THIS?

I think a REAL MARRIAGE involves 2 families, not one.

You are doomed for an early grave.

Apologies!

tell the father to chill till his daughter gets pregnant..what a family

solace2013:
Dear friends in the house, kindly help me out. I instructed a Lawyer to file divorce for me last month but instead he asked people to plead with me, my office and phone line has now been turned to another thing as a result of the number of people trying to intervene. I met my wife at the Polytechnic, Ado Ekiti in 2007. I was in my final year at UNAD then. We courted for 4 years and got married in 2011. I began to have the thought that I am getting married to the wrong person in 2008 when my fiancee started making unnecessary monetary demands. At that time, I was a youth corper. She will be asking for N10k at a time my total monthly allowee was just N15k. I complained about the habit and she apologised. She later started using style to use her younger sister at FUTA to ask for money, recharge cards and other things which may not really br bad if I were to be working with good pay at that time. I discussed ot with her and she said she is not sure I can really shoulder the responsibilities of marrying her. I wanted to use style to end the relationship but she started begging and sending people to me especially my pastor's wife. She claimed to be testing me. I tried my best for her financially but I knew she wasn't satisfied. After NYSC in 2009, I started teaching in a private school with a pay of N18k , it was complaints all the way, she went for service that year, she finished in 2010. I sat her down to discuss the issues of our life together, she apologized for her past behaviour and promised to get things right. She actually changed and I was impressed. She got a job with a private firm with 40k per month, I was able to secure a job through the father of one of the students I coached for SSCE and JAMB in a private firm 3 months after her own, my pay was then 100k. We started planning for marriage. I was able to get a 2 bedroom for 150k a year, bought an old1996 volkwagen passat from the man who helped me secure the job for 200k, with this I thought marriage should be the next thing. I saved some money and secured a loan from my office coop society, making a total of 550k. I discussed with my fiancee all along. We did introduction, and we later fixed our wedding for December 2011. I asked for engagement list, she brought a list totalling 480k, I became confused, this is someone who knows my financial stand. I told her to plead with her family, she flared up, asking if I thought she was less than human since more than that were spent on some of her friends who had gotten married ealier. I pleaded with her that things will get better, she refused to listen to me, I told to let's postpone the whole thing to 2012. She later came begging again using my pastor's wife, I agreed again, my pastor and his wife sat her down and taught her a lot of things about marriage. We went for the wedding as scheduled for Dec 2011. During our wedding, I saw the other side of her family, I had to hurriedly asked my Aunty to organise food and drinks for my guests, thank God for the little money I left in the bank and gifts from my boss, my office and few friends and relations. They made sure that the food and drinks which I paid for never get to my guests, but my dutiful and experienced Aunty saved the day for me by the grace of God. wedding over, I discussed all these with her and she begged and blamed the devil as usual. That was the beginning of my ordeal in the hands of Biola, the lady that I loved and her family. The father called me and told me how I embarrassed him by initially postponing the wedding, I apologized. He made a list of demands from I and my wife, I tried to explain things to him without success, he told me that his daughter is an investment from which he must make profit, I was shocked at some of the things he said. I discussed with my wife, she took side with her father saying het family is our responsibility. That is not bad if we have the resourses but with 100k (now 130k) per month, their demands will be difficult to meet. Our marriage is now 17 months, it has been one argument or the other. In 17 months, mu wife has never missed her mensural period for once not to talk of being pregnant, that is not an issue as long as her family's demand are met. I have been spending heavily on fertility tests since we clocked 6 months in marriage, I decided to stop it last march. Her father continues to threathen fire and brimstone each time his financial needs are not met, she become sentimental each time I pick up issues with her saying I am "maltreating" her because she has not conceived. Her father has never been bothered by this issue for once, only her mum shows concern once in a while.
Since march, my doctor has been asking me why I should have high blood pressure at 33. Biola's father's demand could sometimes be so ridiculous, I have stopped any form of financial contribution to them since November 2012. The fire has increased in intensity since then. Our foodstuff which we buy in bulk will disappear in 2weeks, but since march, I have said enough is enough, worked my transfer to our Benin office from Ibadan without her knowledge, abandoned her in Ibadan and finally asked a lawyer to institute divorce against her in april. It is this lawyer who is wasting time now telling me that things are not that bad, that we can make up things, I am not ready for all these, he has involved so many people in pleading with me while my former pastor and his wife who knew us from the beginning are insisting we can't go our separate ways. Dear Nairalanders, this is my heart I am pouring out to the public, what should I do, unfortunately and unbelivrably, Biola's father continues to tell everyone that cares to listen that his demands from me are legitimate, what do you advise, thanks so much.

Get another lawyer that will help you with your divorce..A better lawyer.