MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! - Family - Nairaland
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| MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by AyeeIdris(f): 4:17pm On May 20, 2013 |
Another awesome blog from the most awesome blogger ever. Hera Pereira. Awesome. This was sent by one of her readers. Hello Mrs Hera Pereira, Good morning. Stumbled upon your blog. I like the relationship advice you give. I am a newly married lady and I am having a crisis. Recently, my husband and I had a fight. I said some things. He said some things. He walked out of the room because he was really angry and I know he is not really a confrontational kind of guy. I followed him yelling as he went to the guest room. He slammed the door on my face. It was not intentional but it did give me a black eye. I made the mistake of going to my parent’s house and my elder brothers saw it. I have three brothers and I am the only girl. I am sort of a miracle baby and they really dote on me. Two of them stormed over to my place, without hearing what happened and despite pleadings from my parents, the eldest brother and myself. They really roughed up my husband and caused a huge scene. The police were called in and my brothers were arrested. The following morning, My father had called my husband to apologize and asked that he give the permission for their bail. My husband was obviously still furious and refused. Two hours later, he had calmed down and called my father back. He apologised for being rude earlier and said he was on his way to secure their bail. However, he had deeply offended my dad. My dad is an elderly yoruba man and respect is a big deal to him. And he never forgets. That was a month ago. The dust has settled, but everything is ruined. My brothers wanted me to get a divorce. I refused. Why would they ask that of me? So, they are not speaking to me again. My dad didn’t speak of the incident, neither has he asked me to get a divorce, but he does not speak to or speak of my husband………not in my presence anyways. My mother and my eldest brother is the only one who has any sort of relationship with us, though it is strained. My husband, as far he is concerned, has apologised to the only family member that needed apologising, which was my dad. Everyone else, he doesn’t feel he owes them anything. I don’t know what to do. I am so close to my family. This is so hard. Please advise. Kehinde Hello Kehinde. Thank you for reading. Let me start by saying that am completely COMPLETELY unqualified to give relationship advice. In fact, anyone that thinks I can AND listens to me, is going to live a long single life. So, I don’t give advice. What I do, or think I do, is analyse a situation from all angles and profer my own take on it. You may not like it, but you didn’t write to me because you wanted me to hold your hand, right? Now to the matter at hand, I really don’t see any party at fault here except You darling. Every other person acted in the way that would be expected of them. You, on the other hand, lit up the firestorm. You were having an argument. Normal, expected. Arguments are essential part of marriages. However, he walked away. He could have kept yelling or he could have hit you in anger but he walked away. Do you know the amount of willpower it takes to walk away when you are furious. (trust me, I get furious all the time. I only walk away when the other party is bigger than me). YOU went after him. You say the door slam was not intentional, yet YOU went to your parent’s house. What did you think was going to happen? They are your family. Of course they are going to go over there and try to kick his ass. Hell, I am a girl and If I thought a guy touched my sisters, there are only two things involved, prison for him or prison for me for killing him. So you cannot fault your brothers. As for your dad, yeah I get that he felt disrespected by his son-in-law. Who wouldn’t? Your husband knows what to do. Gather elderly people, buy some wine and kola (wrong tribe? ok……….. wine and kola is for asking for bride’s hand? dammit! Sorry, one of the many voices in my head)…. buy whatever your dad likes. Appease him. Stoke his ego….Rub his head or belly…..Old guys like that. Whatever he has to do, let him do. Apology over the phone would not cut it. As for your brothers, it is not a big deal. You say you guys are close. They would come around eventually. They acted out, out of love for you and that love would not die just because of a disagreement. I can never understand when siblings who grew up together would grow to hate each other so much that they won’t speak for years. Don’t let that happen. Call them. Text them. Don’t grow cold on them because they are angry. They are family. There is nothing more important than family. Nothing. So keep them all, your husband, your siblings and your folks. It is a lot of work, but you are the thread that brought them together in the first place. You are the thread that would keep them together. One day, you all may look back on this and laugh…………….Ok, maybe you may not all laugh, but a cordial relationship can be established. Nairalanders, join in the discourse. www.herapereira.com |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 4:36pm On May 20, 2013 |
this is a tough one, she caused everything. i don't blame the brothers for beating up the husband neither would i blame the husband for locking them up! women! we just have some kind of raw material that wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie. she should talk to her mother to try and settle it(guess she is the only one that can do so) the brothers too should find better things to do instead of storming their in-law home. 1 Like |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by AyeeIdris(f): 4:40pm On May 20, 2013 |
aanumama: this is a tough one, she caused everything. In one breath, you say you don't blame the brothers and in the next you say, they should find better things to do. which is it? Bo. Babe. If you see your newly wedded sister with a black eye, you go storm the house. Maybe not fight, but you go storm. Too many stories of spouses being killed, not to react to violence. Which brother would believe that the black eye was unintentional? |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 4:42pm On May 20, 2013 |
Nothing more to add. The response from Ms. Hera is absolutely on point. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 4:50pm On May 20, 2013 |
Like the two previous posters said, the wife caused everything and I have to say she was obviously spoilt by her parents and that is why she acted that way. The only person without any blame in this whole case is the husband and I will tell you why. 1. First of all the wife has 80% of the blame, for continuing to insult the husband over an arguement and then for going to her family to report, when she clearly knew she was at fault. I am sure she probably knew the kind of thuggish brothers she has, so she did that. 2. I think the brothers are lunatics for going to fight their in-law. Sorry, if my sister comes to me and says her husband hit her, I just wouldn't carry a matchet to go fight, I would at least want to know what really happened. There are always three sides to a story and they heard only one side. The brothers are thugs and should be in jail for much longer. I do not think the husband would ever have any respect for the brothers again. How on earth could they ask her to get a divorce? Over something she and they caused? 3. Finally, they father should let go. It is obvious the husband had never been rude to him and probably only shouted because of what happened, and the husband has apologised. The girl's parents should also be ashamed of themselves for bringing up ill-mannered children. They did not train their children properly, cos if they did, their kids wouldnt act that way. Both the daughter and brothers are very badly behaved and their parents should be ashamed! 8 Likes |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by AyeeIdris(f): 4:53pm On May 20, 2013 |
Ouch @Nashville, thats harsh. They are after all only human. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 4:57pm On May 20, 2013 |
Ayee Idris: Ouch @Nashville, thats harsh. They are after all only human. Not being harsh but all you can see here is a parenting problem. She also said the parents and eldest brother begged the two thugs but they wouldn't listen. It shows you the kind of thugs they are, and the kind of training they have. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by AyeeIdris(f): 5:12pm On May 20, 2013 |
Nashville: See a likely scenario Sister walks in.. Brother . "Ha Kenny, how ..............what Happened to your face? who did this to you? Sister (crying) ...My husband....but.... Brother- What? Wale did this? What Nonsense? How dare he beat my sister? So he married you to turn to punching bag abi? Why can't he fight men? I am going to show him today how to fight a man. Sister- No brother, it was an accident..... Brother, What dirty Accident? A black eye accident abi? I cannot believe that you are defending him, IS it until he kills you like that banker that your eye will clear. I will show him that beating my only sister will never be tolerated. Father- Calm............ Brother- Don't tell me to calm down. Look at your daughter. See her face. Less than a year he is already beating her. Sister- he didnt be.... Brother- STOP DEFENDING HIM. Just Stop. Did you magically injure yourself. I dont want to hear a word from you. Nobody should tell me anything. I am going to give Wole something to beat since he likes beating women Brothers storm out. Isn't this a likely scenario? 1 Like |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 6:18pm On May 20, 2013 |
Ayee Idris: reason i said it's a tough one, i don't blame them for storming the house especially when i have one like that in my family too( it took courage) telling them to find better things to do is just a joke! |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by AyeeIdris(f): 6:55pm On May 20, 2013 |
aanumama: ahaaa. ok.my bad |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by kidsam: 7:31pm On May 20, 2013 |
Please can someone explain how a door slamming on your face can give you a black eye. If it was a broken nose, i can understand. 1 Like |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by AyeeIdris(f): 7:37pm On May 20, 2013 |
kidsam: Please can someone explain how a door slamming on your face can give you a black eye. If it was a broken nose, i can understand. hmmmm..new twist........You think a bad eye is completely impossible? My friend once walked into a wall and had a swollen eye for weeks.........I don't know sha |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 9:41pm On May 20, 2013 |
What is wrong with d father? |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by blank(f): 10:27pm On May 20, 2013 |
The wife shld stop crying wolf. The day something bad really happens to her, no one will do anything for her cos of past experiences. The brothers have probably left her to carry her cross since she wants to stay in the marriage. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by AyeeIdris(f): 4:37am On May 21, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: What is wrong with d father? He is a Yoruba elder. Yorubas are big on respect o. I guess he is offended that he called his son-in-law to apologise and ask for his son's in law. And he got blown off. Thats enough to piss off the father in-law. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by ochallo: 7:14am On May 21, 2013 |
Nashville: My sentiments exactly, it is obvious that they are all very aggressive people who pick offense easily and always believe they are right. I really feel for the husband, he would be really troubled seeing that he married from a bad family like that. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by taryour(f): 7:19am On May 21, 2013 |
Ayee Idris: Oh yes yorubas love to be respected, but that man is over reacting jare ,any son inlaw would react as such at the first instance being beating up for doing nothing. He realised his mistake n apologised,abeg they should leave him alone. Instead of the father to work on his disrespectful sons on how to go apologise to their sis ters hubby. The husband has no fault whatsoever, its obvious the wife is spoilt as she said she is a miracle baby and they dote on her,is that a reason for her brothers to behave in such childish and less matured manner  Just stormed the man own house and beat him up? A responsible matured man wouldn't do that. Am sure her eldest brother got more brains than the younger that's why he stayed back. For those two brothers to have disobeyed please from their mum and dad and still went ahead to beat the man up shows they are just boys and not real men.No wahala when they are married too,their brother in laws too will storm his house and beat him up. Gsakia!!! The wife acted childish and the brothers more childish. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by taryour(f): 7:23am On May 21, 2013 |
blank: The wife shld stop crying wolf. The day something bad really happens to her, no one will do anything for her cos of past experiences. Did you realy expect her to divorce her hubby cause her brothers said so 1 Like |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by taryour(f): 7:27am On May 21, 2013 |
Ayee Idris: Oh please enough of this yoruba elder jare,I am a complete yoruba o and have elders in my family as well. Abeg that man should arrange his family again. Shouldn't he be more offended that his own biological sons disobeyed his instructions and got involved in such shameful act 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 8:28am On May 21, 2013 |
Ayee Idris:Isn't that obviously an over reaction from his part as an elder? |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 8:37am On May 21, 2013 |
There was a case like dis I witnessd in my town durin one festive period.the brothers were really pursuin d man with cutlasses after beatin d hell out of him!later we heard that d man's family retaliatd and d problem escalated.b4 u know it,police were involved,kingsmen etc so that's why I asked,is d man not over reactin? D man in question hav his own family!it can become ugly! |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Nobody: 9:53am On May 21, 2013 |
Ayee Idris: Ouch @Nashville, thats harsh. They are after all only human.Its not harsh, but d 100% truth |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Indigbo: 11:59am On Jan 31 |
Like the two previous posters said, the wife caused everything and I have to say she was obviously spoilt by her parents and that is why she acted that way. The only person without any blame in this whole case is the husband and I will tell you why. First of all the wife has 80% of the blame for allowing her brothers to disrespect her husband. I think the brothers are lunatics for disrespecting their in-law. Sorry, if my sister comes to me and says her husband hit her, I just wouldn't fight my in-law, I would at least want to know what really happened from her husband too after hearing from my sister. There are always three sides to a story and they heard only one side. The brothers are thugs and should be ashamed of himself . I do not think the husband would ever have any respect for the brothers again. How on earth could they support their sister over an issue between their married sister not just girlfriend? The wife's parents should also be ashamed of themselves for bringing up ill-mannered children who reported her husband to her brothers. The wife has no respect for herself & her husband. The parents did not train their children properly, cos if they did, their daughter wouldnt act that way. Both your friend & her brothers are very badly behaved and their parents should be ashamed. If your friend cannot read the handwriting on the wall and advise herself, then she's not fit to be called a wife. Your friend is already facilitating her husband's leap to death, She should use her head cos they're trying to control her marriage & her husband through her. If the husband should involve his own family too it would get messy & marriage may crash. A word for the wise is enough. Your friend should apologise to her husband cos the husband will find it difficult to forgive the brothers. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by Caramia2020(m): 5:24am On Feb 01 |
She was abusive verbally that is y the husband applied physical abuse therapy, the brothers should be ready to be chartering buses for such movement if they don't sit their sister down, arguing with one's spouse is bound to happen but one dragging the matter for too long shows how immature he or she is. |
| Re: MY Brothers Beat Up My Husband!!!!! by kkins25(m): 9:48am On Feb 01 |
If it were me, I wouldn't apologize to anybody. If they like they should come and carry their daughter. It's clear the lady is manipulating everybody. Leher be the one the one doing the explaining. Beg her father my ass.. Was he the one that got beat up? |
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