Hello fellow Nigerian writers and poets...and critics. I am Kenni by name and still very new to the writing world.
I just opened up a blog to upload my work. But I would like you people to review my newest poem for me.
Positive and negative reviews are very welcome.
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When they first came in,

A couple and two kids

My own kids were happy,

Because they’ve found playmates

Because they’ve found those to play “hide and seek” with,

Those to play “oga” with,

Those to play “police and thief” with.



But there was something strange about them,

Something not right with them

They packed in so quietly,

It seemed liked only I noticed the new neighbours

They didn’t seem friendly,

They didn’t seem neighbourly

But who was I to judge?

So I lay down, and slept off.



But now, that was a year ago,

And these neighbours still make me think,

They rarely come outside

You see them only once in a month,

We do not know their children’s name

We do not know their children’s schools

We do not hear cries

We do not hear shouts

But we know they are in there.



They do not respond to greetings,

Or maybe we do not hear their responses?

The other kids in the neighbourhood knock on their door and run away,

But still, no one answers the door

But we are really certain they are in there.



Don’t they go to school?

Don’t they go to work?

Don’t they cry at home?

Or maybe we don’t just see them,

Maybe we are asking too many questions,

Maybe they are just an ordinary family,

Just maybe.



Then one day,

We stopped seeing the lights on

We stopped hearing the fans hover

And to our greatest surprise,

They were gone

They went as quietly as they came

They were our neighbours for a year,

And we didn’t even know their names.

"So I lay down, and slept
off.
But now, that was a year
ago"

First, welcome to the world of ink.
For a start, you did great. It was easy to imagine who the neighbours might be, Real ppl, dreams, love, time etc.

I really enjoyed how you slept off to wake up a year after.
Keep it up bro. Try adding rhymes. It'll make your poems flow like the sound of music.
Never shy away from expressing yourself or imagination. That's where your creativity lies.
To advance: write a poem daily. Morning & Night or both. Love your pen and paper, to be prepared when the inspiration strikes.
And if nothing inspires you, you inspire yourself.
Keep believeing.

jhiokie: "So I lay down, and slept
off.
But now, that was a year
ago"

First, welcome to the world of ink.
For a start, you did great. It was easy to imagine who the neighbours might be, Real ppl, dreams, love, time etc.

I really enjoyed how you slept off to wake up a year after.
Keep it up bro. Try adding rhymes. It'll make your poems flow like the sound of music.
Never shy away from expressing yourself or imagination. That's where your creativity lies.
To advance: write a poem daily. Morning & Night or both. Love your pen and paper, to be prepared when the inspiration strikes.
And if nothing inspires you, you inspire yourself.
Keep believeing.

Thank you so much for your review jhiokie. I would surely improve on my poem writing, ie adding rhymes.
I tried doing it in this poem but was rhyme-blank . And too, I try to write at least once everyday(at night), and I am always with my pen and writing journal in case I a get writing topic during the day before my "writing hour".
Your review as surely motivated me to do more.
Thanks again