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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Dilemma!!! (3549 Views)
I Am In A Dilemma / This Is My Dilemma Help Me Choose. / Please Read My Dilemma In Relocating To Nigeria (2) (3) (4)
Re: My Dilemma!!! by dayokanu(m): 7:22pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
jidegirl12: ^^^ I'm not par of everyone and I don't see what the big deal is for temporary stay perhaps .... why is everybody so touchy and no more tolerance? What is the big deal as long as I have my own kitchen and my bedroom is merged with my living room? You saw some threads a few days back where people agreed that women cant stay together and that a family should always give way for the wife if thats the way Nigerians think nowadays wouldnt you be saving the guy potential problems by just telling him to rent a place outside Remember this thread https://www.nairaland.com/1311180/wife-vs-sister-advice-please And everyone there was of the opinion that the two people cant stay together. na the modern day Naija be that , Not the one we grew up in |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 7:25pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
biolabee: By WHO?? |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 7:27pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
dayokanu: Okay sir I get carried away sometimes, what was I thinking ?? |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 7:40pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
jidegirl12: Thanks dear! I appreciate. As per doing the ''dew'' before the white wedding, would it be considered as fornication? White wedding is just a jamboree to me. The Traditional is the main thing. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 7:48pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
IdealHubby: * stammers* I don't think so but I think it's the ideal thing ......hey that's my opinion don't mind me jare Please have her back and use lubricant everytime .....@ chaircover will help with that pm her |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 7:52pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
biolabee: First, let me make it clear that my priorities for now, is not going into marriage to start making babies. Thats just another burden FOR NOW. It would come in due time. The 'Big Uncle' aspect don't really count in my family. We know the 'role' they play during the burial of my dad and believe me, they have NO SAY, as whatsoever we do with our house. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by biolabee(m): 8:11pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
IdealHubby: Ok... no problem.. When i say uncle it can be any guest like your mothers brother or sth... But its your call |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 8:24pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
chaircover: Hmmm!!! Your post really got me thinking. It really requires some very serious thoughts.but the problem that comes with face-me-i-face-you room is better imagined than experienced. Albeit, I would consider your advice thoroughly before making any harsh decision. Thanks for your response. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 8:32pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
baby_123: OP, Whats your point Miss? Is the price you pay for a room the same with the price you pay for a flat in your community? My Original Idea was to do the traditional wedding, pending when I get a place of my own, before the white wedding, but the second thought of 'waiting' crept into my mind. Then, I was confused! You can choose to believe it or not. Its your call. Thanks all the same. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 8:35pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
1 Like |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by baby124: 8:43pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
IdealHubby: Must you live in your community? Most people's parents/couples didnt start living in mansions. So if you want to get married that bad and both of you cant wait, find accommodation according to your pocket size. Am sure your parents did not get married, and move into your community. Since you both are starting out, it will be better if you both have something doing. What if it takes her a while to get a job and babies come into the equation? Are you able to fend for at least 3-4 people. In such an unstable economy, it is better for both spouses to do something. Just in case of job loss, even if she starts a business. And yea, people living in face me i face you are not animals. There are things called "starter houses/accommodations" |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 8:54pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
Op, for the sake of having a successful marriage with years of laughter , joy, peace and fulfillment , pls be patient and rent , if possible a self contain, fix Ac there with nice small household things, then you are good to go... You and your fiancé can manage and build your life there, till u move to a big apartment.. More than one woman staying in house , no matter how spacious the house is? Trust me, na big wahala..... Even sisters of the same mother fight like crazy ....how much more friends and in laws ?.. Issues of not respecting enough will come up... Trivial issues will definitely arise... If your wife always looks radiant? That too , will cause another problem amongst the women in the house... If she dresses well? Another problem again... If she doesn't greet everybody in the house before going to work everyday and after close time from work , when she gets home ... that's another problem one more time, that will breed resentment...... It's better to build your upcoming marriage on a stable platform , that's free from grudges, resentments and backbiting between yur wife and other women in the house.. Like I said, it's not easy living with women... I will say extremely difficult. Be wise, be patient and start small.. Best of luck. 1 Like |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by biolabee(m): 9:25pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
chaircover: |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 9:28pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
dayokanu: OP, Lol.. So Nairaland dey do osho-free? 3People?!. Who is the 3rd person? The financial assistance is shared among me and my two brothers. So, its a shared responsibility. Thanks for your advice. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 9:34pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
baby_123: For the records, I didn't literally mean 'your community.' your community in this context can be anywhere. I never insinuated I can't afford a room, neither do people living in face-me-i-face-you being called 'animals' as you have mentioned in your posts. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 9:40pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
Amelian: Thanks Ma'am. Your advice is of immense help to me. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 9:45pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
chaircover: Well Noted. Will bear in mind. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Aafulenu(f): 9:49pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
@idealhubby its like ur mind is made up, so y dont u go ahead and do whatever u wish? just make sure u dont come back to NL to complain |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by armyofone(m): 10:36pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
OP, You have been told. Open your eyes and do the right thing. Don't marry and bring wifey to live with your family. Go rent face me I face ya and grow from there. Why una too like unnecessary hassle sef for Nigeria? chaircover: |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by dayokanu(m): 10:40pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
armyofone: OP, You have been told. Open your eyes and do the right thing. Don't marry and bring wifey to live with your family. Go rent face me I face ya and grow from there. Why una too like unnecessary hassle sef for Nigeria? You dont know how bad Konji is? Konji dey hold the OP badly he cant wait for the traditional wedding so he can unleash his full tank on the bride |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by slimyem: 10:55pm On Jun 05, 2013 |
Aafulenu: @idealhubby its like ur mind is made up, so y dont u go ahead and do whatever u wish?Pretty much! |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 12:03am On Jun 06, 2013 |
Lmao leave the guy Abeg, the 'ideal' situation is easier said than done hence reality of things in Naija, that's the situation on ground , they should make it work, it'll even train the wife more bout tolerance and respect.... ile oko ile eko ni ..... My only concern is having her back and discuss boundaries with your people shikena . For how long are we gonna avoid people and walk on egg shells to avoid conflict? ko si oun ton bo loke tile o ready fun jare as long its not life threatening It's called Wisdom. Thank you very much Dayo ko easy atall oh Baby eni rin kon e eh ? e easy? ję ko ku sibe joor with all those ping pong Brazilian hair chasers everywhere? |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 2:01am On Jun 06, 2013 |
Aafulenu: @idealhubby its like ur mind is made up, so y dont u go ahead and do whatever u wish? So, you are a mind reader or you are just guessing? ? |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by armyofone(m): 2:08am On Jun 06, 2013 |
what is Konji? dayokanu: |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 2:08am On Jun 06, 2013 |
@jidegirl12.. We actually have more of theorist than realist nowadays. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Mrsmansson(f): 2:26am On Jun 06, 2013 |
@ op most Nigerians use the am not in a rush to have kids soon and before you knw it ...what plans have you made to avoid your bride from getting pregnant.CD or what,and since you said you said living with your family is a very short term thing why not wait that little while.its not easy sha I knw how the love they do you now. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by dayokanu(m): 3:30am On Jun 06, 2013 |
armyofone: what is Konji? Agro aka blueballs |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 5:35am On Jun 06, 2013 |
@ OP,are u sure you need advice? Or you jst want people to endorse ur plan. Find another way to stop ur konji and pls dnt drag an innocent girl into it. A wise gal cannot accept that ur proposal sef. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Winneygirl(f): 6:05am On Jun 06, 2013 |
Maybe I'm wrong,but wat I undrstd is that U want to do the traditional wedding soon, then after her NYSC, do d white wedding. But she's not serving yet. Wat's d probability that she'll serve in Ur place of residence? Dat's like 1 yr btw traditional and white wedding, a year of possibly not living together. These are loose ends, coupled wt d house thing. Or did I read this thread upside down? |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by Nobody: 10:47am On Jun 06, 2013 |
chaircover: familiarity breeds contempt Heed to this but i know you will not,you have your mind made up. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 11:51am On Jun 06, 2013 |
Winneygirl: Maybe I'm wrong,but wat I undrstd is that U want to do the traditional wedding soon, then after her NYSC, do d white wedding. On the contrary, you are right. The service things can be worked to where I am based. Its no biggy. The issue here is the house thing. Maybe I would settle for a Self-Con, while holding other plans I had in mind, before the traditional. THanks. |
Re: My Dilemma!!! by IdealHubby: 11:55am On Jun 06, 2013 |
andromida: Hmmm!! You are saying this, because of what I have been posting all along. Anyway, thats why we are humans in every sense of it. |
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