How do people feel about a Nigerian who has practically lived here all of their lives dating/marrying a Nigerian new to American culture? Practically dating an American? That is the situation I am in now. I have lived in the US since I was 1.We are getting married next year and although my parents raised me well (cooking, morals, etc.) I know that this can be one of the hardest things to deal with culturally, a lot is viewed differently by both of us and it took a lot to deal with those issues. What about you? I think it will be interesting to hear what others think and feel. Thanks!!!!!!!

Congratulations!!


I've never been in the same situation and hoping not to be in it. Most of the new Nigerians get on my nerves with their cultural mentality, I simply wnt be able to bare it.


But all the best to you sha

I must say am quiet intrigued by you saying EVERYTHING. Are you sure it's been overcomed? You sure it won't pop up in the future to create problems? Just a thought

Culturally- yes- compatibility no. We are alike in Sooooo many ways. I love him very much and I could not have asked God for a better half for me

no big deal really. Since you're the female here you'll end up doing most of the adjusting.
I'm sure ur mom has prepared you for what to expect.

4 Him:

no big deal really. Since you're the female here you'll end up doing most of the adjusting.
I'm sure your mom has prepared you for what to expect.

I hope this is a joke cause it would suck if you really held such beliefs.

Cadet:

Congratulations!!


I've never been in the same situation and hoping not to be in it. Most of the new Nigerians get on my nerves with their cultural mentality, I simply wnt be able to bare it.
But all the best to you sha

what a pediatric way of thinking!
like you weren't once a "new nigerian"

wendymanda:

I hope this is a joke cause it would suck if you really held such beliefs.

Am sure he's not. Unfortunately that seems to be the case in some marriages.

sheniqua:

what a pediatric way of thinking!
like you weren't once a "new nigerian"

Amnot saying it to annoy anybody. But it's overwhelming how demanding it is to put on a smile for them. Do this do that, come here come there, you won't understand until you're here to bare. each person to their own experience. Like I said again, I hope not to find myself in the same situation

ievbuomw:

How do people feel about a Nigerian who has practically lived here all of their lives dating/marrying a Nigerian new to American culture? Practically dating an American? That is the situation I am in now. I have lived in the US since I was 2.We are getting married next year and although my parents raised me well (cooking, morals, etc.) I know that this can be one of the hardest things to deal with culturally, a lot is viewed differently by both of us, It took us 3 years to overcome those and I think it will be interesting to hear what others think and feel. Thanks!!!!!!!

Nigerians marry Americans whose great great grandparents were born and bred in America and have good marriages,talk less of a first?second geberation immigrant?
It depends on what you want it to be.

I wonder why your parents never took you home to learn and appreciate your culture
If they did you would see yourself as Nigerian and not start a thread like this.
what a shame!

[size=13pt]I haven't really thought about being in a situation like that but I can imagine how difficult it must be. You should be try to be open minded to his ideas because you may find that some of the so called Nigerian mentality just might be useful.[/size]

sheniqua:

Nigerians marry Americans whose great great grandparents were born and bred in America and have good marriages,talk less of a first?second geberation immigrant?
It depends on what you want it to be.

I wonder why your parents never took you home to learn and appreciate your culture
If they did you would see yourself as Nigerian and not start a thread like this.
what a shame!

So what you're saying is that one must marry a "new" Nigerian to learn and appreciate their culture? Why not marry the Nigerians that's been here and knows their ways? am not saying Nigerians that were born here o

StephenP:

[size=13pt]I haven't really thought about being in a situation like that but I can imagine how difficult it must be. You should be try to be open minded to his ideas because you may find that some of the so called Nigerian mentality just might be useful.[/size]

Some. Am not into the husband telling his wife what to do. that she must "obey" him because he's the "husband". rara o. That mentality, I can't stand.

Cadet:

Amnot saying it to annoy anybody. But it's overwhelming how demanding it is to put on a smile for them. Do this do that, come here come there, you won't understand until you're here to bare. each person to their own experience. Like I said again, I hope not to find myself in the same situation

I live right here with you.
You talk as if your people are some aliens from outer space
From your posts,I gather you were born and raised up in Naija to alarge extent
You almost sound racist against yourself.
If it was an African American saying those things,we all want to chop off their heads
There are cultural differences which we all had to adjust to while in America
You did same!
You probably wore the" wrong clothes" to school and spoke with heavy accent
We all had to make those adjustments.

My parents raised me very well. I am 22 with a bachelors in nursing that has a great future with a man I love. Just wanted to start a thread that was interesting enough for you to reply.

I am proud but unfortunately, people view me this way. I cooked egbono soup for one of my uncles this past Saturday and the FIRST thing he said was, "I didn't know Americans can cook like this" So take my thread anyway, but negative is not appreciated

wendymanda:

I hope this is a joke cause it would suck if you really held such beliefs.

you didnt get my point before leaping to a conclusion. Face it, Nigerian men are culturally different from American men.
There are certain things that a man who has spent the most part of his growing yrs in Nigeria would expect from a wife that one brought up in the American culture would not understand.
For instance, how many Nigerian men in Lagos will u expect to tolerate serving their wives breakfast in bed? Many are brought up with the idea that housework is not for men, this will pose a big challenge to a woman brought up in an environment of women's liberation.

That is where adjusting comes in . . .

No one is being negative . Everyone has an opinion. Don't we all?

sheniqua:

I live right here with you.
You talk as if your people are some aliens from outer space
From your posts,I gather you were born and raised up in Naija to alarge extent
You almost sound racist against yourself.
If it was an African American saying those things,we all want to chop off their heads
There are cultural differences which we all had to adjust to while in America
You did same!
You probably wore the" wrong clothes" to school and spoke with heavy accent
We all had to make those adjustments.

How does me saying I won't marry a nigerian that's still fresh wit their mentality racist? this is not even the talk about race. I'm not saying I won't associate with them, although that idea is beginning to change. No, I have nothing against my people. But I'll rather marry one that's accustom to the same idea as moi, so there would be no talk of "trouble" or "divorce" in the future.

hahahha! heavy accent? thanks, but no.
wrong clothes as into jeans and shirt, yea, can't get enough of jeans

Cadet:

Some. Am not into the husband telling his wife what to do. that she must "obey" him because he's the "husband". rara o.  That mentality, I can't stand.

mba. When you get married then see if you can put this to practice. A man is the head of his home . . . it is the way nature has designed it. Even female lions acquiesce to the leader of the pride. It is not because women are slaves, it is simply because you cannot have 2 captains in a boat.
It is this kind of mentality that has so many black women unmarried with a litter of children.

ievbuomw:

My parents raised me very well. I am 22 with a bachelors in nursing that has a great future with a man I love. Just wanted to start a thread that was interesting enough for you to reply.

I am proud but unfortunately, people view me this way. I cooked egbono soup for one of my uncles this past Saturday and the FIRST thing he said was, "I didn't know Americans can cook like this" So take my thread anyway, but negative is not appreciated

[size=13pt]This is Nairaland. There'll always be positive and negative responses. It's up to you to accept whichever one you want.[/size]

Cadet:

So what you're saying is that one must marry a "new" Nigerian to learn and appreciate their culture? Why not marry the Nigerians that's been here and knows their ways? am not saying Nigerians that were born here o

Never said or insinuated that anywhere.
Any child born in America whose parents did not elevate her Nigerianess above her Americanness is a lost soul.
It starts with taking the kids home when they are young,speaking the native  language and associating with your people to some extent.
This thread would never arise if this girl knew her culture.

4 Him:

mba. When you get married then see if you can put this to practice. A man is the head of his home . . . it is the way nature has designed it. Even female lions acquiesce to the leader of the pride. It is not because women are slaves, it is simply because you cannot have 2 captains in a boat.
It is this kind of mentality that has so many black women unmarried with a litter of children.

David, am not saying he wnt be the head, but it's not as if everything as to go his own ways. Then he berra be ready for arguments, which am trying to prevent

4 Him:

you didnt get my point before leaping to a conclusion. Face it, Nigerian men are culturally different from American men.
There are certain things that a man who has spent the most part of his growing years in Nigeria would expect from a wife that one brought up in the American culture would not understand.
For instance, how many Nigerian men in Lagos will u expect to tolerate serving their wives breakfast in bed? Many are brought up with the idea that housework is not for men, this will pose a big challenge to a woman brought up in an environment of women's liberation.

That is where adjusting comes in . . .

I said I hope you didn't hold such beliefs which means I wasn't jumping into conclusion. . . besides that from this post it seems that only the women should adapt while the men continue their almost primitive outlook on things. If the man comes to live in America and expects maintain the behavior of a man in Nigeria then he should just move back. Its a situation of you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also not all Nigeria bred men have the mentality of woman in the kitchen speaking only when spoken to.

Cadet:

How does me saying I won't marry a nigerian that's still fresh wit their mentality racist? this is not even the talk about race. I'm not saying I won't associate with them, although that idea is beginning to change. No, I have nothing against my people. But I'll rather marry one that's accustom to the same idea as moi, so there would be no talk of "trouble" or "divorce" in the future.

hahahha! heavy accent? thanks, but no.  
wrong clothes as into jeans and shirt, yea, can';t get enough of jeans

i'm solidly behind sheniqua (how dem dey call am) on this. This is simply absurd.
A few yrs ago you were on the same plane as those you now say you dont feel acustomed to. Infact many in Nigeria have far better opportunities than some nigerian kids growing up in America. My cousins live in Lagos but they've been to disneyland and travel out of the country at least once a yr. That's a lot more than many here can afford.

What ideas do nigerians living in nigeria have that is inferior to urs? If it is the same mentality as i see in african americans then i'll gladly go back to my village to pick a wife.

sheniqua:

Never said or insinuated that anywhere.
Any child born in America whose parents did not elevate her Nigerianess above her Americanness is a lost soul.
It starts with taking the kids home when they are young,speaking the native language and associating with your people to some extent.
This thread would never arise if this girl knew her culture.

kai! Look here, I stand by my choice. I can't marry a "new" Nigerian because there's equal Nigerian and American filled in me. Compare to someone still 100% Nigerian. That's a match in @#@$.

Of course I know my Nigerian culture, but I do not agree with all of them. Now that is where the problem comes in, if he's expecting to be who I am not.

4 Him:

i'm solidly behind sheniqua (how them dey call am) on this. This is simply absurd.
A few years ago you were on the same plane as those you now say you don't feel acustomed to. Infact many in Nigeria have far better opportunities than some nigerian kids growing up in America. My cousins live in Lagos but they've been to disneyland and travel out of the country at least once a yr. That's a lot more than many here can afford.

What ideas do nigerians living in nigeria have that is inferior to urs? If it is the same mentality as i see in african americans then i'll gladly go back to my village to pick a wife.

David, my gosh. This is not about inferiority or superiority. This is about some Nigerian Mentality that I won't be able to agree with.

[size=13pt]Ok guys, forgive I'm going offtopic for a second but it's necessary.

@wendy, I've been trying get at you. I am truly sorry for what I said the other time. It came out wrong and I apologize. Despite the fact I know it's just the Internet and it's unreal in a sense, I still need to know you've forgiven me.[/size]

My cousin is kinda in that situation, the only difference between the two is that she speaks yoruba fluently and he cant.
Every realationship that works takes a lot of adjusting to. . .and in most almost all ralationships, Naija or not, the man is the head of the household.  You dont have to be his slave and no talk but you have to let him be a man.

Cadet:

How does me saying I won't marry a nigerian that's still fresh wit their mentality racist? this is not even the talk about race. I'm not saying I won't associate with them, although that idea is beginning to change. No, I have nothing against my people. But I'll rather marry one that's accustom to the same idea as moi, so there would be no talk of "trouble" or "divorce" in the future. hahahha! heavy accent? thanks, but no.
wrong clothes as into jeans and shirt, yea, can't get enough of jeans

Marrying an Americana would not make U immune to that, either. Sorry to bust ur bubble.

Wow, not was I was picturing for this forum,

Uche2nna:

Marrying an Americana would not make You immune to that, either. Sorry to bust your bubble.

Read my post carefully! Who said I want to marry an American?

wendymanda:

I said I hope you didn't hold such beliefs which means I wasn't jumping into conclusion. . . besides that from this post it seems that only the women should adapt while the men continue their almost primitive outlook on things. If the man comes to live in America and expects maintain the behavior of a man in Nigeria then he should just move back. Its a situation of you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also not all Nigeria bred men have the mentality of woman in the kitchen speaking only when spoken to.

What is primitive in being submissive to ur husband? If you treat him well he will do the same to you. A husband who truly loves you will work hard at trying to please you and do those things that you want him to do. All this gungho mentality takes us no where.
I havent met a man yet who wants to marry a househelp so you pple are living with unfounded rumors.

Cadet:

David, am not saying he wnt be the head, but it's not as if everything as to go his own ways. Then he berra be ready for arguments, which am trying to prevent

Even men make mistakes, that is why we marry so we can have a second opinion. It will surprise you that so many women who look very timid outside are actually in control of the home. Its because they've learnt how to manipulate their husbands to do their bidding without necessarily upsetting his ego.
My father is one man who has a huge ego but he will NEVER take a decision without asking his wife first.