Hmmn...
.
Drama drama.

mouthcuffed: I am the husband, and I will clear the air. My wife did send me an SMS yesterday stating she wanted to rub minds with me regarding my mum, and she also stated that she does not intend erupting another fight over my mum, that something bothers her and if its ok for her to share and ok by me, she'll go ahead, I responded telling her she should make sure what she wants to talk about is well refined and thought of well before she puts it through, because if its similar to the last time she put my mother on a lower level then I wont be happy. I guess she had to come here to spit it out since I didnt receive a response to my SMS.

Posters, many threads on Nairaland here at times arent backed with solid facts and story lines that will enable posters give accurate and most suitable advise needed, reason being 'for example' (my wife) if you follow her post well, you'll see she only responds to people that shares her views, simply because thats what she wants to hear, and believing that her inaccurate post must give her the best most reasonable response/advise she selfishly wants to see here.

The story goes like this, I am the last born of 4 children, 31 years of age, I am arguably the favourite of my mother, and please believe me when I say not because am the last born, but because out of the 4 of us, I am the only person that truly cares about my mother's wellbeing, financially, emotionally etc etc, the other's really do not care and its obvious, and my wife also know about this, shes here you guys can ask her.

I have a mother that is close to 70 years of age, but by her looks and activities you'll never notice, a mother that has not yet tasted the real care of her children, yet I am the only one filling this gap, a woman that was never married, but had 4 kids for two polygamists, a woman you'll surely know has never felt the juiciness of marital union, in other words, I became her husband, one who she looks up to in times of need, care and sought after in times of danger. Please pardon my expression, I am only trying to let you all know the situation, and with all said, its not like she is totally subjected to me of such that some people might be thinking, its just people that can look deeper into the eyes of their mind would understand what am trying to say.

Nairalander's I swear to God almighty that created heaven and earth, that if you guys truly see how things are going, you all including those supporting her post would declare that she should be laid on the floor and call on the IYA ALAGA (MC)of the engagement day to come and give her a whopping 12 strokes of the bulala for expressing frustration where it isnt existing and needed, this my wife should be happy she has a composed,humble and simple MIL, when it comes to me going against my mum if she does something mildly wrong, I am not seen as mummy's boy, but if it comes to expressing her frustration over nothing, I am seen as mummy's boy, this is just plainly ridiculous to my sensible understanding.

Another thing you guys need to understand, if it is to be taken that my mother is still into me, in which even if it is, its not to an exaggerated level, my wife and I got married just after two months of courting, simply because (you guys should know) although we actually had plans to get married a year and the half after, but due to circumstances beyond our control, we just had to do it sharply. My mother has only met my wife once before marriage plans began, and it will make it a year next month that we got married, and out of that 1 year, she had spent 6 months in the USA, so its more like we have only spent a solid 6 months together,and she expects my mother to vanish all of a sudden like that? Someone that never dreamt of me getting married last year when she knew I was planning to go for my professional course abroad, this my wife sef, I just tire for your matter, the kind woman wey fit you na Alhaja Barracks, woman we go give you fire wey your own water nor go fit quench, now my mama wey just dey calm wey nor give u wahala na hin you dey always like complain about over every little thing. This issue she's even complaining about is really disgusting, please nairalanders ask her that in the past 3 months, how many times has mumsy called in the middle of the night for me to read psalm 23, which is the only thing she ask me to read whenever she calls in the midnight, this woman has only called twice in this past 3 months to read that bible passage, infact it was my phone that she called, but simply because i was deep in sleep, i couldn’t pick, so i guess she was forced to call my wife and ask her to tell me what she intend saying.

From the day 1 of her threads on Nairaland regarding my mother, if you guys would run a poll as regards comments that were against her thread, and those that supported it, you all will see she has been expressing frustration that needs not be expressed @@@@@@@@@@@@allllllllll.

PS: And it isnt everyday that she calls 3 times, even if she does, she would call to ask how am doing, my wife and our daughter, and if y any chance she calls the second time, its probably to ask or tell me something, not related with my marriage,besides my mother knows how to manager her airtime, if she talks on the phone for the longest period of time, then she uses 3minutes, now wifey what are you jealous of?

Please no one is saying you shldnt be close to ur mother but i want u to correct one thing which i told ur wife to pray against " STOP SEEING YOURSELF AS YOUR MUM'S HUSBAND" .It is very wrong. You will continue to make ur wife feel bad if u keep letting her know this.
If u r responsible to her financially and in some other areas, u r only showing u care for her but dnt let it look as if u r doing wot her husband shld have done for her.
Your marriage is too young for this to be happening.

slimyem: Hmmn...
.
Drama drama.

Real drama!

mouthcuffed: I am the husband, and I will clear the air. My wife did send me an SMS yesterday stating she wanted to rub minds with me regarding my mum, and she also stated that she does not intend erupting another fight over my mum, that something bothers her and if its ok for her to share and ok by me, she'll go ahead, I responded telling her she should make sure what she wants to talk about is well refined and thought of well before she puts it through, because if its similar to the last time she put my mother on a lower level then I wont be happy. I guess she had to come here to spit it out since I didnt receive a response to my SMS.

Posters, many threads on Nairaland here at times arent backed with solid facts and story lines that will enable posters give accurate and most suitable advise needed, reason being 'for example' (my wife) if you follow her post well, you'll see she only responds to people that shares her views, simply because thats what she wants to hear, and believing that her inaccurate post must give her the best most reasonable response/advise she selfishly wants to see here.

The story goes like this, I am the last born of 4 children, 31 years of age, I am arguably the favourite of my mother, and please believe me when I say not because am the last born, but because out of the 4 of us, I am the only person that truly cares about my mother's wellbeing, financially, emotionally etc etc, the other's really do not care and its obvious, and my wife also know about this, shes here you guys can ask her.

I have a mother that is close to 70 years of age, but by her looks and activities you'll never notice, a mother that has not yet tasted the real care of her children, yet I am the only one filling this gap, a woman that was never married, but had 4 kids for two polygamists, a woman you'll surely know has never felt the juiciness of marital union, in other words, I became her husband, one who she looks up to in times of need, care and sought after in times of danger. Please pardon my expression, I am only trying to let you all know the situation, and with all said, its not like she is totally subjected to me of such that some people might be thinking, its just people that can look deeper into the eyes of their mind would understand what am trying to say.

Nairalander's I swear to God almighty that created heaven and earth, that if you guys truly see how things are going, you all including those supporting her post would declare that she should be laid on the floor and call on the IYA ALAGA (MC)of the engagement day to come and give her a whopping 12 strokes of the bulala for expressing frustration where it isnt existing and needed, this my wife should be happy she has a composed,humble and simple MIL, when it comes to me going against my mum if she does something mildly wrong, I am not seen as mummy's boy, but if it comes to expressing her frustration over nothing, I am seen as mummy's boy, this is just plainly ridiculous to my sensible understanding.

Another thing you guys need to understand, if it is to be taken that my mother is still into me, in which even if it is, its not to an exaggerated level, my wife and I got married just after two months of courting, simply because (you guys should know) although we actually had plans to get married a year and the half after, but due to circumstances beyond our control, we just had to do it sharply. My mother has only met my wife once before marriage plans began, and it will make it a year next month that we got married, and out of that 1 year, she had spent 6 months in the USA, so its more like we have only spent a solid 6 months together,and she expects my mother to vanish all of a sudden like that? Someone that never dreamt of me getting married last year when she knew I was planning to go for my professional course abroad, this my wife sef, I just tire for your matter, the kind woman wey fit you na Alhaja Barracks, woman we go give you fire wey your own water nor go fit quench, now my mama wey just dey calm wey nor give u wahala na hin you dey always like complain about over every little thing. This issue she's even complaining about is really disgusting, please nairalanders ask her that in the past 3 months, how many times has mumsy called in the middle of the night for me to read psalm 23, which is the only thing she ask me to read whenever she calls in the midnight, this woman has only called twice in this past 3 months to read that bible passage, infact it was my phone that she called, but simply because i was deep in sleep, i couldn’t pick, so i guess she was forced to call my wife and ask her to tell me what she intend saying.

From the day 1 of her threads on Nairaland regarding my mother, if you guys would run a poll as regards comments that were against her thread, and those that supported it, you all will see she has been expressing frustration that needs not be expressed @@@@@@@@@@@@allllllllll.

PS: And it isnt everyday that she calls 3 times, even if she does, she would call to ask how am doing, my wife and our daughter, and if y any chance she calls the second time, its probably to ask or tell me something, not related with my marriage,besides my mother knows how to manager her airtime, if she talks on the phone for the longest period of time, then she uses 3minutes, now wifey what are you jealous of?

The bolded is where the problem lies. You can't successfully play husband to your wife and mother. When you are wifeying your mother, your wife is unconsciously placed on hold and will resume being your wife when you are through with your mom. The role of a son is different from the role of a husband.

Wifey, put yourself in your hubby's shoes. I am sure you will not like to see your mom/dad neglected because you are now married.

Now you both have aired your grievances, I would advice hubby reads wife's post and note the areas of adjustment. The wife should also read the hubby's post and note the areas of adjustment. You and wifey should also put yourself in each other's shoes and imagine 'how would I feel if A does this to me?'. it would help a lot.

It's well with both of you

Ile, you are really a witchdoctor

you guys are still getting it wrong, what am saying is, it looks like though am my mother'shusband, but not to an exaggerated level of playing a role of an husband persay, or did u guys hear my wife saying I play a role which is meant for her to my mother? Is anything wrong in her calling his son or asking me to read a bible passage in the middle of the night? Is that something of too much a big deal?

@ Mouthcuffed, everything u said is a big deal. I can see ur wife is in 4 serious trouble as u are not even ready 2change anything ur doing. A husband is different from a son. Pls get that! U can never be ur mum's husband, period! What happened 2 calling u during the day 2give u bible passages? If ur wife's mum or dad was calling her very frequetly in d middle of d night, how would u feel? How selfish can people get these days self!

bukatyne:

Ile, you are really a witchdoctor

Lol!

@ Mr husband, as much as you are annoyed that your wife is going a bit overboard in her reaction, it appears you also need an attitude adjustment. You just have an emotional wife, you could try to be a bit sensitive towards that and don't be so blatantly dismissive of her. You should both just have a mature conversation and explain each others points of view and come to an agreement. She sent you a very gentle, decent sounding and remorseful message inviting a discussion and you sent her back an aggressive and negative one. Are you surprised she didn't reply you again? Soften your tone and keep yourself open to communication so you guys can resolve this.

judii: @ Mouthcuffed, everything u said is a big deal. I can see ur wife is in 4 serious trouble as u are not even ready 2change anything ur doing. A husband is different from a son. Pls get that! U can never be ur mum's husband, period! What happened 2 calling u during the day 2give u bible passages? If ur wife's mum or dad was calling her very frequetly in d middle of d night, how would u feel? How selfish can people get these days self!

If you are finding it hard to understand my post, then dont bother responding, how do you mean calling frequently in the middle of the night? Did you read where I said my mum has only called twice in 90 days? And the issue of being her husband meaning I TAKE CARE OF HER becomes an issue that would affect ones wife or you if you were married? So nowadays when guys get married, they stop taking care of their mums? I really dont get it.

ileobatojo:

Lol!

@ Mr husband, as much as you are annoyed that your wife is going a bit overboard in her reaction, it appears you also need an attitude adjustment. You just have an emotional wife, you could try to be a bit sensitive towards that and don't be so blatantly dismissive of her. You should both just have a mature conversation and explain each others points of view and come to an agreement. She sent you a very gentle, decent sounding and remorseful message inviting a discussion and you sent her back an aggressive and negative one. Are you surprised she didn't reply you again? Soften your tone and keep yourself open to communication so you guys can resolve this.

How would you feel if your wife sends an that her MIL who only comes to visit her grandchild once or twice a week, is being categorized as jobless? How would you feel when your wife sends you an sms and says

' baby please I am ready to sacrifice all my allowances in order for you to gather enough money together and open up a shop for your mum to be making her home made juice, at least she can seldom show up here rather than frequent'

This is just for someone that ACTUALLY Seldom show up, and rarely sleeps over, if she sleeps over for once, then she has a legitimate reason for it, she stays far away from us, she's active yet old, jumps from one bus to the other before she gets to her destination, shes the 1st born of her siblings, yet she has the least of grandchildren. Just two grands, one his 2 years old,, and ours is 6 months old, it got to a stage where people would wanna start to think shes a witch when none of her children havent given her a single grandchild, so tell me wont she be crazy about them? Even with the craziness over her grandchildren,she only SELDOM show up for visits.

Infact my wife was forced to seek council from my brother's wife, and she was told 'that woman doesnt really stalk people, once she comes, she leaves, you really do not have anything to worry about'

I apologize for the long story, but her SMS was strictly because we had a serious fight because of the former SMS she sent, so she had to make sure that this time around, it doesnt have to be of the same nature of the former.

Mouth cuffed,I suggest you go with your wife to a trusted minister or your imam and sit for marriage counseling
Now that I have heard from you and nothing else from your wife beyond the 3 midnight calls,I see that the problem is not a big one
This can be resolved but please don't talk any more on the site here and air out things and words that will be difficult to forgive


I had the impression of a meddling MIL that visits at will and runs the show
I have not heard from her anything very evil as I expected ,judging from the frustration in her initial post.

What is obvious is that something is bothering her regarding your mother's involvement
Maybe she feels left out and neglected by you
Please hear her out
Obviously the way you see it is different,the woman concerned is your mother and you obviously love her dearly
Don't count this whole thing against your wife, but see it as an opportunity to talk and come to a common ground for the good of the marriage
This marriage is still young and things like this are normal kinks that need to be ironed out
I wish you the best in your marriage

Don't you know keep your friends closer and enemies closer! Kill'em with kindness!

babyosisi:

Wait o
An MIL is driving her DIL insane by being a nuisance and your solution is for the tortured wife to draw herself closer to the the same mama and become her favorite
Ae you kidding me?
She wants mama to keep off and scale down on her involvement in their lives and allow her son to be a man and you want her to draw closer to mama?
The same mama driving her insane
Read that her first post again please
That is a cry for help
This woman has had enough of that mama
You should be telling her how to get the old woman to back off a little without going to Okija juju

@husband

As a single mom, I can actually really respect the way that you want to care for your mom. I'd love for my own son to remember me as well when he gets older. I understand that in your culture, children take care of parents when they reach retirement age. Actually, in my culture, the entire family would traditionally live in the same house and the children would provide a retirement for their parents. So we have common ground on this matter.

Now, I'd like you to do what I just did above,to your wife. Seriously, I know you can. Identify her feelings and beliefs about her own father, and something else. This is called relating, and eventually it leads to compromise. Now, a good friend told me that if you are sitting beside someone, say on a couch, and you remain on your own section, nothing will happen both people will live in peace. Marriage is both people inching closer and closer to each other, eventually they will step on each other's toes.

As the man in the family, you must be the leader and set the tone. Give mummy her appropriate time and wife as well. Your mother is EQUALLY important as your wife. And your wife is just as DESERVING as your mummy. Set boundaries, first in your marriage, then beyond. From the day you accepted this lady as your wife, you made her the nucleus of what is now your family. She is now mother, and she needs to be cared for, unless this situation implodes and she finds herself in the same situation that mummy is in now.

But your mom, who raised you and took care of you needs to feel happy as well. She has a different role to play now, and she must also learn to adapt. No disrespect but, she is an adult so I know she can handle it.

More importantly, as I mentioned in my last post, I agree that encouraging both wife and mother to relate to another is vital to solve the issues. After you and your wife create and implement the appropriate boundaries, you must now insist that your wife go and learn from her MIL and that your mom learn to love and adore her DIL. This will make the family in general a much more peaceful environment. But it starts with you, you cannot harden yourself in the name of "I'm RIGHT". You must take up your identity and husband, son, lover, father, and leader.

mouthcuffed:

How would you feel if your wife sends an that her MIL who only comes to visit her grandchild once or twice a week, is being categorized as jobless? How would you feel when your wife sends you an sms and says

' baby please I am ready to sacrifice all my allowances in order for you to gather enough money together and open up a shop for your mum to be making her home made juice, at least she can seldom show up here rather than frequent'

This is just for someone that ACTUALLY Seldom show up, and rarely sleeps over, if she sleeps over for once, then she has a legitimate reason for it, she stays far away from us, she's active yet old, jumps from one bus to the other before she gets to her destination, shes the 1st born of her siblings, yet she has the least of grandchildren. Just two grands, one his 2 years old,, and ours is 6 months old, it got to a stage where people would wanna start to think shes a witch when none of her children havent given her a single grandchild, so tell me wont she be crazy about them? Even with the craziness over her grandchildren,she only SELDOM show up for visits.

Infact my wife was forced to seek council from my brother's wife, and she was told 'that woman doesnt really stalk people, once she comes, she leaves, you really do not have anything to worry about'

I apologize for the long story, but her SMS was strictly because we had a serious fight because of the former SMS she sent, so she had to make sure that this time around, it doesnt have to be of the same nature of the former.

Showing an aged mother and widow who has no one some love is now what's causing jealousy. No wonder some people never get any mercy in their life.

No wonder.

I'm sure op would feel more secure if her husband abandoned the mom and she dies one day from neglect

vanitty: You don't want advice, you just need to vent but you are obviously disturbed and you been unhappy will eventually affect your home.

In situation like this, please do not attempt to "complain" especially since hubby seems to be tied to his mother's wrapper or start some silly competition. (Me or her)

There are many ways to skin a cat I tell you, I will advice you to be in fact more involved, be in their "business" it will be awkward at first especially if you are not the in-your-face kind of person

If mama want her son to be reading three passages every night, you are her inherited daughter, open bible and start reading with husband.

If mama calls at unholy hours, after they have spoken, tell hubby to pass you the phone and talk to her as well.

If mama reminds you that she used to be the owner of the wardrobe, playfully tell her that hubby will have to buy another one niyen o because you are now part of the family.

You need to do everything "politely and respectfully" to let it sink in to both son and mama that you are now one, this is a process but you will see with time when she is assured that you are not "stealing" her son away she will relax and back down!

It is well, in-laws especially single mothers that suffered eh to train up their children, you have to deal with them diplomatically at times. It is not easy for them to just let go

I love dis,in addition to this I have personally learnt to pray wen it comes to inlaws n God will hear cos in the eye of God ur mil na 3rd party,God will help mothers nd like someone said it depends,ur hubby shld tell her outrightly not to call at odd hours,but he's mum's boy,pray u will be surprised how der God will take care of dis situation,let me share something with u though not d same but maybe u can learn from it,my bro in law used to live wit us from d day we got married,it was not a prob initially but d guy just became a nuisance overnite causing fight btwn me nd hubby,I was not wise den I will report him to his bro my hubby,mistake no 1 nd hubby go fite me,den we decided to move,we got a bigger apt dt my bil will even have a room der,wen we paid for d room I told God I mite be selfish o dt he shld 4give me but I want to leave peacefully in my house with my hubby,no extras,in d mean time I was telling my bil dt we have room for him o dt he can move in with us,he no follow us o,God heard my prayer well,d odas fought me later but God gave me wisdom to handle dem,it will amaze u how God will fite for u by d way u no be second wife u be only wife forever.

mouthcuffed:

How would you feel if your wife sends an that her MIL who only comes to visit her grandchild once or twice a week, is being categorized as jobless? How would you feel when your wife sends you an sms and says

' baby please I am ready to sacrifice all my allowances in order for you to gather enough money together and open up a shop for your mum to be making her home made juice, at least she can seldom show up here rather than frequent'

This is just for someone that ACTUALLY Seldom show up, and rarely sleeps over, if she sleeps over for once, then she has a legitimate reason for it, she stays far away from us, she's active yet old, jumps from one bus to the other before she gets to her destination, shes the 1st born of her siblings, yet she has the least of grandchildren. Just two grands, one his 2 years old,, and ours is 6 months old, it got to a stage where people would wanna start to think shes a witch when none of her children havent given her a single grandchild, so tell me wont she be crazy about them? Even with the craziness over her grandchildren,she only SELDOM show up for visits.

Infact my wife was forced to seek council from my brother's wife, and she was told 'that woman doesnt really stalk people, once she comes, she leaves, you really do not have anything to worry about'

I apologize for the long story, but her SMS was strictly because we had a serious fight because of the former SMS she sent, so she had to make sure that this time around, it doesnt have to be of the same nature of the former.

I definitely understand. In fact if it were me, I would probably be even more angry than you are. Because I am yet to see exactly what bad thing your mother has done to your wife and it appears that she is just trying to exclude your mother for no credible reason whatsoever. With that being said, this situation is not irreparable (your wife needs to take a chill pill!!). All I'm saying is that you could also try not to escalate the situation, bringing up all those things in your first post like your short courtship was not necessary.

byvan: Geez!!!!are toddlers getting married these days? ,couples trashing there undies in full glare of the public is fast becoming a trend,can you guys post pics as well

@ mr poster i havent seen anytin wring with us saying our minds ere. If u dont av anytin tonsay shut up

mouthcuffed: you guys are still getting it wrong, what am saying is, it looks like though am my mother'shusband, but not to an exaggerated level of playing a role of an husband persay, or did u guys hear my wife saying I play a role which is meant for her to my mother? Is anything wrong in her calling his son or asking me to read a bible passage in the middle of the night? Is that something of too much a big deal?

My love it is close to exaggerated, dats d truth uvr are son not her husband; only you out of thevfour of u refuses to understand dis, not dat others dont care but they limit it. Noe dis morning she called him to bring her clothes, what if u were working, what if u had other plans for the day, what if we dont stay close wouldnt she av taken her clothes from the house to where she was going. Dats my point!!!! It IS TOO MUCH FoR UR WIfE to bear.

judii: @ Mouthcuffed, everything u said is a big deal. I can see ur wife is in 4 serious trouble as u are not even ready 2change anything ur doing. A husband is different from a son. Pls get that! U can never be ur mum's husband, period! What happened 2 calling u during the day 2give u bible passages? If ur wife's mum or dad was calling her very frequetly in d middle of d night, how would u feel? How selfish can people get these days self!

Well said

Damn, awon eniyan ma baje o. See how una don dey run mouth on such delicate matter now that both sides have spoken. In situations like this, we are not meant to blatantly accuse or defend any of them!

@ Poster :This is becoming a no no
Both of you need to log off nairaland and sort it out. People taking sides here will do both of you no good.
Wife, with the greatest respect, you have so so much to learn, a stranger that you don't know from Adam is saying all that to your hubby and you are saying "well said" never give anyone the chance to disrespect your hubby ego, log off nairaland and talk to him

Hubby, don't bother responding to all this on here, talk to your wife.

If both of you are not careful, this will become more than it is.

#war-council loading

mouthcuffed: I am the husband, and I will clear the air. My wife did send me an SMS yesterday stating she wanted to rub minds with me regarding my mum, and she also stated that she does not intend erupting another fight over my mum, that something bothers her and if its ok for her to share and ok by me, she'll go ahead, I responded telling her she should make sure what she wants to talk about is well refined and thought of well before she puts it through, because if its similar to the last time she put my mother on a lower level then I wont be happy. I guess she had to come here to spit it out since I didnt receive a response to my SMS.

Posters, many threads on Nairaland here at times arent backed with solid facts and story lines that will enable posters give accurate and most suitable advise needed, reason being 'for example' (my wife) if you follow her post well, you'll see she only responds to people that shares her views, simply because thats what she wants to hear, and believing that her inaccurate post must give her the best most reasonable response/advise she selfishly wants to see here.

The story goes like this, I am the last born of 4 children, 31 years of age, I am arguably the favourite of my mother, and please believe me when I say not because am the last born, but because out of the 4 of us, I am the only person that truly cares about my mother's wellbeing, financially, emotionally etc etc, the other's really do not care and its obvious, and my wife also know about this, shes here you guys can ask her.

I have a mother that is close to 70 years of age, but by her looks and activities you'll never notice, a mother that has not yet tasted the real care of her children, yet I am the only one filling this gap, a woman that was never married, but had 4 kids for two polygamists, a woman you'll surely know has never felt the juiciness of marital union, in other words, I became her husband, one who she looks up to in times of need, care and sought after in times of danger. Please pardon my expression, I am only trying to let you all know the situation, and with all said, its not like she is totally subjected to me of such that some people might be thinking, its just people that can look deeper into the eyes of their mind would understand what am trying to say.

Nairalander's I swear to God almighty that created heaven and earth, that if you guys truly see how things are going, you all including those supporting her post would declare that she should be laid on the floor and call on the IYA ALAGA (MC)of the engagement day to come and give her a whopping 12 strokes of the bulala for expressing frustration where it isnt existing and needed, this my wife should be happy she has a composed,humble and simple MIL, when it comes to me going against my mum if she does something mildly wrong, I am not seen as mummy's boy, but if it comes to expressing her frustration over nothing, I am seen as mummy's boy, this is just plainly ridiculous to my sensible understanding.

Another thing you guys need to understand, if it is to be taken that my mother is still into me, in which even if it is, its not to an exaggerated level, my wife and I got married just after two months of courting, simply because (you guys should know) ilove my wife n we actually had plans to get married a year and the half after, but due to circumstances beyond our control, we just had to do it sharply. My mother has only met my wife once before marriage plans began, and it will make it a year next month that we got married, and out of that 1 year, she had spent 6 months in the USA, so its more like we have only spent a solid 6 months together,and she expects my mother to vanish all of a sudden like that? Someone that never dreamt of me getting married last year when she knew I was planning to go for my professional course abroad, this my wife sef, I just tire for your matter, the kind woman wey fit you na Alhaja Barracks, woman we go give you fire wey your own water nor go fit quench, now my mama wey just dey calm wey nor give u wahala na hin you dey always like complain about over every little thing. This issue she's even complaining about is really disgusting, please nairalanders ask her that in the past 3 months, how many times has mumsy called in the middle of the night for me to read psalm 23, which is the only thing she ask me to read whenever she calls in the midnight, this woman has only called twice in this past 3 months to read that bible passage, infact it was my phone that she called, but simply because i was deep in sleep, i couldn’t pick, so i guess she was forced to call my wife and ask her to tell me what she intend saying.

From the day 1 of her threads on Nairaland regarding my mother, if you guys would run a poll as regards comments that were against her thread, and those that supported it, you all will see she has been expressing frustration that needs not be expressed @@@@@@@@@@@@allllllllll.

PS: And it isnt everyday that she calls 3 times, even if she does, she would call to ask how am doing, my wife and our daughter, and if y any chance she calls the second time, its probably to ask or tell me something, not related with my marriage,besides my mother knows how to manager her airtime, if she talks on the phone for the longest period of time, then she uses 3minutes, now wifey what are you jealous of?

Am sure you all av met my hubby. Now dis is d convlusion of the matter, i didnt post ere to spread my sheet in d sun, i came to learn and seek solace as i av always done. From my hubby's post u all can see dat i didnt over exagerrate, he loves his mother than anytin else in d world, which is meant to be, but if you read again u connote that it is to the extreme. My mil treats him like her husband nd behaves like his wife, no big deal, but NL do u really think its gonna easy to cope just like that, we just got married, i need more time to understand his mum is his first wife, and it might take years,my hubby said out of d four kids he is d only one close to his mum, emotionally, financially and so on. Is dere any child who wont love the mother, his sibblings all love and care for her its just not to d extreme like my husband, they r realist they dint just tolerate or condone everything. Note that my mil is loving nd wonderful, nd shez bin good to me,nd am good to her in my own way, and she knows, once shez around me i shower all d love i av in my cabbana. I give her ANYTHING she ask of me, i play my role to her as a dil very well, nd i love her like d mother i no longer have, dis issue is btw my hubby nd i,she treating her son like her husband nd likewise isnt what any wife wishes for. He is doing things that is affecting me, he is causing d rivalry btw us just becos he has refused to stand his ground as a man, even though we married 2 days after courtship, it automatically means u av left your mum and clinged to your wife, u dont need yeara to fux that, once i leave for d U.S, mother moves in with him again!! You av to force urself to do without mummy, eventhough i know its hard due to d bondness and fondness, that way u can even know nd feel my usefulness nd absence,but no, my mil actually has d right to do whatever she pleases with her son, he is her last, her favourite nd his MOTHER, but its d son that should control it for her cos left to her shez doing nothing wrong, From all of your post i hav come to a conclusion that all i need to do is go on my kneels more and pray for the grace to tolerate what i can and would never be able to change. Thank you all for the post , advices and adminition. NL can be impactful sometimes. Peace.

Babz temmy:
Note that my mil is loving nd wonderful, nd shez bin good to me,nd am good to her in my own way, and she knows, once shez around me i shower all d love i av in my cabbana. I give her ANYTHING she ask of me, i play my role to her as a dil very well, nd i love her like d mother i no longer have, dis issue is btw my hubby nd i,she treating her son like her husband nd likewise isnt what any wife wishes for. My mil actually has d right to do whatever she pleases with her son, he is her last, her favourite nd his MOTHER, but its d son that should control it for her cos left to her shez doing nothing wrong, From all of your post i hav come to a conclusion that all i need to do is go on my kneels more and pray for the grace to tolerate what i can and would never be able to change. Thank you all for the post , advices and adminition. NL can be impactful sometimes. Peace.

So u acknowlege she is loving and showers u with love
you dont have a mum of your own

but you still have an issue

ok ooooo

OP ( Hubby) please sir I beg of you to stop replying on this thread shikena!

OP ( wife) ... I'm a very private person, and had enough space in my father's house, trust me when you're married you need to learn to be accommodating , you need to learn to tolerate cos you'd be a mil too,

If this will make you feel better, my MIL calls us everyday. she prays with her grandchildren every night at bedtime ...Oya talk.... Pele pele oh!! You're a mom too oh. Karma is real oh.



I have to reply to your post cos I'm already in bed . Nite.

Mr and Mrs Mouthcuffed, now that you both know this thread exists, can you please now TALK, you know that thing people do with their mouths face to face or over the phone without using a keyboard or keypad. .

Thank you both .You can also ask to have the thread closed.

Hope you guys sort this cos it really is not something you cant sort.Its more a case of miscommunication.

Babz temmy:
Am sure you all av met my hubby. Now dis is d convlusion of the matter, i didnt post ere to spread my sheet in d sun, i came to learn and seek solace as i av always done. From my hubby's post u all can see dat i didnt over exagerrate, he loves his mother than anytin else in d world, which is meant to be, but if you read again u connote that it is to the extreme. My mil treats him like her husband nd behaves like his wife, no big deal, but NL do u really think its gonna easy to cope just like that, we just got married, i need more time to understand his mum is his first wife, and it might take years,my hubby said out of d four kids he is d only one close to his mum, emotionally, financially and so on. Is dere any child who wont love the mother, his sibblings all love and care for her its just not to d extreme like my husband, they r realist they dint just tolerate or condone everything. Note that my mil is loving nd wonderful, nd shez bin good to me,nd am good to her in my own way, and she knows, once shez around me i shower all d love i av in my cabbana. I give her ANYTHING she ask of me, i play my role to her as a dil very well, nd i love her like d mother i no longer have, dis issue is btw my hubby nd i,she treating her son like her husband nd likewise isnt what any wife wishes for. He is doing things that is affecting me, he is causing d rivalry btw us just becos he has refused to stand his ground as a man, even though we married 2 days after courtship, it automatically means u av left your mum and clinged to your wife, u dont need yeara to fux that, once i leave for d U.S, mother moves in with him again!! You av to force urself to do without mummy, eventhough i know its hard due to d bondness and fondness, that way u can even know nd feel my usefulness nd absence,but no, my mil actually has d right to do whatever she pleases with her son, he is her last, her favourite nd his MOTHER, but its d son that should control it for her cos left to her shez doing nothing wrong, From all of your post i hav come to a conclusion that all i need to do is go on my kneels more and pray for the grace to tolerate what i can and would never be able to change. Thank you all for the post , advices and adminition. NL can be impactful sometimes. Peace.

This is how i see it you need to chill out. His mom needs both of you right now, the love you have for your husband extend it to his mom. His mom is not his first wife she is his MOM. He cannot do the things he does with you, what is that nonsense about mother becoming wife and yes please you need to be tolerant i cant understand why you want to deprive them of calls and even if she calls in the middle of the night ONCE IN A WHILE what is the big deal? how is she acting like his wife.

I see you being overzealous about marriage things and suspicious of her motives in all you have said, i really can't see what the woman has done wrong. Even your hubby has not done wrong except his tone when replying your text message but then we all do that when we are on the defensive. Nobody acts sweet 365 days of the year.

Don't make your marriage a battle ground. Chill out and accommodate.

U

Babz temmy:
@ mr poster i havent seen anytin wring with us saying our minds ere. If u dont av anytin tonsay shut up

Mrs complainant go and take care of your dysfunctional marriage and stop lashing out like a rabid dog.

Mrs Babz, please be more tolerant.
In my opinion, you are focusing too much energy on this issue, there are so many other things you could spend your time doing.


Mr Babz, please bear in mind your wife loves you and wants all your attention, don't see her as a wicked person trying to seperate you from your mum. it seems all new to her and these are the kind of challenges we all face in the first few years of marriage, it could be worse though.

All the best guys

After all said and done, I have heard all. Thank you all for your contributions, and advivces, I don't despise my mil, I don't, am just gonna learn to tolerate. God bless us all

byvan: U


Mrs complainant go and take care of your dysfunctional marriage and stop lashing out like a rabid dog.

You know u don't always av to respond. You should learn to implore d silent treatment.

NL we want this thread closed. Thank you!