I am in my twenties now, and have lived all my life with my grand mother who is now late about two week ago.
The so called biological mummy who has not always been there for me when i needed her most is now around, this is giving me worry, because i feel like she is not my mummy and find it difficult to...
My question now is; will it be wrong for me call her (my mother) my grand mother and refer to my now late granny as my biological mummy, even though she is naturally not.
Please tell me if there is anything wrong with this intention, because i feel so much relief doing this, for the reason of all the pain my real mummy ever put me through.
Please advice me.
Thanks.

you don't have to.call her mummy but u shouldn't call her granny. thats unnecessarily rude. by the way, have u cared to find out why she was absent when you needed her most? she may have a logical explanation.

Your biological mother is your "mummy" whether or not she took up her reponsibilities towards you.

Your late grandmother is your grandmother and the love and devotion you feel for her is not devalued in anyway.

I have cousins that I have close bonds with. They still remain my cousins not siblings. These definitions are important to avoid confusion especially in future generations.

Why do we wanna complicate things?

She can be your mother but you don't have to call her "mummy". Mummy is a pet name associated with Love and respect. If you don't have the two what's the point?

Your grandma is your grandma whether you like it or not and she can't be your "mummy"

I guess the OP is just looking for a way to avoid the possible connection calling her mother/mummy brings.

Please no matter what happen she is your mother. Maybe you should be open minded, perhaps she would explain the circumstances surrounding her absent.

I know its not normal, but am just pained.
There is no explanation to a son, for a 18yrs of abandonment, not even a #20 call between Lag and Delta, no explanation at all.
Nevertheless, I want to appreciate you all by applying these words of advice.
Am grateful.
Thank you!

Vicony4real: I know its not normal, but am just pained.
There is no explanation to a son, for a 18yrs of abandonment, not even a #20 call between Lag and Delta, no explanation at all.
Nevertheless, I want to appreciate you all by applying these words of advice.
Am grateful.
Thank you!

I was about saying "I can imagine". The truth is I am not in your shoes, but I kinda understand what you are going through. You are hurting. You don't want her (your mum) to come and reap where she did not sow.

I will suggest you take this matter to her since it's bothering you. Ask her why she hasn't been there and please try to forgive and let go. I know it's not easy, that's why I am not asking you to pretend all is well. Your grand mum is late now and you will surely need a mother-figure around. Just try to have a cordial relationship with her. I am sure things will get better with time.

All the best!

R u a christian? If yes,then go to God first and table ur grieviance,frustration and infact blame. Just offload. U will be relieved,then tell Him that ur biological mum is back,what will u do.believe me,He will talk to u. Adhere to what he will tell u pls.
U need a good and matured counselor to couch u.the two of u can sit down with ur mum and he will be d mediator.maybe an elder u respect so much.it will take time,even yrs but this approach has bn working for many.
Be free to voice out how u feel b4 her.pls don't shut her out.pls accept her and u will reap d rewards later.u don't pay evil with evil but lv and compassion. Hugs
(I just don't want and believe in d grandma and mummy thing and want to be realistic. Ur mum is an integral part of u and d earlier u handle it d better cos it will interfer in ur later life and generations to come so pls two wrongs can't make it right)

Giving birth does not make you a mother, it is the unconditional love and caring for that child that makes you a mother. In my opinion, your grandmother is your mother and your bio mum is your sister. Yes she brought you into the world, but she is not your mother. You have absolutely no obligation to call her mum and you shouldn't feel guilt about it. You can refer to get as a sister or aunt or whatever

Omo_Alata: Giving birth does not make you a mother, it is the unconditional love and caring for that child that makes you a mother. In my opinion,your grandmother is your mother and your bio mum is your sister. Yes she brought you into the world, but she is not your mother. You have absolutely no obligation to call her mum and you shouldn't feel guilt about it. You can refer to get as a sister or aunt or whatever

Op,your grandmother is what she is and your biological mother is your mother.
If you don't feel good calling her mummy,don't !..for now.
If you don't feel good establishing a relationship with her,don't ! ..for now but in time your are going to have to forgive the past and accept her if she is ready to want and be what she has not been to you all these years.

Be thankful that she at least didn't throw you in a bin somewhere as a child . She gave you to a capable hand-someone who she was sure would take care of you as her own and who did.
If you can,let her know how hurt you feel and demand an explanation for her reasons for staying away.
It will be okay.

One of my cousin's sons grew up with us. He calls my own mother "mummy" while "aunty" is for his own biological mother.

Vicony4real: I am in my twenties now, and have lived all my life with my grand mother who is now late about two week ago.
The so called biological mummy who has not always been there for me when i needed her most is now around, this is giving me worry, because i feel like she is not my mummy and find it difficult to...
My question now is; will it be wrong for me call her (my mother) my grand mother and refer to my now late granny as my biological mummy, even though she is naturally not.
Please tell me if there is anything wrong with this intention, because i feel so much relief doing this, for the reason of all the pain my real mummy ever put me through.
Please advice me.
Thanks.

We understand how u feel but u cant take away the truth that your mother will always be your mother.. We all do experience hurt one way or the other from a loved one and the beauty of it is that no one is perfect. Accept your mother that way she is and not the way you want her to be ..

The love you and your grandmother shared can not be replaced by any one let alone your mum and that's unique. Understand that your mum is different, and a whole knew chapter, experiencing the love u've always desire, with her, wont hurt...

Vicony4real: I am in my twenties now, and have lived all my life with my grand mother who is now late about two week ago.
The so called biological mummy who has not always been there for me when i needed her most is now around, this is giving me worry, because i feel like she is not my mummy and find it difficult to...
My question now is; will it be wrong for me call her (my mother) my grand mother and refer to my now late granny as my biological mummy, even though she is naturally not.
Please tell me if there is anything wrong with this intention, because i feel so much relief doing this, for the reason of all the pain my real mummy ever put me through.
Please advice me.
Thanks.

You say a lot about your mum and your not feeling any close to her. That is understandable seeing as it was your grandmother who brought you up, so that's why you've bonded with her.

You are an adult and so should be able to handle some of the things life throws your way. You aren't pleased with your mum, we get that. But what about your dad? Shouldn't he fit into this picture too? Why were you brought up by your grandmother?

I think answering those questions would be a start in the right direction towards your healing process...

I have indeed learnt so much from you all.
Thank you from my Heart.

You are welcome dear.