bellong: @Ihedinobi,

Let me give you an example of my marriage, my wife had a serious and critical medical condition. Because of this condition, the guy she was supposed to wed called of the marriage one week to it after all preparations had been made. Her family lost a lot of money and emotional trouble during the period.

A year and more after that, I came up. I already knew about this stuff before approaching her because I did my due diligence. I was waiting whether she will tell me about it or not. If she had not told me, I would have taken a walk because I believe that the union will not be founded on a strong foundation of trust, faith and mutual agreement. I also told her everything I know about myself, medically, spiritually, family and name it because I wanted to have that boldness to answer the priest's question on the solemnization day.

The fact that we started on good foundation of trust, her medical condition is now history two months after the wedding. We joined hands to pray and God answered us, I need not run from church to church. The family are eternally grateful today to God and to me. I am also happy for the person I chose who never conned me to marry her.

If the husband understood the foundation of marriage and the truthfulness involve, he would have opened up and I know it will be history today. I believe in miracle, I enjoy it daily but I do not lay foundation on lies and deceit

God bless your testimony.

biolabee:

@bellong... excellent post
May your union continually be blessed

AMEN AMEN and YOURS too

Tgirl4real:

God bless your testimony.

Amen

Tgirl4real:

U didn't answer my questions but I will drop it.



Baba o... I guess I am not getting a thumbs up in this matter, ehn?

No be soooooo... actually i appreciate your stance but is it not a greater sin to despise your partner, silently wishing for his or her death so you can be free, not being loving etc...

bellongs last post about the wombless lady.... see there was FULL DISCOLSURE before hand

The funny thing is that this guy may have met another woman who cant have kids or has had but dont want more

And he will be free.. now his manhood and ego will be bruised forever

bellong: @Ihedinobi,

Let me give you an example of my marriage, my wife had a serious and critical medical condition. Because of this condition, the guy she was supposed to wed called of the marriage one week to it after all preparations had been made. Her family lost a lot of money and emotional trouble during the period.

A year and more after that, I came up. I already knew about this stuff before approaching her because I did my due diligence. I was waiting whether she will tell me about it or not. If she had not told me, I would have taken a walk because I believe that the union will not be founded on a strong foundation of trust, faith and mutual agreement. I also told her everything I know about myself, medically, spiritually, family and name it because I wanted to have that boldness to answer the priest's question on the solemnization day.

The fact that we started on good foundation of trust, her medical condition is now history two months after the wedding. We joined hands to pray and God answered us, I need not run from church to church. The family are eternally grateful today to God and to me. I am also happy for the person I chose who never conned me to marry her.

If the husband understood the foundation of marriage and the truthfulness involve, he would have opened up and I know it will be history today. I believe in miracle, I enjoy it daily but I do not lay foundation on lies and deceit

Way to go Oga Bellong!

Now this is exactly what I'm talking about: A real life example which anyone, including non-Christians can relate with.

bellong:

AMEN AMEN and YOURS too

Thanks sir.. frankly your faith is inspiring.. if your own is a mustard seed
im sure my own will be like atom ant

biolabee: ^^^kind.way on point!!

I dey gbadun your posts

unrelated, @Seun can we get a thumbs up smiley

@bellong... excellent post
May your union continually be blessed
You truly are a man of faith....

^^^^^
Thanks, I have been off NL for sometime because of some people that derive pleasure in attacking posts (sometimes it gets to me) but seeing this Ops position, I decided to log in again and put my own 1 Bututs (kobo).

I have been through (may be still going through) emotional fraud so I can relate with the Ops and Nobody should go through this in life especially in marriage (life long relationship).

kind.way:



^^^^^
Thanks, I have been off NL for sometime because of some people that derive pleasure in attacking posts (sometimes it gets to me) but seeing this Ops position, I decided to log in again and put my own 1 Bututs (kobo).

I have been through (may be still going through) emotional fraud so I can relate with the Ops and Nobody should go through this in life especially in marriage (life log relationship).

dont mind the badt pipu...

This section is a place to learn really.. see different sides to an issue and apply to your own life or people around you

It is well with you

marriage is life long really and if there is no outlet, some people may just use poison to end their life term marriage

biolabee:

Thanks sir.. frankly your faith is inspiring.. if your own is a mustard seed
im sure my own will be like atom ant

It shouldn't be bigger than mustard seed else it will overwork.... .. Its a joke oo

It is our right as believer and God will not deny us if and when we come to Him sincerely

True..


It is well

bellong:

It shouldn't be bigger than mustard seed else it will overwork.... .. Its a joke oo

It is our right as believer and God will not deny us if and when we come to Him sincerely

biolabee:

No be soooooo... actually i appreciate your stance but is it not a greater sin to despise your partner, silently wishing for his or her death so you can be free, not being loving etc...

bellongs last post about the wombless lady.... see there was FULL DISCOLSURE before hand

The funny thing is that this guy may have met another woman who cant have kids or has had but dont want more

And he will be free.. now his manhood and ego will be bruised forever

Yea..

I know God will not kill her for it, but there is a more excellent way. That is my position.

Sincerely, it all boils down to what she can handle, we can only encourage her.

No be soooooo... actually i appreciate your stance but is it not a greater sin to despise your partner, silently wishing for his or her death so you can be free, not being loving etc...

Lol.

This is terrible. One is tempted to do this when you find yourself stuck in a loveless union.

biolabee:

marriage is life long really and if there is no outlet, some people may just use poison to end their life term marriage

Ha!

I beg o...

Only this woman knows what she wants out of this situation. I advise you log off nairaland if not, people's posts will confuse you and cause you to make decisions that might not favour you. This is a very touchy matter and I suggest you leave this site and go do some serious decision-making-thinking.

bellong: @Ihedinobi,

Let me give you an example of my marriage, my wife had a serious and critical medical condition. Because of this condition, the guy she was supposed to wed called of the marriage one week to it after all preparations had been made. Her family lost a lot of money and emotional trouble during the period.

A year and more after that, I came up. I already knew about this stuff before approaching her because I did my due diligence. I was waiting whether she will tell me about it or not. If she had not told me, I would have taken a walk because I believe that the union will not be founded on a strong foundation of trust, faith and mutual agreement. I also told her everything I know about myself, medically, spiritually, family and name it because I wanted to have that boldness to answer the priest's question on the solemnization day.

The fact that we started on good foundation of trust, her medical condition is now history two months after the wedding. We joined hands to pray and God answered us, I need not run from church to church. The family are eternally grateful today to God and to me. I am also happy for the person I chose who never conned me to marry her.

If the husband understood the foundation of marriage and the truthfulness involve, he would have opened up and I know it will be history today. I believe in miracle, I enjoy it daily but I do not lay foundation on lies and deceit

Bellong is a male? See me see wahala. I thought Bellong was a female. LOL. Abi husband and wife dey use one name ni.

baby_123:

Bellong is a male? See me see wahala. I thought Bellong was a female. LOL. Abi husband and wife dey use one name ni.

Bellong is a Male Man ooo..

kind.way:
Ihedinobi: If we're talking according to Christianity here at all, the op has no grounds for a divorce. T[b]he fact that she was deceived into this covenant is not sufficient for a divorce.[/b] If she chooses to get one, it is contrary to the Faith she professes. So, you can only proceed with a divorce by excluding your faith, ma'am.
^^^
WRONG: The fact that she was deceived is an enough reason to ANNUL the covenant: Jacob was deceived to marry Leah, He insisted that it is a FRAUD, I ain't gonna settle for LESS, I know what I want, Give me RACHEL, he later married RACHEL.

You need to read what I have written. As for Jacob, did you read that he divorced Leah? Or is that not the point?

Tgirl4real:

Ha!

I beg o...

May God help us

bellong: @Ihedinobi,

Let me give you an example of my marriage, my wife had a serious and critical medical condition. Because of this condition, the guy she was supposed to wed called of the marriage one week to it after all preparations had been made. Her family lost a lot of money and emotional trouble during the period.

A year and more after that, I came up. I already knew about this stuff before approaching her because I did my due diligence. I was waiting whether she will tell me about it or not. If she had not told me, I would have taken a walk because I believe that the union will not be founded on a strong foundation of trust, faith and mutual agreement. I also told her everything I know about myself, medically, spiritually, family and name it because I wanted to have that boldness to answer the priest's question on the solemnization day.

The fact that we started on good foundation of trust, her medical condition is now history two months after the wedding. We joined hands to pray and God answered us, I need not run from church to church. The family are eternally grateful today to God and to me. I am also happy for the person I chose who never conned me to marry her.

If the husband understood the foundation of marriage and the truthfulness involve, he would have opened up and I know it will be history today. I believe in miracle, I enjoy it daily but I do not lay foundation on lies and deceit

God bless you

biolabee:

haha,,, funny guy,,, u make some points but dont use that as a means of downplaying the importance of children which is God ordained
Moreover Rebecca was childless not that she has had countless abortions which destroyed her womb

Non-parellel examples

Non-parallel? Like the one you just gave? Was his infertility self-inflicted as Rebecca's would have been if she had committed countless abortions?

Can I ask what you mean by this

Thought it was kinda obvious. What do you suppose I mean?

- what kind of lie do you think attack's God;s foundation

The kind that makes producing a godly seed impossible.

- Do you the omission of this truth invalidates this union (the lie in the Op's case)

Please rephrase. I don't understand the above.

Ihedinobi:
Non-parallel? Like the one you just gave? Was his infertility self-inflicted as Rebecca's would have been if she had committed countless abortions?


Thought it was kinda obvious. What do you suppose I mean?



The kind that makes producing a godly seed impossible.


Please rephrase. I don't understand the above.

Well my point was the concealment
So to you a false foundation will be one where a godly seed cannot be produced
Is that the same case here...my q

Tgirl4real: @ Ihedinobi,

If hubby decides to set wifey free by offering her a divorce, what do u say to this?

Same thing I've been saying. Divorce is allowed only under two conditions: adultery and a case where the unbelieving partner wants out. And only in the latter is remarriage allowed to another partner.

Ihedinobi:

Same thing I've been saying. Divorce is allowed only under two conditions: adultery and a case where the unbelieving partner wants out. And only in the latter is remarriage allowed to another partner.

Hmmm not sure paul meant this
He did not allow for divorce in unequal yoked marriages

biolabee:

we all know the sole purpose of marriage is not to bear children but it is a key and important purpose so dont downplay the importance of children
Moreso humans have desires and have the right to acheive their desires

Moses - his peoples freedom
Hitler - his peoples freedom

Will you now say we should not desire for freedom since such desire is evil

I could not possibly make my stance any clearer than I already have, could I? It's up to you to read it and fault it.

Efemena_xy:

Oh please get real, will ya?!

Lol. I'm not being real?

As long as you are/were married in Naija, to a Naija spouse, living in Naija, with Naija relatives and inlaws surrounding, and you living, eating, breathing Naija air, the number one, sole purpose of getting married is pro-creation!

Untrue. It may be a person's reason for getting married or a people's reason for upholding marriage, but it can never be construed as the reason that marriage in itself exists.

As a woman in that environment, your status as a married woman is not sealed until you pop out those kids, and your home is filled with the pitta-patter sounds of tiny feet! Forget all that clap-trap of companionship, etc. All that comes AFTER kids and holds sway AFTER the kids have entered the picture.

Doesn't detract from my point at all.

@OP knows this, and is well grounded on that. Besides, she's said it time and time again that she wants her own biological kids...little mirror images of her that bear her features, characteristics, and so on.

So she does. And, as I already said, I don't begrudge her her desire. It's simple really. Whatever she might want to get out of marriage, marriage has a purpose independent of her. As long as that purpose can be served by her marriage, she cannot rightly break it as as a Christian.

Of course, she can go get her divorce. She's free to. Nobody is forced to obey God, are they?

Efemena_xy:

Oh please get real, will ya?!

Lol. I'm not being real?

As long as you are/were married in Naija, to a Naija spouse, living in Naija, with Naija relatives and inlaws surrounding, and you living, eating, breathing Naija air, the number one, sole purpose of getting married is pro-creation!

Untrue. It may be a person's reason for getting married or a people's reason for upholding marriage, but it can never be construed as the reason that marriage in itself exists.

As a woman in that environment, your status as a married woman is not sealed until you pop out those kids, and your home is filled with the pitta-patter sounds of tiny feet! Forget all that clap-trap of companionship, etc. All that comes AFTER kids and holds sway AFTER the kids have entered the picture.

Doesn't detract from my point at all.

@OP knows this, and is well grounded on that. Besides, she's said it time and time again that she wants her own biological kids...little mirror images of her that bear her features, characteristics, and so on.

So she does. And, as I already said, I don't begrudge her her desire. It's simple really. Whatever she might want to get out of marriage, marriage has a purpose independent of her. As long as that purpose can be served by her marriage, she cannot rightly break it as as a Christian.

Of course, she can go get her divorce. She's free to. Nobody is forced to obey God, are they?

bellong:

Christians do not show godly attitude all the time but the fact that they repent and sorrowfully turn from their ungodly attitude is what is more important to God. Not remaining in sin.

I completely agree. Do you think that this man has not repented and turned from his ungodly attitude? Do you suppose that he has remained in sin?

Your argument is counter-productive. Why would a christian deceive a fellow christian into making a decision that affects destiny?

Lol. Is it now? Did you not mean what you said above that Christians still fail and make mistakes sometimes? You think he's not a Christian because he neglected to tell his fellow Christian that he couldn't father a child before marrying her? Lol. And we're still assuming that he knew his condition without a doubt, are we not?

Why didn't he tell her after the wedding about his condition? Why did he not act when his siblings were tormenting her because of childlessness? Why didn't he lay a solid and truthful foundation for a new home?
If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do says the scripture....

The point of these questions is...? What foundation was destroyed?

God who instituted marriage also commanded that we should multiply.

You sure took your time to pull this out. Been waiting for it for ages.

Sure He did command that we do. But is that command necessarily limited to child-bearing?

When there is disharmony, the foundation and fabric of companionship is already broken.

I'm curious as to how this is so. After all, there is continued disharmony between even the best Christians and God but we continue to claim companionship with Him, don't we?

I cannot answer if he realized whether its a make or break but if it is not, why would his family torment the poor lady?
I will not blame the guy for his medical condition, it is no problem of his, I will only blame him for not disclosing it.

Didn't ask anything about your blaming him. If you cannot answer it, make no assumptions about it.

ayans4u:

Tgirl, I said I would do everything within my "ability" to see to it that he is happy and fulfilled......
and hope you know each case is treated in its merit...as the scenario you "painted" is quite different from my present experience...?

I know you're hurting and all, that's why I'm mild but the above is actually nonsense. You're asking for preferential treatment if the situation were reversed. Makes no sense whatsoever.

Chei!una still de argue?

bellong: @Ihedinobi,

Let me give you an example of my marriage, my wife had a serious and critical medical condition. Because of this condition, the guy she was supposed to wed called of the marriage one week to it after all preparations had been made. Her family lost a lot of money and emotional trouble during the period.

A year and more after that, I came up. I already knew about this stuff before approaching her because I did my due diligence. I was waiting whether she will tell me about it or not. If she had not told me, I would have taken a walk because I believe that the union will not be founded on a strong foundation of trust, faith and mutual agreement. I also told her everything I know about myself, medically, spiritually, family and name it because I wanted to have that boldness to answer the priest's question on the solemnization day.

The fact that we started on good foundation of trust, her medical condition is now history two months after the wedding. We joined hands to pray and God answered us, I need not run from church to church. The family are eternally grateful today to God and to me. I am also happy for the person I chose who never conned me to marry her.

If the husband understood the foundation of marriage and the truthfulness involve, he would have opened up and I know it will be history today. I believe in miracle, I enjoy it daily but I do not lay foundation on lies and deceit

I think it's fair to say that the last paragraph which I bolded is the point you were trying to make. The funny thing is that you have done nothing but appeal to your own personal sentiments. That is useless in argument.

That you would have done or woupd not have done or that you did or did not do means exactly nothing. Simply put, this guy did not tell his intended wife that he was infertile, possibly because he was afraid of losing her, but we are not 100% sure that he even knew. He may have suspected, he may have wondered, he may have feared, he may even have known without a shade of doubt but we do not know. What we know is that he didn't tell her.

They got married. That's it. She, not knowing he couldn't give her kids, he, perhaps hoping for a miracle that would enable him to keep her. Whatever we might say or feel, the crux of the matter is that they have married. If she wants out it cannot be in consonance with Christ or the Scriptures. That is all.

Is God's Purpose for marriage there frustrated? Can you tell for sure? If it is not, by what authority are you declaring the contract invalid?

bellong: I have seen where a lady had her womb removed during abortion. When she became born again, she decided not to marry so as not to put burden on anyone.

Lo and behold a brother came to ask her hand in marriage, she told the brother her condition but the guy insisted on marrying her. Yes, they got married and about three years after, the lady conceived and delivered triplets. All because she laid a foundation of sincerity, trust and openness. The Lord granted them their heart desire.

He that must worship God, must worship Him in SPIRIT AND TRUTH. He is not an author of confusion... Laying foundation of deception already destroyed the fabric of the union

Lol. What is your point? The guy lied, is the situation irredeemable because he did?

biolabee:

Well my point was the concealment
So to you a false foundation will be one where a godly seed cannot be produced
Is that the same case here...my q

You are asking me if that is the same case here? Shouldn't you be telling me if that is the same case here?

biolabee:

Hmmm not sure paul meant this
He did not allow for divorce in unequal yoked marriages

Lol. Please open your Bible, my friend. The passage is 1Corinthians 7:15.

Poster there is great power in staying positive over situations. You stay positive and you see things turning out positive positive. Don't be using such words like "he is shooting blank" etc.
Encourage and support him for him to go for more tests, seek more medical help.