...

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Addicted already ! lets go there.

*Following..

Very nice

CHAPTER 2
She almost didn't eat that morning. Infact she didn't. She would be going to
resume studies at the NAIRALAND UNIVERSITY. She long
has had the dream of doing something worthwhile in a big Nigerian Community
and when the opportunity presented itself, she grabbed it and applied to the
University and when few days before she became a registered student , she at
once began preparing for the day she'd be resuming at the University which
looked promising enough to shove aside world-class Universities like
FACEBOOK UNIVERSITY and MYSPACE UNIVERSITY. In her
mind, she felt she wasn't going to only study but also to share her wealth of
knowledge with other people who are just Johnnies and ignorant of happenings
and events around them. Prior to her acceptance to be a student of the university,
she had been a student at an American University as an international student. She
dropped the last T-Shirt into her trunk when her sister came into the room.
"Sister, are you leaving already?"
"Yes, I'm almost ready. The driver just confirmed he's on his way over with
the car."
"I'm going to miss you so much."
"I know. I'm going to miss you too."
"I will make sure I join you next session so it will be both of us there."
"Okay sweet. Let's hope the school is fun enough to contain us both." She
said to her kid sister who hopped away into a room saying she had to check
something she was doing. "Achukwu, always busy doing other things." She smiled
and thought aloud shaking her head.
The drive to the university was smooth enough and she enjoyed every bit of it.
What with the many beautiful sights that would beheld any other visitor to their
beauty and uniqueness. She couldn't help looking at some sights twice to thrice.
Soon the car came to a halt in a parking lot. She sighted the big gate immediately
it came within view, it bore the inscription NAIRALAND
UNIVERSITY. Lots of people were going in and a voice blasted over a loud speaker reading out what
seemed like news headlines. Some of the headlines filtered into her ears as she
made her way out of the car towards the gate. The driver would come with the
luggage after her. She mentioned her name and password at the buzzer's request
and she was handed an identity card on which were her name and personal
details as well as the stat of registered students. She walked through the gates
with a porter whom her driver had handed over her luggage to. The buildings
looked massive and well spread out with the different faculties, departments and
sub-departments located geographically in a well-arranged scattered arrangement.
She walked up the driveway towards the FACULTY OF GENERAL ISSUES so that
from there she'd locate her own faculty and department.
Four guys stood discussing under a tree in front of the ROMANCE
DEPARTMENT around the FACULTY OF GENERAL ISSUES.
You're just a discombobulated dumbass." The light-skinned guy told one of
the guys who looked distraught and helplessly straight.
"Albino, don't you have any advice to give to him than tell him that?" Dabrake,
one of the guys said to Sexkillz, the light-skinned one.
"Hey guys, see that chick." Jaybee, the quiet of the lot said looking at the girl
walking towards them.
"Is she a student or a lecturer?" Cork asked.
"How am I supposed to know? Have I seen her before?" Sexkillz asked
obviously irritated.
"Keep it low guys, she's coming here." Jaybee warned in ow tones.
"Good afternoon, please I'm new here and I need help in finding the way to
the Faculty of Entertainment." The girl asked.
"Oh, just go down the road and turn left. Its the first building you'll see."
Jaybee said, pointing towards the direction of the faculyt.
"Thanks," she said and made to leave.
"Errm, what's the name?" Sexkillz asked.
"Ogugua88." She responded.
"What's with the '88'?" Jaybee asked puzzled.
"Can't you see? She's a figure 8. Make that a double and you have 88." Cork said.
Ogugua Smiled. "I'm Cork but you can call me Mr. Cork." Cork said rubbing his
hand on the crotch of his jeans. He was driving attention to the bulge there.
"I'm Jaybee and this is Sexkillz. Dabrak here,' Jaybee introduced himself and
the light-skinned guy. Dabrake saluted.
"Jaybee, nice name. Sexkillz, errm... Nice name too. Nice meeting you guys.
She shook hands with them and walked away swaying her hips and throwing
forward her long delicate legs elegantly towards the direction Jaybee had
described for her.
"Oh Lord!" Sexkillz exclaimed after Ogugua had left. "I'm so discombobulated."
"Dumba$$." Mr. Cork said. Jaybee just smiled....

Wher is HUmble oo *screaming @d top of my voice*...wher are u na.its ur turn !

btw...nice one from dygeasy.

I'm so discombobulated

I was thinking Dygeasy would continue from where HBG stopped but then

Ajibel: I was thinking Dygeasy would continue from where HBG stopped but then

oh, sorry, I have decided to cover that area and he just follows lead. *hides* now we are working on the "Accepted" chapter....hope its not confusing.

Ishilove Has Joined!!!

Dygeasy: Ishilove Has Joined!!!

that post had been hidden

Lol @ "I'm so discombobulated."

Ishi I can't sleep, waiting for your update

... Another NL story thread.... Dis s gonna b interestng... *following* sharperly

#grins# following

Ishilove Where You At??

Dygeasy: Ishilove Where You At??

My apologies. It will be ready today

Ishilove:
My apologies. It will be ready today

I'd be damned! If you pull a chilo on us, I will definitely pull a Llyod on you and mace your skull

#another way of asking you not to keep us waiting#

Did I hear someone mentioned Chilo? My God, Ishi made me hate anyone with that name.

.

He sat in class staring restlessly at the display screen. “This school really has some high tech gadgets,” MoltenMagma thought.

MM, as his peers called him, was a very restless soul. However, It wasn’t because of this trait that his parents shipped him off to the ‘prestigious’ Nairaland University once the result of his third UTME was released. Rather, it was because for the third year in a row, he had scored less than 200.

“You see your life??” his father had furiously quizzed him, waving the result printout. “196! What did you score last year sef?”

“195”, his younger sister chipped in. “And the year before, 194. Well, at least he is rising. He only has to write jamb four more times before finally reaching 200,” she added, rather unhelpfully.

MM glared at her but she pretended to study her toenails with single-minded concentration.

His parents decided not to bother wasting their hard earned money buying more UTME forms. Instead, they applied to Nairaland University, one of the foremost private universities in Africa. With surprising ease, he was given admission to study Contemporary African Literature. That night, when his father gleefully announced the good news, there was jubilation in the Magma household.

“Ah, after years of writing jamb when all your mates have almost finished university, brother Magma, you have finally made it!” his kid sister exclaimed with joy.

His smile of pleasure turned into a snarl.

MM had mixed feelings about his admission, but he didn’t have a choice because all his peers were already in various universities scattered across the continent and he was tired of being left out. His continued stay at home had become an embarrassment for him in the neighbourhood. Whenever something happened in the street where he and his family lived, people usually came to knock on their door to ask after Brother MoltenMagma for details because he was “always at home”. Perhaps his admission into the university would give him the respect and prestige he craved.

Thus, here he was now, alone in class on the first day of lectures. Nairaland University was not at all what he expected. Everywhere on campus, there were computers for everything. Even the campus shuttles were computerized. All the buildings were painted a mixture of chrome, white and green; a colour combination that seemed to reflect the general mood on campus. In addition, the standard marker boards used in the average Nigerian University was not used here. What stood solidly in front of most classrooms were a giant sized computer screens. When he had walked into his lecture hall in the Department of Literature, Faculty of Entertainment, and beheld a dazzling computer screen winking at him like some alien apparition, the first thought that popped into his head was “WIKKID!!”

He had quickly made his way into the front of the class and sat down very close to the monitor. However, when after about forty-five minutes he was still alone in class, he began to fret. He yawned for the umpteenth time and cracked his knuckles. Just then, the door behind him opened and someone walked in.

“Aha, finally!” he thought with relief. He turned his neck and watched the lone figure walking towards him. The fellow was short, plump and had a rather maniacal grin on his face.

“Hello. My name is Omonnakoda” the young man greeted, hand outstretched.

“MoltenMagma,” MM responded, pumping the offered hand vigorously. “Pleased to meet you”

Omonnakoda grinned some more and said “you must be a newbie here.”

“Huh?”

“Newbie. Here in Nairaland University, we call jambitos ‘newbies’. I know you are a newbie because you are sitting here all alone waiting for lectures instead of going out to flex. Only newbies do that in a place like Nairaland University.” He plopped a satchel on the desk in front of MM. “I came to drop my books then step out.”

MM smiled self-consciously. “Yeah, you are right. I am a newbie.”

Omonnakoda grinned. “I am a Yoruba man and us Yorubas know best. We are unbeatable, unlike all those malu and omo nna higbo people.”

MoltenMagma was speechless.

“Come, stop wasting your time here. Let me take you on a grand tour of Nairaland University.”

MM was all too glad to step out of the class and into the warm sunshine.


***************

**************
Omonnakoda was a very lively person, although he seemed somewhat erratic. Sometimes he made certain statements that seemed downright insane, but MM decided to ignore his behaviour and just enjoy the tour. They moved from one faculty to the other, sometimes stopping briefly at various departments to take in the view. MM found the Webmasters Department in the Faculty of Science and Technology very boring. The Departments of Computer, Graphics and Video were not much better. He wasn’t really a technology geek so he found very little to interest him there.

Things began to look up when he and his slightly lunatic tour guide moved to the Nairaland General faculty. As they neared the Department of Politics, MM could hear raised voices.

“What’s happening there?” he asked Omonnakoda.

Omonnakoda laughed gleefully. “That is my favourite department. That place is a mad house! The students there are always arguing, as if their arguments will change anything happening in the country. Bunch of armchair analysts who think they are scoring points by speaking big big grammar. Their mates in other countries take their fight to the streets, here, they stay in the classrooms and argue non-stop. Whenever I’m in the mood for fun, I go there to make my mind known to all and sundry.”

MM feared to ask what could possibly be in his mind but he asked anyway.

“I always let them know that omo nna people are thieves, 419ers and ritualists.” He paused, and then called out “Shidi, who have you duped today oooo?? Shinedu, go back to Aba and stop selling fake products in Alaba market!” to no one in particular.

MM was shocked. Some people passing by simply stared at him in disgust and moved on. They moved closer to the department and popped into the first class. A bunch of guys were arguing loudly about Mr. President’s latest shenanigans. Omonnakoda pointed to one of debaters clad in a print shirt and surfer shorts who was declaring in a loud voice “Blame it on Ayatollah bin Buhari! He is a blasted bloodthirsty jackal with ice in his veins. A pillager and vampire, that’s what he is! ”

“That’s Jakumo. I can never really understand half of the things he says”. Omonnakoda had to shout to be heard above the din. Another guy at the corner seemed to be trying to build something out of maps. Rolls and rolls of maps lay strewn around the lecture hall, and from the look of things, he had plenty more.

“Remove Yorubaland and merge them with Niger Republic and all the country’s problems are over” the owner of the maps argued. “Ask Mike Adenuga, he will tell you all that I discussed with him yesterday. If we don’t do that, the civil war in the country will eliminate Nigeria from the map of the world.” he continued. To buttress his points, he unfurled another gloriously long map and jabbed at an obscure portion.

“That’s Musiwa, aka Becomerich, aka Mr Nigeria. He is an Electricity Engineer” said Omonnakoda, a sneer on his lips.

“O Jesus, Musiwa take those maps away before you give us all a nasty headache. Some of us here have photo-sensitive epilepsy” someone complained. The owner of the voice was a soft-spoken man who seemed exasperated with everything around him.

“What’s with the maps?”

“I dunno. He seems to have an obsession for maps. Some of his coursemates call him a prophet. I think they are cooking him in his village.”

A young guy who had been silently cleaning his nails looked up and caught sight of MM and Omonnakoda, but he had eyes only for MM’s tour guide. The guy scowled and shook his fist at Omonnakoda.

“Fstranger, don’t even think about it!” he barked.

Omonnakoda bared his teeth and gave him the finger. “Afam4eva, die. Die die die oooooo. You nasty hibo man, die! All my enemies, fire burn them!!”

He was almost foaming at the mouth now. MM, who could no longer take the madness, dragged his companion out of the building in search of saner climes.

Meanwhile, MM had earlier noticed that there were monitors placed strategically at various locations on campus. They occasionally flashed the latest news across the bright screens. “Picture of Tiwa Savage pounding yam,” followed by “Picture of Davido eating Akpu” flashed by as MM moved past one of them.

“What are those?” he asked his companion.

“Front page news. Pay no attention to them.”

They moved to the Departments of Family Affairs, Health, Travel, and Religion. MM found Family Affairs stuffy and full of mature students that he felt he could not connect with, but Religion was another insane place. However, MM didn’t linger there too long, especially since a fresh faced youth standing on a desk called Logicboy03 kept on ranting “All hail the spaghetti god! Religion is false. God is dead!! Atheism is the key!” He was replied by a stern faced man who Omonnakoda said was called frosbel.

“Stop being so daft. Your idiocy grows in quantum leaps by the day,’ frosbel remarked dryly. He held a beaker of suspicious looking solution and was eyeing Logicboy03 speculatively. A man dressed in multi-coloured robes, sporting a dada hairdo, and smoking something that resembled ugu leaves looked their way and rang a very shiny bell in their direction.

“ Braaaaa! Repent, you reprobate heathens, or the Lord will smite thee using American thermonuclear warheads. I am a righteous man and I will go to heaven while the rest of you reprobates will go to hell. Repent, before the Lord nukes you all!!” he bawled.

“Hey obadiah777, you have been overdosing on your ugu leaves again, haven’t you??” someone called out.

“Shut up brother Goshen360! Don’t you have tithes to calculate today?” the dada haired man shot back.

“I am protected by the majestic aura of Satan, so I am safe” a dark complexioned, attractive young man wearing a hexagram medallion calmly declared.

“Alfa Seltzer, puhleeze!” Logicboy03 spat.

Omonnakoda tittered. “Lunatics” he flatly stated, and moved on.

They made their way back to their department, passing the Romance Department on their way. A rather handsome, fair skinned guy stood idly by the entrance of one of the classrooms playing with his phone.

“Hey Antelope! How is Skydeep?” Omonnakoda called.

“Mind your business, pervert.” the guy answered, grinning.

The man standing beside the one called Antelope burst out laughing. “O fucck me! Xynerise is such a madrefucking clown!”

“Yuzedo, you must be an igbo man. Only igbo men laugh at dry jokes” Omonnakoda retorted, and moved away.

Standing next to him, another very handsome fair skinned guy was eyeing a tall, light complexioned girl with the bushiest eyebrows MM had ever seen on a woman. The girl was rather appealing, in a . . . bushy sort of way.

Omonnakoda nudged him. “Hey man, don’t look too closely at that babe. Her name is ogugua88 and she has eyes only for sexkillz. Speaking of eyes, her eyebrows are enough to plait Ghana weaving, but she is still the toast of campus.”

“Who is sexkillz?” MM asked, bewildered.

“He is the HOD of the Romance department. Very mean guy that everyone hates. You will do well by staying away from him.”

MM made a mental note to actively pursue ogugua88. She seemed like a challenge, and he liked challenges.

***************
The lecture hall was almost filled up when they arrived. They made their way to their seat and sat down close to a young woman who was looking very thoughtful. Making himself comfortable, Omonnakoda gave her the once over and leered. The lady glared at him and shook her fist.

“Don’t start princesa, he was only admiring you. You have such a temper!” a mild mannered young man sitting behind them commented.

“He looked like he was about to start abusing me, sigmundfreud. You know how much I hate that.”

“Take a chill pill jor.”

A stern faced guy sitting close to the podium spoke up. “Quiet, you guys. You are becoming very noisy.”

Omonnakoda leaned close and whispered “That’s Mynd44. He is the class rep. Very annoying fellow.”

MM eyed Mynd44 and decided that he was not going to like him, no matter what.

A dark complexioned young woman smiled at MM and said “Hello, my name is HumbledbyGrace. Are you a newbie too?” The girl had a funny accent which didn’t sound Nigerian.

“Yes, I am a newbie. MoltenMagma is the name” he responded. “Are you Nigerian?”

“No, I am South African” She pronounced it ‘Ehfrican’

The door burst open and a lady breezed in. “I’m around o!” she cheerfully announced. “Oshamo, Badosky is in the building! Ehn, oya now. Fine girl, oya now, what you waiting for!!!! ” MM watched with amusement as she danced her way to a seat, saluting and greeting her course mates.

The door opened again and a short, powerfully built guy decked in crotch hugging jeans, snow white tee-shirt and a cascade of blinding blings walked in, surrounded by a bevy of ladies of all shapes and sizes.

“Mazi Omenuko!!! Mazi the don! Mazi tha player!! Balogun laarin obinrin!” his coursemates hailed him. Mazi smiled without commenting and made his way to his seat. His women sat close to him, gazing at him with adoring eyes.

In the racket that heralded Mazi’s arrival, no one noticed when a begoggled, quietly intense woman came into the classroom. She stood by the window and waited patiently for them to quiet down. When they finally did, they suddenly noticed her presence.

“Hello all,” she began. “My name is Ishilove. I am a graduate assistant and I will be standing in for your lecturer Dr Larrysun, today. He has been barned in far away Ogbomoso, on the farms of his ancestors, so till he arrives, I will be assisting him.”

Omonnakoda whispered to MM, “This Ishilove of a woman is a very wahala person. It is always difficult to please her and she acts likes she knows everything. She is just a busybody who forced herself to take this course for Dr Larrysun when nobody invited her. See her flash nyash like blackboard. The day is coming when everyone will report her to the Faculty Board. The irony is she is also a member of the GPAN club”.

“GPAN?”

“Yes, GPAN. They are a bunch of jobless people who believe that the world revolves around garri. Our VC, Professor Seun Osewa is having a hard time dealing with them.”

MM eyed the intense, but beautiful woman in front of them and promised to steer clear off her.

The lectures began and MM tried his best to concentrate on the topic at hand. His mind kept on straying, and at one time, he casually glanced out the window and was just in time to see “Picture of a Nairalander cooking jollof rice” lazily scroll across the computer screen outside.

“What kind of news is this??” MM wondered in bafflement, before turning back to class. They were interrupted several times by the same soft spoken man he had seen in the Department of Politics. He later got to find out that the man was called Professor Naptu2, one of the most intelligent minds in Nairaland University.

MM sighed inwardly as classes progressed. He had a very strong feeling that his stay in Nairaland University was going to be very eventful.

**************
In the deep, dark recesses of the air conditioned Faculty Board Conference Room, a very crucial meeting was taking place. Some key members were in attendance. The VC of Nairaland University was seated at the head of the table. At his right hand, a dark complexioned, dour faced woman was sitting leisurely fiddling with some buttons on her phone. The identity card that hung loosely on her neck identified her as ‘mukina2’. In the left hand corner of the room, a fair complexioned man was sharpening a cutlass, while another man, heavily bearded this time, was doing sit-ups and push-ups. The other Faculty members sat by impassively, their mind on other issues.

“Sexkillz, please drop that cutlass and join us at the table. Same goes for you, Maclatunji” the VC said, referring to the man doing sit-ups.

Maclatunji jumped and stretched out his skinny arms. Sweat dripped from his forehead and left streaks across the horn-rimmed glasses that sat askew on his nose.

“I have to keep fit and be in top form for Allah, Professor Seun, so I always exercise at every given opportunity.”

“Allahu Akbar!” a hijabi sister who sat at the table cried out.

Mac smiled. “You can say that again, sister deols.”

Other members of the Faculty Board rolled their eyes but remained mute. They had learned from experience never to be involved when deols and Maclatunji started.

Professor Seun surreptitiously smiled. Then he loudly cleared his throat and began.

Overhead on the wall by the far right of the room, "Tonto Dike's new tatoo: Hot or Not?" was displayed confidently on the computer screen.

“I have a plan for this University. A very
daring and radical plan that might not go down well with our students and staff, but first, we have to get rid of GPAN, members of the opposition and other riff raffs through all means possible.” He paused for effect.

The board members leaned closer and waited expectantly . . .









END OF CHAPTER THREE

. Remove ''clown'' for my name biko

So this a novel about popular IDs on Nairaland??

Oh well, will read when I hv the time

nice ride i say

boring............

Cool