Am in a relationship of abt 4 yrs old nw. Am a graduate looking 4 greener pasture. V knwn her parents and she has knwn mine too. Yesterday, she asked me to help her fix sum hardware prob on her phone. So wen I finished I tested it and I saw sum chattin btw her and one guy sendin her pix to dat guy. And dat guy dat mornin sent gd mornin my love to her. I was disturbed and I confronted her she nw told me v I put ring on finger? I don't knw wat to do nw cos am disturbed. Though dis lady stood by me throughout my skul days and my nysc. Ur advice is highly welcum.

sorry dear, and if i may ask, how old is your girl?

Do you trust her If yes, half of your question is answered.


4 years relationship That is enough to know each other well, but from your amazement/surprise, it seems you both have not really got involved in REAL communication that have to do with marriage and yourselves. Go back to her and ask her the meaning of that her statement or rather that her question......."have you put ring on my finger".....it has a lot of meanings and she is the only one who can tell you what she really meant. Apart from that, ask questions that has to do with you both, that will show a kind of seriousness from your side, not only laughing and gisting and leaving the important aspect which is REAL COMMUNICATION. In other words, ask questions and questions and questions.
Questions like........
1. How many kids do you want us to have.
2. Will you like us to have joint account after we got married.
3. What is your perspective as regards my church or mosque(whichever applicable).
4. When should we do our wedding.
5. What type of wedding do you want us to have....low key or otherwise.
6. What type of house should we live in, a flat apartment, or a duplex or......
ETC........
Questions like these put a rest of mind in place, it shows how serious you are about the relationship, it shows you are planning together.


And my guy, if you are really serious about this relationshio, and you have the means to settle down, please, do, she might be thinking you are wasting her time, as for me, 4 good years is even too much, so, what is holding you back, do you have some reservations about her If you really love her, stop wasting your and her time, you dont have to become a Dangote before you get married. You can both plan your life and your resources as it requires, just make sure you have a regular income.
May God help you both.

greatgod2012: Do you trust her If yes, half of your question is answered.


4 years relationship That is enough to know each other well, but from your amazement/surprise, it seems you both have not really got involved in REAL communication that have to do with marriage and yourselves. Go back to her and ask her the meaning of that her statement or rather that her question......."have you put ring on my finger".....it has a lot of meanings and she is the only one who can tell you what she really meant. Apart from that, ask questions that has to do with you both, that will show a kind of seriousness from your side, not only laughing and gisting and leaving the important aspect which is REAL COMMUNICATION. In other words, ask questions and questions and questions.
Questions like........
1. How many kids do you want us to have.
2. Will you like us to have joint account after we got married.
3. What is your perspective as regards my church or mosque(whichever applicable).
4. When should we do our wedding.
5. What type of wedding do you want us to have....low key or otherwise.
6. What type of house should we live in, a flat apartment, or a duplex or......
ETC........
Questions like these put a rest of mind in place, it shows how serious you are about the relationship, it shows you are planning together.


And my guy, if you are really serious about this relationshio, and you have the means to settle down, please, do, she might be thinking you are wasting her time, as for me, 4 good years is even too much, so, what is holding you back, do you have some reservations about her If you really love her, stop wasting your and her time, you dont have to become a Dangote before you get married. You can both plan your life and your resources as it requires, just make sure you have a regular income.
May God help you both.

i think you've said it all..

"Have you put a ring on my finger?" Good question,I tell ya!

Op, you can't stop her from having other admirers and propositioners..can you? After four years,what are you still waiting for?
IMO, she wanted you to see the chat and message. She could have wiped them off if she had something to hide.
She's telling you slyly that she could give someone else a chance anytime from now. Tick tock tick tock!
You had better grab your copy now!!

slimyem: "Have you put a ring on my finger?" Good question,I tell ya!

Op, you can't stop her from having other admirers and propositioners..can you? After four years,what are you still waiting for?
IMO, she wanted you to see the chat and message. She could have wiped them off if she had something to hide.
She's telling you slyly that she could give someone else a chance anytime from now. Tick tock tick tock!
You had better grab your copy now!!

seriously, i dont really like this long courtship stuff jare, most usually end up with "had i known" or "oh God" thing,


so, @op, make hay while the sun shines, 4 damn years is too long, act!

Op,u r not serious.what do u do for a living? Probably she is working and maybe u r not.tomoro when u get good work she will become old cargo,abi? My mum said we don't marry from her side,bla bla,bla.
Accept d fact that she can go any day.
4yrs! Who need that.maybe she is still hooked up with u cos there is no better guy yet.I tell ya,once she sees one,she will move!


Sorry I was harsh but life is harsh u know.free her from ur mind so if something happens,it will not weigh u down much. Its d nigerian system.after school,no work and guys suffer mostly from it. It is well.
I always pray that God help guys get something doing faster than gals bc if a guy is set,he can start thinking of marriage. Cruel world

haryor1986: Am in a relationship of abt 4 yrs old nw. Am a graduate looking 4 greener pasture. V knwn her parents and she has knwn mine too. Yesterday, she asked me to help her fix sum hardware prob on her phone. So wen I finished I tested it and I saw sum chattin btw her and one guy sendin her pix to dat guy. And dat guy dat mornin sent gd mornin my love to her. I was disturbed and I confronted her she nw told me v I put ring on finger? I don't knw wat to do nw cos am disturbed. Though dis lady stood by me throughout my skul days and my nysc. Ur advice is highly welcum.

There's no way in heaven you could have graduated from the four walls of a higher institution and yet feed us with such poor written English.

Anyway, the bolded bit says a lot.

haryor1986: Am in a relationship of abt 4 yrs old nw. Am a graduate looking 4 greener pasture. V knwn her parents and she has knwn mine too. Yesterday, she asked me to help her fix sum hardware prob on her phone. So wen I finished I tested it and I saw sum chattin btw her and one guy sendin her pix to dat guy. And dat guy dat mornin sent gd mornin my love to her. I was disturbed and I confronted her she nw told me v I put ring on finger? I don't knw wat to do nw cos am disturbed. Though dis lady stood by me throughout my skul days and my nysc. Ur advice is highly welcum.

Let me speak to you as a man;

You;
A good man should always take responsibility for the direction of a relationship and by his conduct and communication let the woman know exactly where she stands. You may well have considered that you had done that - meeting families etc. - but that is not specific enough, at least for her; her very question reveals that fact.

As one looking for "greener pastures", you should be clear to her what this means in terms of your plans, commitment and time frames towards tying the knot - if that is indeed your intention. 1 year? 2 years? 10 years? TBD? She is then free to stay and work with you or take her leave.

You needn't necessarily have confronted her about the guy and certainly not straight away. There is the likelihood you'll speak out of your "disturbed" state. You would have been better served by picking your moment - not immediately , but not too long after - and asking how she feels about the relationship and where it is heading. Her response would have enabled you to discern her real position.

Her;
If she was trying to send you a message, that was a clumsy and potentially dangerous way to do so. Someone tried that with me once, I red carded her scheming behind - And only 9 weeks after meeting her 0! Can you imagine ! I suppose the best one could say for her is she saw better thing and tried to hasten affairs. Foul!

Per above, a good man knows and says how things are going. A good woman should not wallow in uncertainty, but like I counselled you above, she should "pick her moment" and discuss it directly with you.

"Have you put a ring on her finger?" The answer to that is "no you haven't". The real question is "are you going to?". Especially knowing that she is scheming, deceitful - that relationship could be "live" - or both. Indeed, this bird may have flown already.

I wish you all the best.

TV

OP I don't blame you, I blame Beyonce

Efemena_xy:

There's no way in heaven you could have graduated from the four walls of a higher institution and yet feed us with such poor written English.

Anyway, the bolded bit says a lot.

What is wrong with what he wrote? Does every body have to type on Nairaland like they are writing a PhD thesis?

Efemena_xy:

There's no way in heaven you could have graduated from the four walls of a higher institution and yet feed us with such poor written English.

Anyway, the bolded bit says a lot.

Help me talk o, I couldn't even read all that.

Efemena_xy:

There's no way in heaven you could have graduated from the four walls of a higher institution and yet feed us with such poor written English.

Anyway, the bolded bit says a lot.

I came across a topic on NL where ASUU pple said that a 300 level student of an average nigerian university can't write simple letter. This is to tell u how bad it is.I'm not suprised at all.
He might be a graduate.

Do you want to put a ring on her finger?

lyfe:

What is wrong with what he wrote? Does every body have to type on Nairaland like they are writing a PhD thesis?

Everything's wrong with what he wrote! It's a lazy approach to writing, puts him in poor light and worse of all it not only demeans, but reflects badly on your educational system.

ireneidiva:
Help me talk o, I couldn't even read all that.

Really? Then why bother with quoting me? Do you always go around responding to stuff you've not read?

yellowpawpaw:

I came across a topic on NL where ASUU pple said that a 300 level student of an average nigerian university can't write simple letter. This is to tell u how bad it is.I'm not suprised at all.
He might be a graduate.

It's disgraceful, I tell you...and here we are with @op claiming to have graduated and undertaken his NYSC.

What a joke.

Pls dont uzze forum ryting 2 jujj my kwalifikatn


Bt frankly u cant seriously expet kweens english on a platform wheree ple type from fones n tAblets

biolabee: Pls dont uzze forum ryting 2 jujj my kwalifikatn


Bt frankly u cant seriously expet kweens english on a platform wheree ple type from fones n tAblets

*** Has diieing...***

*** iS mOst deadED!!...***

Assuming those utterances were made by the man, won't that be classed as "cheating" ni. I can just imagine ( ehn ehn calm down now have I married you ni, it is just a picture, it is just a text.

Ayo my hubby's namesake, that girl is no longer in to that your relationship or she is getting very impatient.
Don't let her manipulate you to marrying her by force if you know deep down you are not ready.
If you do, get ready for even more shocking questions ( which food, what alhaji etc.) that will disturb you even more sef. Keep searching for your greener pasture ojare, get some sort of income flow and then you can put ring on it.

Efemena_xy:




*** Has diieing...***

*** iS mOst deadED!!...***

Na true na
But I feel u though

It gets really bad some days n u feel like headbutting your screen in dismay like what da eff?
The BB fonts are the worst

Do you know that people are writing this corrupt forms of english in formal communication

biolabee:

Na true na
But I feel u though

It gets really bad some days n u feel like headbutting your screen in dismay like what da eff?
The BB fonts are the worst

Do you know that people are writing this corrupt forms of english in formal communication

You don't say?!

And they honestly, honestly, expect reputable employers to take them on? With that atrocious level of written communication??

Smh...

I tire oo

biolabee: Pls dont uzze forum ryting 2 jujj my kwalifikatn


Bt frankly u cant seriously expet kweens english on a platform wheree ple type from fones n tAblets

I feel you sis. I seriously feel nauseated seeing people short-handing unnecessarily, but I feel he shouldn't be judged as a bad 9ja graduate because the way he typed. He could have been posting that from a non-qwerty phone or tablet as you have said. Besides, what he typed was still comprehensible unlike what I have seen before.

Move on bro - marriage is not by force.

Na so bro
Some people typing you can feel headache by the time you are thru

Arggggh!!!

lyfe:

I feel you sis. I seriously feel nauseated seeing people short-handing unnecessarily, but I feel he shouldn't be judged as a bad 9ja graduate because the way he typed. He could have been posting that from a non-qwerty phone or tablet as you have said. Besides, what he typed was still comprehensible unlike what I have seen before.

Now, this is not about the Op's educational background. . .

Op, your girl is simply tired of waiting and she's getting very impatient. How old are you both? Is anyone (family, friends etc) pressurising her to get hitched?

Most importantly, is she someone u will want to marry? If yes, have you discussed your plans for the future with her? If you haven't, now is that time. Just wait till this dust settles, then properly communicate your plans to her.

You said she was there for you through out your school days and NYSC so I'm thinking u are a fresh graduate. You will still need sometime to get a job and put somethings in order before settling down.

If she thinks she can wait for you till you are able to find your feet, then carry on. If not, please let her go. Let her find someone who is ready.

Donot let anyone pressurise you into such commitment. And please don't listen to anyone saying you should "start small". There is no "starting small" without ANY form of income. They won't be there to bail you out with house rent and "chop money". U will be so frustrated that u will wish u never got married. Even the said lady will despise you for not being man enough.

Double your effort in your job search. Pray u get one real soon. Goodluck.

Ooohh, I read another thread you posted where u said you are 27yr old and she is 25. Well, at 25 I don't know how much longer she can wait.

It is now dawning on her that her mates are getting married and she still doesn't even know where she stands with you. And to make it worse, you donot have any source of income. . .

Pleease, let her go. . .already.

Op!!! Last year or so.. I have been in such situation like this... But mine was different, cos i saw it coming I quickly recognise it.. so I moved on.. infact now she is married and I was so happy for her ..that really gave me the broad understanding that that is what she wants.... I am also in a relationship that I am so happy about that I am even feeling ontop of the world in it ... As it is the best that I av ever been into ever before I have all I need to the fact that I can't even imagine cheating on her...I can't even imagine it....

Op get urself busy .. it is not a must that 20years relationship leads to marriage .... A colleague of mine got married to a girl they knew for just 6month... So man ..the truth is the lady is really tired of the relationship and someone else is telling her what u re not telling her.... Just ask her what she wants if it is seperation then so be it..

I know its hard but u will get over it.... U av got no right on her cos u re not married to her yet.... So man sit her down this time and take charge as a man....

As a woman, if ur partner has shiwn u d necessary level of commitment t indicate his seriousness then u ve t decide whether t stick in there n hope f d best or walk.
In trying t keep ur options open, u might end up playing urself. Not every guy just jumps into a marraige. To some, he mitr needs put certain tins in plsce bf tying d knot n not necessarily f a seldish reason.
If she was becoming insecure, y didnt she communicste her fears t him n get reassured.
Hasnt she succeeded in 'delaying' her time further wit this her antics??
That ' have u put a ring on it' excuse is just that..An Excuse. It is BullCrap i.m.o

TV01:

Let me speak to you as a man;

You;
A good man should always take responsibility for the direction of a relationship and by his conduct and communication let the woman know exactly where she stands. You may well have considered that you had done that - meeting families etc. - but that is not specific enough, at least for her; her very question reveals that fact.

As one looking for "greener pastures", you should be clear to her what this means in terms of your plans, commitment and time frames towards tying the knot - if that is indeed your intention. 1 year? 2 years? 10 years? TBD? She is then free to stay and work with you or take her leave.

You needn't necessarily have confronted her about the guy and certainly not straight away. There is the likelihood you'll speak out of your "disturbed" state. You would have been better served by picking your moment - not immediately , but not too long after - and asking how she feels about the relationship and where it is heading. Her response would have enabled you to discern her real position.

Her;
If she was trying to send you a message, that was a clumsy and potentially dangerous way to do so. Someone tried that with me once, I red carded her scheming behind - And only 9 weeks after meeting her 0! Can you imagine ! I suppose the best one could say for her is she saw better thing and tried to hasten affairs. Foul!

Per above, a good man knows and says how things are going. A good woman should not wallow in uncertainty, but like I counselled you above, she should "pick her moment" and discuss it directly with you.

"Have you put a ring on her finger?" The answer to that is "no you haven't". The real question is "are you going to?". Especially knowing that she is scheming, deceitful - that relationship could be "live" - or both. Indeed, this bird may have flown already.

I wish you all the best.

TV

Gbam

obowunmi: Move on bro - marriage is not by force.

Exactly.. If you don't want to marry her don't keep her waiting.. its obvious she is wanting a marriage sometime.