After I posted the write up on the topic 'before you propose to her', I have received quite number of email requesting for the female version of the topic.
I titled this one[b] 'Before You Say I Do'?[/b]

Someone says one goal all women have in common is marriage. No woman will want to live the rest of her life with her parents, no matter how caring and loving they are. Once a lady is crossing over to her 'twenties', the consciousness of 'one day I will get married' will be all over her mind.

Once a lady begin to have intimate friends from the opposite sex, the quest to live the rest of her life outside the confine of her parents will be on. She will start thinking of when she'll have the total freedom and be left alone with the 'love of her life', she will want to express her love to the new man in her life (apart from her father and brothers), she'll want to spend more time with him and always be in his company, she'll be looking forward to that day when people from far and near, family and friends, will gather together to celebrate her, the day she will be handed over to the man she love.

The more the feelings for the man becomes stronger, the more she will be getting tired of her house (parents house) and will be waiting patiently till the day she'll finally have the opportunity to leave her parents for her new found love, either through mutual consent or by disagreement, either by proper handing over or by 'run-away'.

Most of the time, the quest to love and be loved is usually higher than knowing much about the man in question. Some ladies usually leave their parents to go and stay with a man they knew little or nothing about without the consent of their parents, just because they thought they have found love. Some were fortunate to get out of the aftermath of such 'impromptu marriage' while some are not so fortunate, some go to the extra length of living with the guy in question for months and years to the extent of getting pregnant for the man who have not met with their parents or have request for their hands in marriage or that does not even have any projection of marriage at the said time .

Getting married to a cute, good looking, handsome, rich, influential, social and well to do man is the dream of every woman, but we should understand that marriage is not the number of people that bought or will buy 'aso ebi', it is not the number of gifts that will be presented as a wedding gifts, it is not how much we spent on the total package of the wedding ceremony or how much we will realize, it is not all about how many influential, creme de la creme and important personalities that present, marriage is not about how beautiful our wedding picture is, how beautiful the hall for the reception is or how talented the musician is, marriage is not about where we spent our honeymoon, marriage is not a Saturday thing, it is LIFETIME!

Some ladies are into marriage and are looking for a way out because they failed to understand the dynamics of marriage right from the beginning and failed to prepare for it psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and financially and when the reality of it (marriage) dawn on them, they either resolve to fighting, nagging, crying, depressed, separation, divorce or suicide.

Marriage is a REALITY, it is something REAL and TRUE, in marriage, their is not always a hidden place, their is nothing as real and factual like marriage because, it will reveal exactly how those in it are and who they are.

Before you say I do to that man, irrespective of who he is, his position, where you met, where he is from and who his parents are, I will advice you to think more than twice, reason with yourself and take your time to ask yourself some hard but true questions which nobody will not want to ask you because of your love for him.
Answer these questions with all sincerity:

Do I really love him? Can I tolerate him? Is it not because of my last relationship that make me settle for him? Is it not because I am getting old? Is it not because of his money, fame, achievement, our parents that I want to marry him? Is it not because my parents, siblings, friends, religious leaders said he will be good for me? Am I always feeling convenient, fulfilled, secure, happy whenever we are together? Is the 'baby' in me always leap for joy anytime I set my eyes on him?

Also, can I stand his mother? Can I stand his sisters? Will I be submissive to him? What will I do if he sleep with my sister, mother, friend or daughter? What will I do if he says I bring bad luck to his life? What will I do if I catch him in the act with my maid, his friend or my son on my matrimonial bed? What will I do if he steals, bed-wet, take hard drugs, kill someone or engage in armed robbery?

What will I do if he marry another woman after years into our marriage? What will I do if he doesn't have money to take care of me? What will I do if he was sack, or his business went down? What will I do when my ex keep pestering me to have an affir with him or begging me to come back? What will I do if he cannot satisfy me sexually? What will I do if I have a chance to commit adultery and he is not there? What will I do if he becomes jobless after few years into our marriage? What will I do if her mother still her much influence over his decision making? What will I do if he get drunk in the neighborhood? What will I do if my father in-law want to have affair with me? What will I do if he becomes sick to the point of death? What will I do if I hear that he cannot father a child again because of a serious sickness or accident?

With few of these personal questions answered correctly and sincerely, you have already prepared your mind for the worst and good to go!
One of my mentors use to say 'don't vouch for a man when he is still alive' because man can be tempted and can also fall into temptation.
Trust is a major factor in any successful marriage but at that, couples' must reserve a space in their hearts that he or she is also human that can be tempted and fall into temptation.

It is always hard for some ladies (women) to hear that their men actually commit one mistake or the other, no matter how terrible or minute, and most times this always affect the love they have for the man, so will quickly jump into conclusion and decide not to have anything to do with men again, while some will decide to also pay him back.

The three things I do advice ladies (women) to always do for their husbands or husbands-to-be is to:
1. Always pray for him
2. Always pray with him
3. Always pray for yourself.

Will you be able to do all these things for him?

Think about it before you say I do.

The Listening Ears Counseling Group
www.listeningears.net
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Listening-Ears-Counseling-Group