Dear Senate President, David Mark,

It’s written in The Bible: 1 Samuel, 20 verses 41, “After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most.”

You are a Christian and I am very sure you give a lot to the local church in your village. If you don’t, please start giving. And please, visit your village often with members of the Senate. Let them see how young girls grow. And let them lose their appetite for young blood if they see that these small girls no even fit wash dem pants properly. Make sure you take Senator Ahmed Sani Yerima with you. He is a very exciting person. I find him very amusing. He is full of ironies. Not to digress.

Dear Senate President sir, you are very educated man. And just as Senator Yerima said, you are ‘a just leader, a leader who listens,’ please just listen to me. From the moment you approved that we should start ‘raping’ small girls legally, I started thinking otherwise. I used to visit Arts & Craft Village in Abuja to look at a painting of you there, where you are standing, towering over the whole of Nigeria, waving at people, amongst them, small girls. The moment news broke that you and other ‘respected’ members of the Senate have legalised your fight to share your chambers with little girls with no breasts to cure yourselves of a lot of health issues, I started having nightmares. I will tell you these nightmares, which made ‘David weep the most’ as the Bible predicts that you will weep the most and President Goodluck Jonathan will weep with you too.

Nightmare One: Someone raped your granddaughter in the bush, somewhere in Zamfara State. I don’t know who the person is, but he has scary beard and then your granddaughter had a baby immediately. I think your granddaughter is like eight years or so? Check one of your grandchildren. I know what I’m talking about.

Nightmare Two: Someone bombed your car when he asked you to take home one small girl they kept in your room at Transcorp Hilton. You refused to sleep with the girl and that same man with beard slapped you sideways. You cried and then removed your clothes. You couldn’t find your manhood.

Nightmare Three: You died on a girl of eight years, Senate President sir.

I had other nightmares, but I am not sure you can handle them if I told you, because you have started shaking already. The truth is that you have been emotionally blackmailed to respect Senator Ahmed Sani Yerima because of that secret you think he’s keeping for you. No, dear Senate President sir, be wise. Very very wise.

I met a Nigerian father and the little daughter last week in Brussels and the moment I said, ‘Oh, this girl is so beautiful,’ the father held his daughter closely. I mean it. He held her so close and said something like, ‘If your Senators sent you, tell them you didn’t see her!’ Just like other fathers, everyone is protecting their little girls now. This is going to be a problem in the future. I know you will find this ridiculous, but Bianca already had good breasts before she married Ojukwu, even though no one understood their frustrations. All the same, I took a picture of that beautiful small girl and I look at the picture every day, hoping that one day I shall have a child like that one, but not marry her. First things first, Senate President sir, you have to change the way you let people run you down emotionally. It’s going to destroy your Governorship aspiration.

Dear Senate President, everybody is cursing you already and you know that we love Jesus and Muhammad too much in Nigeria. Please, don’t Bleep us sideways; we can still hate you overnight. Do what you can do to remain the Star; don’t allow barking actors like Stella Damasus play Nollywood on you again and be filming herself, screaming at you! It is not good.

Thank you very much for reading this and I don’t look forward to hearing from you.

Your Ex-Admirer,

Onyeka Nwelue
http://greenbiro.com/an-open-letter-to-senate-president-david-mark-about-small-girls-by-onyeka-nwelue/

Lolz FTC!