Early this morning I came upon a post on
Facebook by a Friend whose parents died
earlier this year, within months of each other
after many years together as husband and
wife. He attested to the great love that existed
between them while they lived.

Another contributor to the post related an
account where his mother died a few days
after his father was buried. He said she’d been
so heartbroken and distraught and appeared
to be unable to contemplate, imagine or even
live life without her beloved husband. These ones too had been married for decades and
were well advanced in age before their
demise.

Such stories make you wonder what it is that
has gone wrong with the kind of shortlived
marriages we contract today, or better still
what LOVE in this day and age represents.
Given, what we saw in ‘Titanic’ was make
believe but recent events have also shown scenes like that replayed over and over again,
for instance in an attack (by an enraged
gunman) at a cinema some place in the US
several months back it was reported that a
few guys pushed their girlfriends (not even
wives) out of harms way, taking bullet(s) and dying in their stead.

From the aforementioned it will be erroneous
to generalize therefore that we no longer
have the kind of enduring love that our
forebears had towards members of the
opposite sex. However, one might not be
totally wrong to insinuate that such kind of expression of love is fast going extinct in our
time, as they are not as widespread as they
used to be.

Things are quite different now, and love has
taken on a new interpretation because of the
materiality that has overtaken our ways.
Nothing now goes for nothing, hence there’s
no free launch anywhere. There must always
be a give, well atleast in most cases.

Because everything now goes for a price, and
indeed to the highest bidder, there’s hardly
any depth in feelings of love anymore, and
people relate to each other based on what is
in it for them. Most times, we often carry this
attitude onto our serious mutual relationships and then onward to marriage.

Most marriages today are contracted based
on several other variables and determinants
besides love or the appreciation of the person
of the one’s partner. Unfortunately, most of
these variables are peripheral and bereft of
depth, such that once they cease to be (as they are wont to) the marriage begins to
totter.

It is true that one is attracted to the opposite
sex initially by physical attributes, before
much else, but what ideally should sustain
that relationship beyond infatuation to love
enough to make two willing people to
consider marriage is non-tangible and immaterial.

Even in situations where the bride and groom
were either bethrothed or had their marriage
arranged as was in the past or presently as in
some cultures today, the couples grew into
each other (where the arrangement worked)
by appreciating the non tangibles and immaterial attributes each of them possessed.
Marriages that are built on purely the physical
and tangible will stand no chance of survival
(in the true sense of it) when that which binds
the union is purely physical and material
except the parties see their union as such and
even at that will only survive till such a time as they’ve agreed upon.

Unfortunately, many people go into
marriages with only the tangibles uppermost
on their agenda, hoping to reap the rewards
that accompany marriages built on those
infallible non-tangibles. It is therefore not
unusual and not unexpected that today’s marriages have sooner become separations
and divorces than the bride had thrown her
wedding ‘bouquet’ to the next most willing,
single and searching female at the wedding
reception.

Many others who haven’t yet divorced can
barely stand each other’s presence when
they are together in the home. This is the
period when every other thing but building
their marriage takes centre stage in their lives.
Even when they ‘manage’ to have sex, it is with either party having sex with another
(person he/she is seeing or fantasizes about)
in their mind and probably just to fulfill all
righteousness.

And when the stresses as often they would
come, strike at the heart of the marriage, the
faulty foundation simply gives following the
lines of the pre-existing cracks that their lack
of understanding of what is required, as well
as the perseverance that’s key to making a success of it, it simply crumbles regardless of
the length of time from when the union was
contracted and when it was disbanded.

Third Party interference also affects
marriages, as when two people marry, they
bring in the baggage of family and friends as
well as close acquaintances from their
individual lives. The level with which they
allow these people to influence their marriage determines to a large extent the direction the
marriage will take. It must be noted that most
times third party ‘advisers’ do not necessarily
come with the mindset to cause trouble or
destabilize the marriage, but in the main act to
secure what they consider to be in their ‘persons’ best interest even when it will in the
long run negatively impact on their person’s
marriage and eventually hurting the same
one they sought to protect. Some other times,
third party people have ulterior motives,
hence it behoves on the couple to sieve advice and any other in such manner before
deciding to act on them when they are freely
offered or solicited.

Marriages thrive on Compromises and even
though one shouldn’t be deluded into
thinking that marriage should simply make a
drunk tow the path of sobriety, it shouldn’t
be out of place to expect some adjustment in
behaviour for the married in the like of toning down to outright stoppage of some
indiscretions, excesses and other untoward
habits that the one may have been known for
prior to getting hitched. Sometimes,
reluctance to drop such wantoness may be a
source of the development of a faultline, even when such behaviours or acts are done in
secret without the knowledge of one’s
spouse.

There will be challenges in marriage, but a
united couple will be able to work through
them if and when they see themselves as
partners in progress. Some marriages
experience several initial months and years of what might be described as an ‘EXTENDED HONEYMOON’, while for many others they
experience the short end of the stick almost
as they walk out of the wedding hall, for
varying periods as well.

These challenges range from the physical to
the non material, and may include financial
instability, environmental events (both
physical and social) and in many traditional
societies like Africa the issue of delayed
conception, infertility and the likes.

The pressure newly-wedded couples face to
procreate in traditional societies is so much
and the air of expectation so thick that it can
be sliced with a knife. Couples who find themselves in this situation, require more than the normal thick skin most marriages require to stem the tide of opposition to their union. They are the cynosure of all eyes, and every of their activity and inactivity is freely
interpreted to mean or be in response to one
thing or the other, related to the drive to have kids of their own. Many marriages have been shattered owing to childlessness and
relationships between the families involved
irreparably shattered. It is also the harbinger
to negatives such as infidelity and the likes,
not like that is the sole reason for such
anyway.

I am beginning to bore you, so I will round
up by saying that we’d all like to marry our
friend, our lover and spouse, the one we
think are replacements for our missing rib (in
the case of the man), the father or mother to
our future kids and all, and live in the warm comfort that our better halves will loves us for who we are and us them, TILL DEATH DO US PART, and maybe like the cases I cited earlier on, to live together for so long that the
absence of one warrants the exit of the other,
to join the beloved in the hereafter, but such will require some effort and some work by
the parties involved to bring to fruition.

‘kovich

TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER OR NOT | madukovich's cogitations - http://madukovich./2013/08/02/to-live-happily-ever-after-or-not/