It is very easy for couples to forget the emotional needs of one another, to forget the things that bond them so closely. The OP thoroughly understands the challenges his wife is faced with. He admits to distractions even though he does not want to yield to it. Thumbs up for your sincerity.

Keep discussing these things with your wife when you think she has forgotten.

But bear this in mind: love (and marital life) passes through different stages. You are no more at that stage where she can invest all her time on you. That is why it is good practice for newly weds to wait for a while before raising babies, so they can enjoy themselves without distractions. You have to find other means to distract yourself when your wife won't be available for you. Like, football, movies, games, reading and house chores, etc.

I see you are the emotional type, nothing wrong with that. Show her more patience and offer her more help. She may not be complaining but she is stressed up!

The kids have to be trained to sleep on their bed. Initially, you may let them sleep off but later you can transfer them. With time, they will adjust and not 'snatch' your precious wife. Reconsider having a house help too.

fresh_dude: Isn't this nairaland, the place everyone is holier than the Holy Spirit and wiser than Solomon? He's lucky he opened this thread on a tuesday morning. I shudder to think of the responses had it been a sunday afternoon/evening.
I guess people just must judge and condemn.

lol/////

This family section is fit for Comedy Central abeg

All these people commenting here, who are they married to, Angel Gabriel?

@OP,
This is something most men go through, I feel your pain. It's just a phase women go through, and 3 kids can be quite a handful.
You should also try to help out around the house, with the kids, or generally with house chores. It will help to break the ice a lot. Try to encourage her by volunteering to take on the kids while she does something personal, like get her hair done, or whatever. Goes a long way to ease things. Don't slide into a corner and sulk

biolabee: I don't get why una dey attack the man

It is a sign of strenth for him to come out and express his challenges

This is the family section and it's to provide advice and succour not knock one when he is down

Very productive I tell u. He will come back and modify his posts or dish out more info, but one thing is certain,at least he knows that not everybody is ready to sweet tongue him.
Have u been to law court? It has a name but I can't seem to remember it naw.

Some ppl have given good advice, like talking to your wife about it. I would suggest you apply more discipline in bringing up the kids.
The older ones have no business sleeping in your marital bed regardless of how they or their mother feel about that. Put your foot down!
You should also create a system where the 5-year old gets some punishment when the younger one misbehaves, this way they won't be so unruly. It'll also help the older one understand responsibility and being his brothers keeper.
As the kids become less destructive and more responsible, you and wifey can have more time.

yellowpawpaw:


Very productive I tell u. He will come back and modify his posts or dish out more info, but one thing is certain,at least he knows that not everybody is ready to sweet tongue him.
Have u been to law court? It has a name but I can't seem to remember it naw.

cross examination?

AjanleKoko: This family section is fit for Comedy Central abeg

All these people commenting here, who are they married to, Angel Gabriel?

@OP,
This is something most men go through, I feel your pain. It's just a phase women go through, and 3 kids can be quite a handful.
You should also try to help out around the house, with the kids, or generally with house chores. It will help to break the ice a lot. Try to encourage her by volunteering to take on the kids while she does something personal, like get her hair done, or whatever. Goes a long way to ease things. Don't slide into a corner and sulk

My brother, seems all the women here snapped up the few perfect men in the world God created. How lucky.
The woman too is selfish, concentrating on the kids alone will definitely put a man in the situation he is in right now. Get home gadgets, vacuum cleaner, dish washer and washing machine, that will reduce the work load drastically.
Carry the kids to their room when they fall asleep on ur bed. Night time is couple time and no kid should take away that time, chikena.

Lol..

Our perfect e-wives of this cyber land


They don't take it funny oooo

bellong: @Poster,

I gladly appreciate you for acknowledging that you have a good lady as a wife and also a responsible mother who cares a lot for her children. Your commendation and praise of her alone is enough for you to find a balance in resolving this impasse. Before I add my contribution, I want to encourage and warn you before you wreck your home.

Please, whatever thoughts and ideas of infidelity that may be springing up in your mind should be dealt with immediately. Never you think it will solve your problem, it will only compound it and bring untold woes upon you and the family. The devil doesn't tempt people with what they don't like but what they love and he explores very area of weakness to break in. You have a happy and responsible family, please and please, do not invite chaos and anarchy through infidelity into your home. Give the devil an inch, he will take a mile. If you don't kill what you are harbouring now, it will grow to become a mighty tree you wouldn't be able to deal with. Before it gets to that level, kill and deal with the thoughts NOW.

Concerning your wife, it is very important at this stage to have an understanding of the workings of female psychology when it comes to children. As a man, there are some things you can overlook about those kids which the maternal instinct in your wife will never do. It is normal at this stage to be completely emotionally bound to those young children. However, the bound can be worked upon to your favour depending on what you do and did not do. You made a mistake leaving the room for her and the children to be alone in another room. No matter what you do, that action is not bridging any gap between you and your wife with the children. I understand perfectly why you did that but its not the right thing to do. Go back to your room, if the boys will not sleep in their room, you can bring their beds to yours and when they are asleep, transfer them to their own beds. You will have time to cuddle and hold your wife through the nite and also recreate the midnite bonding between couples.

Helping your wife with chores is the right thing to do and not a priviledge for her. Despite your help, it seems she has too many to handle. If you can afford it, buy her a washing machine as well as dish washing machine to ease the laundry and dishes. During the weekend, you can have your children be taken to your parents' place and both of you can have a nice time together all alone. In essence, ignite the romantic fire in your home. Whatever passion you plan for those girls catching your attention, exert it upon your wife.

Finally, you may have been discussing the issue with your wife but yet to communicate. Only communication works and not just talking. It is the only medium that can hit the required spot. You know your wife very well and you know how you get his attention to do your bidding and vice-versa. She needs to understand your passion and loneliness during this period so she can find a way to adjust while you play a big part in helping her.

On a lighter note, do not be jealous of your boys' closeness to your wife, that is how boys are. They will always cling to their mother while the girls are attached to their father. I guess that is how nature works. They will soon outgrow running after their mum. Its only a matter of time.

May the Lord help you put things in order. It is well with your home.

For me, this is the best comment so far.

Biola, I have apologised more than 3 times for my first, rushed comment.
I am far from perfect, I have even stated that we had similar issues and how we solved it.
I don't understand why you guys are going on and on as if the aim of the Family section is to watch out for errors and attack for whatever felt or real grievenaces.

I am far far far away from being perfect. I share my flaws openly here as well as my baggage.

Again, I apologise I rushed through the post.
I have also given practical advice on how I stopped.
Or do I send my arm so you guys can officially have your pound of flesh?

No ma.. im sorry if it seemed i picked on you...

pls carry on... I appreciate your inputs on this section

i hope the guy takes the comments on board though.. and focuses on his madam....helping her

I dont believe you do it but there are posters here who project their utopia of married life-dom here...

You keep it real that comment was not for you

@chaircover and @bellong

Your posts were fantastic especially the tone with which you both have spoken. There is absolutely no reason to be harsh on this man. He has used kind words on his wife because he loves her and she loves him too. He is only concerned that the wife that he soo much loves and wants to spend time wife doesnt seem to have his time. That is not too much to ask. Honestly the poster is a good man.

Poster I will first of all advice you to resist/delete any ideas of cheating. You do not want to do that and I want to trust you enough that you know the right thing. Please do not do it.

Back to the topic. While I commend the wife alot, I think she also should try see things from the husband's perspective. Marriage is not about fulfilliing duties and chores or carrying out a set of roles and responsibilities, it is simply about two people committed to loving each other for the rest of their lives. Any couple should always make time out for each other as much as possible. I know it is not easy on the woman to deal with three children, but there is no reason why a househelp cannot come in. The nature of the man's job may make him come late so he may not be able to help too much, but if my wife is always tired for anything, any man would begin to complain.

Poster, can you buy her a washing machine? Can you buy her a dish washer? Can you buy her a vacuum cleaner? Please try and help her in anyway possible and suggest the househelp thing again if possible. You can even hire a 50 yr old woman if she is scared of young girls. Lets not just castigate the poster as ungrateful etc. There is nothing wrong in wanting to spend more time with one's wife and your wife needs to understand that! The man just misses his wife and wants her back!

@CC .... You're very right. couldn't have said it any better. Some people will say I spoiled my kids but what are you supposed to do when 3 kids want different meals for supper or else that whining will drive you nuts!

Last night...Chicken nugget and fries, Rice and sweet & sour sauce and last one cinnamon and apple oatmeal. while we parents had completely diff meal, all made by moi

IMO..The problem lies with the wife, when you're OCD bout how you want your things done , it's very difficult to accept help even from your other half I tell you.... No matter how tuckered out I am, except I'm not home, I don't feel comfortable allowing hubby in the kitchen. As you can see the wife in question is playing superwoman and it's killing their marriage.

I tell you we are so rugged we do it in SUV trunk in the garage, laundry room, even kitchen ( going down things ) most times like thieves high school lovers. They know when we are in that bedroom, smart kids but we are smarter. Even tho hubby feels very uncomfortable with MY arrangement but still enjoys it after... yeah I know cos he will sext me all day after our wild sexcapade thanks to moi. I could've folded my hands too and s.educe my hunky personal trainer flunting his 20 packs at me everytime I go for Pilates. Jeez that guy's hot ... But I didn't.

OP so my advice goes.... Don't just fold your hands and watch things fall apart right before your eyes...make a move, every little thing goes a long way in a marriage, 'thing' : I meant touching, caressing, kissing, quickies and other little 'pitch in' gestures.....Because as it is your wife is carried away right now and when you detect a problem, you address it, doesn't matter who as long as one of you did.

That being said you're on your own if you make excuses for cheating, Lord knows those mofos only want your money and will never let go, then you're stuck.

Children are Amazing gifts that compliment marriages ( if you want one) but at the same time one of marriage 'challenge' .... You just need to have a plan I tell ya.... they ( children) esp the youngest are so attached , that you'll be tempted to rip your weave out sometimes.. I see why people do ridiculous research & Ads bout them.

debrief08: Biola, I have apologised more than 3 times for my first, rushed comment.
I am far from perfect, I have even stated that we had similar issues and how we solved it.
I don't understand why you guys are going on and on as if the aim of the Family section is to watch out for errors and attack for whatever felt or real grievenaces.

I am far far far away from being perfect. I share my flaws openly here as well as my baggage.

Again, I apologise I rushed through the post.
I have also given practical advice on how I stopped.
Or do I send my arm so you guys can officially have your pound of flesh?

Fvck apology! Who are you apologizing to. As far as am concerned, Nigeria Men need iron hand to tackle issue. Stop all this medemende and hit the nail on the head.


Upon all the wife is giving him, working, taking care of kids etc, he is still complaining, even if she is a great lover in bed, he will still want to try something else,

Nigerian Men change o!

jidegirl12: @CC .... You're very right. couldn't have said it any better. Some people will say I spoiled my kids but what are you supposed to do when 3 kids want different meals for supper or else that whining will drive you nuts!

Last night...Chicken nugget and fries, Rice and sweet & sour sauce and last one cinnamon and apple oatmeal. while we parents had completely diff meal, all made by moi

IMO..The problem lies with the wife, when you're OCD bout how you want your things done , it's very difficult to accept help even from your other half I tell you.... No matter how tuckered out I am, except I'm not home, I don't feel comfortable allowing hubby in the kitchen. As you can see the wife in question is playing superwoman and it's killing their marriage.

I tell you we are so rugged we do it in SUV trunk in the garage, laundry room, even kitchen ( going down things ) most times like thieves high school lovers. They know when we are in that bedroom, smart kids but we are smarter. Even tho hubby feels very uncomfortable with MY arrangement but still enjoys it after... yeah I know cos he will sex me all day after our wild sexcapade thanks to moi. I could've folded my hands too and s.educe my hunky personal trainer flunting his 20 packs at me everytime I go for Pilates. Jeez that guy's hot ... But I didn't.

OP so my advice goes.... Don't just fold your hands and watch things fall apart right before your eyes...make a move, every little thing goes a long way in a marriage, 'thing' : I meant touching, caressing, kissing, quickies and other little 'pitch in' gestures.....Because as it is your wife is carried away right now and when you detect a problem, you address it, doesn't matter who as long as one of you did.

That being said you're on your own if you make excuses for cheating, Lord knows those mofos only want your money and will never let go, then you're
Children are Amazing gifts that compliment marriages ( if you want one) but at the same time one of marriage 'challenge' .... You just need to have a plan I tell ya.... they ( child ;Dren) esp the youngest are so attached , that you'll be tempted to rip your weave out sometimes.. I see why people do ridiculous research & Ads bout them.

Jidegirl walahi you are something else .But you are right sha.I think chaircover nailed it perfectly.

OP, the most important and immediate action needed is to get those kids out of your bed.ASAP.Believe me we almost fell into that cycle (my daughter practically pushed my husband out of our bed and he was sleeping in another room).Its really tedious and tiring but it can be done.I made sure that never happened with my son and at 16 months he knows bed time means bed time in THEIR own beds.A couple not sleeping on the same bed for very very long periods kinda reduces intimacy (and intimacy is not just s..ex)

He should be thankful and help out more. While madam is cooking dinner, help out with the kids (bath them, pick toys, arrange their rooms and play place) etc

Chillisauce:
Fvck apology! Who are you apologizing to. As far as am concerned, Nigeria Men need iron hand to tackle issue. Stop all this medemende and hit the nail on the head.


Upon all the wife is giving him, working, taking care of kids etc, he is still complaining, even if she is a great lover in bed, he will still want to try something else,

Nigerian Men change o!

Superbly written jidogirl

Jide do you really mean you made three meals to satisfy your kids individually ? ? Abeg I hail!!whatever meal I offer them,is what they ll eat,they should select meals in their own homes when they become men.

I feel you byvan.. But these are the modern kids..

You have to encourage them one way or the other

Or else if they starve.. Na you go still suffer am..

Biola,i dey raise the African styleoooo,ofcourse with a mix of civilization and modernity but I intend to raise An upgraded version of African men not westerners.They ll blend our values with civilization,i need a balanced mix joor.


They pretty much know their mummy,no one refuses meals because he has a preference,we had that settled at their very early years.

Ofcourse, they should be encouraged,but making separate meals for various taste buds won't fly for me.I don't want Ajebo nor kpako,something inbetween,Be a gentle man,dress like one,speak like one,when is time to fold your sleeves and knock in some teeth,do it!!!!!dont want no whimpering sissies joor.

Byvan I totally agree with you

But I guess that's my baggage oh... trust me I wouldn't allow any Nigerian winch to babysit them , trust me they'll be blue black by the time I return... that's why I invest in professional nannies that follow my rules.

Tonight I'm making Mac&cheese for 2 of them then fish sticks with ash brown for the queen Bee one.... Then our own meal....I'm used to it, don't feel sorry for me

Enough derailing

jidegirl12: Byvan I totally agree with you

But I guess that's my baggage oh... trust me I wouldn't allow any Nigerian winch to babysit them , trust me they'll be blue black by the time I return... that's why I invest in professional nannies that follow my rules.

Tonight I'm making Mac&cheese for 2 of them then fish sticks with ash brown for the queen Bee one.... Then our own meal....I'm used to it, don't feel sorry for me

Enough derailing

I feel you sis, girls.grrrrrrrr .Such fussy eaters.My queen bee is off naija food at the mo.So annoying.Meanwhile my lil prince can polish off pepper soup sef ;DTypical african boy.

Seriously Jide,you are too kids friendly not have a batallion of them,you deserve to have 12 of them,am sure they ll be glad to have you birth them too

Chillisauce:

Fvck apology! Who are you apologizing to. As far as am concerned, Nigeria Men need iron hand to tackle issue. Stop all this medemende and hit the nail on the head.


Upon all the wife is giving him, working, taking care of kids etc, he is still complaining, even if she is a great lover in bed, he will still want to try something else,

Nigerian Men change o!

Chillisauce....as your name implies...chill.
This vexing part has long been settled.

byvan: Seriously Jide,you are too kids friendly not have a batallion of them,you deserve to have 12 of them,am sure they ll be glad to have you birth them too

I know right.... Would love to have one more, but oga said NO mtcheww !

Bingo! Wow! Explains why some people here think I'm in childcare nice try losers.

Dami tell me bout it... One eats Tomato soup but no ketchup ( both tomato based oh) ... One mushroom soup but no mushroom , one pancake but no eggs, I actually mix 2 more eggs in her own batter separately sebi na me born you na, I'm smarter.

Have almost 12 varieties of jam & fruit spread , peanut butter smooth / crunchy nko? Kids ha! But I'm loving every minute of it. Thank you Jesus.

biolabee: Lol..

Our perfect e-wives of this cyber land


They don't take it funny oooo

Hahahaha!!!
Nobody is ever perfect Mr BB

rigormortis: just bring home a sexy and good looking housegirl and tell your wife she is gonna help in the house chores.......and see how she will kill you with renewed attention

U r not well!
Adding salt to injury?

Madam dem boku for this land ooo



Yes in the real world, no one is perfect and knows all

yellowpawpaw:
Hahahaha!!!
Nobody is ever perfect Mr BB

I feel you jaawe

These kids need to be grounded too

May God help us to be good stewards

byvan: Biola,i dey raise the African styleoooo,ofcourse with a mix of civilization and modernity but I intend to raise An upgraded version of African men not westerners.They ll blend our values with civilization,i need a balanced mix joor.


They pretty much know their mummy,no one refuses meals because he has a preference,we had that settled at their very early years.

Ofcourse, they should be encouraged,but making separate meals for various taste buds won't fly for me.I don't want Ajebo nor kpako,something inbetween,Be a gentle man,dress like one,speak like one,when is time to fold your sleeves and knock in some teeth,do it!!!!!dont want no whimpering sissies joor.

The apology was because I rushed in to scold him without reading the part where he stated he helps her out.
However you will notice I adviced that the "helping out" be structured so she can know what areas are covered and relax a little.