EVIL GENIUS

BY

SHOLAY




FADE IN:
EXT. MAIN ROAD- DAY- ESTABLISHING

Several vehicles are plying a tarred road, with movements being slowed down by a traffic jam. Some boys and girls are hawking their trade to passengers in the vehicles.

INT. RED CAR- DAY-

Mr Ojo, 32, is seated in the driver’s seat, wearing a wine cap on his brown native attire while his wife, Mrs Ojo, 30, is seated beside him in matching native attire with a glamorous headgear to go with it. Her face is blank.

MR OJO
(Cleans his sweaty face with a handkerchief)
There are just too many vehicles plying this road; it’s high time government dualized it.

There is no response from his wife whose face is impassive.

MR OJO
(Pockets his handkerchief)
Dear, what do you think?

His wife hisses silently and looks away with a sad face. He shakes his head gently and concentrates on driving.


EXT. BUNGALOW- DUSK- ESTABLISHING

An unfenced bungalow that is surrounded by beautiful flowers with a red car parked outside.


INT. BEDROOM- DUSK

Mrs Ojo is lying on the bed facing the wall, still wearing her native attire but without the headgear while her husband undresses to his white vest and shorts.

MR OJO
(Continuing)
Dear, don’t tell me you are giving the devil a chance to make you moody?
(beat)
God understands why He has made ours like this and we should just believe in Him for our expected end.
(beat)
At least, we have peace. Some people don’t have that.

He hangs his clothes on the wardrobe and sits on the bed. Mrs Ojo sits properly on the bed, wiping tears off her eyes.

MR OJO
(Anxiously)
Are you crying?

MRS OJO
(In a cracked voice)
Not at all.

MR OJO
Come on. This is not the time for our faith in God to waiver, not after four years. Remember, ‘what would Jesus do?’

His wife beams a thin smile.

MR OJO
That’s my girl.
(Checks his wristwatch)
Aren’t you going to church for choir rehearsal?

MRS OJO
(Cleans her nose)
No. I would rather stay at home.

Mr Ojo shrugs his right shoulder and there is a knock at the door to the sitting room.

MR OJO
Let me get that.

INT. SITTING ROOM- DUSK- CONTINUATION

Mr Ojo walks in, now wearing a black trouser and opens the door to find a fair-complexioned beauty in a skimpy top and tight trouser- Amaka, 26.

MR OJO
(With a thin smile)
Good evening.

AMAKA
(Smiles broadly)
Evening.
(beat)
I just moved into my apartment and decided to say hello to my neighbours.

MR OJO
That’s really nice. You are welcome.

AMAKA
Thanks.

MR OJO
I would have let you in but…

Amaka walks into the sitting room, thereby cutting him short. He sighs and closes the door gently.

AMAKA
(Looks around)
Hmmm...your place is nice.

MR OJO
(Staring at her)
Thank you.

AMAKA
You know…it’s rare to find single men keeping their place this tidy.

MR OJO
Em…

AMAKA
(Stretches out her hand for a handshake)
I’m Amaka.

MR OJO
I’m Ojo...Mr Ojo.

AMAKA
(Sits on a sofa and crosses her legs)
I am also single, by the way.

Mrs Ojo walks into the scene in an evening gown.

AMAKA
(Confused)
Hello…

MRS OJO
(With a thin smile)
Good evening. (To her husband) Dear, she is…?

MR OJO
-Our new neighbour.

MRS OJO
Oh…I see.

Mr and Mrs Ojo sit down on the settee.

MRS OJO
(To Amaka) You are welcome to our street.

AMAKA
Thank you. I never knew he was married.

MRS OJO
Well, now you know.
(Laughs)
You came at the right time because you will have to join us for dinner.

AMAKA
(Smiles broadly)
Lucky me…I am famished already.

Mr and Mrs Ojo stare at each other.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. DINING ROOM- DUSK- CONTINUATION

The Ojos and Amaka are eating rice and stew on the dining table with their glasses filled with juice.

MRS OJO
So, what do you do for a living?

AMAKA
I have my small-scale business. By the way, how are the kids? I’ve not seen them since I got here.

Mr and Mrs Ojo take furtive glances at each other.

MR OJO
Em…well, we don’t have them yet. We are waiting for God’s time.

AMAKA
God’s time? And how many years is that?

MRS OJO
Four years. But we would be patient for God's time.

AMAKA
(Chuckles)
Did God give you a specific date on your calendar for their arrival or what does that mean?

MRS OJO
(Startled)
Not…not really but…aren’t you a Christian?

AMAKA
(Sips her juice)
Not at all. I believe religion is for the gullible.

MR OJO
Haven’t you heard about Jesus Christ?

AMAKA
Oh…that man. It was his name my parents screamed in a fatal accident some years ago.

MRS OJO
Oh…I’m so sorry.

AMAKA
You don’t need to be sorry for me; I'm over it now. Sadly, your Jesus didn’t save them.

MR OJO
(Clears his throat)
But that’s not it. I believe you know He died on the cross for the salvation of our soul and…

AMAKA
(Interrupts)
And that salvation includes being childless?

Mr and Mrs Ojo look dumbfounded.

MRS OJO
Em…my dear, even children of God have trials. God never promised us an easy journey in life, He only assured us of a safe arrival. But God has done much more in our lives.

MR OJO
Yes. I am a living testimony to His greatness. I’ve not been to the hospital for years now.

AMAKA
Waoh! Then, tell me how you are finding a solution to your condition since you don’t do hospitals.

MRS OJO
Em…
(beat)
Not that we don’t do hospitals but we’ve never had a cause to except for this child issue.

AMAKA
And what did the doctor say?

MRS OJO
He said we are fine. So, we are waiting on God. Abraham and Sarah suffered a similar fate remember, but God proved Himself at last.

AMAKA
Oh…I see. It’s nice to draw inspiration from tales of moonlight.

Mr and Mrs Ojo stare at each other in bewilderment.

AMAKA
(To Mrs Ojo)
Madam, I hope you are pulling as many strings as possible and not that you’re just waiting on God. You know how we women are disadvantaged by nature.

MRS OJO
Em…


MR OJO
We’ve resigned our fate to God.

AMAKA
(To Mrs Ojo)
The husband to my childhood friend said the same thing whereas he already had children outside the matrimonial home…

MRS OJO
I’m sorry…but my husband is a true Christian.

MR OJO
Men can’t be the same.

AMAKA
(To Mrs Ojo)
Okay.

Mrs Ojo becomes vexed but forces a smile.

MR OJO
You really ask too many questions…impolitely and also, a bit forward. Do people tell you that?

AMAKA
(Smiles broadly)
I get that a lot. And…that’s one of my strong points.

Mr and Mrs Ojo stare at each other in disbelief and continue eating.

DISSOLVE TO:


INT. SITTING ROOM’S DOORPOST- NIGHT

Mr Ojo has left for the bedroom. Mrs Ojo opens the door for Amaka and the latter goes out.

AMAKA
It was nice meeting you.

MRS OJO
(Cleans her teary face)
Yes…me too.

AMAKA
(Anxiously)
Are you crying? Oh come here, dear.
(Hugs her)
What’s the problem?

MRS OJO
(Bursts into tears)
I...It’s complicated.

AMAKA
Then share it with me. A problem shared is half-solved.

MRS OJO
(Lowers her voice amidst tears)
It is my secret and i don't intend to share it.

AMAKA
We both know there is nothing new under the sun. Tell me...

MRS OJO
(Sighs)
Test…test results done years ago showed my womb had been badly damaged…by...by previous abortions but…but the doctor and I lied to my husband. We told him everything was okay.

Amaka immediately withdraws her hug.

AMAKA
(Shocked)
Oh…my…God.

MRS OJO
I was just scared of him…you know…impregnating another woman outside if…

AMAKA
(Vexed)
Oh my God. Just when I thought I had seen the evil in my lifetime, now, this is the real deal.

MRS OJO
The Spirit has been convicting me to tell him but the flesh is…is weak.

AMAKA
(Angrily)
Oh…so you’ve been ‘struggling with the flesh’ for four years and you’re yet to say the truth? What kind of person are you?

MRS OJO
Don’t judge me. I just needed someone to share my bottled thoughts with. What do you advise me to do? Should I suggest adoption to him?

AMAKA
You are so wicked.
(beat)
Now that I know, it’s better you go tell that innocent man your sick story so he doesn’t wait on God till eternity or I blow your cover when next I come here!

MRS OJO
Are you out of your mind?

AMAKA
My nickname was ‘leaky mouth’ during my school days. You know what that means…

MRS OJO
(Quickly cleans her face)
I…I will tell him. I will take the bold step and tell him. But please, let this be kept between us.

AMAKA
Just when I thought I should give Jesus a second shot, you just showed me you are even a worse being. I thought the truth would always set one free.

Amaka walks briskly to her apartment.

MRS OJO
(Softly)
It’s….it’s not like that. I shouldn't have told you.

She shuts the door and turns to find her husband seated, reading a newspaper in the dining room.

MRS OJO
(Shocked)
Dear, I thought you were in the bedroom.

MR OJO
Yes. I just got here.
(Notices her red eyes)
I thought I told you to stop crying that God would do it in His time.

MRS OJO
(Sits down gently)
Of course I know. There is nothing impossible for God to do. It’s this new neighbour with a foul mouth that…that insulted me about my childlessness while I saw her off…as if…I’m God that gives children.

MR OJO
She did? After all she said at dinner?

MRS OJO
The girl is clearly an agent of the devil. I don’t want her in this house again.

MR OJO
That’s noted. Her words do not edify at all.

MRS OJO
And, why don’t you consider that job transfer to Abuja since you said the working conditions are better?

MR OJO
What? Do you know the meaning of that- I would be coming home at most twice a month?

MRS OJO
(Beams a thin smile)
Of course not. I will gladly follow you to Abuja. I believe I can easily get a teaching job there.

MR OJO
This woman sha. Why don’t you just tell me you want us to relocate to Abuja?

MRS OJO
(Smiles broadly)
Well, you know I like to pray about issues like this and get my confirmation first.

MR OJO
Let me think about it.

Mrs Ojo smiles and kisses her husband on the right cheek.


FADE OUT






This script was inspired by Mufex's short film script.

Nicely written my man

Only a couple of tiny things that don't seem right.

AMAKA
You know…it’s rare to find single men keeping their place this tidy.

Amaka's assumption about him being single is way too fast and 'how' did she come about such a 'conclusion'? - Rather, if need be, she steps into his apartment, looks around and doesn't notice a single picture frame anywhere; she also notices his hands - so you can show when he was getting changed in the bedroom he took off his wedding ring.

MRS OJO
I can’t remember you telling me your name.

That is very unlikely. So they don siddon since, chop belle full, lick finger and plate on top yet Mrs Ojo nefa ask the girl her name? Nah, no way!


AMAKA
Oh…that man. It was his name my parents screamed in a fatal accident some years ago.

I really, really liked this line of dialogue a lot; it was very well placed, came out of the blue and is a very 'strong' reason for Amaka to be the way she is BUT I was expecting it to play an even stronger part in a twist or something further down.

AMAKA
(To Mrs Ojo)
Don’t say you were not told. I am not saying your Jesus freak husband would willingly cheat on you; he may just decide to test his manhood somewhere else.

Firstly in a Nigerian setting it is very unlikely that someone (Amaka) would throw any direct 'insults' as per she's just met these people this very second. Christian or not Mrs Ojo would have stood up, gone into the kitchen, come back with a pestle and smashed this woman's head open straight... then she would have calmly sat down and continued to nibble on her fried plantain with a 'make-I-see-ya-stoopid-'plick'-rise-for-this-harlot' look towards her husband.
From this point on I don't believe a lot of the dialogue.

This can be carried out but it has to have superbly witty dialogue. But I know it's something you just scribbled today so I like it a lot. A few more re-writes and it could turn out to be far more surprising and pretty good.

On a final note, adding to the dialogue point above, Mrs Ojo wey dey sing, chant and hala in tongues for church has never considered confessing yet na this younger fresh booty chic wey wan thief im husband she come confess to the second they met? Not in a million years would that happen.

Remember I always say dialogue is the hardest thing ever to write well when it comes to scripts and as Nigerians we are huge dialogue-heavy writers... one day, one day we will be more Sorkinesque

As an excercise - read your script out loud to yourself (over & over again) while playing each character and you will start to learn to 'hear' where the dialogue is so unreal, flat or wrong.

Also at the start of the introduction of Amaka - you have a good opportunity to give her a very noticable character arc even thought it's a short. She can start off as this super innocent & naive-seeming girl even though she really has Jezebel-like intentions - it still all comes down to how super-witty can you make the dialogue?

All in all, good short and I like it.

PS - Not sure about the title even though it refers to Mrs Ojo.

Lol.... @ Villageboi. Your comment don long so tey I no sabi wia I fit start from.

Hmm...okay. The dining scene where Mrs Ojo asked Amaka her name: They just began eating naa. Remember they went straight from the sitting room to the dining room. And Amaka only introduced herself to Mr Ojo.

No 2, I wanted to show traces of being 'slutty' and extreme bluntness in Amaka, that was why she was hitting on the young man who welcomed her into his home. ..even tho she wasn't "really invited".

But you got me and completely finished me when you pointed out that some parts of the dialogue not being very realistic in a Nigerian setting which I kinda agree because I wrote with a Tinsel-like/ oyinboish mindset .

And about Mrs Ojo opening up to Amaka...well, I still believe it's possible tho I may not have written it convincingly. She had been looking for who to vent all her worries to and Amaka proved to be available at that moment.

And as per the title...well...I don't mind you suggesting another one. I will look into the corrections you mentioned and apply them. So, check back for the edited version. Tanks for commenting.

Hope I have not written an epistle like you sha?

sholay2011:
Hmm...okay. The dining scene where Mrs Ojo asked Amaka her name: They just began eating naa. Remember they went straight from the sitting room to the dining room. And Amaka only introduced herself to Mr Ojo.

I hear ya. You say they only just started to eat? Read that section below.

AMAKA
Thank you. I never knew your husband was married.

MRS OJO
Well, now you know.
(Laughs)
You came at the right time because you will have to join us for dinner.

AMAKA
(Smiles broadly)
Lucky me…I am famished already.

Mr and Mrs Ojo stare at each other.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. DINING ROOM- DUSK- CONTINUATION

The Ojos and Amaka are eating rice and stew on the dining table with their glasses filled with juice.

MRS OJO
I can’t remember you telling me your name.


The very second Amaka says "I never knew your husband was married." Mrs Ojo's brain has immediately gone "Who the fukk is this chic?"

First remember you've added a 'dissolve' to show time passing and you're saying Mrs Ojo was there preparing food before she dished it and they all sat down to eat and it didn't cross her mind since to ask "Nne wetin be your name?" Really? Yeah right! Even without the dissolve time HAS passed.

You have to really think about and know human behaviour to write things that are actually convincing in a real world setting.
You've also got to remember that women can easily meet for the very first time, look at each other's hair and shoe and immediatley hate each other - they don't need a reason for it.

Writing with a Tinsel/Oyinboish mindset - what does that even mean? You're not writing for the Tinsel show and following their format & style (if they even have one). Write what is 'YOU'. And I can tell you straight up both the Brits & Yanks would have a very different way of tackling this - all oyinbos have a different 'mindset' from each other. If you bump into a Croatian behaving like a German it's time to 'be afraid, be very afraid' lol. So no, we're not interested in you trying to impress us with your assumption of how a Tinsel/oyinbo mind would work - we're interested in the 'reality' of how YOUR characters minds work... because THAT is what interests us. If I want to watch some 'oyinbo' junk I'll turn on the damn TV; it's full of their crap lol

The simple truth is, as you have heard before, ALL good writing is rewriting - something we just don't like doing. No one writes a first draft that is great - it's as simple as that. When you have learned to look at your own words with critical detachment, you will find that rereading a piece five or six times in a row will each time bring to light fresh spots of trouble.

So no, the script isn't 'convincing' - yet.

Hahahaha, I'm going to give you a seriously tough time so if you want to be defensive make it a convincing defensive argument that is not easy to rip to shreds.

Haba, I kept the comment short nah, no be one of the shorter comments I don write for any of your scripts? Epistle part 5 coming up lol

I dunno a name, it just seems a bit masculine as the Evil Genius na woman.

Hmmmmmmm..... I have edited some parts sha.

I am so honored. The script is very okay...Amaka..um...she was too direct and working on my nerves. She deserves a punch on her mouth (lol) but i really liked her dry humor..kinda ironical. But the ending didnt leave me satisfied...i wanted to know more about the big secret.

mufex: I am so honored. The script is very okay...Amaka..um...she was too direct and working on my nerves. She deserves a punch on her mouth (lol) but i really liked her dry humor..kinda ironical. But the ending didnt leave me satisfied...i wanted to know more about the big secret.

Lolz...u wan know more about d secret? Olofofo Tnx for d comment. And I'm happy you liked the humor amidst the 'serious' plot. Tnx bro

GOOD JOB!

richardoz:
GOOD JOB!

Thanks bro. I appreciate. You can also read my following scripts on NL: 'Nigerian Horror Story', 'Paranoia'.