Hello everyone, I'm a very popular nairalander so i created a new identity to pour out my heart.
For a while now I've not been able to think or do anything. I need your help and please feel free to ask questions where you don't understand.


I know that no home is perfectn every family has some secrets and my home it's not the worst. I grew up in a very abusive house, I still remember how my neighbours used to run in the middle of the night to come and seperate fights or how my dad constantly thre my mum things out or how my age-mates used to make fun of my parents fight..we lived in an estate, we still live here till today...all my life it was pure fights, I can still recall the raising of knives or pestle or the breaking of doors or the smashing of the cars. I still remember everything, it happened between two people that were supposed educationists or supposed christains.

So whats the problem?

are you being affected by the constant fights between your parents?

If that is your problem, you have to realise that it is their life and that is how they want it. Have you ever discussed this action of your dad with him? If you are conversant with your bible, open the areas that speak directly against his actions to him. Tell him to address the root cause of this constant battle in his home.

Learn from the mistakes of your parents and be determined to have a healthy marital relationship.

It all stopped when my mother got a job faraway and decided to take it up. for the first time in my life, I knew peacen I slept like a baby not wondering what will happen in the night or if the next fight will soon begin.
I was very happy the fights stopped but I never knew my life crashed.
At first, I was so happy that tthere was no mother to nag , no mother to control how I dressed, no mother to scold me or tell me anything but I realized to late that as a child I needed guidiance.
I'm 20years and I'm a already a graduate, I rushed through school.

You've still not highlighted what the problem is..
Did you turn out bad? Do you miss your mum? Are you scared of committing to a relationship?
What exactly is the problem?

My dad always wanted us to be picture perfect, he did not care if we were dying, as far as the whole world tinks we are okay.
I grew up in the church but I was just a pretender. Everyone thought I was a good bible student but I was just a good pretender.
To cut the story short, I'm in pains, I've lived my life making several mistakes, my course in school was a mistake, the relationships I had was a mistake, I see myself as a failure, I'm scared I'll be a failure, my dad has always been a womanizer but recentlyy I found out my mum sleeps around with men and boys. I'm just tired and weak, I just want to leave this place, I have no where to go to. I have a serious health issue but no one cares or takes care about it, my mom said she does not have money but she pays the school fees of a lover she keeps at university of port-harcourt, rivere state. I just felt like letting it all out.

oops! This is serious!!

Tinkybabe: You've still not highlighted what the problem is..
Did you turn out bad? Do you miss your mum? Are you scared of committing to a relationship?
What exactly is the problem?

Yes and I just want a good family, I know that no family is perfect.

*speechless*

This is turning out to be a tale...following

deeplybetrayed:


Yes and I just want a good family, I know that no family is perfect.

Hmm..I can't exactly identify with your problem but I can imagine it to a large extent.

Now, you're twenty-an adult to some degree.Your parents have chosen to live their lives that way, you shouldn't allow their life path to ruin yours.
You can still make a good meaning of your life, do not let your parents' failure stand in the way of that.
I would say you should live your life the way you want it to pan out.Most importantly move closer to God and commit your ways to him.If you have a trusted adult, you could confide in them too..
I wish you the best

@Op,

If you can get the services of a godly professional counsellor, do it fast. You need a face-face discussion with someone who you can pour out your heavy heart to.

Meanwhile, you have the opportunity to approach the throne of grace to find help in this time of need. Bible says, "Cast your burdens upon Him, for He cares for you." Take upon you the yoke of Christ for it is light and easy. Pour out your heart to God in prayers alone and I assure you that He will grant you peace. I have tested and proved that it works...

Honestly, if I have a way we can relate face-face, I would do it. You can send me a pm if you care to talk.

It is well with you

deeplybetrayed: My dad always wanted us to be picture perfect, he did not care if we were dying, as far as the whole world tinks we are okay.
I grew up in the church but I was just a pretender. Everyone thought I was a good bible student but I was just a good pretender.
To cut the story short, I'm in pains, I've lived my life making several mistakes, my course in school was a mistake, the relationships I had was a mistake, I see myself as a failure, I'm scared I'll be a failure, my dad has always been a womanizer but recentlyy I found out my mum sleeps around with men and boys. I'm just tired and weak, I just want to leave this place, I have no where to go to. I have a serious health issue but no one cares or takes care about it, my mom said she does not have money but she pays the school fees of a lover she keeps at university of port-harcourt, rivere state. I just felt like letting it all out.

Why don't you start by just being yourself, practice being you and and this health issue you have to speak out and get help pronto. You say you are through with school that's great now what about getting a job anything that will help you be your own person. I am happy you are processing all your baggage this is a good start don't stop someone already offered a listening ear take it don't ignore it.

Your parents av chosen their own path and thank God that u urslf have been able to see their mistakes. Be determined in ur heart dat u want to be a happy person, coz ur no one holds the key to ur joy but urself.
Secondly,be very prayerful and thy to get close to people that will have a positive impact on u. U r no longer a kid and God has given u the wisdom to know wat ur parents r doing is wrong. Just identify positive and responsible pple probably in ur church and let them mentor u.
Finally, be determined not to let ur children experience wat u av gone tru. Give dem d best love a mother can giv a child and be sincere and faithful to ur husband.
God vindicates the truthful and just

I can feel your pain friend. You need someone to speak to. Is there anyone you trust so much that you can confide in - a family friend, your pastor, your friend's parents, just look for someone to discuss with and let him guide you thru. God will help you

Hmmmmm. my dear, i went through same tin with wen growing up it was ridiculous.
but i made up my mind never to take dere steps, though it might want to reflect in some 1 genes cos we came out frm dem.

i decided to pursue a better life. i graduated frm secondary school at age 16, didnt get admission not until age 20.

i went true alot of depression, agony, inshort i cant express it.
the worst of it my both parent separated for good 3yrs. though, am wit my dad, i had to play a role of a wife nd also a role of a daughter. it was hell, nd i was still schooling den.

They r back togeda now, but still same tin.

i do things on my own, live my life on my own,plan on my own. Nd tank dat good GOD dat never forsake me
I LOVE U LORD.
I tank God for my life now, am doing petty fine.

So dear, gather ursef togeda to pursue a good life dts d most important.
dats dere life.

Pls, let GOD b ur patner

Sometimes I wonder how I have become the person I am today. Though my parents are "good people", sent me to school, introduced God to me and all that, I cannot pin down anything in my life that they intentionally taught me. Everything I am, all my behavioural patterns were formed by the conditions around my life and most times as a result of trying to avoid the pains and discomfort of family life. As much as I love my parents and siblings, we are not close in anyway. I grew up seeing people I wanted to be like (belive it or not, most of those people are cartoon characters! ) and I have trained and conditioned muself to try be like them. I have a vision of what I want in lifeand everything I do is to achieve that vision.

That said, I am a happy person because I have not let the mistakes and issues of my parents and siblings weigh in on my life. I pursue a single goal with the knowledge that only my efforts and the grace of God will get me there and I live in that peace.

Maybe you should try the same thing.

buklan4real@yah:
Hmmmmm. my dear, i went through same tin with wen growing up it was ridiculous.
but i made up my mind never to take dere steps, though it might want to reflect in some 1 genes cos we came out frm dem.

i decided to pursue a better life. i graduated frm secondary school at age 16, didnt get admission not until age 20.

i went true alot of depression, agony, inshort i cant express it.
the worst of it my both parent separated for good 3yrs. though, am wit my dad, i had to play a role of a wife nd also a role of a daughter. it was hell, nd i was still schooling den.

They r back togeda now, but still same tin.

i do things on my own, live my life on my own,plan on my own. Nd tank dat good GOD dat never forsake me
I LOVE U LORD.
I tank God for my life now, am doing petty fine.

So dear, gather ursef togeda to pursue a good life dts d most important.
dats dere life.

Pls, let GOD b ur patner

Your post is really inspiring. The work God has started in your life would be complete IJN. Your best is yet to come. Best wishes in future endeavours.

sholay2011:
Your post is really inspiring. The work God has started in your life would be complete IJN. Your best is yet to come. Best wishes in future endeavours.

AMEN. TANX

My dear your destiny is in your hands. If every one of us on Nairaland start narrating our family history, you will be amazed. There are hard core drunkards that give birth to children who who turn out to hate alcohol so also Pastors (real once o) whose daughter end up as a prost1utte or son armed soccer. The message out of the two examples i have given above is that THEY EACH MADE THEIR CHOICE TO GO DIFFERENT ROUTEs THAN THEIR PARENT'S.
So make your choice today. Let environment influence you. Read books. Thank God for internet. You can learn to choose your own part (from life experiences) and be successful irrespective of your parent's lifestyle.

Thank God you are a graduate. By God's special grace you will get a good job and soon be out. Or you can even start your MSE.

It is up to you to BREAK THE CYCLE. . . .
If OBAMA can overcome, so can you!
Ask Martin Luther King. . . . .You can never go wrong with a positive attitude in life!
As for you medical problem. . .you just have to take care of yourself AS BEST AS YOU CAN.

Your happiness lies in your hands!

Sometimes when I reflect back on my life, I just cried unconsciously, not tears of joy.....
But bitterness of what I pass through as a child......
@this point, no one can help you, only God can help You if you turn to him.....

Don't let those memories determine you will become ............but let it make you stronger.

May God help you