Please family section nairalanders I need help on how to discourage my 30 year old cousin from making a mistake.
Currently she is dating a 52 year old man who is separated from his wife and still in the process of divorce. She claims the man has no kids from his past relationship and she wants me to help convince her parents to accept the man.
I have tried to discourage her from marrying a man 22yrs older than she is but I think my advice has fallen on deaf ears.
Pls house dnt you think she is making a terrible mistake or is it ok to allow her follow her heart?

She is matured enough to know where her heart belongs,but don't forget to advice her to look carefully,especially in areas like: Why a 52yrs old is divorcing,why his first marriage is childless,and inquire about the man from people around him,ask to know his family and lastly ask God in prayers to direct her.

You have done enough to dissuade her and its obviously not working. This kind of issue..by the time you get too involved,you'll soon become the enemy. Let her be. She's 30-an adult! Her life ,her choice!! If that'll be her mistake,let her make it.
Tell her you can't help with her parent's angle though.She knows your reasons.

slimyem: You have done enough to dissuade her and its obviously not working. This kind of issue..by the time you get too involved,you'll soon become the enemy. Let her be. She's 30-an adult! Her life ,her choice!! If that'll be her mistake,let her make it.
Tell her you can't help with her parent's angle though.She knows your reasons.

.
That's all!!

holyvirgin: Please family section nairalanders I need help on how to discourage my 30 year old cousin from making a mistake.
Currently she is dating a 52 year old man who is separated from his wife and still in the process of divorce. She claims the man has no kids from his past relationship and she wants me to help convince her parents to accept the man.
I have tried to discourage her from marrying a man 22yrs older than she is but I think my advice has fallen on deaf ears.
Pls house dnt you think she is making a terrible mistake or is it ok to allow her follow her heart?

Love isn't perfect.

It comes in all shapes, sizes and I daresay ages too (pls exclude the underaged for the purpose of this discussion).

Like others have mentioned, at 30 she should know her mind and know exactly what it is that she wants out from the relationship with him. If having tabled all your concerns and she still wishes to go ahead with the union, then you just have to let her be.

It's her life, her happiness. Wish her well and let her be.

What is pushing her? Tomoro, she will start lookin for a younger d to satistfy her. If she is ready to be promiscious,no problem cos she will def look elsewhere.
Something and not lv is pushing her.
Anyway, her cup.

yellowpawpaw: What is pushing her? Tomoro, she will start lookin for a younger d to satistfy her. If she is ready to be promiscious,no problem cos she will def look elsewhere.
Something and not lv is pushing her.
Anyway, her cup.

£££ is what's 'pushing' her. How can you even ask that question? Especially if she be Naija babe based in Naija...

Efemena_xy:

£££ is what's 'pushing' her. How can you even ask that question? Especially if she be Naija babe based in Naija...

U r 100% right! I didn't think otherwise. Money! It makes all reasoning flee!

No I doubt if money is her problem, she comes from a good home, has a good job and drives her own car.
I dnt really knw why she could discern so low to even settle for a divorcee....

chaircover: . . but I do see why you are worried.

I am worried for her, sometimes I feel the man charmed her cos she is so pretty and has a lot of young men coming after her but she says they can't handle her!(Wonder what that means)

slimyem: You have done enough to dissuade her and its obviously not working. This kind of issue..by the time you get too involved,you'll soon become the enemy. Let her be. She's 30-an adult! Her life ,her choice!! If that'll be her mistake,let her make it.
Tell her you can't help with her parent's angle though.She knows your reasons.

Yes she Is 30 and an adult but adults make mistakes too and as loved ones we are always there to correct them. And definately I won't help convince her parents. She should find a way to do it

holyvirgin:
I am worried for her, sometimes I feel the man charmed her cos she is so pretty and has a lot of young men coming after her but she says they can't handle her!(Wonder what that means)

That in itself says a lot.

Sounds like she is a no-nonsense sort of lady who hasn't got the time for small-boy-antics.

She wants a real man who's experienced life, knows what life is all about and not some pansy-mama's boy who doesn't know his left from right, or one who thinks he knows what marriage is all about.

If money has got nothing to do with her choice, then I must say she sounds quite level headed to me. Besides, just because someone's got a failed marriage doesn't mean he or she is a complete write-off...

Efemena_xy:

That in itself says a lot.

Sounds like she is a no-nonsense sort of lady who hasn't got the time for small-boy-antics.

She wants a real man who's experienced life, knows what life is all about and not some pansy-mama's boy who doesn't know his left from right, or one who thinks he knows what marriage is all about.

If money has got nothing to do with her choice, then I must say she sounds quite level headed to me. Besides, just because someone's got a failed marriage doesn't mean he or she is a complete write-off...

Oh yes she is a no nonsense person and level headed person. Well I have made up my mind to allow her make her choice as madam Chaircover rightly pointed.
But nawao for ladies and love.

chaircover:

All you can do is give the practical position of things, such as libido issues, health issues, physical differences in age, people mistaking him for her dad.

Infact I have also reminded her that he may die before she clocks 45 (godforbid) and she will be left alone with youngsters but she is so stubborn and doesn't care.

holyvirgin:
Yes she Is 30 and an adult but adults make mistakes too and as loved ones we are always there to correct them. And definately I won't help convince her parents. She should find a way to do it

Yes,adults make mistakes but only they are responsible for the mistakes they make not loved ones who did their best to prevent them from making such. However it turns out,it won't be because you didn'kt try to stop her. It would be because she made that choice.
You have done what you can..leave the rest and pray for her.

Op you are missing something here, she is 30years old. Do you know what that means in Nigeria? All that talk about men not being able to handle her is horse shit. She needs a man to call her own and at that age her chances are fast depreciating. Most of the men that will be making passes at her will be married ones who only want a fling. She has an opportunity to wrestle a man from his wife or take possession of what is left of him. Whichever way she has her sights set on that ring and that title Mrs. Nobody ain't gonna stop her so just wake-the-fork up.

@op, she's an adult, she's old enough to make decision, and to know what she want in life, so her decision has to be respected. If after getting married, she discovers that the marriage is a mistake, then, she will learn from her mistake and also be an experience to learn from by some other people.

Besides, life itself is a risk. Its 50:50 things, she may or may not regret her decision.
May God help her out.

Guitarlife: Op you are missing something here, she is 30years old. Do you know what that means in Nigeria? All that talk about men not being able to handle her is horse shit. She needs a man to call her own and at that age her chances are fast depreciating. Most of the men that will be making passes at her will be married ones who only want a fling. She has an opportunity to wrestle a man from his wife or take possession of what is left of him. Whichever way she has her sights set on that ring and that title Mrs. Nobody ain't gonna stop her so just wake-the-fork up.

You think @ 30years a woman looses her value and becomes desperate? I dey hail you

^^^^
Me sef dey join you to hail am!
Like seriously
Some ppl are best left in the 20th century

holyvirgin:
You think @ 30years a woman looses her value and becomes desperate? I dey hail you

You are right. Their stock value skyrockets and eligible bachelors begin to queue for their hand in marriage. Wake up before Its too late. A stroll around the romance section and high flying churches in Nigeria and that will set you on the path to reality. from 27 years and above an unengaged lady in Nigeria becomes no longer at ease. I tell you, you don't wanna be in this situation. This is Naija o not Europe.

Let her start getting ready for diaper change because if she is waiting for the man to die so she acquires his little property, she is on a long thing, these kin ppl no dey die quick because they have and enough fresh blood from youngies.


Imagine taking care of your aging parents and come join husband too....dis one, make she kukuma follow them enrol for elderly ppl home cos she will soon look like them


All the best OP

Love is blind, marriage is the eye opener

Chillisauce: Let her start getting ready for diaper change because if she is waiting for the man to die so she acquires his little property, she is on a long thing, these kin ppl no dey die quick because they have and enough fresh blood from youngies.


Imagine taking care of your aging parents and come join husband too....dis one, make she kukuma follow them enrol for elderly ppl home cos she will soon look like them
All the best OP

Love is blind, marriage is the eye opener

Nobody is talking bout his property and like I said she is wealthy on her own.
The question is why can't the man look for a fellow divorcee or better still a widow? Abeg make una follow me pray for her cos that's the only thing left for me to do.

Thanks

D ugly truth: ur cousin wants to be sugar mummy when she turns forty cos d man will 62 by then and can't satisfy her sexually while she'll be in her peak for sexual whatevr. U get my point? So let her be and like sm1 said here, she's matured enuf to face her mistakes when she finally make one. Secondly, don't get involved inconvincing her parents, u might end up been an enemy as well if she discovers ugly truth about d so called 52yr old divorcee.

Op, the truth is She has been Charmed!....only God can stop her from marrying the man.... Shikena!