Hello,

While looking for guidance in my current situation I stumbled across this forum. If you’ll have me I would like to ask a question among other Nigerians who may have dealt with an issue such as this. Thank you…

I am an African American man who is in love with an American born Nigerian (Yoruba) woman. We have been together for over a year and a half and everything has been great. We have talked about marriage but we wanted things to progress further in our lives. I have studied about the culture and have met her parents even spent weekends with her parents everything seemed great.

The drawback to all of this is that I have children from previous relationships. When it was discovered that I had one child nothing was said when my other children were brought up nothing came about either. After our year and a half anniversary her parents told her we do not want you with him any longer. They say that it’s because I have children yet a lot of time went by as in almost 6 months since they found out about my children.

Right now we have been going through issues with this because her parents have threatened to disown her if she stays in a relationship with me and I am horribly distraught. My entire family loves her and no one ever expected anything like this to come about. Before we even began our relationship she knew of my children. Throughout our relationship she has formed a very close bond with my children and we have had no issues of our own.

Her parents hate the fact of her being with me and we don’t know what to do about it. I originally told her to side with her family because who am I to stand in-between her and her family but at the same time she has become “MY” family. She is so afraid of being disowned by her family that she has no words of this situation. Please someone any opinion would help I have not a clue how to look at this situation.

Thank You

Maybe should go to her parents and have a talk with them.

Mr.... Since its yoruba inlaw. All they need is money. Just go with some cash like 5k and promise them you will take care of thier daughter. They will collect the money and accept you as a son.

Dont get it Twisted.. I'm Full brazilian Yoruba

It seems your girlfriend and her family "discovered" that you have kids? Did you let it all out first? It also seems you regret that you got kids from previous previous? How many kids does your girlfriend have? What's the age difference between you and ur girlfriend?

@op: I have little or no advice to give you because I side with her parents on this issue. You have more than one baby mama?!!
I don't think she's fully aware of the future she's signing herself into. A man with multiple children from different baby mamas is at the bottom of my dating chain, I just can't deal!
I do believe its not their(parents) decision to make but that of their daughter.

The only question I have for you is: are you ready to spend the rest of your life with her?

If youre not ready for marriage yet, then please let her go.

Her parents are being protective of her, not wanting her to get pregnant and dumped by you. Its being 1 yr and a half so theyre getting nervous. Will you marry her or not? So if you are ready to get married to her then you will have to have a meeting with her parents. Try to convince them that you are really serious about her and you're ready to marry her.

Right now, your partner is stuck so you will need to persuade them yourself.

We recently actually just discussed the Dowry for us to be able to wed not with her family it was a conversation between us because I originally didn't know that a dowry was needed for marriage. My girlfriend knew about my kids before we became a couple her parents found out a child at a time. They found out about my oldest last year and my youngest this year. I have 2 children by 2 different women but it was throughout time it wasn't like a one night stand and a child was the result.

My girlfriend has no children and we are barely a year apart in age. We have discussed children of our own and we even planned a future together moving out of state. We had hopes of expanding our business that we created together which her parents don't know about. Her parents have disclosed to her that they no longer want to speak with me at all regarding anything. Somehow I disrespected her parents I still don't even know how!!!

You may have to find out how you disrespected them through her. Respect is a very big thing for Nigerians so you really cant talk about marriage if they feel they have been disrespected by you. Let her talk to them and plead that they should have a meeting with both you and her concerning that matter and then you can move on from there.

ConcernedLover: We recently actually just discussed the Dowry for us to be able to wed not with her family it was a conversation between us because I originally didn't know that a dowry was needed for marriage. My girlfriend knew about my kids before we became a couple her parents found out a child at a time. They found out about my oldest last year and my youngest this year. I have 2 children by 2 different women but it was throughout time it wasn't like a one night stand and a child was the result.

My girlfriend has no children and we are barely a year apart in age. We have discussed children of our own and we even planned a future together moving out of state. We had hopes of expanding our business that we created together which her parents don't know about. Her parents have disclosed to her that they no longer want to speak with me at all regarding anything. Somehow I disrespected her parents I still don't even know how!!!

Dawg, This aint a place to solve ya plight. 70% of folks on here are residing back home and most are here due to ASUU Strike and ways to survive from the aridity life.

All you need to is package yourself like a gentleman. treat your girlfriend as she's supposed to be treated and be respectful towards her parents. Try and get to know some of her extended families, (cousins and co), try and get close to her dad and show them that you are not the average AA men they see on the street selling molly. Please and please and please... The Yoruba elders values Respect and they cherished it alot. No matter the kind of insults they rain on you, just try and be polite towards them till they accept your wish.

Wishing you happy married life in future bra.

We would like to thank everyone for their responses during this trying time. We have a lot to discuss and we definitely value the opinions of those in this forum, again thank you.

Dude let her be, her parents dnt like you and without them no marriage for both of you since they are still the ones to accept dowry from you. Just move on bro, marry one of ya baby momma.
By the way what's with you AA's with multiple baby mama and disorganised lifestyle?

if you cant make reasonable comments Y dnt you waka pass?? some pple are just pathetic
@ OP,PRAY, wishin u da best

ConcernedLover: Hello,

While looking for guidance in my current situation I stumbled across this forum. If you’ll have me I would like to ask a question among other Nigerians who may have dealt with an issue such as this. Thank you…

I am an African American man who is in love with an American born Nigerian (Yoruba) woman. We have been together for over a year and a half and everything has been great. We have talked about marriage but we wanted things to progress further in our lives. I have studied about the culture and have met her parents even spent weekends with her parents everything seemed great.

The drawback to all of this is that I have children from previous relationships. When it was discovered that I had one child nothing was said when my other children were brought up nothing came about either. After our year and a half anniversary her parents told her we do not want you with him any longer. They say that it’s because I have children yet a lot of time went by as in almost 6 months since they found out about my children.

Right now we have been going through issues with this because her parents have threatened to disown her if she stays in a relationship with me and I am horribly distraught. My entire family loves her and no one ever expected anything like this to come about. Before we even began our relationship she knew of my children. Throughout our relationship she has formed a very close bond with my children and we have had no issues of our own.

Her parents hate the fact of her being with me and we don’t know what to do about it. I originally told her to side with her family because who am I to stand in-between her and her family but at the same time she has become “MY” family. She is so afraid of being disowned by her family that she has no words of this situation. Please someone any opinion would help I have not a clue how to look at this situation.

Thank You

I commend you for being a strong black man that is taking care of his children. Keep up the good work!

The kids is not the issue....it's your inability to stay with one woman that concerns the parents. Some people have this conceived notion that a woman or man with multiple children from different partners lack commitment.

You have been with their daughter over a year and no talk of marriage. It's apparent that her family doesn't believe in long courtship and want comfort that you are not using their daughter for sex.

You do not need to explain your reasons for having children out of wedlock. But you do need to assure her parents that you are in it to win it.

Be truthful and sincere when talking to her parents and let your girl make the decision with no pressure from both sides.

Good luck!

spongeback: OP one question how expensive was condoms for you

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seedord247:

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