A sweet, cool, beautiful, funny, open-minded, business oriented, industrious and strong lady many guys would love to be with. One-guy-one-gel is her principle, a mainstream she has been treading.

She met a guy when she was 25, that was 2009. 2013 makes it 4 years of relationship without definition.

The lady has been making efforts to rowing the relationship in the 'marriage' direction, but the guy hasn't been encouraging. "Baby, its not what you think. I'm not just ready/settled. I wanna achieve somethings before I go ahead with marriage. I need to change my job for a better one.....", he does say.

The lady is the first daughter of her parents, she is already 29. Always seeing her mates and juniors walking down the aisle has been tearing her apart.

"No more sex until the wedding night", she told the guy early this year to know if the guy is stuck cos of sex. "No problem", he replied. But things took another turn after 4-5 months when the guy said he wanna make babies with her.

"This guy seems ready for me, so why should I keep being tough. This is what both of us want, and we are not kids besides", she thought.

Forgot to tell you that they are both not staying in the same environment. She does travel to spend weekends sometimes with him. The visiting has been on for a while, until after some weeks back when the guy called her to be sure if they have been having mutually safe sex.

A guy that wanna make babies now an anti making-babies guy. He is definitely not ready for commitment. He is in for sex.

"He even said av always told him I don't wanna av a child outta wedlock dat if I bcome preg now, is dat nt going against my wish?

Meaning dat even if I'm preg, he won't make him wanna do anythng if he's nt ready." She pinged me this morning.

My reply was, "but the issue of not having sex before wedding, but now having it is not against ur wish."

As far as I'm concerned, the guy is just ONLY after the sex!

She called me yesterday to know what she can do. Her fear is the YEARS she is gonna need to start all over again with another guy if she leaves this guy. You can do the arithmetic if she is gonna be dating another guy for 4 years.

"I am not getting younger Ayo. My parents are on my neck, and age is telling on me. What do I do?"

I simply told her to send a message to let the guy know how she feels and what she wants/expects from him. "Are we heading towards marriage or not?"

I asked her of the guy's response this morning, but she said the guy was just begging, but no indication of commitment still.

"He has actually shut me off from knowing some personal things about him. I don't know my guy as supposed again." she explained.

Left for me, it is better she doesn't put all her eggs in one crate. This is one of the reasons ladies keep bathing guys with acid, hot oil and the likes. She should be prayerful also!

What happens if the guy eventually drops the grenade? The lady loses, and the guy goes on with another abi?

Hope Coogar is reading this....consider this girl as ur sister!

What is your piece(s) of advice for this Lady.

Pls, endeavour to step in her shoes before judging and counselling her!

We all know that not every relationship leads to marriage, but decorum should be considered. Consider the lady being ur younger sister. Some guys could kill the guy in question.

Why is it always hard to define a relationship right from the alpha, even by the ladies?

Well, that will be another question for another day.

Constructive critisism will be embraced!

One word: CHOICE

Hmmmm, did they tie this chick to the guy? You can't date a guy for four years and still be asking where are we heading?
I advice her to port sharply, a guuy who doesn't see marriage in the picture after two years of dating is a waste of space.

she's too desperate herself, is there some law that says she must be married before 30? She can still find the man of her dreams if she can pull herself together and move on.

I have a friend who got desperate at 30 years and got pregnant for her boyfriend, the baby died in the end and the guy left.
pls dnt get desperate, be patient and date correct people and not douches.

Is 30 years deadline?

He's feeding off her desperation . She hasn't been very wise either. If she's always given herself a before 30yrs deadline, then she should have defined the relationship from the start or better still align herself with a man who shares her dreams. That's bygone now anyway. The only advise i have for her is to get out of that relationship now. No compromise, No second thoughts. And she needs to get her head out of the marriage pool..darn thing is oozing out of every pore, and crazy men take advantage of that .
Tell her to focus on straightening herself up and lose the low self esteem she's gonna develop soon. Men like a confident woman irrespective of age.

jmoore: Is 30 years deadline?

I tire o.

@o.p.. sorry t say but ur frnd cums across as desperate n frm a guys perspective, that is off putting (criticism )

Now then, its imperative that in a relationship a girl KNOWS where she stands with a guy. if within a yr+ of dating u dont know his inner circle of friends, he doesnt confide in u,he doesnt make u part of his plans.......then ur probably sitting on a long thing. If a guy is serious wit u, You Will Knw/sense it. if he's not..same.
Suspecting he aint n continuing that way f 4 years on d oda hand signals serious issues wit ur frnd. issues she has to seriously look at.
I also hope marraige was not d basis f d rtionship.

On d oda hand, this mite just be a bad case of Marraigophobia n all it mite take is a sharp nudge from her t get d ball rolling..

jmoore: Is 30 years deadline?

I tire o.

@o.p.. sorry t say but ur frnd cums across as desperate n frm a guys perspective, that is off putting (criticism )

Now then, its imperative that in a relationship a girl KNOWS where she stands with a guy. if within a yr+ of dating u dont know his inner circle of friends, he doesnt confide in u,he doesnt make u part of his plans.......then ur probably sitting on a long thing. If a guy is serious wit u, You Will Knw/sense it. if he's not..same.
Suspecting he aint n continuing that way f 4 years on d oda hand signals serious issues wit ur frnd. issues she has to seriously look at.
I also hope getting married was not d basis f d rtionship.

On d oda hand, this mite just be a bad case of Marraigophobia n all it mite take is a sharp nudge from her t get d ball rolling..

Ayobase the guy is probably afraid to settle down too....iThink

She is here reading from u guys...she said I shouldn't reply any comment ye.

She is not desperate for marriage. She doesn't mind if the guy will marry her even after another 4 yrs. Her fear is not wasting her years on the guy at the end.

The guy hasn't said he wouldn't marry her, and he hasn't said he would marry her.

"Don't worry, let me see to things first" he says, while she is just there sitting on the fence with days going by!

Thanks for the contributions so far.

@op. 30yrs is not a deadline for marriage. From what you said she told, I can tell that she is vulnerable and can easily make a bigger mistake. Desperation to marry can make someone marry an enemy.

If her parents are on her neck because she is not married then I guess is because she is still living with them. Like you described her as industrious, business oriented and a strong woman, I see no reason why a case like this should be a serious issue.

You cannot force a guy to take you to the alter against his wish. He is not ready and that is final. I believe she must have been seeing some signs of his frivolous attitudes in the relationship. ''Take heed while the sun shine''.

The boyfriend is drinking the milk for free hence no interest to buy the cow.

She needs to quit the relationship.

How can one be in a ship and doesn't know the destination?

You can't be in a bus and tell me you know the destination

@30?
You should move on

nigga aint ready,bi!tch kips suc!kn di!ck,......nigga aint gotta tell u 'dat nigga got sometin up is sleeves........one word for u,H!OE!!!!!!!,cuz u njoyn DI!CK....cut him LOOSE MUTHAFU!CKA

That relationship needs to come to an end for the following reasons:
1. It's become toxic, she has succeeded in acting like a headless chicken and messing up the rhythm of the relationship for her selfish gains. She has become a pest.
2. The relationship is undefined and unstable. She's threatened the gut on more than one occassion. Either of them would bail at the slightest semblance of greener pastures.
3. She needs to chill and enjoy her own life and stop doing follow-follow. So what, her peers and 'juniors' wed daily? Wedding and marriage are different things, in case she hasn't got the memo.
She needs to chill and stop using muscle abeg.

Wen d guy is gettin wat he shld be gettin in marriage. Y would he disturb himself in getting marriage?
I feel ur pain gal. Try to define ur r/ship wit him so dat u will nt be dump at all after sacrifising many years. Dont mind dont dat said u shld nt look at ur age, u are nt gettin any younger ooo.
Dat is my 2kobo

U just dey date guy and u nor bother to ask am d age him feel say him go marry? Ok o, just dey use ur one and only life dey practise d maths. D answer will be equal to menoP...

Please, extend my condolences to your friend on the death of her relationship. I should probably add 'belated' before 'condolences', because it actually died 3 years ago.

If a guy does not see a future with you after 6 months of dating, he will not marry you. It usually takes a great deal of serpentine tactics to maneuver this to your favour. The effects of such manipulation, subtle or aggressive, have proven to be quite debilitating over time.

It is a pity that she fell prey to such an obnoxious being. This is not to say that girls are not guilty of this same crime. However, for the sake of exclusivity, and for her total devotion (especially in sexual relations) to her partner over the years, I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

She probably fell in love with his good looks, urbanity, extravagance, seemingly good prospects (not forgetting his prowess between the sheets)...etc. I will not fault her on these, afterall, there has got to be the side attraction. Something, anything whatsoever, must attract you to someone and make you want to be with him/her.

To help her severe this unfortunate tether, she needs to take into account how many kilograms of postinor that has gone down her oesophagus over the years. His inconsistency in decision making (especially w.r.t making babies) should also be an eye opener.

A smart woman should be able to espouse events, identify a pattern and come to a logical conclusion.

Why are you always like this hun?

Boll2010: nigga aint ready,bi!tch kips suc!kn di!ck,......nigga aint gotta tell u 'dat nigga got sometin up is sleeves........one word for u,H!OE!!!!!!!,cuz u njoyn DI!CK....cut him LOOSE MUTHAFU!CKA

Ashabie: Why are you always like this hun?

am sorry swthrt.....u knw am nt lyk dat,I jst don't lyk it when ladies feel dey v no say in a rlshp,hope u gud

Four forking years??....any man who has met 'the special one' won't wait that long, not even for lack of finances.....its easy telln u to end the r/ship, but my advice is this
* Sit ur own as*s down and discuss with you, ur self (face ur fears and win it), then
*Sit his as*s down and both of you shld discuss, then
* thank me later........
* 30 is still ok, @ least..... Wish u d best ultimately

Focus on whatever dreams you have, have some dignity and integrity backed up with a good character. No man is worth being desperate over. Rushing in only to rush out later.

Besides, you may be scaring him with the whole marriage stuff. Continue with him, but if something better comes your way, then go for it.

Like I said, focus on developing yourself and being an asset to someone, that way even other men would admire you and wanna at least get to date and know you more. Men still respect women that carry themselves with grace and aren't desperate for marriage.

fluid26:

fresh_dude:

Abbey2sam:

xynerise:

uj_sizzle:

Thumbs up Y'all. #Those are Words and Facts that are Lucid......


@OP, Virtually everyone here has made plenty sense in their contributions.....your gurl should try to let sentiments off. let her use her head in this case cuz its not much of i problem if i may say...

there is a difference between dating and Marriage.Both never should be gauged with the same instruments....that Dude is not ready for her and she had berra not force it or she may live to regret the relationship in the end.

if she is independent and self sustaining like you opined earlier then i believe if she puts her self together, her better self will attract more dudes that she will have a long list to pick from. Age is not a problem my friend....tell her i said so, because in the end the life after is what counts. let her forget what the world thinks and sort her self out (removing that dude from the pics).

#he can come get her whenever he is ready ....thats if she is not already taken by then

4 years in a relationship and she's in a hurry? How should we make the count? Is it 4 years after engaging her and no marriage in-view? or 4 years that started with friendship? or just 4 years with no clear defining of the relationship?

A.Y, tell your friend not to transfer her family and age pressure into her relationship. When a lady think of the ring, a responsible man should think beyond the ring. My only problem with the dude in question is that he lacks proper communication. He should bring the lady in on his plans, whatever the delay is should be open to both of them because he seem to be running a one-sided relationship. No matter how beautiful his plans are, if he doesn't relate them to her, she would feel alone and that's the issue at hand.

It's simple, what the lady should seek is a reason to stay and support him and not a reason why she's not married at 30.

masonkz: Focus on whatever dreams you have, have some dignity and integrity backed up with a good character. No man is worth being desperate over. Rushing in only to rush out later.

Besides, you may be scaring him with the whole marriage stuff. Continue with him, but if something better comes your way, then go for it.

Like I said, focus on developing yourself and being an asset to someone, that way even other men would admire you and wanna at least get to date and know you more. Men still respect women that carry themselves with grace and aren't desperate for marriage.

Absolutely..well said

Abeg the girl dey nl?

If after 4 yrs he could not define their relationship , then he isn't serious with her. 30 is not a barrier .

D-Explorer:
4 years in a relationship and she's in a hurry? How should we make the count? Is it 4 years after engaging her and no marriage in-view? or 4 years that started with friendship? or just 4 years with no clear defining of the relationship?

A.Y, tell your friend not to transfer her family and age pressure into her relationship. When a lady think of the ring, a responsible man should think beyond the ring. My only problem with the dude in question is that he lacks proper communication. He should bring the lady in on his plans, whatever the delay is should be open to both of them because he seem to be running a one-sided relationship. No matter how beautiful his plans are, if he doesn't relate them to her, she would feel alone and that's the issue at hand.

It's simple, what the lady should seek is a reason to stay and support him and not a reason why she's not married at 30.

..but he's not making her part of his plans or at least privy t dem is wat is significant here.
I personally tink d bf is not sure about d lady in question hence d cold feet else, wit all d pressure, he could ve as well put her mind@ ease wit at most a 'promise ring' .
@o.p..ur frnd needs t focus on herself n make herself an Asset again. If he saw her as one, he would do his Best neva t lose her..
My opinion tho..

jay bee: Abeg the girl dey nl?

u wan marry her?

jmoore:
u wan marry her?

Why u wan know?