Bros u 3much

Mum: Who broke daddy's plate?

Me: Errmm ...

Mum: Just say the truth, l won't beat you...

Me: It's me ...

Mum: ***Check photo for mum's reaction***

dason4life:
Mum: Who broke daddy's plate?

Me: Errmm ...

Mum: Just say the truth, l won't beat you...

Me: It's me ...

Mum: ***Check photo for mum's reaction***

guy no kill person ab g

A Lady had been married to
a Man for a while, yet
she is so hot that every
time her husband goes
away on a business trip,
she invites not one, not two, but three men to
come over and play hide and seek.
One day when her
husband was leaving for a
business trip, she had three men lined up to
come over right away.
However, this time the husband forgot his passport at
home so he had to rush
back as fast as he could. When the woman heard the
door open, she told all the
men to hide somewhere.
The first man hid under
the bed, the second in the
closet and the third one Ofego, out on the balcony.
The husband walked into the room
and saw his wife standing
Unclad and asked, "Darling?
Why are you Unclad?"
She immediately claimed that she was changing
into her Night gown for a quick
nap. But then the man heard
something under the bed.
He found the first guy
under the bed and exclaimed, "Who the hell
are you? And what are
you doing here?".
The guy pulled a fast one
and said, "I'm a carpenter,
and your wife sent for me to come and fix the bed,
it's fine now."
The man sighed and said,
"Okay, how much do I
owe you?"
He gives the man 2,000 Naira, as he requested, and told
him to get the hell out of
his sight.
He then opened up the
closet to get his passport
from the drawer and saw yet another guy.
"Who the hell are you " he
shouted.
"Your wife sent me to
come and fix the closet
because it had some loose hinges on the inside," he
proclaimed.
The husband just sighs it off again
and said, "Okay, here's 2,000 Naira, now get the hell out of
my sight!" While all this was going on,
Ofego outside on the
balcony was looking
through the window and
all he saw was the woman's
husband giving these guys money.
So wanting his own share as
well, he barges through
the balcony door blurting,
"I was sleeping with her
too o! I was sleeping with her too!".

Check out this joke filled video
Check this Hillarious video and rate it http://www.viewingcity.com/funny-and-graphic-goal-celebration/

Ofego was approached by
a co-worker at lunch who
invited him out for a few
beers after work. Ofego said that his wife
would never go for it, that she does not allow
him to go drinking
with the guys after work.
The co-worker suggested
a way to overcome that
problem, "When you get home
tonight, sneak into the
house,
slide down under the
sheets, gently pull down
your wife's undies, and give her MouthAction.
Women
love it, and believe me,
she'll never mention
that you were out late
with the boys." So Ofego agreed to try
it, and went out and
enjoyed himself. Late that
night he sneaked into
the house, slid down
under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's
undies, and gave her oral
sex. She moaned and
groaned with pleasure,
but
after a little while, he realised he had to pee , so he told her he'd
be right back, got
out of bed and walked
down the hall to the
bathroom. When he opened the door and
went in,
he was very suprised to
see his wife sitting
on the bathtub.
"How did you get in here?" he asked
"Shhhh!!!" she replied,
"You will wake up my
Mum!".

Ofego and his son were walking through a
cemetery, and passed by a
headstone inscribed -
"Here lies a good lawyer
and an honest man." The little boy read the
headstone, looked up at his
Dad, and asked
"Daddy, why did they
bury two men there?"

A Nigerian father-son relationship hilarious parody. will definitely keep you laughing, from house of craze [url]http:///KGxC3Y [/url]

Ofego, a butcher at Igbudu market, who had had a
particularly good day,
proudly flipped his last
chicken on a scale and
weighed it. "That will be 1,500 Naira," he told the customer.
"That's a good price, but it
really is a little too small,"
said the woman. "Don't
you have anything
larger?" Hesitating, but thinking
fast, he returned
the chicken to the
refrigerator, paused a
moment, then took it out
again. "This one," he said faintly,
"will be 2,500 Naira."
The woman paused for a
moment, then made her
decision,
"You know what," she said, "I'll take both of
them!"

A mother was scolding
her daughter, "I don't like that guy Ofego you are
going out with, he is too
dumb". "No Mama". Her
daughter replied. "He is going to be a medical
doctor, cause he has already
cured me of that illness
that i use to have every
month".

Ofego decided to go
sight seeing with his friend Kelly. So they loaded up
Kelly's minivan and headed
east. After driving for a
few hours, they got caught on a terrible atmosphere. So they
pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive
woman who answered the
door if they could spend the night there.
"I realise it's a terrible
weather out there and I
have this huge house all
to myself, but I'm recently
widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbours
will talk if I let you stay in
my house."
"Don't worry," Ofego said.
"We'll be happy to sleep
in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we will be
gone first thing tomorrow morning." The
woman agreed, and the two
men found their way to
the barn and settled in for
the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared,
and they got on their
way. They enjoyed a
great weekend of sight seeing.
About six months
later, Kelly got an unexpected letter from a Lawyer. It took him a
few minutes to figure it
out, but he finally
determined that it was
from the Lawyer of that attractive widow he had
met on that sight seeing weekend.
He went to his friend Ofego and asked,
"Ofego, do you remember
that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed
at on our sight seeing holiday up
east about six months
ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Ofego.
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of
the night, go up to the
house and pay her a
visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Ofego said,
a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have
to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to
give her my name instead
of telling her your name?"
Ofego's face turned sour and he said, "Yes, look,
I'm sorry, Kelly. I'm
afraid I did." "Why do you
ask?". Kelly replied,
"She just died and left everything for me."

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart Man + Smart
Woman = Romance
.
Smart Man + Dumb
Woman = Affair
.
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage
.
Dumb man + Dumb
Woman = Pregnancy.
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart Boss + Smart
Employee = Profit.
Smart Boss + Dumb
Employee = Production
.
Dumb Boss + Smart
Employee = Promotion
.
Dumb Boss + Dumb
Employee = Overtime.
SHOPPING MATH
EMATICS
A man will pay 2,000 Naira for a 1,000 Naira
item he needs.
A woman will pay 1,000 Naira for a
2,000 Naira item she doesn't
need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS AND STATISTICS
A woman worries about
the future until she gets a
husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man,
you must understand him
a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love
her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer
than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man
expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman
expecting that she won't
change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last
word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a
new argument.

In America, a little boy and Maryjane who were
only ten years old, but
they just know that they
are in love. One day they decided that they want to
get married, so the
boy went to Maryjane's dad to
ask him for her hand in marriage. He bravely walked up
to him and said, "Mr Bush, me and Maryjane are in love and I'm asking for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr Bush replied, "Well, boy, you
are only ten. Where will
you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, the boy replied, "In her room. It's bigger than
mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr Bush said
with a huge grin, "Okay then, how will you live?
You're not old enough to
get a job. You'll need to
support her."
Again, the boy instantly replied, "Our allowance. She makes five dollars a
week and I make ten
dollars a week. That's
about sixty dollars a
month, and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr Bush was a
little shocked that the boy
had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment, trying to come up with something that the boy won't have an
answer to. After a second,
Mr Bush said, "Well,
boy, it seems like you
have got everything all figured out. I just have
one more question for
you. What will you do if
the two of you should
have little ones of your
own?" The boy just shrugged his
shoulders and said, "That
won't happen, she only
lets me make love to her through her asshole."

That awkward moment you're having sex with a prostitute and you re seriously feeling her soul and you we be like
oh!...
Baby.........say my name
she then screams...................
‪#‎CCCUUUSTOMMMER

Ofego, a defendant, in a lawsuit
involving large sums of
money was talking to his
lawyer.
"If I lose this case, I'll be
ruined." "It's in the Judge's hands
now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I send the
Judge a carton of chocolates?"
"Oh no! This Judge is diabetic. A stunt like that
would prejudice him
against you. He might
even hold you in
contempt of court. In fact, you
shouldn't even smile at
the judge."
Within the course of time,
the Judge rendered a
decision in favour of Ofego.
As Ofego left the
courtroom, he said to
his lawyer, "Thanks for
the tip about the chocolates.
It worked!" "I'm sure we would have
lost the case if you had
sent them."
"But I did send them."
Ofego said.
"What? You did?". The lawyer screamed.
Ofego said, "Yes. That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said
the lawyer.
Ofego replied, "I sent the carton of chocolates
to the Judge, but
enclosed the plaintiff's business card."

A husband and wife were
driving down a lonely road on their way to spend Christmas
with their relatives. They came
to a muddy patch on the
road and the car became bogged. After a few
minutes of trying to get
the car out by
themselves, they saw a
young farmer Ofego coming
down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
He stopped when
he saw the couple in
trouble and offered to
pull the car out of the
mud for 1,500 Naira. The husband accepted and minutes
later the car was free. Ofego turned to the
husband and said, "You
know, you are the tenth
car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looked around
at the fields incredulously
and asked Ofego,
"When do you have time
to farm your land? At night?"
"No," Ofego replied, "Night is
when I put the water on
this hole."

Ofego, a farmer had a watermelon patch
and upon inspection he
discovered that some of the
local children had been
helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thought of ways
to discourage this profit-
eating situation. So he
puts up a sign that reads:
"WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS
HIV AIDS VIRUS!"
He smiled smugly as he
watched the children run off
the next night without
eating any of his melons. Ofego returned to the
watermelon patch a week
later to discover that
none of the watermelons
have been eaten, but
found another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE
TWO!".

Wife: You are smelling
a woman's perfume
. Where did you get it from?

Ofego: From the
woman I was squeezed with in the taxi.

Wife: What about the
lipstick on your mouth?

Ofego: Oh, that one? I got it from Janet whom I
was congratulating
for passing her exam.

Wife: What about the
used condoms in your pocket?

Ofego: Hey, leave me
alone, don't ask me stupid questions. I want to sleep
.

Wife: This is not fair o, when I use them, I don't
bring them home o.

Ofego: Whaaaat!!!! What did you
just say?

Wife: Leave me alone, I
want to sleep.

FINE - This is the word they use at the end of any
argument that they feel they are right about but need
to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a
woman looks. This will
cause you to have one of
those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is
equivalent to the five
minutes that your football
game is going to last
before you take out the
trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING - If you ask her what is wrong and she
says NOTHING, this means something and you
should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to describe the feeling a
woman has of wanting to
turn you inside out,
upside down, and
backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE GO AHEAD(with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare.
One that result in a
woman getting upset
over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.

GO AHEAD(with normal eyebrows) - This means "i
give up" or "do what you
want because i don't
care". You will get a
raised eyebrow "Go
ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in
about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but still
often a verbal statement
very misunderstood by
men. A "Loud Sigh" means
she thinks you are an
idiot at that moment and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing
here and arguing with
you over NOTHING.

Ofego stopped at a bar
after work to have a
drink. He started
talking to a girl even though he is married, he thought she is so fine that he agreed to
go to her place.
When he got to her
place, he found out that
she is a prostitute and
that she wanted 5,000 Naira. "Forget it," Ofego said,
"You never told me you
were a prostitute." "But I
do have 500 Naira with me, will
you take that?"
"You won't get any decent prostitute for
that amount," the Ashawo said.
She threw him out.
Later that night, Ofego
and his wife went out for
dinner. While they were eating, the same
prostitute who happened
to be eating there
too recognised Ofego.
She came up to him and
said, "See, I told you." "Look at the kind of trash
you picked up for 500 Naira."

a man came back from his church service ,carried a chair n stood at road like a person who is waiting for something. his wife searched for him for lunch hour buh could not see him . her neighbours later alerted her were they saw her husband. when she got to d spot ,she asked her husband what she was doing there,his husband picked offense with her n told her not to disturb him dat his pastor prophesied to him today dah his miracle is on de way n he is standing by the road for it not to pass him by

lol

MORE JOKES FOR US! ALI BABA LAUNCHES HIS OWN WEBSITE!!!

Ali Baba has joined the growing list of Nigerian celebs with their own websites and has launched his.

While he is a comedian by profession, he has been more into giving relationship advice lately, so we expect we would be getting some of that too from there.


http://vibeafrik.com/?p=14624

[/color][color=#006600][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]No b small fight for ma area today oooo. A
Nursery One pupil was in a Danfo bus from school
and was reciting the day's lesson at school "If my
dad is a cock & my mum is a hen, I'll be a chick"
"If my father is a lion & my mother is a lioness, l
will be a cub"
"If my father is a king & my mother is a queen, I'll
be a prince"
The Danfo driver was irritated by the noise and
told the boy to stop but he didn't...
Then the Danfo driver shouted "what if your
mother is a prostitute & your father is an
armed robber?.... The boy replied "then I'll be a
Danfo driver!"... And that is how the fight started!
Who first find trouble?[b]No b small fight for ma area today oooo. A
Nursery One pupil was in a Danfo bus from school
and was reciting the day's lesson at school "If my
dad is a cock & my mum is a hen, I'll be a chick"
"If my father is a lion & my mother is a lioness, l
will be a cub"
"If my father is a king & my mother is a queen, I'll
be a prince"
The Danfo driver was irritated by the noise and
told the boy to stop but he didn't...
Then the Danfo driver shouted "what if your
mother is a prostitute & your father is an
armed robber?.... The boy replied "then I'll be a
Danfo driver!"... And that is how the fight started!
Who first find trouble?[/b]No b small fight for ma area today oooo. A
Nursery One pupil was in a Danfo bus from school
and was reciting the day's lesson at school "If my
dad is a cock & my mum is a hen, I'll be a chick"
"If my father is a lion & my mother is a lioness, l
will be a cub"
"If my father is a king & my mother is a queen, I'll
be a prince"
The Danfo driver was irritated by the noise and
told the boy to stop but he didn't...
Then the Danfo driver shouted "what if your
mother is a prostitute & your father is an
armed robber?.... The boy replied "then I'll be a
Danfo driver!"... And that is how the fight started!
Who first find trouble?

Ofego, a soldier on UN peace keeping mission in a war torn country sent a letter to his Wife, "Dear Honey,
I can't send my salary this
month, so I am sending
100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart.
Your one and only Husband, Ofego.

His Wife replied a week
later
, "Dear Darling, Thanks for your 100
kisses. I am sending the expense
details.
1. The C-way man agreed on
2 kisses for one month's
C-way water delivery.
2. The NEPA man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. The Landlord comes
every day and takes two
or three kisses instead of
the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I
have given him some
other extra items.
5. Other normal expenses
40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I have a remaining
balance of 35 kisses and
I hope I can complete the
month using this balance.
Shall I plan in the same
way for next month? Please Advise!!!
Your one and only Wife,
Lovingtime.

Ofego was a single guy
living at home with his
Dad and working in the
family business.
When he found out that he
was going to inherit a fortune when his very old dad died, he decided he
needed a wife with which
to share his fortune.
One evening at an
investment meeting he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had
ever seen.
Her natural beauty took
his breath away. "I may
look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but
in just a
few years, my dad will
die, and I'll inherit 1 billion Naira."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card
and three days later, she
became his stepmum.

njuwo:
Three business associates, an Igbo man, a
Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in
through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just
waved his hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the Yoruba man
was, he also chased it away.
Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese
man was and was flying close to his ears. The
Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime
and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and
swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just kept on
eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in
and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time
he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for
sometime and then grabbed it. He then
turned to the Chinese man and asked "how
much you go buy am?"

true talk!!!!!!

Ofego wanted to
purchase a gift for his new
sweetheart for Christmas Day.
As they had not been
dating very long, it was a very difficult decision.
After careful
consideration he decided
a good gift would be a
pair of gloves.
Accompanied by his sister, Jessica, he went to the store and
bought the gloves. Jessica purchased a pair of
undies at the same time.
The clerk carefully
wrapped both items but in the process got them
mixed up. Jessica was
handed the gloves and
Ofego got the
undies. Ofego sent his Christmas Day gift with the following
note:
"This special Christmas
Day gift was chosen
because I noticed you are
in the habit of not wearing any when we go
out in the evenings.
If it had not been for my
sister Jessica, I would have
chosen the ones with
buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much
easier to remove.
"These are lovely ones,
the lady I bought them
from showed me the pair
she had been wearing for the past three weeks and
they were hardly soiled. I
had her try yours on for
me and they looked quite
lovely.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first
time; no doubt, other
hands will come into
contact with them before
I have a chance to see you
again. When you take them off,
remember to blow on
them lightly before
putting them away as
they will naturally be a
little damp from wearing. Just think how many
times I'll be kissing them
in the future. I hope you will
wear them on sunday night
for me.
From Ofego, your darling.

A principal of one secondary school had a
problem with a few of the
senior girls who had just started to use
lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they
would then press their lips
to the mirror and leave
lip prints.
Before it got out of hand
the principal thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the
girls together that wore
lipstick and told them he
wanted to meet with them
in the girls room at 12 noon.
They gathered at 12 noon and found the
principal and Ofego the school
custodian waiting for
them.
The principal explained
that it was becoming a problem for Ofego to clean the mirror every
night. He said he felt the
girls did not
fully understand just how
much of a problem it was and he wanted them to
witness just how hard it
was to clean.
Ofego then
demonstrated. He took a
long brush on a handle out of a box. He then
dipped the brush in the
nearest toilet, moved to
the mirror and proceeded
to remove the lipstick.
That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on
the mirror.