My friend is an Engineer and has a very good job. He is married with two children 1 and 3 yrs old

and his wife is an accountant. He wants his wife to stay home and take care of the kids, but his wife

said she can't be a housewife and want to work too. He is very upset about that because he thinks

life would be easier and fair for the kids if she stays home. He promise to give her monthly allowance and

she can work when the kids grows up. He thinks the wife is not understanding and selfish and his wife

said she wants to make her own money and don't want to depend on her husband for everything financially.

Who is at fault?

if d guy has gat money,let him start up a business for her,and employ some helping hands,atleast then she can have time for d family,but staying athome and being a housewife,no no no

The wife suggested a house maid to care of the kids why they are at work, but it will cost them

about $1500 monthly and he think the wife can't get that as a monthly allowance rather than

paying that to a house help. He didn't want her to be a housewife before until he found a very good job

he has always been hoping to get. It's not just easy opening a business in America

the man is being selfish. The woman will be the one to lose out eventually if she stuck at home just depending on "monthly allowance" (an insult to someone you call a wife).

Abi oh. Does he think its easy for a woman who earlier had a job to sit at home all day 'tending' the family?? If the woman falls for this crap now, she's stuck for life!!

@ post
Who is the man trying to fool be calling his wife selfish? Isn't he selfish? Or does he think he is the only one who has got the kids at heart?

there is nothing like "housewife"? I understand the term is derogatory. The Proper name which the English have adopted and which is dignifying is "CARER". Tell your friend to tell the wife that he wants her to be a CARER and she will oblige.

Well, telly our friend that he's been unfair na.
Did your wife's friend go to school? maybe she doesn't want to waste all that time and all she learned by not using it.
I understand her, me, I definitely cannot be a housewife.
I went to school to get education ----> to get a reasonable job.
Sure, it's hard for the kids when their mom is not always there, but when she's off she can spend time with the children.

If they never discussed her being a housewife before marriage then why would he want to change the plan now. I understand how she feels. Some women are cut out to be housewives, my sister is one, and others, like me, prefer to work and pay someone else to do that domestic shit.

they should have discussed this prior to marriage and this should not be an issue right now. My husband knows i am a working woman who has no desire at all to give up my job or stop working.

sistawoman:

If they never discussed her being a housewife before marriage then why would he want to change the plan now. I understand how she feels. Some women are cut out to be housewives, my sister is one, and others, like me, prefer to work and pay someone else to do that domestic shit.

they should have discussed this prior to marriage and this should not be an issue right now. My husband knows i am a working woman who has no desire at all to give up my job or stop working.

then who will care for the domestic needs? can you hire some one to care and train your kids? God help you the person is not a paedophile.

It's very stressful caring to children in American. Day care cost too much and they always have to leave

work early to pick up the kids. If they have a grandmother at home, it would have been better that way

both of them can work. They are paying $1500 monthly for daycare only they have to pick up the kids at 5pm

They guy often work late.

I hope and pray to God that my children are never molested.  I have rasied my children to understand the difference between right and wrong.  My children are the most well behaved, mannered children you will ever meet.  Anytime any of my children go anywhere they are always prasied on thier behavior and always invited back.

My parents keep the children during the summer for thier break but will not keep any of thier other grandchildren because mine are so well behaved.

So yes i hire someone to sit in the house with them before and after school.

kojeiwa:


It's very stressful caring to children in American. Day care cost too much and they always have to leave

work early to pick up the kids. If they have a grandmother at home, it would have been better that way

both of them can work. They are paying $1500 monthly for daycare only they have to pick up the kids at 5pm

They guy often work late.

Has your friend looked into getting a live in? If you have the room you can get someone for about 600.00 a month and they can install nanny cams and the children dont have to get up early to go someplace else. I had a live-in nanny/housekeeper for about 6 years when the kids were younger.

Another good point. A lot of children get molested by this maid. And this kids get too used to the housemaid that

they even call the maid mommy. That is not a good feeling.

kojeiwa:


It's very stressful caring to children in American. Day care cost too much and they always have to leave

work early to pick up the kids. If they have a grandmother at home, it would have been better that way

both of them can work. They are paying $1500 monthly for daycare only they have to pick up the kids at 5pm

They guy often work late.

that right there is very true. . .

but $1500? gosh!! how many kids?

They found a nanny that is asking for $1000 monthly and she said she will only be there to care for the kids

No work meaning she won't clean, do laundry or cook. I don't think that is a good deal

ok, two kids? for $1500. . .wow! I understand the husband's opinion on this. . .but then

kojeiwa:

They found a nanny that is asking for $1000 monthly and she said she will only be there to care for the kids

No work meaning she won't clean, do laundry or cook. I don't think that is a good deal

Neither do I. . .it's like she's just there staring at the kids

ship the kids off to their grandparents.

My friend is also considering sending the kids back to Naija to be raised there by his mom

and they can come back to start high school (Secondary school). The wife said she can't send her

kids to Naija to the husband family that she doesn't trust them. I am happy my mom is here in the U.S

She must have retired before i start having kids.

4 Him:

ship the kids off to their grandparents.

why would you want to send your kids away from you? that's even worst

morenike09:

why would you want to send your kids away from you? that's even worst

depends if they are pigheads. if they are then there is nothing wrong about it.

Pigheads or no pigheads. . .I decided to have them, now as a parent, it's my responsibility to take care of them. . .while they're with me. . not miles away form me

kojeiwa:

They found a nanny that is asking for $1000 monthly and she said she will only be there to care for the kids

No work meaning she won't clean, do laundry or cook. I don't think that is a good deal

What city and state do they live in. A live in housekeeper would be much less expensive, because you are providing room and board.

morenike09:

why would you want to send your kids away from you? that's even worst

there are pros and cons to be considered. Everyone would love to have their kids with them.

4 Him:

there are pros and cons to be considered. Everyone would love to have their kids with them.

pros and cons?
plz, do tell!

Very smart woman. I work too and yes I feel guilty sometimes when I drop my boys off at daycare and my older boy cries after me. The fact of the matter is that you can love your children and husband with every fiber of your being but if you do not do what you really wish to be doing, you will get resentful and bitter.
If this is what she really wants to do then he needs to let her do it. It will be tougher for her to get back into the swing of things after being home for years while you the husband is moving up in your career. What makes him believe that having a career is more important to him than it is to her.

That dude should hire a nanny and let her work.

The term housewife is annoying and I'm sure the woman sees it so.

This situation is where your parents, grandparents etc come in, I mean to take care of the kids. Don't they have a close relative around?

I thought women generally wouldn't mind been a housewife if they have the opportunity.

Most of my white co-worker's wives are housewife. The cost of Nanny in Chicago would be more

expensive than that of most other State

not all women ,some of them don't want to depend on their hubbys for everything-------------if a man does not want his wife to work,then let him startup a biz for her,its going to be too boring staying athome all day,-------goshhhhhh abeg i no blame d woman jare

and being a housewife can get boring

my sister morenike,boring is an understatement

doing d same thing everyday(sitting at one place) mennnnnn that is death ooooo