Good morning lovely people. I hope that each one of you are being blessed beyond compare. I am an African American woman who recently got married to a Nigerian man. I am at a crossroads right now. Before my husband and I got married, we did not make arrangements for him to meet my parents before hand. I am having a difficult time getting my husband to decide on a date and time in which he will come visit them. I am trying to keep my wits about the matter and remain respectful at the same time. How do I encourage my husband to make a quick decision? I have him dragging his heels on one end and angry parents on the other end. This has become a frustrating situation. Thank you in advance for all the wisdom that you all will bring to my situation.

Communicate with him, make him see reason why its important to meet your parents. Don't nag about it, do it calmly. If he doesn't agree, then he must be something from you.

Do not forget a place of God in your marraige, read this thread it will help you

https://www.nairaland.com/1262082/how-conquer-poverty-barrenness-spirtually/16

What is keeping him from meeting your parents? In Nigeria, prior to wedding, meeting both parents is of paramount importance. Without meeting them, the wedding can't take place except you do a run away wedding.

I wouldn't know how to encourage a man who claims to love his wife to meet the parents. Get a date from your parents and also let that date falls with when you know he will be free. Inform him of the date chosen by your parents for him to get prepared. Let the date be a minimum of three weeks away for notification.


I am still concerned about why he is dragging his feet from meeting your parents. Did he tell you of any reason?

Wat is he saying abt it?

If he doesnt wanna meet ur parents, den its as clear as day.

Wizee: Communicate with him, make him see reason why its important to meet your parents. Don't nag about it, do it calmly. If he doesn't agree, then he must be something from you.

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Thank you for your response. I am doing my best not to come off as a nag which is why I speak on the issue then I try to leave it alone until it is brought up my my mother. My father is a quite man and he refuses to acknowledge or speak about my husband. I love my family and I don't want there to be a rift in between us and them.

ada40: Do not forget a place of God in your marraige, read this thread it will help you

https://www.nairaland.com/1262082/how-conquer-poverty-barrenness-spirtually/16

Thank you so much. God will have to move my husband's heart because it appears that I am not having any luck.

bellong: What is keeping him from meeting your parents? In Nigeria, prior to wedding, meeting both parents is of paramount importance. Without meeting them, the wedding can't take place except you do a run away wedding.

I wouldn't know how to encourage a man who claims to love his wife to meet the parents. Get a date from your parents and also let that date falls with when you know he will be free. Inform him of the date chosen by your parents for him to get prepared. Let the date be a minimum of three weeks away for notification.


I am still concerned about why he is dragging his feet from meeting your parents. Did he tell you of any reason?

My mother went out of her way to find some Nigerians in our state to find out how things were supposed to go customarily. So she knew it was customary to meet the parents first. She said if I was a Nigerian woman he wouldnt have done it this way. Now she is under the impression that since he is dragging his feet, he only wants a green card out of me. My dad in his own subtle way has asked me to divorce him but, I am refusing to do that. I made a vow to God not them. And parents or no parents I won't defy my God. I draw the line on that one.

sunny t: Wat is he saying abt it?

If he doesnt wanna meet ur parents, den its as clear as day.

He says that he wants to meet them and that he knows that he has to. However, the response that I am looking for is...I'm have my ticket I am coming to meet your parents...your brother.....and your sisters. I am not hearing that though and it is frustrating me.

sunshinebrown:

My mother went out of her way to find some Nigerians in our state to find out how things were supposed to go customarily. So she knew it was customary to meet the parents first. She said if I was a Nigerian woman he wouldnt have done it this way. Now she is under the impression that since he is dragging his feet, he only wants a green card out of me. My dad in his own subtle way has asked me to divorce him but, I am refusing to do that. I made a vow to God not them. And parents or no parents I won't defy my God. I draw the line on that one.

You have married him and I know how it is hard for you at this time with his refusal to meet your parents. The truth is your mother may not be far from speaking the truth. If he were in Nigeria and he actually wants a wife, he wouldn't drag feet from meeting his spouse's parents.

Except he has ulterior motive, why would you have to be begging him to meet your parents. I think you also went about the marriage in a wrong way without involving your parents. Have you met any of his own family members? Do you have enough information about his background and history? These are all what you need to ascertain his sincerity in this union.
I only pray and hope he is not in this union for the green card. It is well with you

How did you end up marrying someone without him meeting your family?

sunshinebrown:


My mother went out of her way to find some Nigerians in our state to find out how things were supposed to go customarily. So she knew it was customary to meet the parents first. She said if I was a Nigerian woman he wouldnt have done it this way. Now she is under the impression that since he is dragging his feet, he only wants a green card out of me. My dad in his own subtle way has asked me to divorce him but, I am refusing to do that. I made a vow to God not them. And parents or no parents I won't defy my God. I draw the line on that one.

Unfortunately, your mom is most likely right.

I agree with the last two people above me; you didn't do the proper thing. Why did you marry a man who hasn't met your family? Where you that desperate to be a Mrs?

I also think in America, a man has to meet his fiancee's family before the wedding or ask for her hand in marriage from her father.

You handled it carelessly. A man must know the root you come from before taking you with him or did you fall from the sky?

With his action, he has disrespected your family and he needs to make amends. BTW, have you spoken/met any of his family?

Please, not all Nigerian men do this before you use this to categorise all Nigerian men in the US.

sunshinebrown:
My mother went out of her way to find some Nigerians in our state to find out how things were supposed to go customarily. So she knew it was customary to meet the parents first. She said if I was a Nigerian woman he wouldnt have done it this way.

In Nigeria, after proposal the next step is INTRODUCTION. This is when both families met and the man's family formally lets the lady's family know of their son's intention to marry the lady with their support/approval with gift items(from man's family) presented.

The lady's family is the host, the man's family is the visitor and the meeting takes place at the lady's family house or choice of venue as chosen by them.

Even before the proposal, the guy would have met the lady's family and vice versa during dating/courtship while some get to meet the families after proposal as the case maybe.

ferhyntorlah: I agree with the last two people above me; you didn't do the proper thing. Why did you marry a man who hasn't met your family? Where you that desperate to be a Mrs?

I also think in America, a man has to meet his fiancee's family before the wedding or ask for her hand in marriage from her father.

You handled it carelessly. A man must know the root you come from before taking you with him or did you fall from the sky?

With his action, he has disrespected your family and he needs to make amends. BTW, have you spoken/met any of his family?

Please, not all Nigerian men do this before you use this to categorise all Nigerian men in the US.

I agree with you all. I was impulsive and careless with my decision to run away and get married. My parents and I currently live in New York and he is in Texas which is where we got married. We have a rent house in Texas and I am ready to be there with him however, he won't move me until he has met them. I speak with his siblings and his best friend on a regular basis. Everyone has been so wonderful and remind me how much he loves me but that just doesn't seem to fly for me anymore.

double post.

sunshinebrown:


I agree with you all. I was impulsive and careless with my decision to run away and get married. My parents and I currently live in New York and he is in Texas which is where we got married. We have a rent house in Texas and I am ready to be there with him however, he won't move me until he has met them. I speak with his siblings and his best friend on a regular basis. Everyone has been so wonderful and remind me how much he loves me but that just doesn't seem to fly for me anymore.

He didn't respect your parents enough to meet them before whisking you off to go and marry and now suddenly he 'respects' them so much that he won't let you come and live with him till he meets them? (why you haven't just hopped in a plane and moved over there, I don't understand) How long has this been going on? All the while, you are dutifully going on with his green card proceedings?

Well, you have already decided to remain in the marriage no matter what, I can only wish you good luck and hope for you that there is the extremely slim chance that there are innocent motives behind his actions.

Deleted.

Sunshinebrown,

If you have started the greencard process, I will advise that you suspend it till he earns your trust and meet your parents...