Technology has completely changed how we live
our lives, and it’s happening at an ever-increasing
rate. Our worlds are completely different from the
world of even 10 years ago. This obviously has
resulted in differences in the way we work and
play, but did you know it’s even changed the way
we have sex?
10 Netflix Adultery
A new issue causing strife between couples is
“Netflix adultery”: watching TV shows and movies
alone that they promised their partner they would
watch together. Twelve percent of those surveyed
said they do it, and 59 percent of cheaters even
reveal spoilers, which means that more than 7
percent of us are dating huge jerks.
Netflix’s director of public relations Jenny McCabe
says that couples are reporting some serious
drama over the phenomenon, commenting “We
hear people say, ‘We made a pact, we were going
to watch this together.’ ” It’s a real violation of
trust and lack of consideration that can cause
tension every bit as real as fights over money or
other relationship matters.
9 Internet Infidelity
The Internet has made actual infidelity easy and
guiltless. CyberLove offers a convenience and
anonymity that can prove too tempting for many
to resist, even if they have someone who is
generally willing to have sex with them right there
in the other room. There’s no physical contact, so
what’s the problem? It’s not like CyberLove is really
cheating, right?
Wrong: 77 percent of people surveyed said that
CyberLove infidelity is unacceptable. Despite the
many reasons a cheater could use to rationalize
their activities, an overwhelming majority of
people agree that cheating is cheating, period. This
new and puzzling gray area is such a big problem
that it was responsible for a full third of divorce
cases in 2009.
8 We’re All Creepy Stalkers
The Internet has given us unprecedented access to
the personal lives of prospective and past partners,
and boy are we making use of it. Almost 90
percent of us admit to “stalking” the social
networking activities of our ex-partners, and 60
percent of us admit to doing so to a crush.
This can have catastrophic effects on our well-
being, because the information often doesn’t fully
satisfy our curiosity and causes even more anxiety.
Stalking an ex can significantly hamper our
recovery from the breakup, and even spur us to
make really bad decisions like hopping back into
bed with them (yes, scientists actually studied this
stuff). It might be best to keep them out of feed,
out of mind.
7 Fear Of Intimacy
Harvard professor Craig Malkin has coined the
term “cybercelibacy” to describe the increasing
number of people who turn to online games and
networks to satisfy their social needs without
having to face scary real people. It creates a
vicious cycle, he explains, where people aren’t
forced to face their anxieties about relationships,
which makes those anxieties grow and causes
them to retreat further.
How bad is the problem, exactly? Well, 28 percent
of people surveyed admitted that they spend less
time with meatspace friends in favor of online
activities, and almost as many (20 percent) say
they’re having less sex. It turns out that going
outside occasionally is a really important step to
taking up residence in someone else’s underpants.
6 Facebook Provokes Your Jealousy
Following your partner’s Facebook feed creates
needless jealousy, one study says. Even after
controlling for other factors (that’s science for
“weeding out the crazy people whose unbridled
jealousy would exist either way”), the study found
that the more time you spend reading your
partner’s boring status updates, the more likely
you are to turn into a raging psycho.
This happens because a good chunk of your
partner’s social interaction becomes visible to you,
but you don’t have those in-person cues that gives
the exchange context. For example, when your
lady’s gay co-worker or the best friend who loves
her like a sister leaves an innocent “You look
great!” on her picture, they know it’s a harmless
compliment—but all you see is some dude hitting
on your girlfriend.
5 Too Many Points Of Contact
A lack of communication can be a big problem in a
relationship, but one study suggests that
communicating too much can be a strain as well. A
survey of 24,000 married people found that using
more than five channels (such as social media,
texting, instant messaging, etc.) to communicate
with your partner actually decreases relationship
satisfaction.
The stress of never being more than a series of
ones and zeroes away from your partner and
monitoring so many incoming data streams is a
killer. Think about how easy it is to step over that
threshold. You follow your partner’s Facebook and
Twitter feed, obviously, and of course they have
your phone number for calling and texting—if you
regularly use even one more communication tool,
you’re screwed.
4 The Online Pornsplosion
With porn so easily accessible, convenient, and
increasingly hardcore, many women are feeling
either neglected or pressured to adhere to male-
centric sexual scripts that they don’t enjoy. It turns
out that many ladies don’t actually enjoy being
sprayed in the face or poked in the butt (acts that
are simply a matter of course in even mainstream
porn nowadays) but feel like they have to if they
want to please their man.
That is, if they’re being asked to please them at all:
More women are reporting that they can’t compete
with the blonde, tanned, and augmented video
vixens, and their partners neglect them in favor of
prerecorded thrills. It’s never a good thing if one
person is unhappy with the naked-time routine,
but the problem is so bad that in 2003, it was
reported that online porn played a major role in a
quarter of all divorce cases that year (and we’re
pretty sure the amount of porn available hasn’t
decreased any since then).
3 Gadgets
Some people are literally addicted to their
smartphones; they can’t even leave the room
without carrying them around like a colicky baby.
Or maybe you like to bring your laptop to bed for
some late-night work, or even just watch a little
Letterman before tucking in. Well, all of those
things could be wreaking havoc on your sex life,
studies show. The mere act of having a phone
nearby is so distracting that we can’t focus on the
person we’re with, and simply having a TV in the
bedroom can cut the amount of sex you have in
half.
2 Dubious ‘Matching Algorithms’
Matching algorithms, such as those used by
OkCupid and eHarmony, use questionnaire
information about users’ personality and interests,
which may help the strangers find things to talk
about, but won’t in any way guarantee relationship
success. Hold on, you say, isn’t it important that
my partner likes Star Wars and skydiving as much
as I do? If I end up with a scaredy cat who hates
sci-fi, how are we even supposed to relate to each
other?
Actually, the former has little to do with the latter.
The way two individuals interact with each other
specifically—i.e., plain ol’ chemistry—is the best
indication of a good match, something that can’t
be determined until two people meet. Maybe that
overly cautious person keeps you grounded
without holding you back, or the foreign film nut
knows intuitively just what kind of support you
need when you’ve had a bad day. Furthermore, the
sites encourage users to objectify potential
partners, “shopping” for matches based on these
superficial and insignificant traits.
1 Googling Your Date
There’s really no such thing as a blind date
anymore: 48 percent of women will not hesitate to
Google you before they agree to go out with you,
and just as many are willing to decline if they find
unsavory information. Sure, some serious bullets
can be dodged this way, like if you find your
potential date’s incoherent, violent blog about his
serial killer fantasies, but in many cases, you
might be rejecting your soulmate based on a false
(or at least meaningless) representation.
According to one study, the more information we
dig up about our suitors, the more likely we are to
reject them. You might think that just saves
everyone some time—you’re going to find out
about her online shrine to Hanson eventually,
right?—but before you judge too harshly, take a
minute to Google yourself. Did anything potentially
off-putting come up? That embarrassingly naive
op-ed piece about Objectivism you wrote for your
college newspaper, say, or videos of your
misguided attempt at hip-hop superstardom? How
representative are those things of you as a person?
The fact is, someone who’s had a chance to get to
know all the virtues and quirks that come packed
in the you-shaped bundle is probably going to find
those things endearing, but someone whose first
impression of you has been based on them is
going to run away screaming. As study coauthor
Joanna Frost, PhD., says, “Your disillusionment
with someone during a conversation might take
hours, during which your date has the opportunity
to explain himself, whereas online that
disillusionment can happen almost instantly.” So
give that freak a chance to explain herself over a
beer—it might just be a charming quirk in an
otherwise flawless package.